Pregnant...with the OM's baby...and he's a different race from me.

[KeyWest]

To make a long story short, I'm pretty much an idiot.

I'd been having an affair with my ex-lover. While this is an awful excuse, my husband and I were living in a sexless marriage, and I decided to go elsewhere to get my needs met. My husband eventually found out 3 weeks ago. We decided to talk things out, and we're going to start going to a therapist and really work on fixing our marriage. While my husband's heart is broken, and I've betrayed his trust, I really feel like we can fix this, and he's completely willing.

Today, I was thrown a curveball. I'd not been feeling well, so my friend encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. It's positive. While my husband and I have started having sex since my affair (part of us trying to work things out), I really don't believe this child is his. What's the worst part- my relationship with my OM is an interracial. He's black and I'm white. My husband is white.

There's no way that my community could even think that my child would be my husbands. I'm in a very tough situation. I know I need to tell my husband, but I'm afraid I am going to destroy him.

I've come here to vent. I'm not quite sure how in the world to handle this.

[jnj express]

If you think it might destroy your mge., and it probably will, cuz from now and forever you are going to have a 3rd man involved in your life---and he ain't goin away-----just get an abortion and tell no one. I may get yelled at for that---but that is what abortion is for.

[NoIDidn't]

If you think it might destroy your mge., and it probably will, cuz from now and forever you are going to have a 3rd man involved in your life---and he ain't goin away-----just get an abortion and tell no one. I may get yelled at for that---but that is what abortion is for.

 

Well, I certainly won't yell at you. Just doesn't seem like the OP is considering that *option*.

 

OP, this is a tough one. Do you want the baby? Do you have other children? I once saw an Oprah episode where the White MW gave up the biracial baby for an open adoption to save her M. I know that doesn't necessarily help, but at least you know you aren't the only person to have ever been in this position.

 

I hope the baby is your H's though. Its entirely possible that its his given the time period. I hope you actually ended the A completely, that will go a long way towards regaining his trust. But this pregnancy will complicate your recovery BIG TIME. So be prepared, even if it is his.

 

Just the thought that my spouse cheated on me and didn't use protection would be enough for me to get violent. Really. So be careful and thoughtful when you talk to him.

[Posh Polly]

Your only saving grace is abortion. Then take some time to figure out wth you want. Life is not supposed to be this complicated.

[Feelin Frisky]

Get some professional advice. I don't feel right telling anyone to get an abortion. After all, how much do I know about their psyche, how far along, ability to cope et al. Perhaps such help may make you at ease with the A word. But you need more than a smattering of superficial internet suggestions. Good luck. PS: I don't mean go to church and ask some biased crusader.

[ADF]

Well, the first thing you should do is give Maury Povich a call.

[jnj express]

Hey KeyWest----just out of curiosity----you say youwere in a sexless mge---so your method of solving the problem was NOT to sit down, and talk out your problems with your H., as you have been forced to do now---your way of solving your problem was to spread your legs for another man

 

Seems to me your are real lucky to be getting a 2nd chance at all---if you let this pregnancy go to term----you maybe

 

are not gonna have a mge., what then of this child---who now comes into the world----

 

What kind of a fair shake does it get----does it immediately get thrown out for adoption----does it get put in a situation where one of the partners in a mge., hates it, can't stand it, doesn't want to raise it-----does it cause a situation where a 3rd man is thrown into the mix in a marital situation causing everything to become volatile, and tension ridden.

 

At this point, unless you really want this child, and you are willing to take care of it yourself---should it come to that----an abortion is your best bet---especially since it is very early in the pregnancy

 

How much do you really want your Husband, at this point----you didn't want him a little while back, or you wouldn't have used your lame excuse of lack of sex---to go elsewhere, and wreck your mge----admitting pregnancy----could very well be the end of this mge. Are you prepared to make a go of it on your own

[LucreziaBorgia]

I wish adoption were as simple as transferring a title on your car. I'd take that baby in a heartbeat since its looking like I can't have anymore children myself.

 

There are plenty of 'me' out there who want children so badly and can't have them. This terrible occurrence in your life might be the best occurrence in another person's life.

 

Get though this the best you can, and consider adoption.

[jennie-jennie]

Assuming you are not.....

 

Based on the fact that you suspect that this may be the black man's baby.......you must have been having unsafe sex also.

 

So, you also put your husbands health at risk.

Someone as irresponsible as you should not be parenting.

 

Abort or adoption.

 

If you don't abort....forget your marriage.....it's done.

 

Oh.....and you need to tell your husband all of this.

 

"Someone as irresponsible as you should not be parenting."

 

This sentence makes me see red.

 

What do you know about the OP? Perhaps both parties had gone through STD testing before having intercourse. You are making way too far stretched assumptions here. Very personally insulting to state anything at all about her abilities to parent.

[cyabye]

 

this sentence makes me see red.

 

What do you know about the op? Perhaps both parties had gone through std testing before having intercourse. You are making way too far stretched assumptions here. Very personally insulting to state anything at all about her abilities to parent.

 

oh whatever!

[NoIDidn't]

"Someone as irresponsible as you should not be parenting."

 

This sentence makes me see red.

 

What do you know about the OP? Perhaps both parties had gone through STD testing before having intercourse. You are making way too far stretched assumptions here. Very personally insulting to state anything at all about her abilities to parent.

 

And you are assuming that others would do as you are saying you did/would do.

 

I just think that if the parties involved were being responsible, there wouldn't have been an accidental pregnancy. But this whole discussion is moot, as there is a pregnancy to consider now and the only part that's actually important.

 

Why you took something as "personally insulting" when you weren't the subject of the thread or the comment is interesting though.

[bestplayer]

To make a long story short, I'm pretty much an idiot.

I'd been having an affair with my ex-lover. While this is an awful excuse, my husband and I were living in a sexless marriage, and I decided to go elsewhere to get my needs met. My husband eventually found out 3 weeks ago. We decided to talk things out, and we're going to start going to a therapist and really work on fixing our marriage. While my husband's heart is broken, and I've betrayed his trust, I really feel like we can fix this, and he's completely willing.

Today, I was thrown a curveball. I'd not been feeling well, so my friend encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. It's positive. While my husband and I have started having sex since my affair (part of us trying to work things out), I really don't believe this child is his. What's the worst part- my relationship with my OM is an interracial. He's black and I'm white. My husband is white.

There's no way that my community could even think that my child would be my husbands. I'm in a very tough situation. I know I need to tell my husband, but I'm afraid I am going to destroy him.

I've come here to vent. I'm not quite sure how in the world to handle this.

 

ok , you are not going to destroy him , you have already done that . If you can't get an abortion , just forget the marriage as your husband would really be damn stupid if he stays after knowing about your pregnency .

 

Best of luck

[lostsunsets]

You need to tell your husband. I can't imagine what it would be like to look at a baby of another race every day being reminded that his mom thinks I am sexually inferior to her affair partner. He must be spared this. He is sure to think that you only want him as a provider but prefer to be with someone like the OM.

Edited June 14, 2010 by lostsunsets

[jennie-jennie]

And you are assuming that others would do as you are saying you did/would do.

 

I just think that if the parties involved were being responsible, there wouldn't have been an accidental pregnancy. But this whole discussion is moot, as there is a pregnancy to consider now and the only part that's actually important.

 

Why you took something as "personally insulting" when you weren't the subject of the thread or the comment is interesting though.

 

I don't know if you are twisting my words or if my English was not good enough. You do know that English is not my first language? I meant "personally insulting" to the OP of course.

[jnj express]

Hey keywest----you have let all of us make comments, and get involved----this IS your thread---how about a little input, and reaction on your part

[KeyWest]

I decided to go ahead and make an appt at the clinic. I'll be there on Wednesday morning.

I have discussed with both men in my life. My husband is shocked, but supportive, and the other man wishes I will keep the baby, but stands behind me any way I chose.

 

There's a lot more history than what I posted in my first post. I actually already had a child with the OM 6 years ago, however he was a still born. My husband was aware of that, however he and I were not together at that time.

[jennie-jennie]

I decided to go ahead and make an appt at the clinic. I'll be there on Wednesday morning.

I have discussed with both men in my life. My husband is shocked, but supportive, and the other man wishes I will keep the baby, but stands behind me any way I chose.

 

There's a lot more history than what I posted in my first post. I actually already had a child with the OM 6 years ago, however he was a still born. My husband was aware of that, however he and I were not together at that time.

 

It is so good to hear that both men are supportive of you. Take care and don't make any hasty decision.

 

(((KeyWest)))

[2long]

It is indeed good that 2th men are supportive of your decision. Does this mean that you have further contact with the OM? Is he desirous of a relationship with his child after it's born?

 

Check with your state's laws regarding who the legal father is. It might be your H, regardless of biology.

 

None of your choices are going 2 be easy, going forward. Simplest, however, might be 2 divorce and raise the child with the OM.

 

Don't forget, 2, that your H has his own choices 2 make.

 

-ol' 2long

[Corporate]

It is indeed good that 2th men are supportive of your decision. Does this mean that you have further contact with the OM? Is he desirous of a relationship with his child after it's born?

 

Check with your state's laws regarding who the legal father is. It might be your H, regardless of biology.

 

None of your choices are going 2 be easy, going forward. Simplest, however, might be 2 divorce and raise the child with the OM.

 

Don't forget, 2, that your H has his own choices 2 make.

 

-ol' 2long

 

Are you intentionally trying to create sentences 2 fit in extra 2s in there?

[2long]

 

I used 2 put "2"s in place of capitol Q's as well.

 

-ol' 2long

[RedDawn]

This can't be a real story. Gotta be a troll. This story is straight out of hotwife/cuckold site. No man would tolerate this IRL.

[SouthernSunshine]

I don't believe you're a troll. I think you're really in a very messy situation. Maybe you should venture over to "The Other Man/Woman" section.. they might be able to give you more constructive advice.

[NCBabyDoll]

I hope this isnt real because if so, that makes you the most pathetic excuse for a human being possible.

 

You whored around on your husband and got knocked up, and he is being supportive of you? He must be just as f-ed up in the head as you. You are either with the biggest moron in the world, or with a man who is far far far too good for you.

 

And you still speak with the OM? Do you plan on continuing to spread your legs for him after your clinic appointment?

 

I love your excuse for stepping out on your marriage. If you need sex that badly, get a vibrator like the rest of us. Maybe your husband knows you sleep around and thats why he wont give it up to you - hes afraid his dick will turn green and fall off.

 

Women like you make me sick.

[lkjh]

I hope this isn't real

[Corporate]

This can't be a real story. Gotta be a troll. This story is straight out of hotwife/cuckold site. No man would tolerate this IRL.

 

Why? Because he is black?