Green Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I wouldn't be cool with my gf going to the movies or hanging out at the house of her "Male Friend." Seriously other then a male friend who you only see at work, or only see in groups of people there is no such thing as a private male/female relationship that is strictly friendship. A girl who can only be friends with men is a girl that has no REAL friends... unless of course she is DATING the man she is friends with. I do consider my GF a great friend, we also have SEX though.
tigressA Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You get that this is an incredibly catty generalization to make about women, right? Fantastic point.
sagetalk Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 2- The girl who is typically feminine, might like sports or sci-fi but doesn't seem like a huge tomboy. She'll be quick to point out that other girls are catty, boring, and not nearly as much fun as guys. What she doesn't mention is that she kind of likes being Smurfette and getting the perks of being the girl in a group of guys (rather than one of the guys). Number 2 girls make me want to hurl . I think it's appropriate you labeled them number 2 as well.
MrNate Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Uhm, I only have 2 real female friends, who I really feel are friends. Although I will admit I don't get along with them anywhere near as much as I do with guys. Rest of my friends are all guys. And I never... reiterate, NEVER, flirt around with male friends. Many of them are taken, and those who aren't, I don't care for in a non-platonic way. It doesn't matter whether I am taken or not either, I treat all my friends like friends regardless. We just have a lot in common, as I am a major gamer/geek. I just don't get along with females because they're too whiney, attention-seeking, and jealous, and have tedious interests like shopping and shoes. Only shopping I do is shopping for games and similarities. Very nice! what games do you play?
mlh5046 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I think it could be ok but one just needs to be careful in these situations. I actually just went through a similar situation myself. My current gf hung out in a group that had girls and guys. When we started dating I felt the guys sort of resented me as taking one of the women out of their group. I don;t view them as threats for my relationship but i could tell they aren;t all fond of me. It's important to me that women can interact with men and use humor along with understanding guys. But if you h ave guy friends that a girl will go with just her in a group consistently it is a red flag. In the end guys always will have enough friends in other guys. They really aren;t looking for friendship in women unless they have something to offer like a sweet place to part or whatever. Or they want to use the friendship to get closer to the woman. Which is mostly the case.
Eoweniel Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Very nice! what games do you play? Honestly, the list is endless. Essentially there's nothing I haven't played. Big favourites include the Resident Evil-saga, Neverwinter Nights (and all the other games of that saga, Baldur's gate/Icewind dale etc)... Metal gear solid-series, WoW and similar MMO's although WoW is my only MMO currently. Uhm, stuff like Assassin's Creed, Splinter Cell, SILENT HILL, Tomb Raider (yes, I love the places you get to see), older stuff like the Quake saga, Duke Nukem, Hexen-series, Doom (old and new), Unreal tournament, Soldier of fortune, Half-life series... >.> Dino crisis, all those fighting games occasionally. Not a huge Final Fantasy-fan, but it works, pre FF7 anyway. Honestly...I could go on for hours, and as that's OT I'll stop. As for the rest of you; It's equally catty of you to make the generalization that there's only 2 types of girls who hang out with men and that they're only exclusive. I'm completely number one, but that still doesn't mean I look like a butch lesbian. I know there are nice girls out there. Not all girls are catty. But the vast majority that *I* have met, are catty. Then again, I RARELY meet girls of the aforementioned Type 1, so that might be why I can't get along with them.
Els Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I find it extremely, extremely sad that there are people of the notion that it's simply impossible for a girl to relate to guys more, as opposed to being attention-seeking, a flirt, or the female version of Hulk Hogan. Geez.
that girl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 As for the rest of you; It's equally catty of you to make the generalization that there's only 2 types of girls who hang out with men and that they're only exclusive. I'm completely number one, but that still doesn't mean I look like a butch lesbian. I know there are nice girls out there. Not all girls are catty. But the vast majority that *I* have met, are catty. Then again, I RARELY meet girls of the aforementioned Type 1, so that might be why I can't get along with them. I judged you based on your comments, you judged me and every other woman out there based on our vaginas. Your put forth the view that the women are catty, jealous and attention seeking. It is like you forgot you are a woman. Has it ever occured to you that the reason women don't like you is because you give off a woman hating vibe? Your comments about women are as ignorant as saying "Maybe all Blacks/Asians/Jews aren't [insert insulting racial stereotype here] but all the ones I've met are so my stereotypes are okay." I find it extremely, extremely sad that there are people of the notion that it's simply impossible for a girl to relate to guys more, as opposed to being attention-seeking, a flirt, or the female version of Hulk Hogan. Geez. There is a big difference between tending to get along with guys better and having no female friends.
Els Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Are your best friends not the people with whom you get along with better than others?
make me believe Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You get that this is an incredibly catty generalization to make about women, right? Girls who don't have at least one good female friend tend to fall into two camps. 1- The chick who is very, very, very male in her interests/friendships. Maybe she had 4 older brothers, maybe she's an engineer, maybe she is a huge gamer. Whatever it is her interests and life just lead her to meet way more guys than girls. Odds are good she doesn't look like a girlie girl, not big on manicures or little black dresses, she's really one of the guys. If you ask her why all her friends are guys, she'll probably shrug and say it is just who she tends to click with. 2- The girl who is typically feminine, might like sports or sci-fi but doesn't seem like a huge tomboy. She'll be quick to point out that other girls are catty, boring, and not nearly as much fun as guys. What she doesn't mention is that she kind of likes being Smurfette and getting the perks of being the girl in a group of guys (rather than one of the guys). I agree!! I think #2 is much more common than #1. I am instantly suspicious of any girl who says she has no female friends, and then goes on to blame it on all other women. And, of course, the reason she has no female friends is because all women are catty, jealous, and only interested in shopping & getting their nails done. I would be equally as suspicious of a guy who had no male friends and then went on to list all the reasons other guys suck.
Eoweniel Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Well, I dunno about all the other women who hang out with/relate to men more, but I -did- say I had female friends. Not as many, but they're friends nonetheless. And lol...when did I say YOU ALL were catty to begin with? The women *I* regularly meet or come into contact with. I haven't met you. I was merely mentioning that claiming that there are only the aforementioned 2 types of girls, was as naive as you consider my views about myself and other women to be. I don't mind women in general, but praise me, I just can't find any girls who share my interest and who haven't been total b****es to me. Again, not referring to random women on the street...referring to women in class, or close to where I live, or...just women I regularly bump into. One time this girl who lives close to me was walking home from college just as I was, and it's the same road home for both of us. So I can't do much but walk behind her (keeping a good amount of distance from her ofcourse)... When she got to her front door I was about to walk up the stairs because I live right above her...and she turned around, snapped at me and asked "Why the F*** are you following me?!" I tried calmly explaining that I was just on my way to my apartment that was right above her's, since I know she knows I live there, but she shut the door on me. ...I don't know. I suppose I've been unlucky... I've a hard time getting into groups of people that share my interest, so that means it's even harder to find GIRLS who are like me... Guys it's easier, because guys are gamers and I "hang out" with most people online, not IRL. But anyway, the only types of girls I bump into are those who seem to think that every guy (and girl, apparently <.<) is stalking them. Girls that party tons, drink too much, and wear layers and layers of makeup... Eitherway, they seriously give themselves too much credit if they think that every person walking 40 metres behind them is some obsessed stalker. The sad thing is that that's not even the craziest story of mine. I have a lazy eye, so girls often shun me for that reason as well, because I'm "weird-looking"... Guys seem more cool with it. So please don't judge me - every book may have the same cover but the story told inside is vastly different.
carhill Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I'll append my impression to that of a more positive one *if* a woman demonstrates actions relevant to and shares a low amount of sexual partners relevant to her age. She enjoys the company of men and knows how to handle the overwhelming majority of those men who will be wanting to enjoy her sexual favors, because that's the reality of it. A healthy woman would and should be suspect of someone like myself, who had past weak *emotional* boundaries, even though has low and relationship-centric sexual numbers. Remember, generally, men first seek sex and women first seek emotional connections. If my boundaries to emotional connections are low and/or unhealthy, I'm more likely to betray the trust of the primary relationship and therefore would be a poor partner for a healthy woman. The same parameters would apply to a woman who had unhealthy boundaries wrt sex, given the same percentage mix of opposite sex friends. This dynamic is most pointedly exemplified by the differences in the way the respective genders prioritize the aspects and components of cheating/infidelity, wrt what they consider 'fixable' and what is a definite 'dealbreaker'. They say relationships are great teachers. Thanks for the education
Els Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Well, I dunno about all the other women who hang out with/relate to men more, but I -did- say I had female friends. Not as many, but they're friends nonetheless. And lol...when did I say YOU ALL were catty to begin with? The women *I* regularly meet or come into contact with. I haven't met you. I was merely mentioning that claiming that there are only the aforementioned 2 types of girls, was as naive as you consider my views about myself and other women to be. I don't mind women in general, but praise me, I just can't find any girls who share my interest and who haven't been total b****es to me. Again, not referring to random women on the street...referring to women in class, or close to where I live, or...just women I regularly bump into. One time this girl who lives close to me was walking home from college just as I was, and it's the same road home for both of us. So I can't do much but walk behind her (keeping a good amount of distance from her ofcourse)... When she got to her front door I was about to walk up the stairs because I live right above her...and she turned around, snapped at me and asked "Why the F*** are you following me?!" I tried calmly explaining that I was just on my way to my apartment that was right above her's, since I know she knows I live there, but she shut the door on me. ...I don't know. I suppose I've been unlucky... I've a hard time getting into groups of people that share my interest, so that means it's even harder to find GIRLS who are like me... Guys it's easier, because guys are gamers and I "hang out" with most people online, not IRL. But anyway, the only types of girls I bump into are those who seem to think that every guy (and girl, apparently <.<) is stalking them. Girls that party tons, drink too much, and wear layers and layers of makeup... Eitherway, they seriously give themselves too much credit if they think that every person walking 40 metres behind them is some obsessed stalker. The sad thing is that that's not even the craziest story of mine. I have a lazy eye, so girls often shun me for that reason as well, because I'm "weird-looking"... Guys seem more cool with it. So please don't judge me - every book may have the same cover but the story told inside is vastly different. Gosh, are you like my long-lost twin? I have a lazy eye too! To be fair, I haven't had as bad experiences with women as you have. However, most of the girls whom I know are either the ultra-conservative demure student or the outgoing partygirl, and maybe a few in between the scale. But none out of it. I don't get along well with the ultra-conservative students because, well, ultra-conservative Asians (who are already conservative to begin with...) are, uhm, boring. Nice, kind, friendly... and boring. I'm always afraid of offending them for some reason. Once I let out an expletive by accident and there was a long moment of awkward silence, lol. As for the partygirls, they're cool and all, but that's just not my thing. I don't want to go shopping or manicuring or dancing or drinking. There are some exceptions that I've ended up being friends with. But I think I can count all the females I've been friends with in my entire life, on my ten fingers. Most of them also stemmed from us happening to be together for long periods of time (all of high school, etc), and just getting used to one another. But I always felt there was a side of me that I had to hide from them. They never truly understood me, my hobbies, and my way of thinking. Not their problem, not mine... we just aren't similar enough. As for guys - well, they aren't devoid of problems too IMO. Being 'one of the guys' isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm more mature, open-minded, and knowledgable, I believe, than the average Chinese college male, so while I'm with them I sometimes feel like I suddenly have a bunch of bratty little brothers that I never had and never WISHED to have, and I feel like slapping them upside the head for being annoying. There's also the ego thing going on. Maybe that's an Asian gamer thing, I don't know. They have this idea that they MUST be better than you at the game, or else they're disgraced or something, and if they can't be better they'd damn well better SEEM better. Hence the snarky little jokes about girls and games. Doesn't happen as much with more mature players though, I find. Sadly, such are rare. /rant
Eoweniel Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 (edited) Ohh, yay, I'm not alone with that disability Sorry, dunno if it's a disability for you, but it is for me... my eyesight is very very weak, to the point glasses don't help. Anyway, I totally feel you, Elswyth. Especially as for the gaming part you mentioned. Let's remember here, that while I get along better with guys, it doesn't mean I get along perfectly well with all guys either. Maybe I'm just "one of those people" who has trouble getting along with others completely. Anyway, there are definitely major disadvantages to being "one of the boys" as well... it's not all sex orgies and men worshipping you like most women seem to think There's a lot of competitiveness, especially in the gaming world. Guys tend to get a bit pissy and feel their ego has been hurt when a girl beats them in a game or does better than them. There's also the matter of respect, in a game. In a game like WoW, the generic gamer girl uses guys as a means of getting gear, gold, etcetera. She knows that girls are at a minimum in a game, and guys will swarm around girls if they want it. However, for a serious gamer like me, this presents issues: Girls seldomly lead raids in WoW for instance... a raid leader is essentially a boss over a large amount of people running instances together... And as a girl, being "one of the guys", my gender still puts me in great disadvantage for this position. Guys don't respect girls as much as eachother in a gaming enviroment....so a girl has to work real hard to earn some proper respect for her, so guys will listen to her. The gaming ordeal is just an example... But yeah, it's not all smooth and cool as you seem to think. Btw, to the person who mentioned that a girl who only has guy friends has had a lot of sexual partners... Uh, I have a huuuuuge amount of male friends. You know how many men I've slept with in my 21 years? 2. These 2 males were not part of this huge clique of friends... they came from outside. And my relationship with these 2 men has lasted over a year... I guess if having slept with 2 males makes you a slut... then I'm a slut. Edited June 15, 2010 by Eoweniel
carhill Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Btw, to the person who mentioned that a girl who only has guy friends has had a lot of sexual partners Goldpile is the only man who alluded to that possibility: initial impression is the guys are fruits or the lady puts out. Here's what I opined on that aspect: I'll append my impression to that of a more positive one *if* a woman demonstrates actions relevant to and shares a low amount of sexual partners relevant to her age. She enjoys the company of men and knows how to handle the overwhelming majority of those men who will be wanting to enjoy her sexual favors So, as a woman with many male friends and few sexual partners, it appears you exemplify health wrt such dynamics. That was the distinction I was making. Thanks!
Els Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 (edited) Ohh, yay, I'm not alone with that disability Sorry, dunno if it's a disability for you, but it is for me... my eyesight is very very weak, to the point glasses don't help. I almost completely rely on one eye all the time. Bit troublesome for driving and some sports, which is probably why I don't do those much. Anyway, I totally feel you, Elswyth. Especially as for the gaming part you mentioned. Let's remember here, that while I get along better with guys, it doesn't mean I get along perfectly well with all guys either. Maybe I'm just "one of those people" who has trouble getting along with others completely. Anyway, there are definitely major disadvantages to being "one of the boys" as well... it's not all sex orgies and men worshipping you like most women seem to think There's a lot of competitiveness, especially in the gaming world. Guys tend to get a bit pissy and feel their ego has been hurt when a girl beats them in a game or does better than them. There's also the matter of respect, in a game. In a game like WoW, the generic gamer girl uses guys as a means of getting gear, gold, etcetera. She knows that girls are at a minimum in a game, and guys will swarm around girls if they want it.Well, this is true to an extent. Assuming the girl is single, and they don't know her very well (as in, playing with each other for years), guys will certainly treat her special. I've had my fair share of offers, and while I turned down all of the item/gold-based offers, I suppose I can admit to greatly enjoying the hordes of boys scrambling for my attention and to just get a conversation in with me during my younger days. But hey, I was 16, and plenty of girls that age dress up to the nines and strut around enjoying the attention as well. I don't see what's so wrong with getting it in other ways. Currently, there's no such nonsense, because most of the people I play with are in the same close circle as my ex. While he IS an ex, I think most of them wouldn't be comfortable with pulling any moves on me. So nope, no special treatment. They even talk freely about porn and women in front of me. Only difference is probably that they don't curse directly at me, although they do it to each other. Also, there is the point that I'm currently taken and will remain taken, so whenever anyone new knows about that, special treatment disappears as well. However, for a serious gamer like me, this presents issues: Girls seldomly lead raids in WoW for instance... a raid leader is essentially a boss over a large amount of people running instances together... And as a girl, being "one of the guys", my gender still puts me in great disadvantage for this position. Guys don't respect girls as much as eachother in a gaming enviroment....so a girl has to work real hard to earn some proper respect for her, so guys will listen to her.This. And guys wonder why more girls don't join in on such male-oriented activities. Edited June 15, 2010 by Elswyth
BS76 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 If she isnt a flirt with them, isnt dating or sleeping with them, and they all seem to treat her very well and you are a interested man that doesnt really know her yet, what are your thoughts? lets say the man friends dont interfere with you or your interest for her, or perhaps support it. She's called an attention whore and the guys are called orbiters. The majority want to bang her and she either is oblivious to it and just loves their attention, or knows they want her and uses them for favors and attention. I'd think she was just someone who gets along with men a lot more than she gets along with women. I know some women that are really like that. The reason women like this get along with guys better than girls is because the guys put up with their behavior that women won't tolerate because the guys put them on a pedestal because they want to have sex with them. These is all sweeping generalizations of course, but they're true in varying degrees.
phineas Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Ohh, yay, I'm not alone with that disability Sorry, dunno if it's a disability for you, but it is for me... my eyesight is very very weak, to the point glasses don't help. Anyway, I totally feel you, Elswyth. Especially as for the gaming part you mentioned. Let's remember here, that while I get along better with guys, it doesn't mean I get along perfectly well with all guys either. Maybe I'm just "one of those people" who has trouble getting along with others completely. Anyway, there are definitely major disadvantages to being "one of the boys" as well... it's not all sex orgies and men worshipping you like most women seem to think There's a lot of competitiveness, especially in the gaming world. Guys tend to get a bit pissy and feel their ego has been hurt when a girl beats them in a game or does better than them. There's also the matter of respect, in a game. In a game like WoW, the generic gamer girl uses guys as a means of getting gear, gold, etcetera. She knows that girls are at a minimum in a game, and guys will swarm around girls if they want it. However, for a serious gamer like me, this presents issues: Girls seldomly lead raids in WoW for instance... a raid leader is essentially a boss over a large amount of people running instances together... And as a girl, being "one of the guys", my gender still puts me in great disadvantage for this position. Guys don't respect girls as much as eachother in a gaming enviroment....so a girl has to work real hard to earn some proper respect for her, so guys will listen to her. The gaming ordeal is just an example... But yeah, it's not all smooth and cool as you seem to think. I play WOW. I can care less if a player is woman or not. I know my STBXW had an issue when she would hear a woman over Vent because "girls arn't supposed to be geeks" I play the game. I was in a guild run by a woman. Yeah, sometimes she PMS'd & would boot someone for talking back to her. LOL! Kept everyone else in line. But mostly, jerks are gonna be jerks reguardless of gender. But i'm older (38) & it doesn't really phase me if a woman is in the raid. To be honest, most women I play with know their class very well.
climbergirl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Why does a woman who has mainly male friends have to be generalized to an 'attention seeking whore'? Another thing to consider is family dynamics. I never got along with my mother and my sister while I was growing up, but did with my dad and brother. Given that scenario, it doesn't seem unreasonable that I would feel more comfortable with men. That-and like another poster mentioned-my humor is better received by men. And, yeah, I'm also a gamer and a climber so I can't help the ratio. But I'm also a nursing student, so in that environment I have closer female friends.
phineas Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Why does a woman who has mainly male friends have to be generalized to an 'attention seeking whore'? Another thing to consider is family dynamics. I never got along with my mother and my sister while I was growing up, but did with my dad and brother. Given that scenario, it doesn't seem unreasonable that I would feel more comfortable with men. That-and like another poster mentioned-my humor is better received by men. And, yeah, I'm also a gamer and a climber so I can't help the ratio. But I'm also a nursing student, so in that environment I have closer female friends. when I used to go to bars there was allways one woman surrounded by guys & the center of attention. hence the attention whore reference. Now if it's a woman in a group of guys & she is treated like one of the guys it's different but you rarely see this when out at a bar. Also, lots of women sonsider themselves "single" they have men taking them out "as friends" doing them favors ect. that's not normal.
Viking Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 My girlfriend is the same way, and it bugs me a lot. Right now she's on a 2.5 week long trip with a bunch of guys from the engineering department at a vehicle research competition. She's really attractive and that makes me feel insecure because she's spending 17-20 days with a bunch of dudes. To add to the stress, she doesn't text or call me as much as I would like. Honestly there isn't much to talk about right now because they're driving a long ways to get there. But, I feel left out/marginalized/maybe less significant when these sorts of things happen. Sometimes however, we will text back and forth a lot, depending on her mood and what she is doing. I feel like the girls who have more guy friends than girl friends are also the ones in control of the relationship because they can make their boyfriend (me in this case) feel like he's easily replaced. This is where the fear comes from when guys date girls with more guy friends than girls. My girlfriend does however have girl friends she goes dancing with (seldom though). She has told me that if she goes out for a beer with a guy friend, they stay at one bar and don't bar hop because there isn't a point in that if they aren't dating. However, it makes me feel like she might be looking for a replacement if I didn't know the circumstance (she had a friend who broke up with his GF of 3 years so he wanted to chat and hang out because he was lonely). Doesn't make it easier though. I think my brother offered me the best advice out of all of the advice I've received. "She's with you for a reason. If she's known these guys longer than she's been dating you, there is a reason for her not dating them and dating you instead." Like I said though, it still doesn't make it easier to handle because for me at least, I am a jealous guy and view any other guy who takes up my GF's time as a potential threat to my relationship. Not a healthy view I know, but it is true to a certain degree. I need to learn how to relax and realize that she has a life of her own and had one before we started dating.
jen_r Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 A girl who can only be friends with men is a girl that has no REAL friends... unless of course she is DATING the man she is friends with. Lol, that is pretty much untrue. I have "friends" who are girls, I have one best friend who is a girl. Majority of my friends, guys. We've been friends since highschool...7 years later and we're still friends.
carhill Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 My girlfriend is the same way, and it bugs me a lot. Unbug yourself. When GF gets back, have a BBQ and invite some of the 'guys' over. They can bring the beer. Since she has a long history with them and you and she get along great, I'm sure you and her friends will hit it off famously. Invite their spouses/SO's too
Viking Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Unbug yourself. When GF gets back, have a BBQ and invite some of the 'guys' over. They can bring the beer. Since she has a long history with them and you and she get along great, I'm sure you and her friends will hit it off famously. Invite their spouses/SO's too I actually was at her house when she invited them over for a BBQ because they were working in the shop on their car for their vehicle research competition. It was kind of strange because I got along with them alright, I don't know them all that well, but I feel like I was able to "hang" so to speak. It wasn't like there was any real attachment from the guys though because after they were done eating, they just left and were like "well, see you at the shop" or something to that effect. A few of them have gfs already too. A few of them strike me as womanizers and I don't think they really treat her like an "option" because of her dating me and also her being "one of the guys" and she said that she has no interest in them. It is hard to "unbug" myself. What kind of recommendations would you have for me?
carhill Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Bring them to your 'territory'. This is what a dominant male does to manage other males who might otherwise be suspected of being interlopers. Develop rapport with them on *your turf* and with *your interests* as priority. Friends share each others interests. Maybe a couple of them can help you do some work on *your car*. I'm sure it will go swimmingly. The gals will hang out in the house. Your GF does enjoy other women, right?
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