SarahRose Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 My mother is elderly and she has made her wishes known and her funeral arrangements and all that which is good. The thing is she has made my older sister her executor. So what is wrong with this? I really don't think my sister is capable of doing it. My sister just doesn't handle death very well and she is sort of extremely introverted maybe a little on the aspie side. Of course there is nothing wrong with the way she is. That is just how she is. When our Dad died she was so upset and scared, she didn't even want to attend his funeral. Another thing is she doesn't drive. So my mother asked me if I was coming back for her funeral and if I would drive my sister around to do everything??? I really think she could have made a better choice; even her friend, neighbor, or grandchildren would have been a better choice. I have told her that I didn't think she would be able to do it and she was like well you'll help her. And yeah I am a bit insulted as it is implied that I have to handle everything without the official title.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Perhaps your mother felt that your sister would never really live up to you, and this was a way for her to make your sister feel important and needed instead of making the obvious choice of having you do it. It is unfortunate that ultimately you will end up doing all of it, it sounds like but I can understand the gesture your mother may have been trying to make. Perhaps she also wanted to give her the opportunity to step up to the plate by forcing her to do this - to give her a chance to prove herself and ultimately feel better about herself. I dunno, just speculating - it's complicated for sure.
Author SarahRose Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Perhaps your mother felt that your sister would never really live up to you, and this was a way for her to make your sister feel important and needed instead of making the obvious choice of having you do it. It is unfortunate that ultimately you will end up doing all of it, it sounds like but I can understand the gesture your mother may have been trying to make. Perhaps she also wanted to give her the opportunity to step up to the plate by forcing her to do this - to give her a chance to prove herself and ultimately feel better about herself. I dunno, just speculating - it's complicated for sure. I really don't think is why she chose her. She knows how she is. I could just ask her straight up why she chose her. I think she chose her because she is the oldest.
KismetGirl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I hate to seem unsympathetic to your plight, but wouldn't your biggest concern when your mother died be that....your mother died? I have to tell you....if my mother picked one of my sisters to be her executor over me it wouldn't matter. I know that in the end the whole family has to contribute to some way. I have always been the "responsible" one but that's irrelevant in that situation. I should think your biggest concern at the time is not who gets to have a stupid , silly little title and more that one day your mother will be dead and you have a sister that doesn't deal well with those things. You should be more worried about keeping your family's spirits up, seriously. People have some really strange priorities.... I get that you feel that since you are the "responsible" one that YOU should have been given that...privilege, or whatever you want to call it, but maybe, as someone said, your mother wanted the oldest to feel like she CAN take care of something important for once. It's amazing what just having faith in someone's abilities can do for their personality and ability to step up. And don't think that people can't sense when you think poorly of their abilities, even if you don't say it. I'm sure your inner-feelings about your sister's 'incompetence' shines through loud and clear, and I'm sure it doesn't help her to think she can do anything. Rather than griping over some silly title, concern yourself with the bigger picture huh? Just my humble opinion. Your welcome to continue to stress yourself over something that you could just as easily look over I suppose, whatever makes you happy. I feel like there are more important things between family that this shouldn't take any focus in your mind.... Don't take it personally. In some families the eldest is automatically considered the one to take charge in such situations. Maybe your mother hopes to encourage your sister to take this role one day. I have to say.....as the person in my family who is both the most 'responsible' AND ALWAYS get's stuck with the "titles", the "responsibilities" and every other leading role in every freaking situation, sometimes I would LOVE to just let someone else have official responsibility, but it it was it is. Accept that your mother made a decision. I don't think planning your own death is the happiest task in the world, and I'm sure she picked your sister for a reason. Don't you think she noticed how she reacted to your father's death? It isn't your place to question such a thing, nor to tell someone how to plan their own death. I'm sure your sister is not so stupidly incompetent as you seem to describe or your mother wouldn't give her this role, right? Give her a little credit, and if worse comes to worse and you end up calling the shots anyway...seriously, does it matter what "title" you have while you are dealing with a dead parent? Seriously? Maybe I just look at things strangely. Oh well.
Author SarahRose Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Well I asked my mother why she chose her and told her I didn't think she could do it. She told me the reason she picked her is because she is the sole beneficiary to her life policy. She said I could settle her affairs if I wanted to. And no being executor isn't all that great. I am helping settle my ex husband's affairs right now.
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