It just gets worse...

[In Purgatory]

So, my wife and I have been separated for about 7 months and I am just now filing for divorce this week. She left me but I was extremely unhappy with her and felt like I made a mistake getting married so young (25 now, married at 22). I guess I tried to hold on for awhile because I didn't want to be 25 and divorced. My parents have been married over 25 years and I felt like I had to try to make things work, but she just wanted out.

 

I finally let her go and have since realized it is literally the best thing that could have happened.

 

The thing is, though, I always did love her and cared about her and respected her... enough that I keep the details of our marriage private and would never want to bash her to my friends or family.

 

She on the other hand, has countless profiles on social networking sites, blog sites, dating sites, etc and I just discovered them a couple months ago, when we were actually on the verge of reconciling. I quickly put an end to that idea, and thank God I found all of that before we got back together. Basically, she had convinced me she had been faithful and loved me and blah blah blah but it turned out she had been seeing people since moving and I even found a video she made bashing me and our marriage to no end. She was also desperately trying to meet countless new people to date.

 

So that was that and it was over. Right?

 

Pretty much, but a friend who kind of knows her told me she has a new blog and she found this entry completely trashing me. Making me look psychopathic. It was just FILLED with lie after lie after lie and I am so tempted to email her and pick apart every little piece of it because I can't believe she would make something like that public. Just a few tidbits...

 

She starts by talking about how I talked her into going to Las Vegas to elope. She said I did it by preying on her low self esteem and even went so far as to claim I said, "If you loved me you would do it" and "I guess you just don't care about me". Reality? She CRIED HER ASS OFF every day for a month until I proposed. She moved here to be with me and she used that to guilt me into marrying her. This girl was out of her mind excited when I proposed. She picked out the exact ring she wanted and everything... SHE pushed it.

 

I remember it took me months to get used to it... I used to have panic attacks after the marriage in the middle of the night and would have to go outside to have a cigarette and I would pace for an hour. Of course, she didn't know this because she was lying in bed asleep. I couldn't believe I had married her. And she has the balls to say I "bullied" her into marrying me? Give me a break!

 

She then goes on to say I was abusive. I never touched her so she says I was emotionally and psychologically abusive... but she does add that even though I never touched her I often threatened her with physical harm. This is unreal. My blood is boiling. This girl is nuts, when she would get mad she would get inches away from my face screaming "WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME? YOU THINK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU A REAL MAN?" It seriously was like she wanted me to hit her so she could hold it over my head for our entire marriage. I never touched the girl and never threatened to touch her. Not even close.

 

She also says she was a prisoner, that I didn't allow her to go out with her friends. She HAD no friends. She had been in the state for a year. I was the one who lost contact with my friends since I was always with her since she had no one else. She went out occasionally with friends from work but that was about it and I welcomed the break from her.

 

She portrays herself as this helpless, innocent victim. Making me sound like some insane man that had her locked in the basement. She talked about how I would go on tirades and she knew when it was coming. Fact: I have never been with anyone who loved fighting as much as her. I REFUSED to fight with her and she hated it. She would pick at me and pick at me and try to set me off. She yelled and screamed at me probably every other day. I swear, I may have yelled at her twice in our entire relationship... and it would be maybe a few words... "I'M GOING TO HAVE A CIGARETTE." Then I would walk out, have a cigarette, then come back and do what I could to calm her ass down.

 

Her recollection of our final two days together is the best. She says she mentioned to me one day she was unhappy and the next day I called her at work and told her she had four hours to get out of the house. The truth is that she told me she was unhappy one day and wanted to leave me. I begged her to stay and work things out. She said she would give it two weeks. The next day I get a text saying nothing is going to change, this isn't working, I need to leave. I finally gave in, this "I'm not happy" bit had been going on for two months. SHE chose to come home and move out. I didn't tell her she had to and I certainly did not give her any sort of deadline. All I did was give up... I stopped fighting for her to stay and I let her go. Somehow she interprets that into me forcing her out of the house on four hours notice?

 

You know, I don't care at all about her sleeping around with other guys now and I have no interest in her at all... but wow, I can't believe she has so little respect and resentment toward me that she would lie about all of this nonsense and post it online.

 

We don't talk anymore and I don't plan to change that, but man, when I first saw this, I was tempted to throw it in her face that the only other person who actually knows what happened had seen what she had posted. I just want to hear from her, "I lied. I know it's all bull****. I just said it to make myself feel better."

 

That must be it, because if that was honestly her perception of things, she has severe mental issues.

[kickintheaz]

In Purgatory... just flicking thru site and saw your story..

 

firstly, I am sorry you have had to go through this... but whilst I imagine its upsetting to you letting a marriage go, you do seem pretty rational about it all... (and the crazy online ramblings are probably helping you to let go?!)

 

as to what you have found out since splitting and what your ex has posted online. I can well imagine the desire to counter act every little thing she said. But, and I get the impression you won't, in my opinion to do so really wouldn't acheive too much, bar perhaps getting into an online slagging match as every argument you counter she would probably throw something else in your face and you'll feel the need to counter that.

 

You're 25, ok so you'll be divorced soon enough, but look at you, you're young and you have a wealth of experience now regarding 'relationships'... I betcha you're much clearer now on exactly what ya don't want in the woman you will spend your life with.

 

I'd deffo stop looking at her blogs... get the divorce papers in, let the end come through and get your life back on track... reading what she is saying bout you is not gonna help you move on. You seem like you genuinely tried to fix things, to no avail, but at least you know the truth bout how you acted in this relationship. Hold your head up high and be thankful that you can get through this.

 

Its possible your ex may need help, maybe she has unresolved anger issues, maybe she has a walter mitty type personality, its possible there are people will read this that have experienced this type of behaviour before and tell you better. She is clearly lashing out about something, perhaps you're just an easy target for it. But, as you said, you don't plan to talk anymore, so maybe someone else close to her will see she gets the help if required.

 

Her apologising to you, may validate that you were right, but it ain't gonna change the underlying problems is it?

 

Its a sh**ty thing to go through, but you're nearly out the other side of the paperwork and then you can start living the rest of your life. And whatever ya do man, don't be rushing into the next one... plenty of time for that... :-)

 

one day you'll quietly forgive her for all this nonsense, just to yourself, but at that point you will completely untie yourself from the past and be free.... and that will be the start of a big bright future for you!...

 

take care of yourself....

[In Purgatory]

In Purgatory... just flicking thru site and saw your story..

 

firstly, I am sorry you have had to go through this... but whilst I imagine its upsetting to you letting a marriage go, you do seem pretty rational about it all... (and the crazy online ramblings are probably helping you to let go?!)

 

as to what you have found out since splitting and what your ex has posted online. I can well imagine the desire to counter act every little thing she said. But, and I get the impression you won't, in my opinion to do so really wouldn't acheive too much, bar perhaps getting into an online slagging match as every argument you counter she would probably throw something else in your face and you'll feel the need to counter that.

 

You're 25, ok so you'll be divorced soon enough, but look at you, you're young and you have a wealth of experience now regarding 'relationships'... I betcha you're much clearer now on exactly what ya don't want in the woman you will spend your life with.

 

I'd deffo stop looking at her blogs... get the divorce papers in, let the end come through and get your life back on track... reading what she is saying bout you is not gonna help you move on. You seem like you genuinely tried to fix things, to no avail, but at least you know the truth bout how you acted in this relationship. Hold your head up high and be thankful that you can get through this.

 

Its possible your ex may need help, maybe she has unresolved anger issues, maybe she has a walter mitty type personality, its possible there are people will read this that have experienced this type of behaviour before and tell you better. She is clearly lashing out about something, perhaps you're just an easy target for it. But, as you said, you don't plan to talk anymore, so maybe someone else close to her will see she gets the help if required.

 

Her apologising to you, may validate that you were right, but it ain't gonna change the underlying problems is it?

 

Its a sh**ty thing to go through, but you're nearly out the other side of the paperwork and then you can start living the rest of your life. And whatever ya do man, don't be rushing into the next one... plenty of time for that... :-)

 

one day you'll quietly forgive her for all this nonsense, just to yourself, but at that point you will completely untie yourself from the past and be free.... and that will be the start of a big bright future for you!...

 

take care of yourself....

 

thanks for the reply, kickintheaz, i really appreciate your feedback.

 

you are right, throwing all of this in her face and demanding she admit she was lying solves nothing besides stirring the pot and all of the drama between us once again. i have no desire to go there, anymore.

 

you brought up something i'm really having a problem with, though. i can't help but looking at her online profiles when i'm just sitting around online with nothing better to do. especially now that i am aware of this outlet that she uses to insult and lie about me (there was more there that i didn't bother going into)... it's very hard to just ignore all of it, even though i know that is what would be best.

 

again, i don't want her to love me or be with me. i don't want anything like that from her. like i said, i just always sincerely loved her and respected her and to see her going around making these accusations about me and slandering my name is just unbelievable.