baurman Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 (edited) So here's the backstory... My girlfriend of two years had told me that her heart isn't in this relationship anymore because we always argue and fight over the smallest things. She felt controlled by me and felt like she couldn't get away because I wasn't allowing her and giving her her space. I couldn't accept that she wanted to break up because she kept coming around. She said the reason she kept coming around is because she wanted to see if those feelings would come back - but it didn't... She wanted it to be over. And of course I did the typical begging, i'll change, things will be different, etc. Until I did a Google search and found out about "No Contact" and I am pretty much going to stick to it. It's only been 2 days, and after this emotional pain goes away, if she comes crawling back to me.... I probably won't want to accept her back because there's no way I'm doing this for her to want me back and then break my heart again. I know that eventually she will contact me because at first she said she wanted to go 5 days without contacting each other. But I always said no. But now after reading all about No Contact, out of the blue I just STOPPED. We last talked through Text Message 2 days ago and that was it. So now....she'll be wondering "Wow, he hasn't contacted me all day..." and start thinking about me again and eventually she'll call me.... and that's where I think I'll be stuck. I don't want to make a wrong move. It would be interesting to attract her again. But what should I do if she just texts me "Hey..." or just calls me out of the blue? Do I just ignore her? Tell her that I don't ever want to talk to her again unless she wants to give the relationship another go? I was thinking I would just make it seem like I'm doing great and amazing and that I'm over her.... I'm not sure what to do because I still kinda want to be with her (my feelings today) but I am also afraid of having to go through this process again.... So I keep telling myself, the BEST option is to just not get back with her once I move on. Should I tell her that I accept the fact that we're no longer seeing each other and that she shouldn't contact me unless she's willing to make another go at this relationship with her full commitment? Help me out guys.... Edited June 13, 2010 by baurman
lvixen Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You know, I don't agree with the people who say, "just break off all contact, don't even bother letting your ex know because they might try to change your mind". Why? Because if you're not making it clear that you want no contact with your ex, they may continue to try and contact you. Make your wishes known. Next time she texts or calls you, tell her, do NOT contact me ever again until you want to reconcile. Make sure it's a complete reconciliation and not some other mind game she's playing with you such as, "I just want to see if I have feelings for you". NONE of that. Be strong about it. Don't let her use you and mess you up. Stick up for yourself. But I must congratulate you anyways for going NC. Now is the beginning of your healing process. NC does in fact work, I've been doing it for 3 and a half months and wow, the changes are amazing! I used to think of my ex ALL the time until I went NC. Give it a month or two, and watch...you probably won't even want her back. Good luck with the rest of your journey to healing.
Incognito3 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I just started with this no contact thing... it's been only a day and a half and god i hope i can do it. but as for you, i think if she contacts you, just act like you are doing perfectly. i think that's your best bet.
nihilanth100 Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I dont think you have to tell her youre going NC, it speaks for it self. (Or does it? haha). I was in your position where NC was incredibly hard, but after having been with it for three weeks ill tell you, it gets way better and you see so much more clearly with a better mind thats not subject to the intense pains at first. Id say ignore her texts unless they are genuine "i made a mistake lets make it work" texts. Otherwise shes just fishing and whats the point? My ex texted me the other day "How are you?". I ignored it, she cut me off it doesnt matter how I am doing anymore. It sounds callous but it works for you which is who you should be focusing on. It helps YOU heal faster. I wouldnt waste away hoping for a second chance rare as they are. Im not being pessimistic either, Im just being optimistic about the situation and focusing on moving on and how much better I can make myself. Hope this helps.
JLB Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 (edited) I agree with what Vixen says about next time she calls or texts that you tell her, don't contact me unless you want to get back together. I am unfortunately in the same boat as you, under different circumstances. My ex has been cheating on me for over a year now...and I didn't just find out. I have known since 3 days after he met the OW. I struggled to believe him when he said they were just friends, although my mind kept telling me they weren't. After him flip flopping back and forth, one day he wants me, next day he wants her over and over, he finally left me. 2 weeks after he left me, he wanted to see me, text me, tell me how much he misses me, how much he loves me, can he take me out...can he come over, blah blah blah...but he didn't want me back just yet...because he was still seeing OW and actually made me out to be the new OW. I know...confusing....so here is man telling me he loves me, he misses me...but wants to keep seeing OW. I finally had to put a stop to it and said "ENOUGH!!!" Leave me alone, entirely...for 3 months. No texting, no calling, no coming by, no emailing, nothing!!! I told him, you don't know what you want...and I can't help you there...you aren't doing me any good by being confused. So stay away from me...don't come here unless you are 100% committed to working on this relationship, WITHOUT your friend. That means you will have to stop talking to her, stop emailing, texting, seeing, sleeping with her. So in these next 3 months. I am working on ME...so that if/when he does come back..which I think he will...I can decide if I really want him back. Hopefully I won't. I really don't believe that if you love someone, that you want to be away from them for too long. I'm not saying a few days or even a week doesn't do some good being away from each other in a relationship...but when someone can LEAVE you and tell you they want it to be over or whatever screwed up version of that, then they don't deserve you or the relationship they had. So hang in there... Edited July 10, 2010 by JLB typo
Thierro Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Good luck with NC. It's funny to read posts from people that go NC for their first couple of days. Just a month ago I came across this site too and started NC because of it. I already feel much better, I still want her back though, but this will fade in time. Yeah, don't give into her breadcrumb non-sense. Only break NC when she wants to reconcile. Start your healing process. Learn from this experience. Read through these forum; everything is gold. I am proud of you, of us of me. NC is hard, but it's better. We will be ok.
rager Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 hang in there with NC mate, it is the best way to go. I'm upto day 16 and going very well. Sure I have set backs, but each one makes me stronger. Its the same as giving up smoking!
JamesB Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I did the no contact for a month. It was a bit strange as I work with my ex and see her 4 or 5 times a week but I just ignored her. Then After a month she asked me out for a drink cos she said she still has feelings for me. So yes NC does work but now after a month I realise I don't want my ex back and I blew her off! Good luck.
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