unsure2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 ok... so I have only just found out the details of the kiss as of thursday night... I received an email from the girl saying that she had heard so much about me and was just wanting to make sure I was his girlfriend.. she also tried to add me on facebook.. I approached my boyfriend about this girl as I had no idea who she was. he told me that he had met her in town(there is like a local hang out near the beach) one sunday when he was with some of his friends, however he said that nothing had happened with her he said she had gotten his number and they had messaged a few times and nothing more.. not fully beleiving his random excuse I replied to this girls email asking how she knew my boyfriend and what was happening because I had no idea who she was... Long story short I spoke to the girl and she informs me that she has been to my house, and her and my boyfriend had dinner there "only take away" like it mattered.. and she told me that they had kissed. when I approached my boyfriend about what she had said, he said he didnt want to tell me because he didnt want to hurt me, and he didnt want to jeopardise what we have.. keep in mind we have been together 4 1/2 years and last feb brought a house together. We had a massive fight not only has he kissed another girl but he had her in our home that we brought together, massive betrayal of my trust and I feel as though my house is now in some way tainted. I probabily should also mention I used to work a lot of night shifts and this occured whilst I was at work.. I kicked him out on thursday night.. it has been 3 nights since I found out and I am sick of feeling sick, is it better to know or would it have been better if this chick kept her mouth shut?? My boyfriend has told me to take my time in thinking about what I want, as in the end it is my decision as to if we stay together or seperate. My problem is, how am I going to be able to trust him when he is out with his friends? or even while im at work and hes sitting at home..?? at this stage I dont know what my next step should be, all i know is that I feel sick whenever I think about the situation, I feel as though im loseing my best friend. It seems like such a waste of time to put everything on the edge for someone he didnt even know or care about. This happened in March and he said that as soon as the kiss happened he hasnt spoken to the girl since and he immediatly felt bad for what had happened.. The part that gets to me though is.. its not like it was a drunken kiss that just happened.. he planned to have dinner with her and then suggested that she come back to our home... Please any advice is muchly appreciated
D-Lish Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 My boyfriend has told me to take my time in thinking about what I want, as in the end it is my decision as to if we stay together or seperate. At this stage I dont know what my next step should be, That's convenient- he screws up and throws his hands in the air and says "oh well, I did what I did, the decision about what to do is up to you". The guy invited another girl over to YOUR house for dinner and a make out. That's terrible- he treated you with so much disrespect and he breached your trust on every level. No one can tell you should do- but we can tell you what we think. Dump his ass for good. If you should reconcile with him, you're giving him the message that what he did was forgivable. If that is forgivable- what else is forgivable? How far could he push the boundaries with you before you say you're not comfortable with it?
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Has it occured to you that this kiss may just be the part you know about?
samsungxoxo Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I think there is way more than what you know and that they went further than kissing. If it's just kissing, why would he invited the girl to your house?
paleblue Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 (edited) uggg. is he an idiot or something? i would be furious as well. like his behavior is just plain stupid idiot moron. i am pissed for you. not sure if there are any quick answers here. he is teetering on the edge as far as i am concerned. 4 1/2 years and just bought a house together. this is a time when you are supposed to be just getting started in life. not having to deal with stupid situations like this. take your time. you cant rush this one. i guess in order to feel good about this again he is going to have to work to prove a few things over the course of some time. i guess patience would be a virtue here. and see what happens. you know that gut feeling you get about things? i suggest taking some time and listen to how he makes you feel. after 4 1/2 years you should know by now whether or not something is off with him. take some time to find out. the truth will come out eventually. if he is being truthful and there is no more funny business, you will know by how he acts i would think? in the meantime i dont think there is anything wrong with busting his stones real hard for awhile. and i mean REAL HARD. make him sweat a little since he was brazen enough to actually bring another female into YOUR home. that was a good step as far as i am concerned kicking his ass out the door for awhile. give him something to think about. Edited June 13, 2010 by paleblue
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 He got his OW to break up with you for him, and is now making it look like if it ends it is your fault and doing. Honestly, I'd plant my foot in his passive aggressive conflict avoiding ass and kick him as hard as you can to the OW. Let her see how she likes being with such an underhanded d*ck. Never take him back. Never. Not because of the cheating, but because of how he is at his very core: a emotionally cowardly jerk.
Beerme Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 He got his OW to break up with you for him, and is now making it look like if it ends it is your fault and doing. Honestly, I'd plant my foot in his passive aggressive conflict avoiding ass and kick him as hard as you can to the OW. Let her see how she likes being with such an underhanded d*ck. Never take him back. Never. Not because of the cheating, but because of how he is at his very core: a emotionally cowardly jerk. I agree with this. He is hoping the OP breaks up with him is the feeling I'm getting from the OP's story. Why would some random girl try to "friend" someone on Facebook who is the girlfriend of a guy she kissed? Also, why would she so readily admit to kissing the OP's boyfriend? The only reason is because she wants to break up the relationship. Its possible that she's doing this on her own, but when you add in the boyfriends reaction to the whole thing, it seems that the boyfriend wants out of the relationship as well. I think most guys would be apologizing profusely, and begging for forgiveness if they had kissed another girl. Instead, this guy just shrugs his shoulders, says "take your time", and leaves it up to the girlfriend to decide whether they stay together or not. Wow, he seems so devastated (insert sarcasm).
Feelin Frisky Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 There's a kiss and then there's kissing (and "swapping spit"). I would accept my g/f giving a male freind a kiss hello or good bye. However I'd go bananas if she was making out with the offending interloper.
Author unsure2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 He has been appologsing continously the past few days all I have been gtting is I'm sorry and how can we get through this etc.. The night I kicked him out he had like a panic attack because he was so upset. I honestly just want him to feel something of what I did.. I want his body to ache with sadness and pain.. I'm not sure if guys can even feel this..
lovelorcet Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I'm not sure if guys can even feel this.. Sure we can.. LucreziaBorgia's advice is very good I think... It seems this is only the tip of the iceberg and you may still have to deal with much more...
Reality Drip Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Your man is a man. He is opportunistic by nature. It's sad, but most of us will cheat if presented the opportunity. He invited her into your home that you purchased together and the physical betrayal, supposedly, ended at a kiss. The first cheating experience is a gateway. You guys run the risk of him getting better at it. You can work at keeping his attention, asking what it is that drove him away from you, or you can just cut your losses. When do you say goodbye to a cheater ? The safest bet is after the first violation. But if you find there is a root problem here that you can fix then you first have to identify it with open discussion. Just be strong and decisive. -Max
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