How do you deal with catty women and not let rejection get you down?

[AD1980]

In mini-dresses' date=' high-heels and spray-on tans?[/quote']

 

They want a hot guy to approach them if not theyll act like somebody is trying to kidnap them

[Bangle]

Rejection isn't nice but instead of being bitter, why not just focus on the reasons you are being rejected?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Others can't. One isn't a better way than the other, they're just different. I met every single girl I've ever dated/slept with through friends and acquaintances, usually at parties or slightly smaller gatherings, mixers, etc.

 

Same here; that's how I met girls back in college. But that was a year ago and I went to school in another state.

 

I'm back home and all my college friends are gone; scattered across the country. I don't know anyone here.

 

So what am I supposed to do if bars and clubs and lounges don't work?

 

(And for the love of God, do not, DO NOT say "meet girls volunteering" or "at church." I will ignore you from then on)

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

 

 

So what should I have done when those 4 girls ignored me or when that girl walked away when I complimented her sunglasses in the club? Say "Excuse me! A simple yes or no would be polite!" ?

[TheBigQuestion]

Same here; that's how I met girls back in college. But that was a year ago and I went to school in another state.

 

I'm back home and all my college friends are gone; scattered across the country. I don't know anyone here.

 

So what am I supposed to do if bars and clubs and lounges don't work?

 

(And for the love of God, do not, DO NOT say "meet girls volunteering" or "at church." I will ignore you from then on)

 

I've always found that that I do my best "work," so to speak, when I'm with a group of good friends and acquaintances. It seems to me like you're doing all of this solo. Whenever I got a number/something more from a girl, it was usually in a situation in which I was very socially comfortable and where there were familiar people around me. I've also found that I've done better when my first priority was to have a good time. That's generally my mentality any time I'm about to have a night of socializing or partying: "I'm going to have an awesome time, I'm going to try to make sure that everyone around me is having a great time too, and if there's cute girls there, maybe something good will happen."

 

You're making the mistake of putting in way too much effort into situations that are rigged against you. As I said before.

 

Think about any of your friends (or even family members) and how they found their significant others/spouses. I'm sure a good portion of them didn't meet in a lounge. Maybe this will give you a few ideas.

 

Also, have you tried online dating?

[TheBigQuestion]

So what should I have done when those 4 girls ignored me or when that girl walked away when I complimented her sunglasses in the club? Say "Excuse me! A simple yes or no would be polite!" ?

 

That totally misses the point. It's simply a mentality you have to adopt. Fancy clubs and lounges are basically battlefields. You need to keep the women you approach at an arm's distance in the emotional sense. Keep them on the front porch of your house. Don't let them in the door too quickly. This is a good way to not feel angry and to not come off as petty and resentful to them. Seriously, what's the point in insulting someone back? I've read about guys doing that on this board in these situations (probably yourself included) and it's a complete waste of breath.

[Psymon]

Your creative ability was really good...I know I would've been so tired after thinking up that story that I would've gone to sleep! It sucks going out and trying to meet women but getting rejected. The good news for you is that none of the women you talked about rejected you. Each time you left/ended conversation before they could. In your first example you had a good start, but ended the conversation when they didn't answer you the way you wanted. It's difficult to predict the words of others, but you spent a lot of time trying to do that. Your conversations should be more natural, more organic. Instead of telling them this long story that you care nothing about, try talking to them about something you do care about...for example, what it is about them that made you want to talk to them.

 

While there are some mean girls out there, most of them are nice, and will converse with others in a social setting. You're talking to women in bars, which means they are usually more open to strangers approaching them. My best line in those situations is "Hello, I'm Psymon." It's incredibly lame, but it works for me.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I've always found that that I do my best "work," so to speak, when I'm with a group of good friends and acquaintances. It seems to me like you're doing all of this solo. Whenever I got a number/something more from a girl, it was usually in a situation in which I was very socially comfortable and where there were familiar people around me. I've also found that I've done better when my first priority was to have a good time. That's generally my mentality any time I'm about to have a night of socializing or partying: "I'm going to have an awesome time, I'm going to try to make sure that everyone around me is having a great time too, and if there's cute girls there, maybe something good will happen."

 

You're making the mistake of putting in way too much effort into situations that are rigged against you. As I said before.

 

I do enjoy myself when I'm out. I enjoy being away from home in the suburbs and the daily grind. I like city-streets at night; music (whether from bands or DJs) pouring out of windows, hot people everywhere. It's hard to spread that joy to others when you're on your own though.

 

Think about any of your friends (or even family members) and how they found their significant others/spouses. I'm sure a good portion of them didn't meet in a lounge. Maybe this will give you a few ideas.

 

My parents actually met in a club in the 80s.

 

As for my friends, same deal; they met girls at bars and college parties while hanging out together. A few guys stuck with their high school sweethearts, but I never envied them. To be honest, I pitied them; how could they possibly know those girls were "the one" when they've never tried anyone else?

 

I've never understood how some people could commit so deeply so early in life. To be honest, I'd rather be alone than to trade it all to be with my 1st, 2nds, 3rd or even 4th GF

 

Also, have you tried online dating?

 

I've looked at online sites; scrolled through profiles and such, but never committed by paying for a membership.

 

You say the odds are stacked up against a solo guy in the club/bar/lounge scene, but online dating is so much worse. The sheer number of guys outstrip the number of even moderately attractive girls by a wide margin, and it's not hard to understand why. Any young attractive girl simply does not have to resort to meeting men online when so many guys are willing to try and meet her in person.

[TheBigQuestion]

So why are you going places solo all the time? If I was in your shoes, I feel like this would be my biggest issue.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

So why are you going places solo all the time? If I was in your shoes, I feel like this would be my biggest issue.

 

Because like I said, who else would I go with? I'm not in college anymore. All my friends are gone.

 

I go out because I'd go nuts if I had to stay home on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. I get cabin fever really, really quickly and easily.

[TheBigQuestion]

Because like I said, who else would I go with? I'm not in college anymore. All my friends are gone.

 

I go out because I'd go nuts if I had to stay home on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. I get cabin fever really, really quickly and easily.

 

Well then you need to find yourself a social circle. That should be your first priority. You shouldn't even be asking about meeting women until you do something about this first.

[Cracker Jack]

Once again, I commend you on actually talking to women.

 

But I feel as though your plans for these encounters are why you're so disappointed. Let it be spontaneous for a change. Not saying that all of your situations were planned, but they certainly seemed that way. I just think these plans seem too...I dunno, too artificial.

 

I'm sure you can do much better, but perhaps you needn't stress so much about what you can't control; and by that, I'm referring to the women ignoring you or appearing to have no interest. It happens, man.

[fishtaco]

Encounters never happen the way you "plan it". If you think up some story, it'll come off as fake-ish.

 

I would get some friends and just go out and have fun. If you hang out at a bar and just chill, sometimes you'll run into some chicks willing to shoot the s**t with you for a bit. If not, well, you're chillin' with your friends anyway so who cares.

 

Do you have female friends? As in friendship is strong enough that they'd want to hang out with you at a bar/club regularly and not use you for the ride/cover/drinks, and maybe try to set you up/be your wing woman.

 

If you don't know how to make friends with women, you won't be able to date them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying make friends with them first, if you do that you just killed your chances. But if you can't even make friends with women, you won't be able to attract them.

 

Anyway, women make the best wing-person. Just having them around you will get you more attention from other women.

[Ocktus]

This thread needs more creepiness.

 

But seriously, get some friends of the same gender and learn to interact with them. I'm sorry to say, but you need to start right from the bottom because it really looks like you have no clue of social etiquette. Forget the PUA techniques for now, you just aren't ready for them. You need to learn to walk before you can run.

 

Also stop expecting people befriend you just because you asked to borrow their phone and then struck up some horrible conversation and made awkward remarks.

 

GL on your way to recovery buddy.

[Lakeside_runner]

Because like I said, who else would I go with? I'm not in college anymore. All my friends are gone.

 

I go out because I'd go nuts if I had to stay home on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. I get cabin fever really, really quickly and easily.

 

How about making some friends first? Join a group of people with common interests? What are your hobbies? What do you for fun?

[Woggle]

I find it funny how everybody is coming down on this guy for simply talking to a woman yet I was wrong for snapping at a woman at Target who said hello when I was in a bad mood.

[sally4sara]

I asked the 4 people if anyone had a phone that could access the internet. The guy said, "Yeah dude. Don't worry I gotcha." Then he turns to one of the girls and says "Give him your phone."

 

I laughed and joked that I liked how he acted like he was doing me a favor by insisting one of his friends do the favor for me, and said "That's some gangster **** right there."

 

The girl gave me a phone, and I asked her how to open the internet browser. As I was doing that I told them all the story about my friend in the band playing at the bar and how I needed phone numbers to get directions and etc etc. Thing is, they seemed, genuinely interested and were saying light gasps and "oh no's" or "that sucks" here and there.

 

After wards, I thanked the girl for the phone, introduced myself to her and all of them. I then told that before I left, I needed an opinion; that I was starting a band with a friend and I needed pop-cover song ideas. I joked about how I had a visceral hatred of pop-radio and that I only listened to dinosaur bands, so I wouldn't know any good songs nowadays. They started giving me a list. I asked if any of them were musically talented, had any experience.

 

You received acceptance because you were being yourself rather than ridged regurgitation of a script. Yeah you still used the basic plan you thought up, but in a relaxed manner, riffing with the group. You seemed more genuine and human. You also engratiated yourself to someone (the guy) in the group with a humorous compliment. You can do that with a girl too.

You had a script, but you didn't stick to it. This is how normal conversation gets started. We all rely on current topics or attempt to find common interests when trying to get to know new people.

The new word for you to explore is improvisation. It is a necessary skill in social networking. And you likely do it all the time with guys, but you are not focusing so intently on getting a connection with guys so you don't realize when you're doing it. Start thinking of the girls you approach in the same way you think of guys. It will relax you and help you in conversation. Then, when you see a chance at changing the tone to a more flirtation vibe, the difference will work in your advantage. By talking to them as you would a guy - you leave them to wonder if you approve of them sexually. When you do switch to the flirt, it can add excitement to the interaction.

 

I was then outside. A couple of seconds later, I saw a group of 4 gorgeous girls walking towards the bar; girls with mini-dresses and tans and sleeks, shimmering hair; you know those kinds of girls.

I really don't understand this need to totally cold ice-queens some girls feel. Like another poster said, I really sick and tired of this "I'm hot! You ain't gettin' none-o'-this!" game.

 

I know I'm not owed reciprocated interest, but another poster said that everyone is owed respect, and it really makes me feel hurt to be disrespected like this. I mean really; who do these girls think they are?

Not to brag, but I work for a pharmaceutical company. My work helps improve and save people's live. Have these girls done anything important with their lives that makes them feel like they deserve to act and treat people this way?

 

That is a good question, yet you still want them. Why?

Here is the thing about the full on made-up, overt sexually clothed young girls: they are scared little rabbits. They don't really like themselves. If they did, they wouldn't feel like they had to put on such a sexual show. Deep down, they don't think they have anything else to offer. Such scared people with really low self esteem are more likely to treat others how they think they will be treated if they go out without the sexy costuming. They will reject coldly because its what they fear the most and they know its power. Scared people seek that power to hide how scared they are. Your planned scripts are for you, the same thing those girl's outfits are to them.

 

You found better luck when you introduced some of yourself in your script by not sticking to the lines. This should let you know that who you really are is someone who is capable of drawing others in without all the scripting -just as you know those girls are capable of finding a guy without all the glitz and skin showing.

[Green]

YOU NEVER LISTEN TO MY ADVICE. HOW ABOUT ACTUALY STICKING AROUND TILL YOU REALLY GET REJECTED. HOW ABOUT ASKING GIRLS OUT!!! YOU HAVE TO PULL THE TRIGGER

 

I will now deconstruct as much as I can please read carefuly

 

Seriously' date=' I understand what people are saying that these people shouldn't matter, but it really does hurt when I try to talk to a girl, and she either rolls her eyes, ignores me or practically tells me to f-off. [/quote']

 

Whats so hard to understand GIRLS LIKE GUYS who DON'T CARE ABOUT RESULTS and just know how to have FUN. YOU MAKE EVERY SITUATION DO OR DIE... You'd feel better and DO BETTER if you realised that it doesn't really matter.

 

 

I was out again tonight. I had developed an idea for a full opener and conversation topic. I would go up to a group of girls and ask if any of them had a phone that could access the internet.

 

This is a pretty great ice breaker. BUT DON'T EXPECT THIS ALONE TO WIN THE DAY. YOU NEED TO ASK THE GIRL OUT AT A CERTAIN POINT.

 

I would then ask them to look up the phone number of a specific venue, and then tell a story about how there were 2 bars in two towns in the opposite directions but that had the same names. I would then tell them that a friend who's in a band invited me to come see them, and that I thought he meant the first bar, but when I texted him that I was on my way, he said he was in the bar in the other town. I would then tell them that when I texted him back for directions how to get there, he didn't reply, so now I was looking for the phone number of the venue for directions to come see them.

 

After they had looked online for the phone number, I would then tell the girls that while I was on the topic of bands, that I was thinking of creating a band with a friend, and if I could get their opinions on what best pop songs to cover.

 

This whole thing was total BS; it was 100% made up. It was just an excuse to make small talk.

 

Your BS story SUX. It was also REALY complicated. You should have kept your ICE BREAKER simple "Hey do you guys have a phone that has Internet" and left it at that. Then you could let the conversation develop naturaly from that point. GOING IN WITH A SCRIPT IS KILLING YOU.

 

While I was at this bar, after I got my drink and thanked and shook the hand of the bartender, I turned to 2 girls at my side. I asked them if any of them had phones that could access the intenet. One girl said "No sorry!" and other girls said "Yeah, we're losers!"

 

I laughed and said. "Don't worry. Totally understand. No iPhone for me. I still got this 3 year old Sony phone; I might as well be using flares and smoke signals." The girls laughed, but then I realized that I didn't think of anyting to say if they DIDN'T have and internet-phone, so after a 2 second silence, I said. "Well. Thanks anyway. Have a good night." And that was that.

 

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ALWAYS NEED SOMETHING TO SAY? Seriously this interaction sounded great!!!! WOW one of these girls might have actualy been feeling you.

 

YOUR ICE BREAKER WORKED. SO WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE INTERNET PHONES YOU WERE LAUGHING AND TALKING TO THEM. The rest of your story was crap. You could have still told them about how you were thinking of starting a boy band and what songs should you cover....

 

SERIOUSLY THOUGH I THINK SCRIPTS ARE CRAP. IF you really had nothing to say how about "hey lets go out some time, do you enjoy _______ food" "great put your number in my phone I'll call you tommorow and we'll do that."

 

YOU WERE DOING GREAT WITH THOSE GIRLS AND THEN YOU JUST WALKED AWAY... CMON MAN PULL THE TRIGGER AND FACE REJECTION.

 

Later on, I went to 2 other girls sitting on sofas. I asked if any of them had a phone that could answer the internet. One girl said she did, pulled out an iPhone, and I said "You are a lifesaver! Could you look up the phone number of a place called ******** in *******?" She said, "Sure"

 

As she was typing into google and looking at the place's website, I was telling her the story of "my friend in the band" about the other bar of the same name in the other city and I thought I was supposed to go to that but he wanted me to go to the other instead. The girl with the iPhone was just like "Uh huh... mmm... yeah... uh huh..." but not realy engaging me; more like "complying" or "going along." Her friend was just looking off into the distance trying to look cool/bored. I could tell there was no chemistry so after she found the number and gave it to me and said "Hey, I really appreciate it. Thank you," and parted.

 

Your SCRIPTED story is boring and probably comes off as unatural. I think it would be funnier if you were like "great I needed to check the hours of Crackerbarrel because its my favorite place to eat."

 

I'm not saying you should talk about "crackerbarrel" but seriously your long script of looking up bars in two different towns to see your freind in a band is BORING. Just be natural and playful you know FLIRTY AND FUN with the girls... THEN ASK THEM OUT.

 

You know what would be entertaining for them "Go out with me." Just say the words try it once PLeASE

 

Later I went outside, and there was 1 guy and 3 girls. According to a lot of PUA websites, you should approach "mixed sets" (groups of people with both guys and girls, even if you're only interested in meeting the girls) and especially groups with more girls than guys, because a lot of guys will feel overwhelmed and would be happy to dump a girl on a new guy (especially if that girl may be the jealous friend of the girl they're interested in)

 

I asked the 4 people if anyone had a phone that could access the internet. The guy said, "Yeah dude. Don't worry I gotcha." Then he turns to one of the girls and says "Give him your phone."

 

I laughed and joked that I liked how he acted like he was doing me a favor by insisting one of his friends do the favor for me, and said "That's some gangster **** right there."

 

The girl gave me a phone, and I asked her how to open the internet browser. As I was doing that I told them all the story about my friend in the band playing at the bar and how I needed phone numbers to get directions and etc etc. Thing is, they seemed, genuinely interested and were saying light gasps and "oh no's" or "that sucks" here and there.

 

After wards, I thanked the girl for the phone, introduced myself to her and all of them. I then told that before I left, I needed an opinion; that I was starting a band with a friend and I needed pop-cover song ideas. I joked about how I had a visceral hatred of pop-radio and that I only listened to dinosaur bands, so I wouldn't know any good songs nowadays. They started giving me a list. I asked if any of them were musically talented, had any experience.

 

It was fun chatting with them for a minute, but the problem was, I was chatting with the whole group, and not any particular girl. I would of chatted more, but after 2 minutes or so, a car pulled up, which was their ride. They all got into the car, I thanked them for the phone, said "cool meeting eachother," and so on and so forth.

 

YES aproaching a group of people even if some of the people are MEN is a good thing.

 

SOUND LIKE YOU HAD FUN TALKING TO THEM. THAT IS GREAT.

 

WHY DIDN'T YOU SINGLE ONE OF THE GIRLS AND ASK THEM OUT... WHY

 

EVEN YOU RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS.

 

GO into these things with one thought. That thought should be I WILL ASK ONE OF THESE GIRLS OUT IN THIS INTERACTIOn... What do you expect to happen if every time things go good you DON'T EVEN TRY?????

 

NOTHING WILL HAPPEN UNLESS YOU ASK THEM OUT.

 

I was then outside. A couple of seconds later, I saw a group of 4 gorgeous girls walking towards the bar; girls with mini-dresses and tans and sleeks, shimmering hair; you know those kinds of girls.

 

They walked by and I asked them if any of them had a phone that could access the internet. The first girl just looked away from me and didn't answer and kept walking. The two girls behind her just kept following her. The one at the end just stopped for a brief second and softly said, "uhh... no. Sorry," and quickly followed in after them.

 

I don't know why but that really stung and hurt me for some reason. It's not like I was coming on to these girls. I was just asking an innocent question.

 

I really don't understand this need to totally cold ice-queens some girls feel. Like another poster said, I really sick and tired of this "I'm hot! You ain't gettin' none-o'-this!" game.

 

I know I'm not owed reciprocated interest, but another poster said that everyone is owed respect, and it really makes me feel hurt to be disrespected like this. I mean really; who do these girls think they are?

 

Not to brag, but I work for a pharmaceutical company. My work helps improve and save people's live. Have these girls done anything important with their lives that makes them feel like they deserve to act and treat people this way?

 

Look man those 4 girls were MOVING when you tried to talk to them. TALKING to WALKING PEOPLE IS HARD. Its like when some one tries to hand out pamphlets to walking people.

 

ALSO SERIOUSLY THEY BARELY DISRESPECTED YOU.

 

YOU NEED TO COME BACK TO REALITY AND STOP TAKING THESE EGO TRIPS.

 

What was stoping you from walking over to where they were sitting at the bar???? doesn't even sound like you had a complete wipe out with these girls.

 

 

I firmly believe that reaching this magical point of just not giving a damn is what makes the difference between a guy who gets tons of dates/numbers out of going out in a single night from your average dude walking around. I don't say this from experience, because we don't seem to have the same goals. That's simply what I've been told. You're putting way too much effort into this. Again I ask, why?

 

If he both UNDERSTOOD this and PRACTICED this he would be great. He might actualy go out there and have fun.

 

HIS EFFORT IS IN ALL THE WRONG AREAS. HE DOESN'T EVEN ASK THESE GIRLS OUT. HE JUST WALKS AWAY FEELING HURT AND REJECTED.

 

HOW ABOUT HITTING ON GIRLS DURRING THE DAY INSTEAD OF AT NIGHT ALL THE TIME.

 

Because I didn't want them to be strangers.

 

Seriously, people say "it's not personal." How is it NOT personal.

 

If you get ignored or rejected before you even have a chance to get to introduce yourself and show what you're all about, it's as if they were saying "Sorry, but you're not worth the effort getting to know you or even hear what you're all about."

 

How can you NOT take that personally?

 

Its not personal because they are STRANGERS its not like they even know who you are. IT LITERALY MEANS NOTHING ABOUT HOW GOOD OR BAD A PERSON YOU ARE IF SOME STRANGER IN A BAR GIVES YOU THEIR NUMBER. no one cares. It is not a deciding factor in your life SO STOP PLACING SO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON IT. You act like your own family DISOWNED YOU... now that would be pretty personal especialy if they were the ones who raised you and sht.

 

How could a woman possibly tell that's what's up? Especially when so much pickup artistry is about feigning DISinterest (facing slightly away' date=' story telling instead of interrogation, impersonal instead of personal questions, NOT gushing with compliments or offers to buy drinks, etc)?[/quote']

 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T BELIEVE PUA MATERIAL. You have to read that stuff with a really good eye for BS. Sure if it motivates you to APPROACH women and ASK THEM OUT and not fear REJECTION... those are good things.

 

Seriously every woman in a bar/lounge/night club is just going to presume men are up to no good.

 

THATS WHY YOU SHOULD HIT ON WOMEN DURING THE DAY.

 

MOST OF ALL YOU DON'T FOLLOW PUA STUFF BECAUSE YOU NEVER ASK OUT IN YOUR STORIES.

 

ASK WOMEN OUT.

 

Dude! ALEAST you got a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. Of course you're not going to feel down on yourself.

 

I've not only NOT dated. I haven't EVEN had 1 hookup or FWB-type situation.

 

And I really don't understand why a lot of girls are hostile to people coming up and trying to meet them.

 

This isn't a quiet restaurant. It's a bar.

 

No, more than a bar; it's a lounge; modern decor, dim lighting, DJ, dress-code. These girls were dolled-up, dressed to the nines, had their hair professionally done, etc. How could they NOT expect men to try and talk to them?

 

You need to live in the MOMENT. DON'T WORRY about if you havn't had a gf ect... JUST LIVE IN THE MOMENT. You will get a GF if you start ASKING GIRLS OUT.

 

GIRLS ARE MORE HOSTILE AT BARS/RESTERAUNTS/NIGHT CLUBS/LOUNGES ect...

 

IF you want friendly girls meet them in SCHOOL/PARKS/CLUBS/MALLS/BANKS/GROCERY STORES/BOOK STORES/LIBRARIES/// you get the point... and meet them durring the DAY.

 

YOu can walk up to a woman at the mall and use one of your sill ICE BREAKERS.. "excuse me do you have a phone that gets internet" then you can make small talk..UNSCRIPTED PLEASE... keep it NATURAL... JUST HAVE FUN BE FLIRTY... FINALY ASK THEM OUT... THEN MAKE SURE YOU KISS THEM ON THE DATE.

 

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP... AND PLEASE PULL THE TRIGGER IN ALL YOUR STORIES YOU OFTEN SOUNd LIKE YOU ARE DOING GREAT BUT THEN ASK NO ONE OUT.. YOU JUST WALK AWAY.... WHY!!!!!!!!! ASK THEM OUT