mickeymouse1 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Hello everyone, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now. We get along pretty well and have quite a bit in common. But there is always a catch, right? Well my girlfriend has been with girls (bisexual) in her past. She has made out with girls, went all the way, etc. She said it was an experimental phase, yada yada and that is not her preference anymore. But she has one friend in particular where they act differently with eachother than her other friends. Their messages will say stuff like "Thanks lover" or "Hi sexy!" stuff along those lines. One time her friend made a comment to me along the lines of "I'm banging your girl anyway". They have left the bar before to go back to the house as the guys were watching football and drinking. She has stayed over her house several times, they sleep in the same bed and all. Something in my gut is just telling me something is going on here. Also, when we are out in public I notice she pays no attention to men but definitely looks at women. There are just so many things that I have witnessed that make me believe her and her best friend are hooking up occasionally. I have tried to talk to her about it and she gets defensive and denies it. What do you guys think? This is obviously a deal breaker for me and I would rather just end it than waste more time on something that will never go anywhere. Thanks for your replies!!
Green Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Sounds like you have already come to a conclusion what more clarity do you need?
brainygirl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I tend to be of the opinion that you can either trust someone or you cannot. If you are having issues trusting her, then you need to end things because either she's not trustworthy, or she is and you are too suspicious. Incedentally, sometimes close female friends will call eachother the stupidest names. Anything from cutie pie, to ho, to witch, bitch, lover girl, all of it, and not have any of those feelings for each other.
Cracker Jack Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I don't think the language they use towards each other indicates much, since girls often do that on a regular basis. But...it sounds like she's really into women--but I can't really tell. Perhaps you need to talk to her. I know you said she gets defensive, but what else can you do at this point?
Green Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Incedentally, sometimes close female friends will call eachother the stupidest names. Anything from cutie pie, to ho, to witch, bitch, lover girl, all of it, and not have any of those feelings for each other. Do they also arouse suspicion in their bf's and then get defensive of it only arousing more suspisicion. Seriously what does it even matter if he is wrong he has lost all TRUST for this girl.
Author mickeymouse1 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 I don't think the language they use towards each other indicates much, since girls often do that on a regular basis. But...it sounds like she's really into women--but I can't really tell. Perhaps you need to talk to her. I know you said she gets defensive, but what else can you do at this point? Break up. But if I break up it could be based on misinformation. I don't 100% know her and her friend have anything going on, but from everything I have seen, I have a strong gut feeling that they do.
brainygirl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Do they also arouse suspicion in their bf's and then get defensive of it only arousing more suspisicion. Seriously what does it even matter if he is wrong he has lost all TRUST for this girl. No, my point was that if he doesn't trust her, he shouldn't be in a relationship with her, reguardless of weather or not she was actually cheating.
Cracker Jack Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Break up. But if I break up it could be based on misinformation. I don't 100% know her and her friend have anything going on, but from everything I have seen, I have a strong gut feeling that they do. I think you should trust your gut, then. However, it would suck if she wasn't doing anything at the end of the day. This is a tough situation, so it all comes down to what you want.
deux ex machina Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Break up. But if I break up it could be based on misinformation. I don't 100% know her and her friend have anything going on, but from everything I have seen, I have a strong gut feeling that they do. My line of thinking here is to lay it all out on the table, just as above.
Author mickeymouse1 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 No, my point was that if he doesn't trust her, he shouldn't be in a relationship with her, reguardless of weather or not she was actually cheating. I just know I could be throwing something good away if it werent for that one dam issue. I hate breaking someones heart.
Green Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 What you could do is Hack her email... and try to look at her phone and read her txts. Might find proof that she cheated like "I can't wait to make out and be naked with you AGAIN!"
Author mickeymouse1 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 (edited) What you could do is Hack her email... and try to look at her phone and read her txts. Might find proof that she cheated like "I can't wait to make out and be naked with you AGAIN!" Well there texts are like hey pookie ill be there at 12:30, you. Hey Sexy im on my way. This meeting was something i didnt even know about. never was told (deceptiom) Edited June 14, 2010 by mickeymouse1
Green Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Well there texts are like hey pookie ill be there at 12:30, you. Hey Sexy im on my way. This meeting was something i didnt even know about. never was told If it was 12:30 am at night and she is hiding it from you then yeah she probably had sex with her. Girls are all kinda gay so it makes it hard to spot when you have a real Bisexual on your hands. Just go with your gut and you can't be wrong. If she is having secret 1230 at night meetings that is pretty FiSHY
Author mickeymouse1 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 If it was 12:30 am at night and she is hiding it from you then yeah she probably had sex with her. Girls are all kinda gay so it makes it hard to spot when you have a real Bisexual on your hands. Just go with your gut and you can't be wrong. If she is having secret 1230 at night meetings that is pretty FiSHY No it was a 12:30 lunch time. But if she goes out with anyone else she always tells me I want oiut with so and so for lunch
brainygirl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I have texted my friend "hey sexy lady, when we going out" she texts back "get your man catching clothes on, I'm taking you to __________ club for open mic night" And scandle of scandle, I crash at her house when I get too drunk to drive home when the bar closes. No sex between us what so ever. ITs just how women talk to each other.
Confusedalways Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Hello everyone, I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now. We get along pretty well and have quite a bit in common. But there is always a catch, right? Well my girlfriend has been with girls (bisexual) in her past. She has made out with girls, went all the way, etc. She said it was an experimental phase, yada yada and that is not her preference anymore. But she has one friend in particular where they act differently with eachother than her other friends. Their messages will say stuff like "Thanks lover" or "Hi sexy!" stuff along those lines. One time her friend made a comment to me along the lines of "I'm banging your girl anyway". They have left the bar before to go back to the house as the guys were watching football and drinking. She has stayed over her house several times, they sleep in the same bed and all. Something in my gut is just telling me something is going on here. Also, when we are out in public I notice she pays no attention to men but definitely looks at women. There are just so many things that I have witnessed that make me believe her and her best friend are hooking up occasionally. I have tried to talk to her about it and she gets defensive and denies it. What do you guys think? This is obviously a deal breaker for me and I would rather just end it than waste more time on something that will never go anywhere. Thanks for your replies!! I don't think I know anyone who would legitimately describe themselves as bisexual and therefore am a little unclear about the etiquette pertaining to it, but from my perspective whatever preference someone has- be it men, women or both- they probably shouldn't be calling someone sexy and sleeping in the same bed of the gender(s) in which they are attracted to. If I was ever dating a bisexual man [which incidentally bisexuality is a deal breaker for me but for arguments sake] this type of behavior would totally not be something I would be cool with. I respect everyone and their sexual preferences but when someone is dating ME, they shouldn't be acting like how she's acting to her friend. If she's checking out women in public, I definitely don't know that it was a phase. Personally, I'm of the opinion that sexuality isn't really a phase and if someone was interested in girls, they probably still are. I'd go with your gut here, but that's just me.
BS76 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 The two red flags that jump out at me was her being defensive about it when you want to talk to her and the deception about not telling you when she's going to see her. Instead of being confrontational you need to make her feel your position. The key phrase is to essentially flip the situation around via genders and judge her reaction. For example: "How would you feel if I had a bi past and had a guy friend that I behaved with the same way you and xxx do?" If she doesn't appreciate your worries or tries to play them off like they're not meaningful, or she gets defensive, then you know she probably is cheating and it's time to call it quits. Even if she's not and she reacts like that then it tells you how she really feels about you. Either way you'd need to walk away if that's the reaction she gives you.
Author mickeymouse1 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 I have texted my friend "hey sexy lady, when we going out" she texts back "get your man catching clothes on, I'm taking you to __________ club for open mic night" And scandle of scandle, I crash at her house when I get too drunk to drive home when the bar closes. No sex between us what so ever. ITs just how women talk to each other. why are all text messages between them being delated from her cell phone? (meanwhile the rest of her friends texts are in full tact)
brainygirl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 why are all text messages between them being delated from her cell phone? (meanwhile the rest of her friends texts are in full tact) I can't answer that because I am not her. But I really think that playing detective is a waste of time and effort, if you feel you cannot trust her, end things, nicely as possible, but ended.
BS76 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 To finish my earlier though, in other words she needs to be sensitive to your feelings and if she's unwilling or incapable then she's not relationship material. The good news is that you've got a great opportunity for 3somes if you play it right.
Confusedalways Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 why are all text messages between them being delated from her cell phone? (meanwhile the rest of her friends texts are in full tact) It's clear that regardless of whether she's actually doing things with this girl or not, you're now paranoid to the point where you need to do something about it. A talk is definitely necessary, because if you ignore this you're obviously going to be resentful.
deux ex machina Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 What's the worst thing that would happen if you just bring up what is bothering you with her?
CLC2008 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 The two red flags that jump out at me was her being defensive about it when you want to talk to her and the deception about not telling you when she's going to see her. Instead of being confrontational you need to make her feel your position. The key phrase is to essentially flip the situation around via genders and judge her reaction. For example: "How would you feel if I had a bi past and had a guy friend that I behaved with the same way you and xxx do?" If she doesn't appreciate your worries or tries to play them off like they're not meaningful, or she gets defensive, then you know she probably is cheating and it's time to call it quits. Even if she's not and she reacts like that then it tells you how she really feels about you. Either way you'd need to walk away if that's the reaction she gives you. I support this message. If you have doubts, and your gut is telling you that she is cheating on you, you are going to have to bite the bullet and communicate with her in a way that is not accusatory. My friends and I sometimes use words like what you posted, my cousin and I do it, my brother-in-law calls his kids "lover". It's a term of endearment. But, the other stuff you mentioned, would be off putting to me.
Green Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I have texted my friend "hey sexy lady, when we going out" she texts back "get your man catching clothes on, I'm taking you to __________ club for open mic night" And scandle of scandle, I crash at her house when I get too drunk to drive home when the bar closes. No sex between us what so ever. ITs just how women talk to each other. I know me and my guy friends used to talk like this when we were single and it wasn't gay at all. "Hey big balls, when we going out to swing our dicks around?" he texts back "where your vagina catching clothes I'm taking you clubbing" And scandle of scandle, I crash at his house and we sleep in the bed togather cause I'm to TIRED to drive home when the bar closes. No sex between us what so ever. ITs just how men talk to each other. I can't answer that because I am not her. But I really think that playing detective is a waste of time and effort, if you feel you cannot trust her, end things, nicely as possible, but ended. You rarely find any proof or get any one to admit anything.
CLC2008 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I know me and my guy friends used to talk like this when we were single and it wasn't gay at all. "Hey big balls, when we going out to swing our dicks around?" he texts back "where your vagina catching clothes I'm taking you clubbing" And scandle of scandle, I crash at his house and we sleep in the bed togather cause I'm to TIRED to drive home when the bar closes. No sex between us what so ever. ITs just how men talk to each other. Oh, you'd be surprised at some of things I've heard men toss around at each other verbally.
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