SarahRose Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 My ex husband passed away a few days ago and since then I have just been angry at the world. I just don't get what this anger is about? I took today off of work and might take tomorrow off but maybe I should just go back and throw myself into my work and forget it all? My current husband got a bit ticked at me as I was on the phone quite a bit the last days of exs life. My 19 year old was the primary caretaker and he was overwhelmed and there were situations I felt I needed to help him with. I said my goodbyes to the ex and felt I couldn't really say what I felt like saying with an audience but that is my fault. I should have went outside somewhere in private. Then the kids wanted me to call his a hole relatives and that is when my husband got really mad and wanted to know why I was doing all this stuff and why couldn't the kids do it. I said your didn't handle your dad's affairs when he died. You and your sister dumped it off on your uncle. It's true. Then when I told my husband the kids were sobbing and devastated and he asked me if they were close to their dad and I said I don't know but they are hurting and then he remarks that even though he lived with his dad most of his life, his death didn't affect him at all. I took that as just because it didn't' bother him then my exs death shouldn't bother me or the kids. I called the relatives because I wanted to protect the kids from their nasty attitudes. I'm just so angry in general and not sure what to do about it.
Citizen Erased Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 You're doing the right thing, what you can for your kids. Your husband sounds a bit jealous to be honest. I am sorry for your loss. He may have been your ex but still, it is a loss.
Leia Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I am sorry for you loss. This is truly a difficult time for everyone involved even if you or the children are not close to your ex. Personally, your husband is a bit insensitive.
Author SarahRose Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Thank you. We were married for 20 years. I think he was being insensitive. I stand by how I handled things. The ex had a long battle with cancer and he had fallen and my son couldn't get him up off the floor. He was so overwhelmed and another time he had shortness of breath. He need my support as his mom and also someone with medical training.
Trimmer Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 When you see anger, look for the fear that underlies it. This may apply in your case. with the anger you are experiencing, and it sounds like it may well also apply in your husband's case. I'm not saying I know just what those are, but it's another way to look at anger, that may help you get to the bottom of it a little bit. Also, don't overlook the possibility that it's a combination of your ex's death AND your husband's treatment of you during the ordeal that is triggering something - maybe the energy you spent dealing with your ex - your kids' father - revealed something in your husband that you didn't expect - his weird, negative, unsupportive reactions - and that has touched a raw nerve in you, but it's getting projected back onto the loss of your ex?
mark982 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 you did what needed too be done. sorry to say your husbands being a butt head about things.
Author SarahRose Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Ok the weird negative un-supportive attitude is what struck a nerve. I'm not sure I want to be married to someone who wouldn't give a **** if I died. I am updating my will soon and I will very likely leave him out of it.
LoveLace Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 An Ex of whom you share children with is family to you, weather you get along or not, if you never even saw each other, the father of your children is part of your family. And being that your kids were taking care of him, any mother would help THEM out in whatever way they can. The kids are still involved with the family of the Ex so naturally that is going to tie to you in circumstances like these. Your husband just should have been more understanding, patient and supportive, period. You and your kids went through a very difficult time. That is a pretty bad time to hold anything against you. I don't have any advice but I am very sorry that your husband wasn't the man he should have been to you at a time like that.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I agree that anger is the only manifestation of fear we feel comfortable with. It doesn't matter that it was an ex, that must be a strange and surreal loss. It sounds like your husband doesn't understand the nature of what you're feeling - he is taking your grief as a threat to what you feel for him, but all loss is strange and can bring back a lot of latent emotions and feelings. You went through and shared a lot with your ex so I can completely understand what you must feel.
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