How do you deal with catty women and not let rejection get you down?

June 13, 2010

Seriously, I understand what people are saying that these people shouldn't matter, but it really does hurt when I try to talk to a girl, and she either rolls her eyes, ignores me or practically tells me to f-off.

I was out again tonight. I had developed an idea for a full opener and conversation topic. I would go up to a group of girls and ask if any of them had a phone that could access the internet.

I would then ask them to look up the phone number of a specific venue, and then tell a story about how there were 2 bars in two towns in the opposite directions but that had the same names. I would then tell them that a friend who's in a band invited me to come see them, and that I thought he meant the first bar, but when I texted him that I was on my way, he said he was in the bar in the other town. I would then tell them that when I texted him back for directions how to get there, he didn't reply, so now I was looking for the phone number of the venue for directions to come see them.

After they had looked online for the phone number, I would then tell the girls that while I was on the topic of bands, that I was thinking of creating a band with a friend, and if I could get their opinions on what best pop songs to cover.

This whole thing was total BS; it was 100% made up. It was just an excuse to make small talk.

While I was at this bar, after I got my drink and thanked and shook the hand of the bartender, I turned to 2 girls at my side. I asked them if any of them had phones that could access the intenet. One girl said "No sorry!" and other girls said "Yeah, we're losers!"

I laughed and said. "Don't worry. Totally understand. No iPhone for me. I still got this 3 year old Sony phone; I might as well be using flares and smoke signals." The girls laughed, but then I realized that I didn't think of anyting to say if they DIDN'T have and internet-phone, so after a 2 second silence, I said. "Well. Thanks anyway. Have a good night." And that was that.

Later on, I went to 2 other girls sitting on sofas. I asked if any of them had a phone that could answer the internet. One girl said she did, pulled out an iPhone, and I said "You are a lifesaver! Could you look up the phone number of a place called ******** in *******?" She said, "Sure"

As she was typing into google and looking at the place's website, I was telling her the story of "my friend in the band" about the other bar of the same name in the other city and I thought I was supposed to go to that but he wanted me to go to the other instead. The girl with the iPhone was just like "Uh huh... mmm... yeah... uh huh..." but not realy engaging me; more like "complying" or "going along." Her friend was just looking off into the distance trying to look cool/bored. I could tell there was no chemistry so after she found the number and gave it to me and said "Hey, I really appreciate it. Thank you," and parted.

June 13, 2010

I don't get it. How were they being catty?

June 13, 2010

I have a phone with internet access and every time a friend asks me to look something up, I don't listen to anything after that. Kind of like most people can't text and listen. I can't search for something specific and listen.

But how were they being catty?

June 13, 2010

I have a phone with internet access and every time a friend asks me to look something up, I don't listen to anything after that. Kind of like most people can't text and listen. I can't search for something specific and listen.

But how were they being catty?

Because they didn't start being really friendly and touching him, of course. ****in bitches.

June 13, 2010

Later I went outside, and there was 1 guy and 3 girls. According to a lot of PUA websites, you should approach "mixed sets" (groups of people with both guys and girls, even if you're only interested in meeting the girls) and especially groups with more girls than guys, because a lot of guys will feel overwhelmed and would be happy to dump a girl on a new guy (especially if that girl may be the jealous friend of the girl they're interested in)

I asked the 4 people if anyone had a phone that could access the internet. The guy said, "Yeah dude. Don't worry I gotcha." Then he turns to one of the girls and says "Give him your phone."

I laughed and joked that I liked how he acted like he was doing me a favor by insisting one of his friends do the favor for me, and said "That's some gangster **** right there."

The girl gave me a phone, and I asked her how to open the internet browser. As I was doing that I told them all the story about my friend in the band playing at the bar and how I needed phone numbers to get directions and etc etc. Thing is, they seemed, genuinely interested and were saying light gasps and "oh no's" or "that sucks" here and there.

After wards, I thanked the girl for the phone, introduced myself to her and all of them. I then told that before I left, I needed an opinion; that I was starting a band with a friend and I needed pop-cover song ideas. I joked about how I had a visceral hatred of pop-radio and that I only listened to dinosaur bands, so I wouldn't know any good songs nowadays. They started giving me a list. I asked if any of them were musically talented, had any experience.

It was fun chatting with them for a minute, but the problem was, I was chatting with the whole group, and not any particular girl. I would of chatted more, but after 2 minutes or so, a car pulled up, which was their ride. They all got into the car, I thanked them for the phone, said "cool meeting eachother," and so on and so forth.

I was then outside. A couple of seconds later, I saw a group of 4 gorgeous girls walking towards the bar; girls with mini-dresses and tans and sleeks, shimmering hair; you know those kinds of girls.

They walked by and I asked them if any of them had a phone that could access the internet. The first girl just looked away from me and didn't answer and kept walking. The two girls behind her just kept following her. The one at the end just stopped for a brief second and softly said, "uhh... no. Sorry," and quickly followed in after them.

I don't know why but that really stung and hurt me for some reason. It's not like I was coming on to these girls. I was just asking an innocent question.

I really don't understand this need to totally cold ice-queens some girls feel. Like another poster said, I really sick and tired of this "I'm hot! You ain't gettin' none-o'-this!" game.

I know I'm not owed reciprocated interest, but another poster said that everyone is owed respect, and it really makes me feel hurt to be disrespected like this. I mean really; who do these girls think they are?

Not to brag, but I work for a pharmaceutical company. My work helps improve and save people's live. Have these girls done anything important with their lives that makes them feel like they deserve to act and treat people this way?

June 13, 2010

I don't get it. How were they being catty?

I forgot to write "to be continued." There was more.

June 13, 2010

.....

Sorry but that's really lame. You can't blame any of these girls, whom from your description aren't even remotely catty.

You're just really terrible at picking up chicks. Worst being that even making some fake story about a friend just backfired on you.

The thing is the girls know you're trying to pick them up, so they turned the blind eye. You're either choosing to go after the really flaky and unavailable ones or you need to work more on your game. If a girl doesn't want to talk to you, or respond to you, leave it at that. You can force them to pay attention you.

Most of them has been polite enough to have the courtesy of saying " no".

June 13, 2010

It's not like I was coming on to these girls. I was just asking an innocent question.

Yes, you were coming on to them. No, you weren't just asking an innocent question.

Look, if you prepare a whole script, draft a little speech to give people, and pretend to ask for a favor in an attempt to pick up women, some people are going to notice that's what you're trying to do.

June 13, 2010

Two things.

1. I have a feeling you started this exact same topic (albeit worded slightly differently) a few months ago.

2. I really think you're looking in the wrong places, and putting in too much effort into trying to work the situations in these wrong places.

It's good that you're trying things out and that you have the balls to do so, but your mindset is entirely wrong. These are mostly drunk women just blowing off steam from the work/school-week. Unless you've got some serious mojo and good looks going on, most of them are not going to give you or any other guy any serious attention just because you started talking to them. You really, really need to get to a point where rejection, especially on such a superficial level as the one that exists in alcohol-drenched clubs, does NOT bother you. Seriously, why do things that strangers say to you piss you off so much?

I firmly believe that reaching this magical point of just not giving a damn is what makes the difference between a guy who gets tons of dates/numbers out of going out in a single night from your average dude walking around. I don't say this from experience, because we don't seem to have the same goals. That's simply what I've been told. You're putting way too much effort into this. Again I ask, why?

Edited June 13, 2010 by TheBigQuestion

June 13, 2010

Two things.

1. I have a feeling you started this exact same topic (albeit worded slightly differently) a few months ago.

2. I really think you're looking in the wrong places, and putting in too much effort into trying to work the situations in these wrong places.

It's good that you're trying things out and that you have the balls to do so, but your mindset is entirely wrong. These are mostly drunk women just blowing off steam from the work/school-week. Unless you've got some serious mojo and good looks going on, most of them are not going to give you or any other guy any serious attention just because you started talking to them. You really, really need to get to a point where rejection, especially on such a superficial level as the one that exists in alcohol-drenched clubs, does NOT bother you. Seriously, why do things that strangers say to you piss you off so much?

I firmly believe that reaching this magical point of just not giving a damn is what makes the difference between a guy who gets tons of dates/numbers out of going out in a single night from your average dude walking around. I don't say this from experience, because we don't seem to have the same goals. That's simply what I've been told. You're putting way too much effort into this. Again I ask, why?

Because I haven't dated in almost a year and I want to meet someone. Is that really so hard to understand?

June 13, 2010

It's good that you're trying things out and that you have the balls to do so, but your mindset is entirely wrong. These are mostly drunk women just blowing off steam from the work/school-week. Unless you've got some serious mojo and good looks going on, most of them are not going to give you or any other guy any serious attention just because you started talking to them. You really, really need to get to a point where rejection, especially on such a superficial level as the one that exists in alcohol-drenched clubs, does NOT bother you. Seriously, why do things that strangers say to you piss you off so much?

Because I didn't want them to be strangers.

Seriously, people say "it's not personal." How is it NOT personal.

If you get ignored or rejected before you even have a chance to get to introduce yourself and show what you're all about, it's as if they were saying "Sorry, but you're not worth the effort getting to know you or even hear what you're all about."

How can you NOT take that personally?

June 13, 2010

Yes, you were coming on to them. No, you weren't just asking an innocent question.

Look, if you prepare a whole script, draft a little speech to give people, and pretend to ask for a favor in an attempt to pick up women, some people are going to notice that's what you're trying to do.

How could a woman possibly tell that's what's up? Especially when so much pickup artistry is about feigning DISinterest (facing slightly away, story telling instead of interrogation, impersonal instead of personal questions, NOT gushing with compliments or offers to buy drinks, etc)?

June 13, 2010

How could a woman possibly tell that's what's up?

Come on, dude. You're at a bar. You know the kind of mindset I get into when I go out to a bar? It's shields up, all the time. Even if I'm single. If I go into a bar, I work under the assumption that guys who are there alone and circling the room trying to find women who'll bite are just trying to pick up some random chick to bang. I'm not there to meet men, so when one approaches me and is obviously trying to figure out how to get my attention, I make it clear I'm not interested.

Especially when so much pickup artistry is about feigning DISinterest (facing slightly away' date=' story telling instead of interrogation, impersonal instead of personal questions, NOT gushing with compliments or offers to buy drinks, etc)?[/quote']

Do you honestly think women don't know anything about your PUA techniques?

I like to people-watch. And sometimes I'll see someone trying those facing slightly away, spinning yarns, trying to play it cool, not complimenting her but trying out a neg hit techniques at a bar while talking to some attractive girl, and it's so obvious to me what they're doing. It's fake and insincere. I guess some people still fall for it, but others are going to notice, so you have to accept that you're going to get negative reactions fairly often.

June 13, 2010

You're the same guy who posted about how he went up to some girls to ask another one of these opinion questions, they said they were busy, and you told them they would die alone, right?

You need to find some way to interact with women that isn't a bar or a club. Co-ed softball, mentoring, something. This PUA thing is not working for you date wise and it is either making you a big jerk or you were one to begin with.

You're mad because not every girl is willing to entertain your efforts to pick them up and you assume that it is because they have over inflated egos. But they have their own lives to deal with. It isn't all about you. That is why you shouldn't take rejection from strangers seriously.

June 13, 2010

Because I didn't want them to be strangers.

Seriously, people say "it's not personal." How is it NOT personal.

If you get ignored or rejected before you even have a chance to get to introduce yourself and show what you're all about, it's as if they were saying "Sorry, but you're not worth the effort getting to know you or even hear what you're all about."

How can you NOT take that personally?

It's not personal because you don't know them and they're complete strangers to you, whether you like it or not. You got rejected because you were trying too hard to make your presence known, and even at that you weren't even introducing yourself to them; you striked up conversation on a made up lie, and you expect them to completely open up to you?

June 13, 2010

How could a woman possibly tell that's what's up? Especially when so much pickup artistry is about feigning DISinterest (facing slightly away' date=' story telling instead of interrogation, impersonal instead of personal questions, NOT gushing with compliments or offers to buy drinks, etc)?[/quote']

Because 99% of the time, a lone guy going up to a couple of ladies reeks of a guy trying to pick them up.

June 13, 2010

I've told you this before, and you should LISTEN this time.

MORE WOMEN than men have read The Game. Your intentions are incredibly obvious. STOP using that garbage.

June 13, 2010

Because I didn't want them to be strangers.

Seriously, people say "it's not personal." How is it NOT personal.

If you get ignored or rejected before you even have a chance to get to introduce yourself and show what you're all about, it's as if they were saying "Sorry, but you're not worth the effort getting to know you or even hear what you're all about."

How can you NOT take that personally?

It's not personal because they don't *know* anything about you. All they see is your appearance and whatever scripted line you're throwing at them. The problem is, when most people are out drinking with friends, male or female, they do NOT have it on their minds to meet people of the opposite sex. If it happens, it happens, but they are NOT going to be exceptionally welcoming of the advances of strangers.

Another thing you have to keep in mind: when a woman is in a club or bar, whenever a random guy starts talking to her, the first thing she will assume is that he is sexually interested in her. Women, especially very attractive women, were not born yesterday, and they can figure this out fairly easily.

Why beat yourself up over not dating anyone for almost a year? I haven't had a girlfriend for three years. In that time span I've had one failed relationship, in which I had to see a girl who brutally screwed me over start dating one of my friends behind my back, and a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. I'm really not down on myself for that, and guess what? I met none of these women at clubs or lounges. The reason you're not seeing results is because you're working a playing field that is rigged entirely against you.

June 13, 2010

It's not personal because they don't *know* anything about you. All they see is your appearance and whatever scripted line you're throwing at them. The problem is, when most people are out drinking with friends, male or female, they do NOT have it on their minds to meet people of the opposite sex. If it happens, it happens, but they are NOT going to be exceptionally welcoming of the advances of strangers.

Another thing you have to keep in mind: when a woman is in a club or bar, whenever a random guy starts talking to her, the first thing she will assume is that he is sexually interested in her. Women, especially very attractive women, were not born yesterday, and they can figure this out fairly easily.

Why beat yourself up over not dating anyone for almost a year? I haven't had a girlfriend for three years. In that time span I've had one failed relationship, in which I had to see a girl who brutally screwed me over start dating one of my friends behind my back, and a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. I'm really not down on myself for that, and guess what? I met none of these women at clubs or lounges. The reason you're not seeing results is because you're working a playing field that is rigged entirely against you.

I agree completely with you TBQ.

And OP, just to add, if you're really trying to be a player, all of this had been redundant. A true player wouldn't give a damn about getting rejected, because jumping from woman to woman is the true purpose of why they play the game in the first. They surely would go on a forum and complain that a complete stranger just turned them down.

June 13, 2010

Why beat yourself up over not dating anyone for almost a year? I haven't had a girlfriend for three years. In that time span I've had one failed relationship, in which I had to see a girl who brutally screwed me over start dating one of my friends behind my back, and a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. I'm really not down on myself for that, and guess what?

Dude! ALEAST you got a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. Of course you're not going to feel down on yourself.

I've not only NOT dated. I haven't EVEN had 1 hookup or FWB-type situation.

And I really don't understand why a lot of girls are hostile to people coming up and trying to meet them.

This isn't a quiet restaurant. It's a bar.

No, more than a bar; it's a lounge; modern decor, dim lighting, DJ, dress-code. These girls were dolled-up, dressed to the nines, had their hair professionally done, etc. How could they NOT expect men to try and talk to them?

June 13, 2010

I've told you this before, and you should LISTEN this time.

MORE WOMEN than men have read The Game. Your intentions are incredibly obvious. STOP using that garbage.

The Game, while a very interesting book, does not outline PUA strategies very effectively. It only gives a few basics. Since the time that book has been written, at least from my limited understanding with the literature, it's that the PUA community has to continually evolve in order to find stuff that works. It's an ever-changing phenomenon, and it has to be especially since they started to make their techniques so highly publicized.

June 13, 2010

And I really don't understand why a lot of girls are hostile to people coming up and trying to meet them.

Well, the thing is that some of us don't go to bars to meet people. We go with friends to relax and hang out.

I'm in a serious LTR, so, no, I'm not open to meeting new men who want to sleep with me when I go out to grab a drink or two with a few friends.

June 13, 2010

Well, the thing is that some of us don't go to bars to meet people. We go with friends to relax and hang out.

In mini-dresses, high-heels and spray-on tans?

June 13, 2010

Dude! ALEAST you got a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. Of course you're not going to feel down on yourself.

I've not only NOT dated. I haven't EVEN had 1 hookup or FWB-type situation.

And I really don't understand why a lot of girls are hostile to people coming up and trying to meet them.

This isn't a quiet restaurant. It's a bar.

No, more than a bar; it's a lounge; modern decor, dim lighting, DJ, dress-code. These girls were dolled-up, dressed to the nines, had their hair professionally done, etc. How could they NOT expect men to try and talk to them?

If it's a lounge, all the more that the girls are hostile. The atmosphere of a lounge calls for relaxation, and getting hit on by strangers hardly seems like they're asking for it. Nor is that the only reason a girl dresses up to the nine. Woman dress up because it makes them beautiful and confident. Even if it's only with a couple of friends, they would not forego the basics such as a good wardrobe and mascara.

June 13, 2010

Dude! ALEAST you got a few random hookups and FWB-type situations. Of course you're not going to feel down on yourself.

I've not only NOT dated. I haven't EVEN had 1 hookup or FWB-type situation.

And I really don't understand why a lot of girls are hostile to people coming up and trying to meet them.

This isn't a quiet restaurant. It's a bar.

No, more than a bar; it's a lounge; modern decor, dim lighting, DJ, dress-code. These girls were dolled-up, dressed to the nines, had their hair professionally done, etc. How could they NOT expect men to try and talk to them?

The reason women are hostile to random dudes chatting them up is because they've had to deal with negative experiences arising from those approaches all their lives. Most women, even those who are average looking, have already been approached and pursued in a way that has made them uncomfortable probably by the time they're in high school. Naturally, there's going to be a "b*tch shield" and a skeptical attitude.

What I'm interested in knowing is why you can't just admit that the places you're looking for women just do not play to your strengths? There are some guys that can get their hook-ups and their girlfriends from bars and lounges. Others can't. One isn't a better way than the other, they're just different. I met every single girl I've ever dated/slept with through friends and acquaintances, usually at parties or slightly smaller gatherings, mixers, etc.

If you insist on lounges being your bread and butter so to speak, then you HAVE to get used to the b*tch shield and find ways to work around it. Since you like PUA, here's the best video I've seen on how to handle this situation from a psychological perspective.

Skip to about a minute in.

Still though, lounges aren't the way to go. Everyone here says it. Take the advice.

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How do you deal with catty women and not let rejection get you down?

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