ComputerJock Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Gingertree - you are on the right path, good for you. Take baby steps and include your H on your path to a stronger marriage. The best to you and your H.
Author Gingertree Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 If the roles were reversed would you want your husband staying in contact and talking with a woman who he finds attractive and a woman who wanted to have a sexual affair with him? I seriously doubt it. What is wrong with this picture? How can you be so foggy? Don't you realize how disrespectful and hurtful you are being to your husband and your marriage? I forgot to respond to this. Here's some hardcore honesty for ya. I think I was so foggy because of what I just posted... I really wasn't considering how disrespect and hurtful I was being... because I didn't really care. It was another case of justifying in my mind that I'm different from my H. I even convinced myself that I wouldn't care if he did have a friend he was attracted to. I actually wanted him to so I could get away with what I was doing. How screwed up is that? Yes, I let myself go there. I let myself believe that my lusts and pleasures were worth more than my committment to my H. It was all part of my "mental preparation" to actually have an A. I'm disgusted with myself just writing that. But that's who I've been.
SavannahSmiles Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I forgot to respond to this. Here's some hardcore honesty for ya. I think I was so foggy because of what I just posted... I really wasn't considering how disrespect and hurtful I was being... because I didn't really care. It was another case of justifying in my mind that I'm different from my H. I even convinced myself that I wouldn't care if he did have a friend he was attracted to. I actually wanted him to so I could get away with what I was doing. How screwed up is that? Yes, I let myself go there. I let myself believe that my lusts and pleasures were worth more than my committment to my H. It was all part of my "mental preparation" to actually have an A. I'm disgusted with myself just writing that. But that's who I've been. Believe or not, your honesty will help others. There are a lot of us that don't want to admit the dirty thoughts and actions we have when contemplating or having an A. It is a preparation like you said. If you think about something long enough, fantasize about it long enough, justify it long enough, you can make yourself believe it's ok. We can't always control our thoughts but we can choose not to meditate on the wrong thoughts. Everytime you think of OM, acknowledge the thought for a second, and then think about your H. Write down all the good qualities your H has. Think about how you met, what he was like when you were dating. Think about your M and how you can make it better. If you practice this and make it a habit, soon thoughts of OM will come less and less and thoughts of H will take over. It's a process but it can be done as long as you stay strong and don't break NC.
Eye of Hourus Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Yay! Thanks for the hard words to read but exactly what I needed. I talked to my H last night about everything. He wasn't too surprised because he's dealt with my friendliness towards men for 12 years now. I've never let it get to the point that it did this time where I was contemplating an A. He was relieved that I haven't actually had an A, but he does know how close I was. I told him that I am willing to change - especially concerning my behavior towards other men. I told him and I will stick to my word this time, that I will have no contact with OM or ANY men other than family. I know this is going to be tough, but my family is too important to me to throw away for lust and attention. Gingertree, I hope that you told your H about the OM(mentioning his name). Not some vague waffle about your flirting getting out of control with other men in general. The Eye.
Ann_Igma Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I'm a little bit confused. I was really impressed with your resolve and how you managed to stop yourself from having an A before it started... until I read a thread over in the OM/OW forums (OM Smart or Scared or Both?) where you (at first under a different name) said that you've been having an A for months and the OM has gone silent. When you pick up in the thread with the name of Gingertree, you seem to carry on as if you were that original poster... So what gives?
Eye of Hourus Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 (edited) I'm a little bit confused. I was really impressed with your resolve and how you managed to stop yourself from having an A before it started... until I read a thread over in the OM/OW forums (OM Smart or Scared or Both?) where you (at first under a different name) said that you've been having an A for months and the OM has gone silent. When you pick up in the thread with the name of Gingertree, you seem to carry on as if you were that original poster... So what gives? Agree with Anna..... What gives? Privately, I hope your husband is onto to the pair of you. The Eye Edited June 16, 2010 by Eye of Hourus punctuation
jnj express Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Hey gingertree-----OK--you have admitted to what you have done, and by the way you did have an affair----you had what is known as an EA, and to many they are more deadly than a PA---in that you gave your heart to another-----Now once again what do you intend to do about your problem, of flirting to much, spending to much time talking to men, which is NOT what a married woman does----what do you intend to do to prevent this from ever happening again, with ANYONE ELSE
kuma Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I'm a little bit confused. I was really impressed with your resolve and how you managed to stop yourself from having an A before it started... until I read a thread over in the OM/OW forums (OM Smart or Scared or Both?) where you (at first under a different name) said that you've been having an A for months and the OM has gone silent. When you pick up in the thread with the name of Gingertree, you seem to carry on as if you were that original poster... So what gives? :eek:
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