highlyevolved Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Over a guy im only in a causal relationship with. I think about him ALL THE TIME, but it really is strictly 'casual'. How can I not put all my eggs in this basket and get my mind off this guy??? Ive told him i want more but he's happy with how things are.
paddington bear Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Say someone was on a diet, and their main problem was their love and addiction for chocolate. And while trying to stop eating chocolate they regularly spend time locked into a chocolate shop, full with every tempting delight that you could imagine. And then they find it difficult to resist and ask themselves how they can stop their obsession with chocolate, that it is so difficult to not want it. Of course it is. The thing they want most is there, around them regularly, but they are not allowed have it. It sounds to me like you've fallen for him. The harsh truth is this: He said he only wants it casual. You want more. He is getting what he wants. You are not (and will get more resentful and hurt the longer this goes on). As he has clearly stated that you will never get anything more from him, prevent yourself from putting all your eggs in one basket by ending this casual relationship. I know where you are at. I was in love with someone who didn't love me back and I tried to both keep him in my life, but also date others. It didn't work, because I'd already fallen for him and so no one else stood a chance, even if they were available and wanting a proper relationship. By keeping him in my life, someone who didn't want a relationship with me, I prevented myself from finding someone who did. Tell him that. Tell him you are sorry, but your feelings towards him have changed, and since he won't be your boyfriend, your casual relationship is over because it is causing you too much hurt. I know you do not want to do this. But I think it is the only solution.
Butterflying Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I hate to say it but ending all communication with him still won't stop your obssessing over him. It will only cause you to wonder if you ended things too soon or wonder if his feelings for you might change. The only way to end an obssession with one thing is to find something else to be obssessed with. You have to force all of your attention onto someone else. Eventually, you will forget all about the other guy.
You'reasian Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Over a guy im only in a causal relationship with. I think about him ALL THE TIME, but it really is strictly 'casual'. How can I not put all my eggs in this basket and get my mind off this guy??? Ive told him i want more but he's happy with how things are. Tell him face to face, with a purpose and follow up with a plan. Let him tell you what he thinks he could do to improve since it takes two...
bac Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Multiple dating. Date at least 2 more guys and think about them.
Gallaxia Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Over a guy im only in a causal relationship with. I think about him ALL THE TIME, but it really is strictly 'casual'. How can I not put all my eggs in this basket and get my mind off this guy??? Ive told him i want more but he's happy with how things are. Well since you've already told him what you want, and you're not getting it, I'd suggest going a different route. I suggest (maybe temporarily) stopping communication with him. Not to get his attention, or to punish him, but because you're now going to refocus your attention towards getting what you want/need. By sticking around you're showing that even though he told you where his head is at, you're OK with the little you're getting. Things should be balanced & obsessing is: the scale tipped too far one way. Consider all the things you'd like to have and stack 'em against the current situation. If it's not even close, then you know what you have to do.
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