marsbars Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 It has been 6 weeks going on 7 since we both agreed that things are over. I left because I couldn't stand the emotional neglect and living conditions. It really wasn't all that hard to tell the truth. But we separated 3 years ago in a bitter, nasty way. In the end we reconciled pretty well. This time I am sure that there is no going back. Last time I went through the really hard part of losing the one that I love, so this go around has been a lot easier. I can go all day and the whole night and not think once about her, even when I talk to our daughter before she goes to bed. We have been pretty much NC since this all started. The only real conversation has been related to our daughter. And most other contact has been through email, concerning the pending divorce and again our daughter. Yet when it is time to go to bed, she appears in my mind, and I can't get her out. I have done just about everything I can to block her out. I stay up way too late, trying to wear myself out so that I can fall asleep. I work out before bedtime to physically wear myself out. It is driving me crazy. As soon as I lay down in my bed there she is. And all night she is in my dreams.Here it is 1AM and I can't sleep because she is in every thought. I just can't seem to block her out. Does anyone have any insight to how I can keep myself from losing my last marbles. I have so few to spare as it is.
What_Next Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 You are already working out before bed and that should help. Eat properly, exercise lots and that should eventually help you sleep. Another alternative is medication, perhaps talk to your Doctor? I wish you the best through this difficult time.
Windsurf66 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 It has been 6 weeks going on 7 since we both agreed that things are over. I left because I couldn't stand the emotional neglect and living conditions. It really wasn't all that hard to tell the truth. But we separated 3 years ago in a bitter, nasty way. In the end we reconciled pretty well. This time I am sure that there is no going back. Last time I went through the really hard part of losing the one that I love, so this go around has been a lot easier. I can go all day and the whole night and not think once about her, even when I talk to our daughter before she goes to bed. We have been pretty much NC since this all started. The only real conversation has been related to our daughter. And most other contact has been through email, concerning the pending divorce and again our daughter. Yet when it is time to go to bed, she appears in my mind, and I can't get her out. I have done just about everything I can to block her out. I stay up way too late, trying to wear myself out so that I can fall asleep. I work out before bedtime to physically wear myself out. It is driving me crazy. As soon as I lay down in my bed there she is. And all night she is in my dreams.Here it is 1AM and I can't sleep because she is in every thought. I just can't seem to block her out. Does anyone have any insight to how I can keep myself from losing my last marbles. I have so few to spare as it is. U still have feelings for yr wife? Thought abt working out the r/s with her again?
RedDawn Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Don't work out right before bed it will wind you up. It is much better to do it earlier in the day, morning preferrably. I take benadryl to go to sleep.
Author marsbars Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 U still have feelings for yr wife? Thought abt working out the r/s with her again? Of course I still have feelings for her. But I have come to the point that I cannot deal with her issues any more. And she is not interested in putting things back together. If she were we wouldn't have filed already. This was for the most part a mutual decision. But it is also that I am tired of fighting with her, or lack of fighting depending on how you look at it. I have to be happy, and so does she. Am I happy without her? NO not by a long shot. Is she happy without me? I don't really know. But this is what she wants so I will give it to her if it makes her happy. I am not sure that I would be happy if we were to fix things. Maybe for a while, but it would probably go back to where I am not. I guess that I haven't completely come to the realization that it is over. Would I work with her if she changed her position? At this point I don't know.
sugarbritches Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You need to give yourself more time, there will come a day when she isn't the last though everynight and the first though everymorning. See your doctor, get something to help you sleep. It took me months before I could sleep all night. I finally went to the doc and he gave me a mild sleeping pill, did wonders and with in a month I didn't need them anymore and I felt a whole lot better.
DadofTwoGirls Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I agree with RedDawn..do not workout before or going to bed as it will keep your mind more alert..workout 4 hours before bed or in the morning, it will also help you fall asleep sooner..when you think of her is it thoughts of how you treated her?, how she treated you?, your good times?, or wondering what she is doing?..if you break it down it's easier to change what pattern it is.
Author marsbars Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I agree with RedDawn. ..when you think of her is it thoughts of how you treated her?, how she treated you?, your good times?, or wondering what she is doing?..if you break it down it's easier to change what pattern it is. Well the problem is that it is everything at once so to speak. Kind of like the proverbial life flashing before your eyes thing. There is a lot of history between us, close to 20 years. But for the most part it is the good times and wondering what she is doing. And also WHY. Cause from my end I am not completely sure WHY we are doing this. I can't help but have a lot of reservations.
ishmaiel Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Does anyone have any insight to how I can keep myself from losing my last marbles. I have so few to spare as it is. Oh man, I know how you feel. So do you, having replied to some of my earlier threads. While I have no answer (is there one?), here's some humour: In Iain Bank's Crow Road (highly recommended) the main character, Prentice, has insatiable lust for a female character named Verity. He cannot get her out of her mind. A friend suggests that to mitigate this preoccupation, he imagine her on the toilet. To this he responds that if he does this, he's likely to develop a case of coprophagy. To what end we'll go, eh?
skydiveaddict Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Don't work out right before bed it will wind you up. It is much better to do it earlier in the day, morning preferrably. I take benadryl to go to sleep. agreed dont work out late in the evening, it will cause sleep problems
Disintegration Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 agreed dont work out late in the evening, it will cause sleep problems I agree. Working out should be done in the early morning. I've relied on benadryl as a sleeping agent for stressful situations which I'd rather not have done, but it was either that or becoming an insomniac, which is never any fun.
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