Itzonator Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Most men do not take for granted their emotional state, simply, because think of it as a weakness. To be a MAN means to not express any emotions at all. That's the biggest myth within any society on this planet. The myth of the male power has been recognized. Men are trained to be tough, do not express emotions, going to the army, fighting wars because of someone's ignorant decision for freedom - with a few exceptions of course. But mostly, expressing emotions has nothing to do with a weakness. It is the opposite, it empowers you & your decisions. So most men go desperate to understand or figure out women with numbers & logic. Oh my God, she's a total 10 - in the scale of ten If a girl is associated with some number, they you do not use your emotions to "flow" with her. In wherever you blow, she flows. Men are the wind, women are the ocean. One is the cause, the other is the effect.
Engadget Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Men make sense, women however do not. Men express emotions more now than they ever did as well.
jakinbandw Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I don't know, maybe I am somewhat feminine, but I understand how a woman thinks easier than I understand how most men think. I can't understand the men that I work with when they talk about their girlfriends that they have lived with for 7 years and that have had their children like mere sex objects. Or maybe I can and what I see sickens me. As for men not using our emotions, again, I don't know, but I do know that you can use certain emotions to flush adrenalin into your system to succeed at something. Also last time I checked lust was an emotion. And for people who say 'just go with the flow', that is a recipe for disaster. Relationships take work. Even friendships take work. If you don't control emotions like jealousy at all, you will turn into a stalker who can't trust your significant other. If you can't control your lust you end up cheating on your significant other. If you never bothered to control your emotions most relationships would fail because after NRE (new relationship energy) dies away, you have to work to keep the interest level there. In summery, girls are no different than guys, they just have different priorities (usually).
Pyro Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Men should not hold back what they are feeling but do it in moderation. If you do it too often you will come across as a crybaby. Some things are meant to be expressed and some things are not necessary.
AD1980 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Men are expected to be robots who are always in control and always confident which is just unrealistic.. At the same time a Man has to be somewhat in control emotionally in a relationship because women are emotional wrecks and if you have two people losing it all the time you have a problem..
sally4sara Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I think some people just have a harder time not letting their emotions get the better of them and I've not seen any indication that one gender holds the advantage on this. And the connection we have as a society between emotion and weakness is due to tears. Women cry more easily due to prolactin and our tear ducts being shaped differently; less able to fight them back. Plus, with our gender being more focused on relating to others, nothing gets our feelings across more obviously than tears. And nothing says "I'm sorry I hurt you" quite like tears of shame and remorse. Take a walk on over to the infidelity section and count how many betrayed wives report their husband crying once they've been caught out. Hmmm now isn't that something telling? But in instances where a woman might cry over something - a man will more likely resort to aggression (yelling, hitting a wall or even a person, acting intimidating). Aggression makes men seem less weak but simply put, it is just their brand of tears. Cases of steroid users show that heavy and long term users are more prone to crying. They've tried their best to appear as strong as possible and end up expressing their emotions in the way thought the most weak. Ironic, no? The rest is social conditioning. Tears over physical pain is where I see this play out most. Women have a higher pain threshold and more layers of skin, yet they will more often cry over injury than a man. They've been given a pass to this coping mechanism. It is expected of them to be more "emotional". Men get less acceptance for this display because they are expected to rub some dirt on it and buck up. In my family, the rub some dirt and buck up way of dealing was the expectation of us all with no regard for gender. Lo and behold, I've never cried over injury.
Author Itzonator Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 The rest is social conditioning. Tears over physical pain is where I see this play out most. Women have a higher pain threshold and more layers of skin, yet they will more often cry over injury than a man. They've been given a pass to this coping mechanism. It is expected of them to be more "emotional". Men get less acceptance for this display because they are expected to rub some dirt on it and buck up. In my family, the rub some dirt and buck up way of dealing was the expectation of us all with no regard for gender. Lo and behold, I've never cried over injury. That's right, men & women play different role models in certain societies. They are EXPECTED to do things as the majority of males or majority of females do or because some tradition tell them... I am not a believer in limiting oneself to strict psychological model, set by government, family & other influences. To live better life, you have to get out of the system of norms & expectations. I do not believe in any system or method, but without them ... how to live & what to teach others? So I found this to be the core of my ignorance.
SouthernSunshine Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I think some people just have a harder time not letting their emotions get the better of them and I've not seen any indication that one gender holds the advantage on this. And the connection we have as a society between emotion and weakness is due to tears. Women cry more easily due to prolactin and our tear ducts being shaped differently; less able to fight them back. Plus, with our gender being more focused on relating to others, nothing gets our feelings across more obviously than tears. And nothing says "I'm sorry I hurt you" quite like tears of shame and remorse. Take a walk on over to the infidelity section and count how many betrayed wives report their husband crying once they've been caught out. Hmmm now isn't that something telling? But in instances where a woman might cry over something - a man will more likely resort to aggression (yelling, hitting a wall or even a person, acting intimidating). Aggression makes men seem less weak but simply put, it is just their brand of tears. Cases of steroid users show that heavy and long term users are more prone to crying. They've tried their best to appear as strong as possible and end up expressing their emotions in the way thought the most weak. Ironic, no? The rest is social conditioning. Tears over physical pain is where I see this play out most. Women have a higher pain threshold and more layers of skin, yet they will more often cry over injury than a man. They've been given a pass to this coping mechanism. It is expected of them to be more "emotional". Men get less acceptance for this display because they are expected to rub some dirt on it and buck up. In my family, the rub some dirt and buck up way of dealing was the expectation of us all with no regard for gender. Lo and behold, I've never cried over injury. Thank you! Women definitely get a pass for being emotional, and hormonal. It took me a while to learn self discipline, and I'm still learning. There's a time, and a place for everything, and I have to know my limits and learn to think logically. When I was on meth my emotions were numb, and I liked it that way. Then I hit rock bottom, and got sober. I had to learn how to feel all over again, and control my mind, and emotions. I had to learn to eat all over again as well. If men think all women are emotionally unstable creatures, they're wrong.
Author Itzonator Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Thank you! Women definitely get a pass for being emotional, and hormonal. It took me a while to learn self discipline, and I'm still learning. There's a time, and a place for everything, and I have to know my limits and learn to think logically. When I was on meth my emotions were numb, and I liked it that way. Then I hit rock bottom, and got sober. I had to learn how to feel all over again, and control my mind, and emotions. I had to learn to eat all over again as well. If men think all women are emotionally unstable creatures, they're wrong. Great, I believe you got a good point. Self-discipline is a skill that prevents you from flying out in the sky or jumping from the airplane without a parachute If you do not learn how to "control" your emotions, they will control you. It is quite simple. This is part of the emotional intelligence that is more important that any IQ test & intellect. Mastering your emotions is mastering your LIFE. Emotional intelligence is a key to sustain healthy relationships. Even better, you are about to attract like-minded people that will help you grow, if common goals are shared. It is hard to find someone with stable emotional state, in fact, it is very rare, since it involves hard work & self-discipline, but the pay-off is worth in a long run.
carhill Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 OP, some women *think* men don't make emotional sense nor express their emotions, so they enter the potential with that prejudice firmly in place. It's no different than a man *assuming* all women are crazy and emotionally unstable. Each of us is different. When I run up against such women in my life, women who *assume* I'm a *typical* man and apply the prejudice, I *accept* that they are on a different path and avoid them. I hope they find what they're looking for. Also, having personal experience with this dynamic, in general, men who are 'in touch' with their emotions, express their emotions and show empathy for other's emotions are *liked* by women but are not *attractive* to women, this meaning when such people are strangers to each other. A wife *likes* her H to be loving, caring, empathetic and open with her, but that *success* is hard won by her over time, *changing* him to be the kind of man she *wants* as well as is *attracted to*. That he is still a bit distant, aloof and occasionally uncaring, remnants of his prior 'self', she maintains attraction. If he gives everything she wants, as countless threads on LS show, over time, her attraction wanes. Successful husband-members have written countless stories on how to maintain that 'edge' to keep attraction flowing. Well, that's what I'm thinking. Now back to fixing the d@mn drip system
sally4sara Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 What I notice about more emotional people and their tendency towards acting out on those emotions: I have a large extended family I rarely see anymore. They are somewhat different from my core family in that they are of a lower level of education. Education standards vary from state to state enough that I can't really say they are inherently less intelligent, but the difference was quite obvious. When my mother remarried, it brought that family into the mix and I saw the same in them. The step children were borderline mentally handicapped and had been given no direction to help them learn life skills. The youngest has been helped but the older two just turned on their new family with theft, lies, and aggression before leaving, preferring their mother's family style. How this manifested for my extended family and the step children: All more physically aggressive, vengeful, emotionally triggered people. Little time passed between what upset them and how they responded. Action brought immediate and irrational reaction. Their relationships were peppered with domestic violence, unplanned children, poor financial planning and work ethic. And the kids would grow up under this influence and act the same. I too, use to be very violent through my teens. I responded to emotion less like a female would be expected, lashing out physically rather than with anguish and tears. Many limits to my educational resources, more so for my extended family than myself, were due to religious filtering. After I left home, a whole new world opened up and I matured mentally and emotionally. Could it be possible that spouses who cannot be content long term without the manufactured push and pull are of less intelligent emotional levels?
Author Itzonator Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 What I notice about more emotional people and their tendency towards acting out on those emotions: I have a large extended family I rarely see anymore. They are somewhat different from my core family in that they are of a lower level of education. Education standards vary from state to state enough that I can't really say they are inherently less intelligent, but the difference was quite obvious. When my mother remarried, it brought that family into the mix and I saw the same in them. The step children were borderline mentally handicapped and had been given no direction to help them learn life skills. The youngest has been helped but the older two just turned on their new family with theft, lies, and aggression before leaving, preferring their mother's family style. How this manifested for my extended family and the step children: All more physically aggressive, vengeful, emotionally triggered people. Little time passed between what upset them and how they responded. Action brought immediate and irrational reaction. Their relationships were peppered with domestic violence, unplanned children, poor financial planning and work ethic. And the kids would grow up under this influence and act the same. I too, use to be very violent through my teens. I responded to emotion less like a female would be expected, lashing out physically rather than with anguish and tears. Many limits to my educational resources, more so for my extended family than myself, were due to religious filtering. After I left home, a whole new world opened up and I matured mentally and emotionally. Could it be possible that spouses who cannot be content long term without the manufactured push and pull are of less intelligent emotional levels? That's an interesting story. Fortunately, emotional intelligence can be learned by everyone, regardless of background & environment. How? Simply by becoming aware of it. All those aggressive behaviors, bad habits, emotionally unstable people in general are all results of unexpressed emotions in the past or the inability to express them. So they simply, become "acting on an impulse" which is a form of habit. To break off bad habits is quite hard, and a lot of mental assertiveness is needed. I'll give you a key that has EVERYTHING to do with every person's emotional intelligence and that is ... .... the way you talk to yourself (self-talk) determines the quality of your life. How this could be? Well, studies show that in every given moment people say to themselves 1000 words. If it is a bad self-talk about yourself or someone/something you do not like, imagine what this could do to one's emotional state. So the key to master the emotional intelligence is by choosing carefully your self-talk or the things you are telling to yourself all the time. They affect your life in a very subtle level. I hope this answers your question.
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