AppleGirl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I need advice from you guys....I first posted this in another forum but didn't get any responses so far. Me, divorced, mid 30's, my bf also mid 30's. He is STILL not divorced yet even though we have been together for 2 years. Things between us have been a combination of good/bad. GOOD=The sex is fantastic and he can always make me laugh. Our sense of humour is almost identical. He is also very intelligent and can talk about anything. BAD=He is still not divorced. He also now doesn't want to have any more kids after we have already paid $8000 for me to have a tubal reversal(which i had done when I was married). We argue a lot about money, kids, life. He is very negative. I feel like I always have to be the cheerleader in our relationship. He just floats through life with no real plan , he just takes life as it's handed to him. It drives me nuts. With all this going on, something has happened in the past month that has made my head spin. I recently bought a recreation property and while I was there last month, I met my new next door neighbour....and I'm not sure what has happened to me. I felt like I was sucker punched by, err,lust? Sucker punched by "something" anyway. Absolutely bowled over. He came over to introduce himself, I looked into his eyes as I shook his hand and he smiled at me and WHAM. We actually sat there and talked to one another for several hours, just talking and smiling at one another like 2 idiots. He's single, btw,also in his 30's. Ever since that meeting, I have seen him several times and we both seem to find excuses to come and talk to one another multiple times a day. This past weekend, my bf and I were at my property and I honestly probably spent more time talking to my neighbour than my bf. My bf even commented on it, saying that my neighbour "just sits there with a big grin on his face when he talks to you". I feel incredibly guilty. I'm not sure what to do as I JUST bought this property and it is so beautiful and perfect...minus this little problem. I feel confused about why I feel this way. Aren't I supposed to love my bf? And if so, then why do I want....I'm not even sure what it is I want from this neighbour of mine. Is it sex, love, a relationship? I just know that I REALLY like being around him, spend a lot of time thinking about him and that we stare into each other's eyes a lot when we talk. Help? Answers? Advice? Comments?
newdawn Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Maybe you should take a break from the negative, married bf, and give your new neighbor a chance?
candymoon Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Your current bf sounds a lot like my husband. Run now before it's too late! J/k... kind of Dump the bf. Perhaps he is still depressed about his failed marriage and needs time alone to sort himself out. You are attracted to this neighbor because you are unhappy with your bf. Period. You see the relationship is going nowhere, so of course, when someone nice happens along your interests would be peaked. I think deep down you know it's not working out with your bf. You just haven't accepted it yet. No way to know if it's lust or the beginning of a new relationship until you two begin exploring it together. Dump the dead weight first. You know it's going downhill...
sally4sara Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 He is still not divorced. He also now doesn't want to have any more kids after we have already paid $8000 for me to have a tubal reversal(which i had done when I was married). We argue a lot about money, kids, life. He is very negative. I feel like I always have to be the cheerleader in our relationship. He just floats through life with no real plan , he just takes life as it's handed to him. It drives me nuts. With all this going on, something has happened in the past month that has made my head spin. I recently bought a recreation property and while I was there last month, I met my new next door neighbour....and I'm not sure what has happened to me. I felt like I was sucker punched by, err,lust? Sucker punched by "something" anyway. Absolutely bowled over. He came over to introduce himself, I looked into his eyes as I shook his hand and he smiled at me and WHAM. We actually sat there and talked to one another for several hours, just talking and smiling at one another like 2 idiots. He's single, btw,also in his 30's. Ever since that meeting, I have seen him several times and we both seem to find excuses to come and talk to one another multiple times a day. This past weekend, my bf and I were at my property and I honestly probably spent more time talking to my neighbour than my bf. My bf even commented on it, saying that my neighbour "just sits there with a big grin on his face when he talks to you". I feel incredibly guilty. I'm not sure what to do as I JUST bought this property and it is so beautiful and perfect...minus this little problem. I feel confused about why I feel this way. Aren't I supposed to love my bf? And if so, then why do I want....I'm not even sure what it is I want from this neighbour of mine. Is it sex, love, a relationship? I just know that I REALLY like being around him, spend a lot of time thinking about him and that we stare into each other's eyes a lot when we talk. Help? Answers? Advice? Comments? Damn! I'd have dropped him just for what I bolded. And the fact that he changes him mind about kids after you went through such an expensive procedure seems to indicate he really doesn't weigh you in when making decisions. If you let this linger on, you are running into the emotional affair territory. Don't be that girl; its not cool. Just drop the jerk you've been seeing. Not like it will matter to him as He just floats through life with no real plan , he just takes life as it's handed to him. So hand your BF his walking papers and invite your neighbor over for some home cooking.
Bogo123 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Have a talk with your boyfriend about the issues you have and try working on them together. If it doesn't work out, THEN give the neighbor a shot. Remember, the grass is always greener.
Windsurf66 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Since both of you were adulterers before who left yr respective marriage to be with each other, I guess this r/s is doomed from the start. Since yr bf is negative and does not keep his word, do reconsider yr r/s with him. But then again, why would I respect or keep my word to a cheater But this time round, it will be good to end a current r/s first before starting a new one. Don't cheat!
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