alexlakeman Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Another q.... my last TWO long terms g/f's have packaged all the pics, cards, ticket stubs, etc and returned it all to me when we broke up ... How the heck can they do that? I can't even delete pics of my ex's.... Just wash away their pasts??? NO memories? wow
processing Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I boxed up everything one of my lt ex's gave me and left it on his doorstep. Cards, photos, gifts... everything. The relationship didn't end well, he had some something shady and took me for granted and was very mean about it, I was hurting. I think maybe it was a passive aggressive move on my part because I never fought with him but felt it was the only thing I could do. I didn't want to know him. I wanted to erase him. Not sure how you guys broke up, was it a painful breakup? I think that could have something to do with it. Not saying this had something to do with yours, I think people do things for different reasons you know? This example was just mine.
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 That is a classic passive-aggressive move. If it were purely a matter of erasing her past with you, she could just as easily have thrown everything out. The reason she boxed it up and presented you with it was to hurt you, to lash out at you one last time. Next time someone does that to you, laugh in her face.
popey Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 That is a classic passive-aggressive move. If it were purely a matter of erasing her past with you, she could just as easily have thrown everything out. The reason she boxed it up and presented you with it was to hurt you, to lash out at you one last time. Next time someone does that to you, laugh in her face. That is a definite possibility ADF, but not a certainty. I've sat debating over such issues w/ exes I did not want to hurt. I've ended up not returning the stuff, but still not sure it was the right choice. Sometimes you break up, and loose stuff you wish you had. The m ost mature solution would be to communicate about wether the person wants the stuff or not, but sometimes your afraid of THAT being misread. She may have been trying to hurt him, or she may have been trying to do right by him.
DenverBachelor Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Putting a box of stuff on someone's doorstep is immature. If you don't want reminders and momentos from your relationship, throw it out. If someone gave you something, you don't need their permission to throw it out. Anything else is just playing games. If you're hurt and want to tell them, then call them and say, "I'm hurt because of you." If you're hurt and you did the breaking up and you still feel the need to hurt the other person, your malicious and cruel and don't deserve to be in any stable relationship. It is not rocket science.
northstar1 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I have to agree that it is passive-aggressive and a bit immature. It's sending a backhanded messge that those momentos mean nothing to the anymore.. What possibly reason is there to return pictures/cards etc? Sure, if you have some valuable items of your ex they want back, box them up and leave them with a friend, or ship them (ie. expensive, or valuable things like a laptop, heirloom etc). Anything else when I've broken up has either been binned, or put away in storage.
Author alexlakeman Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 It hurt so much also b/c I was surprised at how many things she valued or cherished.... ie she had threw her little calender in there, which she had notes for every date we had, special occasions for us etc.. stuff from our vacations...my cards ... Oh, and some nice pictures we had taken in Las Vegas ... I had it in her former dresser drawers for about a month, and I felt bad knowing it was in there.. finally I just put it up in the closet... My other ex did the same, she put every little note I had ever given her in that bag, cards, etc.. bamn, just returned it...
jenifer1972 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I'm guessing you were the dumper in both instances?..Something made them really ticked off...not that it is ok, but definitely interesting that it happened two times..
Author alexlakeman Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 I'm guessing you were the dumper in both instances?..Something made them really ticked off...not that it is ok, but definitely interesting that it happened two times.. I was the dumper on the first one... and I was the dumpee on the second . On the second, the reason she dumped me was that I cheated on her:sick:
DenverBachelor Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I was the dumper on the first one... and I was the dumpee on the second . On the second, the reason she dumped me was that I cheated on her:sick: Spend more time figuring out what is driving you to cheat in your relationships and less time trying to figure out why your ex's are leaving crap on your doorstep. Trust me on this -- you need to stop worrying about the little things and focus on your own internal issues.
Ilovecake Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 My ex and I broke up dozens of times, sometimes it was only for a few hours sometimes for longer but every time he said he no longer wanted to be with me or the time I caught him cheating on me the first thing I did was get rid of everything. Every email, picture message and post on sites like facebook and MySpace I erased. He would absolutely lose his mind over it. I guess I did it because I knew how attached he was to these memories and it was the easiest way to hurt him. This final breakup before he moved out I went into his photo account and erased every picture of me. I didn’t want him to have the memories. Physical mementos like that don’t stir me. It’s more about subtle things like smells and songs that are bigger memory triggers for me. With me I always though that it was because I moved a lot and was always forced to purge material possessions, I just didn’t attach to stuff. Maybe it’s a woman thing I don’t know. They do say men are more visual.
Author alexlakeman Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Well, 5 months since I started this thread and 8 months since our breakup and I am pretty much over the breakup to the point I was able to get that little box that she dropped in my door step and throw it out.. I had looked inside of it when she first dropped it off and I got veryyyyyy sad of all that she had saved, all the little notes, cards, cards from the flowers, ticket stubs, calender with dates marked (ie first date), tons of stuff, and some pics of course ... I glanced at the contents again b4 dumping it this past Monday, but didn't go into detail. I didn't freak out seeing it or throwing it out, lol, so pretty much over her.. NEXT? Pics on my laptop... I've always kept ex g/fs pics; I have most of them for the last 8 ears or so.. Never thought of deleting any of them, keeping for remembering the good times we had together.. BUT talking a female friend and with my ex g/f, it seems normal that they just dump all the old pics... Do you keep your ex's pics or hit delete? Man, that's a lot of pics..
jenifer1972 Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I would only delete pics of someone who cheated on me or was very insensitive in how he broke it off. I would make a pyre of that guy's pics!
goldenrainbow Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 I deleted almost all pics. Kept two or three and that was it
Author alexlakeman Posted January 1, 2011 Author Posted January 1, 2011 NEXT? Pics on my laptop... Well, even though I don't go looking at exes' pics, I am not deleting any for now, lol...
LifeIsGreat Posted January 1, 2011 Posted January 1, 2011 Putting a box of stuff on someone's doorstep is immature. If you don't want reminders and momentos from your relationship, throw it out. If someone gave you something, you don't need their permission to throw it out. Anything else is just playing games. If you're hurt and want to tell them, then call them and say, "I'm hurt because of you." If you're hurt and you did the breaking up and you still feel the need to hurt the other person, your malicious and cruel and don't deserve to be in any stable relationship. It is not rocket science. I had an ex that let herself in my house after we broke up (I was out of town) and dumped all my stuff on my bed (just cards and pictures, nothing I really needed). Then, had the balls to go into my fridge and help herself to a beer. Geez I agree that you don't need to give anything back. Unless it's something of hers that she really needs. But some basic clothes, toilet items, etc should go right in the trash.
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