thtguy Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Hey all I've got a question. I am very good at getting "my foot in the door" making the initial approach, having good conversation, making her laugh etc. Then things always seem to ...go cold. You know that line "I'm not charming over text" TOTALLY relates to me. Don't get me wrong I don't do the whole swingers calling every day thing. Sometimes I do feel like I may come off a bit... desperate because I've been on a dry spell for about 1 year plus and I'm having some insecurities because I haven't found a career path (hate the 9-5). [wow I guess I answered some of my own questions right there] But I'm a pretty confident guy and have had very good looking girl friends in the past so it's not like foreign to me. Alot of girls are actually interested in me that I'm not interested in them. (men can't go backwards in quality of women) My friend suggested I lower my standards and "get my D wet, because women can sense when your with women" I've considered this advice alot, and decided to try improve myself instead (working out, keeping hobbies etc) but it doesn't seem to be working. Mayb I should take my friends advice? Lately, after I get her number or whatever I have a very difficult time getting a first date. Half the time they don't even answer/reply to calls or texts. This is after we had pretty good connection. And when we do talk/chat briefly on the phone I almost ALWAYS turn her off somehow lately. I get like nervous and act like...needy on the phone even though I'm usually not like that. In person I usually do fine, but over the phone.....just terrible. SO I guess the advice I'm seeking is this: how can I better my chances creating a lasting impression so that the caliber of women I like will reciprocate? How can I improve my "phone game"? Thanks all.
USMCHokie Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 How can I improve my "phone game"? By not playing the phone game. The only thing you should be talking about on the phone for the first time is setting up your first date. It should last no more than a couple minutes...get on, set up the date, and get off.
that girl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Women cannot sense when you haven't been with women. We can sense when you are uncomfortable with yourself though. I think the answer is to keep your phone calls fairly short. Just quickly remind them who you are and ask for a date. And keep in mind it might not be what you are doing on the phone, maybe she already decided she wasn't interested for whatever reason.
Author thtguy Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice. When I do ask a girl out she always suggests like a group date thing or like "meeting downtown" at the clubs. Problem being is right now I don't really have a wingman, all my friends have now got girlfriends and don't want to go. I usually suggest something else, thats more of a one on one but it gets shot down.
bagheera Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Thanks for the advice. When I do ask a girl out she always suggests like a group date thing or like "meeting downtown" at the clubs. Problem being is right now I don't really have a wingman, all my friends have now got girlfriends and don't want to go. I usually suggest something else, thats more of a one on one but it gets shot down. Just one thing that jumped out at me -- if she's suggesting a group thing, she might be trying to get to know you better without the "risk" of a one-on-one date. What kinds of one-on-one dates are you suggesting?
Author thtguy Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Just like dinner or grabbing a drink at the local spot... you know not too pushy, I don't like the whole "movie" date. I think my confidence just might be a little down right now, even though I "feel" fine I don't think my body language is projecting that. The thing that really gets me is like when a girl you approach and start chatting up seems to be giving you good signals/vibes but then says the whole "I would but I have a boyfriend" O.K. I understand that cool, but the ones who don't have a boyfriend and just spit that out..... you know how sometimes you can tell if a person is lying... that really erks me... like wtf is that all about ladies? Why didn't you shut me down earlier if you were going to dish me that lame BS? Then there is the most difficult part for me: She will catch my eye, play with her hair or whatever and so I go over, she is clearly happy I am there and enjoying the convo, flirty, and then it's like ...a *PHENOMENON* she will go into that "I'm being totally bitchy and shutting you down" mode. It's almost like a social test or something that has been engraved into a womans mind that she has to do this too see how the man reacts or gets around it. I get stuck there because it blindsides me... Maybe some women could help me out here? What's going on when y'all test guys like that... what's the best way to respond? Because I usually just get confused and say something like 'damn where did that come from...ok' and walk away. <u>help me out here</u>
ConflictedGuy27 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Wanting to go out in groups has been what I've had the most success with these past 2 months, actually. I've done it twice and it doesn't seem to change the fact that you're still spending majority of your time with your "date". Being able to integrate your date into your circle brings you closer and shows you're likeable. The caveat is you need atleast a few friends. Women tend to agree to come more, flake less and you can create an opportunity to meet some of her friends by asking her to invite people too. Don't take the group thing as a rejection, treat it more like a second interview for girls that care about social proof. Actually suggesting a place where you and your friends are going to be and inviting her can really help. Wingman up, meet each others' friends, hang out a lot and work the "you should come hang out with us..." angle!
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