stoploss11 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Without knowing the details completely what's better a breakup when the person tells you its over and says all the nasty break up stuff. Or if they have been through a lot of overwhelming pain with personal stuff and just stop communicating and never tell you if its over or if they want you to stop calling them. Before you judge think about it blindly. I've had relationships in the past that were painful when a breakup happens they tell you nasty stuff and you freak out and hurt wonder why and how and...but then you look at it rationally and its mostly ego that gets in the way and how much is real pain. This time i may be in a relationship i shouldnt have been but neither one of us expected it or seeked it out. Now her life has gone haywire and the last 10 days have been insane for her and the last 3 1/2 days I have not heard a word from her. I genuinely believe her words and the looks she gave and for me i'm in love unlike in the past.
summerl0vesyou Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 (edited) 1st concern, no issue is honestly so big that u have to breakup with someone, if anything, that would make me closer to my bf. i would use him as a support and strength, instead of dumping him. everyone is diff tho. but to me, if they care enough, they would stay and possibly just explain that they need more space/need more love. So my answer is honestly, id rather have all the nasty Im done with you talk because then I could move on easier. I would know that they feel negative towards me, or be over me, and i could move on. if it was someone that left me for things that are unrelated to me, i would still be hoping for reconciliation. id rather have an answer, instead of sitting around wondering...just ignoring someone/cutting off contact without warning is SO immature to me. Its just unthoughtful and selfish really. Edited June 13, 2010 by summerl0vesyou
Author stoploss11 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 So without influencing anyone elses response, the short is im basically the OM, she lives with her babies father. But she was working on how to take responsibility on her own and her mother was suppose to move and help her next week, now the mother went a lil crazy and told her she is never coming back to america. She's missed time at work and been crazy stressed. Our relationship is minor in comparison to her drama, but the magnitude the relationship was heading and I fear shes panicked and doesnt know what to do. its been nearly 4 days of not hearing from her after 6 days prior of barely hearing from her in texts. I want to be there and support her but I also dont wanna make her freak more.
Ilovecake Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Personally I would prefer a breakup with a nasty argument over just being abandoned without a word. When someone disappears you are left with so much confusion it's unbearable. Not only are you dealing with abandonment but there is a period of worry for the other person. I can't say it's ever happened to me but I could just imagine the feeling. When you end it with nasty words at least you have that to finalize it. After my last breakup whenever I went to that place where I longed to be with my ex I just remembered all the horrible things he said to me and that would really help bring me back to the reality that we can never be together.
EmeraldHeart Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Give me the nasty break up any day. The not knowing and the immaturity of just cutting someone off plays with the mind horribly. This just happened with me and a coworker. He is now trying to act as though nothing has happened...like he didn't just dump me w/o saying a word. I did let him know through a voicemail, I know what he is doing and let's keep in professional at work. Well, when we talk on the phone at work...he is trying to small talk me and I will have none of it. I wrote him an email stating that I don't want the small talk...that if he didn't have enough respect for me to end the relationship appropriately, especially since we do work together....don't insult me by asking me how I am doing and how is work going? You don't care...so don't ask. He never did say why he wanted things to end...although I am pretty sure I know. It is driving me crazy and I have to talk to him everyday and soon will have to see him everyday at work. It sucks!
Author stoploss11 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Thanks guys. It helps. I am still completely clueless though, lol. She randomly text me after 5 days of nothing and saw her finally the next day at work. It was a nice few minutes i kept it light and she was smiling and looking at me like normal, and now its been 2 days again. The stuff she is going through is painful and intense but still id like to know where we stand.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Nasty breakup. You can move on then, you can't really with the other one because you've been left in limbo-during what period of time do you just give up etc? If someone disappears on you, it shows the utter lack of respect they have for you and for your relationship, even if it is cold, and nasty, I'd rather hear it and think more of the person for having the balls to tell me it.
deux ex machina Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I would rather be told clearly, distinctly, and with as much respect as possible, that it is over. I think it's so much better that way for everyone.
ADF Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 The worst thing you can ever do to someone--or at least the worst thing short of physical violence--is the so-called "disappearing act." It is the most craven, cowardly, dispicable b___s___ people pull in relationships. Anyone who does that is a just a pathetic weakling who wants to make the break up as easy as possible on themselves. They don't care that their behavior just destroys the other person. In my opinion, people who pull the disappearing act really do deserve a beat-down--preferably with a baseball bat. So, it's clear where I stand on this?
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I would have LOVED to have had the nasty break up. At least I would have had something, ANYTHING to go on. I always told my now-ex that I would rather be hurt by the truth than by a lie. When he called to break up with me, he said 'I've been feeling downhearted about us lately, I haven't been feeling it the past couple of weeks'. Took him 5 whole minutes to get to that. The rest of the conversation was spent with me trying to coax words out of him. I got about a sentence of words, a bunch of silence, and I hung up 10 minutes later out of frustration. Of course, now I know what I would've asked, but the point is, I shouldn't have had to ask. I should have just been told what was up, since I was so in shock (there was literally NO lead up to the break up. Completely blindsided). I would have rathered be hurt by more words. At this point, it's just over 2 months since it happened, and the over analysing is really getting tiring.
her_halo_slipped Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Without knowing the details completely what's better a breakup when the person tells you its over and says all the nasty break up stuff. Or if they have been through a lot of overwhelming pain with personal stuff and just stop communicating and never tell you if its over or if they want you to stop calling them. Personally I think it is better than to know and be definitive than to not know and try to second guess. Most of us mere mortals cannot mind read and need to be told. Simple as that.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Definitely being told right up front. I'm going through something now where I STILL haven't actually been told that we've broken up, yet I haven't seen her for 3 months because she's finalizing her divorce. It's been complete hell... Gawd I hate even typing it because I feel so ridiculous...
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