Taking A Break? Ladies what does that mean? Is she? or is she done with me?

[ineedpatience]

Well as my choosen user name suggests I need patience!

 

I've known this gal 3 months, the first two by email. and the last month we have dated. I think we've had about eight dates all tolled.

 

If I were to explain the WHOLE circumstances this wouldn't be a post - it'd be a book!! So I'm going to cut to the chase.

 

Some of my actions in our last dates have led her to be freaked out. - The last straw was when I wound up driving to her house, unanounced, at 7am to talk to talk to her, I wanted her to know I want HER, not just sex. (We have yet to have sex - I've made two attemts.) Well when I got there I saw an extra car there and assumed it was another guy. (it was 7am sunday morning). it could have been another guy, much like nuclear arms she has made a point of neither confirming nor denying the presence of other guys in her romantic life. and we have not discussed being "exclusive" - however I thought that discusion was for teen-agers. And I'd like to think if I can't spend the night no one else gets that honor either... I'd like to think that once she bestows that honor on me we have entered the 'exclusive' world. (which is where I assumed we were)

 

I was so distraught I hadn't slept for two days. our last date involved her saying "you've gotten mad both times I denied you sex" - Folks none of you here know me but I can say with utter honesty that: A. I wasn't mad, I'm smitten with this gal and I was SAD sad that I may have screwed things up. And B. She has been sending MAJOR mixed signals. (the first time we were in the living room and she said "let's go to the bedroom and see what happens" - Umm what would YOU think??)

 

Later that day she contacted me- She cut me off before I had a chance to say anything saying "first you have jumped to a LOT of conclusions about what I do and why I do them and second I don't owe you any explanations as we are not at that point in our relationship"

 

Well after that we spoke for (I think) TWO and HALF hours!! During that time she took every oppurtunity to say how nice I am. she said she's never had anyone treat her as good. She said "If I were to list all you good qualities ... it'd be a long list ... and on paper you'd be THE guy" we both cried some, and she said that she has never loved anyone since her ex (who she is IMHO totally over) - but she also made an absoulote point of not saying she isn't seeing anyone else. The only thing she did say was "did you look in the back seat of that car?" I said "no" she said "well if you did you would've seen a child seat" to which I replied "that doesn't mean anything" - I mean why did she say that? and not "I'm not seeing anyone"??? And she did say "well I told you I met a guy just before I met you" - Yes she did, I once jokingly asked if she was seeing anyone else and she said "I met a guy in december but i'm not seing him anymore" - So now what do I beleive???

 

She said that I'm freaking her out - and she said "and in some good ways too!" Not that she approved of my 7am visit. She also said she's feeling pressured, pressured to do things she not ready to (see me more, be exclusive, meet her friends, not just sex)

 

The end result of this conversation was that she said "I need to take a break" I said "I just scared you and you're being letting me down gently" She said she wasn't and that she may contact me in a few days, or weeks - or it may be longer.

 

Now there's a LOT more I could tell but I think this gives the general idea. So onto my questions, and I'd really like to just hear from the women on these:

1. What does this break mean? I see a couple possibilities: a. I scared her and she's backing away b. I surprised her by wanting to be exclusive and she's deciding if I'm worth it (I am LOL) c. she *is* seeing someone else and maybe she needs time to dump him or choose between us.

2. how long do I give her? I really am smitten with her- I'd rather poke my eye with a sharp stick then not see her again - I could give her a long time if I knew she was going to come back, but I don't *know* that. And If she doesn't the longer I wait the more I'm going to hurt- and I don't care for that. I want to give her all the time she needs, but I don't want my time wasted.

 

I have spoke to some people and the general consensus of them is: she wouldn't have spoke to me so long if she didn't intend on getting back with me. I have been good to her and she'll come back. Etc etc. But these are people that know me and that makes them biased.

 

Another thing, and maybe I'm reading too much into it. (another of my more charming qualities I'm afraid) - I sent her some flowers, she sent me an email thanking me for them. it said "I recieved some very pretty flowers today at work, thank you very much. hope you are doing OK and keeping yourself busy at work. Take Care, Karie" Well on a positive note she got the flowers and thanked me for them. But on the other hand "take care"? that feels like something you'd say to a co-worker that got a new job. And she stopped signing her emails with her name about three weeks ago - she simply signed them "K" - seems more intimate doesn't it?

 

and one last thing about me: I'm exceptionally good to her, I take great pains to make her happy, etc. I'm CRAZY about her. And now for the attempt at seeing my own bad points... Well I think they would be: Jumping to conclulsions and Overanalyzing.

 

And a little of my opinion - I think based on how vague she is all the time- ("I'm going to a friend of a friends" - who talks like that???) - and other factors that there is is a good chance she IS seeing someone else, wheather or not that car in the driveway was his or not.

 

So whadya think? what's the break mean? is she seeing someone else? OH ONE more thing- IF she is, and she does like me and she intends on dumping him - how long should that take? does she need to go out with him to end it?

 

I was hoping to take her to a bed and breakfast for Valentines Day - but that isn't going to be possible now, and I don't even know if I'll be her Valentines Date.

[ineedpatience]

Hey beleive it or not I forgot a few things-

 

I'm 38 she's 35 (today's her birthday )

She has a six year old daughter that I've already met - She thinks I'm great with her.

And it's only been a week since she said she need to take a break - but too me it feels like a month.

[monster]

Hi! Honestly guy, I know this isn't what you want to hear...but she is playing games with you. You sound like a really sweet and wonderful guy! Heck, I wish my guy was as attentive as you. You maybe over analyzying things a little bit too much, but hey, who doesn't right? It sounds to me like she is keeping you around because you are a nice guy and because she knows that she has you to fall back on. Unfortunately she is playing head games with you. You deserve so much better! I wish you luck and hopefully everything works out for the best.

[SoleMate]

You make a lot of assumptions:

 

*Well when I got there I saw an extra car there and assumed it was another guy.

* she has made a point of neither confirming nor denying the presence of other guys in her romantic life

* we have not discussed being "exclusive" - however I thought that discusion was for teen-agers

* if I can't spend the night no one else gets that honor either...

* I'd like to think that once she bestows that honor on me we have entered the 'exclusive' world.

 

Sounds like you want more of a commitment (sex and exclusivity) than she is willing to give. If you want her to give you that kind of commitment, you have to earn it. It's very possible that she is willing to see more than one man at a time.

 

"let's go to the bedroom and see what happens" - Umm what would YOU think??

I would think that I was being invited to engage in sex. Have you told us the whole story here? Did anything odd happen?

 

Looks like both of you are rather unclear. And I have to say that I would not be thrilled to see some new guy I had just dated a few times drop by my place at 7 am on Sunday. That's the kind of surprise I don't go for. You sound clingy and overinvolved. That behavior will push many women away.

[Timbo]

I am with SoleMate on this one.

 

I think you freaked her out. Showing up at her place at 7am (I assume this wasn't announced either) was a bad move. I don't think getting freaked about these kind of things is anything that is specific to the female gender. A girl I dated just after I had graduated high school and began college paid a visit to my room one morning (she told my mom I had asked her to come!) and she was sitting on the end of my bed when I woke up. The relationship (what little there was) was sooo over.

 

Leave her alone and let her come to you, but I wouldn't hold my breath. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I feel it's the best advice I can give you.

 

Another point I would like to touch on is that you shouldn't have assumed that you two were at the exclusive phase in a budding relationship. IMO she would have let you know on uncertain terms if that is what she wanted.

 

Best of wishes,

 

Tim