AlwaysConflicted Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I've posted here before, but I have more of a specific question. She wanted a few weeks to think about taking me back and acknowledged she might see a therapist. I'm several days away from 1 month of No Contact. I can't move on without some kind of closure. It doesn't feel like a true breakup because she said she wanted a few weeks to step back from the situation to think. Anyways it's Sunday today and her birthday is next Friday. She'll never reach out to me because she's too conservative. "A man must make the 1st move". That type of thing. But truthfully, I don't know even what to say to her. She initiated the break and I want her back badly, but I'm speechless. It feels like I'm reaching out to a girl who I don't know and I'm asking for a 1st date. I'm considering emailing her tomorrow with "Would you like to grab coffee?" and nothing else in the email. Maybe not even saying Hi. It would be a basic question implying I miss her and the action of meeting up. My thought process behind that is that it's a yes or no question which will satisfy or help my ability to move on regardless of the answer. And if the answer is no, I can ignore her birthday and just move on with my life. or should I make 1st contact on her Birthday with an email saying "Happy Birthday, miss you and hope all is well." Maybe follow that up a few days later with the email "Would you like to grab coffee? Her mantra was always "Actions speak louder than words". Breaking NC seems necessary to try for a second chance. What do you think about this situation?
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 No suggestions? I'm telling you if I go NC and ignore her birthday the possibility of reconciliation is DEAD. I know your NC rules and understand the psychology of them, but she'll be pissed. Whereas now she is calm and thinking. I just think 1st contact on her birthday might be a bit much which is why I thought about doing something a few days earlier. She wanted 3 weeks, I gave her 4. I could be totally off the mark... Hell she might even be banging another guy as I write this, but lack of action is the exact opposite of what she had been preaching to me. I'm just curious if you guys have opinions on this? I clearly don't understand women so I could be beyond wrong.
ADF Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 There are no "breaks" in relationships. So-called "breaks" are just break ups in disguise. Your relationship with this woman is already over. She just didn't have the decency to be straight with you about it.
westrock Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I'm considering emailing her tomorrow with "Would you like to grab coffee?" and nothing else in the email. Maybe not even saying Hi. It would be a basic question implying I miss her and the action of meeting up. Yes, break NC and send her the message.
romango Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Wait until her B-day to break NC. Send her a simple B-day e-mail that is short and sweet with no mushiness or expectations. Then go NC again.
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Yea, do you have any good suggestions on what I should write in the Birthday email? Also, if I send the Birthday email, I really do have zero expectations. It's "her" day, I doubt she'll pay me any attention at all. That's kind of why I thought maybe I should send something several days before. At least then I'd receive an answer to my coffee question. If a yes or no question is ignore, it's usually a pretty bad sign, but I suppose I could send that same kind of email several days after her birthday. Oh I don't know what the right move is?
romango Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Yea, do you have any good suggestions on what I should write in the Birthday email? Also, if I send the Birthday email, I really do have zero expectations. It's "her" day, I doubt she'll pay me any attention at all. At this point, zero expectations is what you should have. There's a saying: "Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed." Sending her B-day greetings without any mush or expectations is taking the high ground yet still thoughtful and unselfish. It's her day and has nothing to do with you. Something like: "Happy Birthday! I wish you peace and happiness"
Recommended Posts