RedCherries Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I broke up with my ex back in late January, and I've been on a handful of dates since and have met numerous guys, but none have really kept me hooked until now. I finally met a guy last week that I was attracted to instantly. He is super funny, intelligent, and very very cute. We hit it off really well and he took me out to a casual dinner. Afterwards, he asked me to come over and we talked for about 2 hours and then ended up sleeping together. He was really attentive, held me all night and kept kissing my forehead (SO cute). I've never had a guy do that on the "first date" after sex! Now he's acting weird. He claims it's because he's sick and he's busy with work, so it's stressful but I can't help but wonder if he's lost interest. I don't give a **** about having giving it up too quick, it's just I wonder where it went wrong. And by acting weird, I mean that before our little date he was texting me a lot and we would chat all day long on IM and now I'm lucky if I even get a text hello. Should I just chalk it up to me being a woman and being paranoid? It's just hard because I feel like after a ton of duds I felt like I could really start something with this one. Ahh I HATE dating!!!
sagetalk Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 You found a guy that's only after sex. They make great dates, but lousy relationships. It isn't anymore complicated then that.
Bogo123 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 What's done is done. He probably thinks your too easy and is wondering how many other guys you've done that with. Most guys will take you out of the relationship category. For now just don't contact him for a week and see if he initiates anything. If not, try sending him a text or calling. If the response is lukewarm, he's not interested.
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 The other posters are right; this is very simple. This guy wanted a quick hook up. He got it. Now he's done with you. Sigh. Here's a few tips: 1) Stop attaching so much importance to instant attraction, so-called "chemistry" and similar nonsense. I don't deny the power these things can have in the moment. However, they cloud your judgement and are utterly useless in determining real compatibility. 2) Never use phrases like "we ended up sleeping together." That's just a way of dodging responsibility for your actions. No one "ends up" sleeping with anyone. They choose to do it. Once you get it through your head you need to make choices rather than just letting things happen to you, you'll have much more control over your life. 3) Understand that the overwhelming majority of men in their 20s have no interest in real relationships. There are exceptions, but not many. Most guys in their 20s are products of the so-called "hook up culture," and want nothing but quick, no-strings sex. And they will do and say anything to get it. If you are a relationship-minded person--and it sounds like you are--you need to make them wait before jumping into bed with them. You won't succeed in weeding out the players that way, but it will increase your chances.
Author RedCherries Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Figured that but didn't want to believe it. Thanks for the responses. Just to clarify though, I didn't try to dodge responsibility. I knew I was going to sleep with this guy. He's also the first guy I've ever slept with on a first date. Whatever, there's plenty of the fish in the sea who don't think I'm easy.
superchick Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I think you'll hear from him when he wants sex again. He's gonna act like a perfect lover boy (maybe he'll even take you out) to jump in between the sheets again. The key is to say "no" and observe what he does after that. If he takes you out again, and again and once more after that without getting sex then he MIGHT be interested. If you say "no" to sex and he gives you that lame ol' excuse of being busy then you have your answer. I know that you don't have a problem with having sex on the first date but you have to consider it as an important factor in how the relationship might develop.
Author RedCherries Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 He wrote to me, just to say "hi" and i asked him straight up what he wanted. I have no time for games, and I'm glad I asked because he said he's in no way ready for a relationship, which in plain language means he's just not that into me. ta ta! Before anyone goes crazy and tells me I made a mistake by asking him what he wanted from me, I think I did a good thing because a) if I scared him off by asking him that, then I don't need that kind of man in my life and b) I found out what he wanted and don't have to waste my time on him!
tigressA Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 He wrote to me, just to say "hi" and i asked him straight up what he wanted. I have no time for games, and I'm glad I asked because he said he's in no way ready for a relationship, which in plain language means he's just not that into me. ta ta! Before anyone goes crazy and tells me I made a mistake by asking him what he wanted from me, I think I did a good thing because a) if I scared him off by asking him that, then I don't need that kind of man in my life and b) I found out what he wanted and don't have to waste my time on him! You definitely didn't make a mistake. Good for you!
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Yeah, he just wanted sex. But no real harm done. Sounds like you had fun, too. Enjoy it for what it was, and learn from the experience.
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