bluz73 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 So my ex has a FB now and is still with the girl he left me for...I dont hate him and i forgive him and I wish I could just hate him and have anger towards him but for some reason I dont.. I wanted to message him to just say Hi..not expecting anything but rejection.. Would this be wrong of me and how do you think he will react?
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 If he's like most men, he would interpret it as a sign you want to have sex with him again, and would probably show up soon and try to lure you into some kind of FWB arrangement--all behind his current GF's back, of course.
Author bluz73 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 If he's like most men, he would interpret it as a sign you want to have sex with him again, and would probably show up soon and try to lure you into some kind of FWB arrangement--all behind his current GF's back, of course. lol I doubt it ADF...I just wanted to basically clear the air..even though he dont deserve it, I have a huge heart and never stay mad for long. He was my best friend for 6 years..I could NEVER be with him again..just to be friendly..his GF has about 100 guy friends on FB he has no girls on his.
sedgwick Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Who broke up? That's the person who should say hi first.
popey Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Saying hi, isn't wrong, but it may be the wrong choice for you. Don't know how he might react, but what possible reaction would be beneficial to you? If its a rejection, you have no new information b/c you already know he's capapble of that. If he's receptive, you have no way of knowing if its merely to serve his fleeting self interest; b/c u also already know he's capable of that. I do understand the desire to reach out. Maybe your thinking that any communication, will result in a new understanding. That's just not usually the case in these situations. Ultimately, saying hi alone, probably doesn't gain or lose anything in iteself.
Author bluz73 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Who broke up? That's the person who should say hi first. He broke up with me for an 18 year old girl and now lives with her, but I have accepted it, it still hurts but i feel the need to clear the air im confused
Author bluz73 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Saying hi, isn't wrong, but it may be the wrong choice for you. Don't know how he might react, but what possible reaction would be beneficial to you? If its a rejection, you have no new information b/c you already know he's capapble of that. If he's receptive, you have no way of knowing if its merely to serve his fleeting self interest; b/c u also already know he's capable of that. I do understand the desire to reach out. Maybe your thinking that any communication, will result in a new understanding. That's just not usually the case in these situations. Ultimately, saying hi alone, probably doesn't gain or lose anything in iteself. i was going to write this: Hey there! I am sorry in the way I reacted in the past, I was going through alot and I was so broken inside, I really didn't know how to cope with it all. I am asking you for your forgiveness, I do forgive you and I wish you the best in life
popey Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 i was going to write this: Hey there! I am sorry in the way I reacted in the past, I was going through alot and I was so broken inside, I really didn't know how to cope with it all. I am asking you for your forgiveness, I do forgive you and I wish you the best in life Well that's alot more than saying hi, isn't it? Again, its not "wrong" to express this. But what do you hope to gain by writing this? He has the gf he left you for, and a fwb. Does it seem like an exchange of forgiveness w/ this person would be meaningfull?
Author bluz73 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Well that's alot more than saying hi, isn't it? Again, its not "wrong" to express this. But what do you hope to gain by writing this? He has the gf he left you for, and a fwb. Does it seem like an exchange of forgiveness w/ this person would be meaningfull? well it would be meaningful to me cause i need to forgiveness as closure, cause after we broke up i went thru his email and cursed out his new gf so I want to take the high road and look a bit classy besides I do hear they are having troubles...maybe he will give me the closure I need to move on. I live in his town now but plan moving 1000 miles away and I guess I want a clean slate.
popey Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 well it would be meaningful to me cause i need to forgiveness as closure, cause after we broke up i went thru his email and cursed out his new gf so I want to take the high road and look a bit classy besides I do hear they are having troubles...maybe he will give me the closure I need to move on. I live in his town now but plan moving 1000 miles away and I guess I want a clean slate. So he wronged you, and you didn't respons with grace. Few people do. He is unlikely to give you the closure you want. His actions thus far don't suggest that he's inclined to do so. I think you want to hear that he regrets what he did, b/c things aren't going well w/ the gf. So what if he does? That just means that he regrets that the path of serving himself didn't work out perfect for him. If it gives you the closure you need, then go for it. I'm just very skeptical that it will.
teanoranges Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Stop. Think. What is the most likely thing to happen? (not your fantasy or ideal situation.. but reality) How will you react? How will you feel inside? Can you handle it? Are you prepared if you end up not being able to handle it? I would say let it go. Forget him. People usually understand that exes get angry when they become exes.. so you freaking out really shouldn't be that surprising. If it feels like something you must do, and no matter how many people tell you not to and you still want to do it... sometimes we just need to do things and you live you learn... worst that can happen is you start back on NC day 1.
Author bluz73 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Stop. Think. What is the most likely thing to happen? (not your fantasy or ideal situation.. but reality) How will you react? How will you feel inside? Can you handle it? Are you prepared if you end up not being able to handle it? I would say let it go. Forget him. People usually understand that exes get angry when they become exes.. so you freaking out really shouldn't be that surprising. If it feels like something you must do, and no matter how many people tell you not to and you still want to do it... sometimes we just need to do things and you live you learn... worst that can happen is you start back on NC day 1. I am not attempting to gain his friendship, just a clean slate with him. I dont know how or why I can forgive him for this and hate him at all. i usually am like this with anybody who hurt me. Im so inexpierienced in relationships, I had one teen heartbreak then was married for many years, then this guy so Im not good at this stuff. I just wanna be nice, and I dont expect a response, i expect him to block me and if so Im fine with that cause he can live with the guilt atleast i tried to be the better person
Author bluz73 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 I agree dont contact him You are all probably right, but I am goin with my heart as always and did message him on FB..(he just got one a few days ago for the first time EVER) I never had anyway of contacting him in the past..he changed his email and cell. He did treat me like I was the dumper..which i never understood why. If i die tommorrow atleast I tried to make a mends with him. Letting him see the side of me that his current GF doesnt have. Maybe hoping it will get him thinking and **** with his mind a lil. I am fully prepared to be blocked or cussed out or ignored. I cant be hurt any worse than what he done to me. I just cant hate anybody.
skydiveaddict Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 dont stay stuck on him bluz, it will only bring you down
Author bluz73 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 dont stay stuck on him bluz, it will only bring you down I know sky..I have NEVER felt so much intense love and passion for a man in my life..I can look at his pics and see him coment his new GF's wall and it dont bother me at all..I dont know why..I guess deep down in I know he knows he messed up..for goodness sakes he is dating a teen girl come on..I have it all and then some. He has to miss me, but its ok if he dont, I did no wrong I did the best i could and someday love will find me. Im not looking for it so I hope it comes soon. I have no desire to see him oor start over with him. I dont have a clue why i suddenly felt the need today to say this to him..maybe im gonna croak I dunno but I did it and whatever will be will be.. thanks for caring I will keep ya posted
skydiveaddict Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Make sure you stay busy and take care of yourself
Author bluz73 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Make sure you stay busy and take care of yourself I try everyday. Thanks...But its been 3 hours and no reply yet..but he didnt block me yet..maybe he dont know how idk lol..but i feel a weight lifted off my chest for reaching out to him and asking him to forgive me for being physco and letting him know I forgive him. I feel at peace. But I cant deny I hurt for him deeply, I swear i will never find a love like that. It seems impossible. I look at men with disgust cause of him and I need to work on that. I wonder if he told his GF I messaged him and if so how she reacted? I hope not.
teanoranges Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I look at men with disgust cause of him and I need to work on that. I think its sad how we (because I did it too) can 'blame' these new men we don't even know because of one guy.... and yet that one guy we would forgive for everything he did wrong to us.. (when meanwhile these other guys might not have ever wronged us) You are on very dangerous ground and I hope you pull through this. You aren't indifferent to the response since you care so much, but I hope that you won't sit around waiting for him and just continue to live your life. You can do it, I know it.
Div Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I wonder if he told his GF I messaged him and if so how she reacted? I hope not. This is why people recommend against any contact with the ex. You're already wondering if/when he's going to reply, if he's told his gf, what he might say back. If you were ready for any kind of contact it wouldn't matter to you.
Author bluz73 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 This is why people recommend against any contact with the ex. You're already wondering if/when he's going to reply, if he's told his gf, what he might say back. If you were ready for any kind of contact it wouldn't matter to you. I understand where you are coming from, Yes i wonder but i didnt wake up this morning disappointed or sad over not hearing back from him. I do wonder if he told his GF and why he hasnt totally blocked me from FB, but thats natural, Im okay with the fact I got to clear the air with him and I am at peace that he knows I am not this total biiiia*ch that cant forgive and forget...My door is open for communication if he doesnt enter then thats his loss, I am fine with it. I was fully prepared for rejection before saying a hello. I am fine. He will always have a place in my heart, I was with him a LONG time and regardless we both made mistakes and I have let go of the past
Heatemyheart89 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 please dont do it. Hes with someone else it achieves nothing im sorry.
Ilovecake Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 bluz73 you really seriously need help. I mean that in the nicest way possible but I've seen you posting here for months about driving by their house, looking at their facebooks, text messaging him and his new girlfriend, you say she calls you all the time and you wish she would stop etc ect. You are stalking these people and it's not doing you any good. You are miserable and in a deeper and deeper hole every time you post. Go into your profile and use your posts as a journal, look at what you have been typing and see if that's a normal way to act for a mother in her mid 30s. You are extremely obsessed with your ex and his girlfriend and it’s unhealthy. I'm afraid for you that they're going to involve the authorities if you don't leave them alone. You ask for advice and always go against what people here tell you to do. I really don’t get it.
Author bluz73 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 bluz73 you really seriously need help. I mean that in the nicest way possible but I've seen you posting here for months about driving by their house, looking at their facebooks, text messaging him and his new girlfriend, you say she calls you all the time and you wish she would stop etc ect. You are stalking these people and it's not doing you any good. You are miserable and in a deeper and deeper hole every time you post. Go into your profile and use your posts as a journal, look at what you have been typing and see if that's a normal way to act for a mother in her mid 30s. You are extremely obsessed with your ex and his girlfriend and it’s unhealthy. I'm afraid for you that they're going to involve the authorities if you don't leave them alone. You ask for advice and always go against what people here tell you to do. I really don’t get it. First off to defend myself, I NEVER said I drove by their house! I dont even know where they live! I never text messaged him cause I dont have his cell number. Yes his gf wrote me months ago, but I havent heard from them in months, I naturally have feelings for him and will always care for him, I just wrote him to make peace, not looking for anything in return. I am a nice forgiving person and have came a long way from 8 months ago..sometimes I have bad days but mostly good. He never asked me to never bother him again, he hasnt said anything yet, if and when he does I will...but I do not intend to ever contact him. thanks
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