SadandConfusedWA Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 yea it really sort of is Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 It's a real shame that they stopped responding after you told them that; perhaps they just can't handle a very highly educated woman. On the other hand: it could've sounded to them like you were being a braggart, and that's not attractive. I don't think it's particularly necessary to state right away that you have a PhD--they asked you what you do, not about your educational background. Isn't there a section in your profile where you could list your education level, anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? No but some men are really insecure and need to be smarter and make more money than their women. So yes, you will eliminate some men. Do you need to go in depth about your research? Just say I went to so and so school and got my degree in math and I do math research. Change the topic to something more interesting. I hope you're not insulted, but the number of people who will find math research interesting is *VERY* small. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 No but some men are really insecure and need to be smarter and make more money than their women. So yes, you will eliminate some men. no it has more to do with most girls not being good w/ maths. when you run into one its sort of strange. sort of like a man being really good at sewing and knitting Link to post Share on other sites
summerl0vesyou Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? Love the ratio...2:2... and you should also know these are low odds, really...now if it had been 50/50...maybe theres a serious issue. Umm...im not a man BUT i will tell you off the bat that it will take a very secure man to deal with ANY type of Ph.D prepared woman. It can be intimidating. Or possibly you are saying too much about what you do. maybe simplify it a bit and say you have your ph.d in math and you do research about ____. and make it that simple..if they ask more, tell more. if not, then thats ok for the time being right? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off?Not at all. I'm so ready to understand advanced math and having someone who can give me some cues and help with motivation would be a plus. I wouldn't pester such a person as yourself fro lessons or tutoring just would be intrigued to understand when and how you became what you are. There's no crying in baseball and no math in love. It's a bonus that hopefully won't be wasted on a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I'm 3 years from my PhD in Kinesiology... so not for me. How you doin??? Link to post Share on other sites
TaurusTerp Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 no it has more to do with most girls not being good w/ maths. when you run into one its sort of strange. sort of like a man being really good at sewing and knitting I don't even know what to say to this. I'll just shake my head in disbelief and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Just tell them you are a "researcher" to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 To some men it is. It all depends on what they and you are looking for. Plus you are doing it in the crapshoot that is online dating. Plus if the man contacted you first, he more than likely has contacted 50 other women and he's just skeezin his way through the profiles looking for the easiest score. Also, be aware that many of these sites have bots that go around emailing people to keep them interested in coming back and in reality you aren't really talking to a real person. Would you date a man who only had a GED? That is to say, the the man had told you either in contact or in his profile that he only has is GED or even just a high school degree, would you respond or be eager to meet him? You can't give up after only 2. When you get to 200, then maybe think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Smart women are a turn on for alot of men. An intelligent mind is very sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Umm, no. This is definitely not a turn-off for me. Intelligence and the dedication/passion it takes to complete a Ph.D. in a difficult field are things I'd absolutely admire in a woman. But yeah, some guys would definitely be turned off by trying to date a woman who has a more advanced educational background. I find this odd, as I don't share this mentality, and I'm most definitely not a math person (I took Precalc as an undergrad and that was it/I'm going to law school for a reason). Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I don't even know what to say to this. I'll just shake my head in disbelief and move on. its just that one doesn't run into many female doctors of maths or even men for that matter Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 It is not a turn off--or shouldn't be. I'll bet neither of those guys would have any problem with a man having a PhD in math. They just know you're tto smart of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Jerry18 Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? No. A lot of my friends have PhDs in economics, and economics is just applied math. Maybe it's not because of the PhD, instead it could be that they think you're too busy to have children or start a family. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off?Did you phrase your response like this post? If so , then it seems to me to be a little condescending. You seem to be saying , "it's OK if you're not my intellectual equal", maybe we can correspond anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? No, it isn't a turn-off. That's awesome stuff! I know it is anti-stereotypical for women but that is what makes it 'hot'... (Danica McKellar HOT) I'm guessing you have evolved to a place of hesitation at the point when you start to get into the subject of what you do for a living. Perhaps the hesitation and the unwillingness to keep it a casual exchange of info is the turn-off. I mean, SAY you were at a bar, literally (sitting) at the bar, and some half-drunk doofus was at the next barstool and SOMEhow drew you into conversation about your respective jobs: You do not neeeeeeeeeeeeed to tell them, or anyone that you "have a PhD in math" When someone asks you a question, answer the question or say nothing. MAYbe the talk of the PhD makes them perceive you as being uppity or something. Now let me add that perhaps the most mentally provocative woman I've met in the 2000's was someone who loved to analyze lots of small details in an attempt to understand the past and apply that understanding to the future (she's a therapist by trade). I could engage that mind so deeply and for half the night. That part of her persona was absolutely fantastic, so if you share some aspect of that, then it will find its audience. Link to post Share on other sites
Chicago_Guy Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? If I already found a girl physically attractive and liked her personality, I would definitely like it if she were really good at math. Guys who aren't educated or aren't very intellectual might be intimidated. Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 A PhD in math is a total turn on. I love a women with intelligence. Personally, I have a BS in chemistry and love that type of stuff Instead of thinking yourself as odd, think of yourself as rare. Women in the "dorky" fields that are traditionally dominated by guys have such a great ratio of male to female to work with it should be easy to find a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? I really couldn't say because I have never met a woman with a PhD in any Hard Science like math. I've seen 1 girl in a graduate level physics course, but I wasn't attracted to at all; not because she was in physics class; just because she was physically unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about. It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding. Is this really such a turn off? Yeah, it's a turn off for some men. Rare is the man who accepts a woman as an intellectual equal, much less an intellectual superior. You're just going to have to narrow your parameters a bit. Maybe you'll find a guy who is you're intellectual equal, or, if not, one who isn't intimidated by your big brain. Give it some time and I'm sure you'll find the right guy. Link to post Share on other sites
frenchgirl Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 I'm not a guy but ultimately I don't think this is a gender issue anyway. Primo, confident people are by nature very modest. When the guy asked about your occupation, you went ahead and gave him your entire resume. It's not a turn off that a man or woman earned a PhD. It is however a huge turn off when someone tries too hard to sell himself/herself. Mentioning your PhD and going on about your research is the kind of answer you save for your teacher or your boss. Otherwise you keep it simple and modest, and don't mention it unless people specifically ask about your educational background. If they're interested, they'll ask questions and that's when you can impress them. If you go ahead and tell people about your PhD and research job before they even ask for details, not only will you not impress them, but they'll likely think you're too insecure to be humble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 13, 2010 Author Share Posted June 13, 2010 I am not bragging about it at all. I have exchanged about 4-5 e-mails with these men prior to that question where I just said that I work in research. BOTH have asked me to expand on that and what sort of research do I do and at what level. So I wrote 1 paragraph that it is in math, that I have a PhD and gave a bit more detail on the area. BOTH of them have stopped responding since. Whatever. I am extremly proud of what I do. I won't minimize is it for anyone. If that means I will be single forever so be it. I have already prepared myself for that. Link to post Share on other sites
frenchgirl Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Whatever. I am extremly proud of what I do. I won't minimize is it for anyone. If that means I will be single forever so be it. I have already prepared myself for that. Being humble doesn't mean to "minimize it for anyone". Seems like you need to mature a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
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