caribou Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My wife and I were married for 10 years. She had an affair. Didn't tell me about it but I knew. Then she told me she wanted a divorce. We are separated. We only speak to discuss financial issues. She seems like a totally different person than the one to whom I was married. I keep wishing there was something I could do to rekindle whatever it was that she once felt for me. Is this just wishful thinking?
MizFit Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My wife and I were married for 10 years. She had an affair. Didn't tell me about it but I knew. Then she told me she wanted a divorce. We are separated. We only speak to discuss financial issues. She seems like a totally different person than the one to whom I was married. I keep wishing there was something I could do to rekindle whatever it was that she once felt for me. Is this just wishful thinking? I don't want you to think this is a flippant question, but what is it that would make you want her? Would you trust her if she were back or would it always be in the back of your mind every time she walked out of the house? Would you want to spend years of your life and all of that energy having someone fall back in love with you that turned her back on you in almost every way imaginable? I know the habit and the desire to have back what you had before is strong...I faced it too, but at the end of the day I looked at the man I had expected to spend my life with and saw someone I would never, ever trust...someone I would never, ever love in the same way again...I couldn't see me spending even 10 minutes more on him and I didn't. Be careful of what you wish for...you might just get it...
hopesndreams Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My wife and I were married for 10 years. She had an affair. Didn't tell me about it but I knew. Then she told me she wanted a divorce. We are separated. We only speak to discuss financial issues. She seems like a totally different person than the one to whom I was married. I keep wishing there was something I could do to rekindle whatever it was that she once felt for me. Is this just wishful thinking? It's not about what you can do. She's in a different place now. She is no longer the woman you once knew. Even if, by chance, you rekindled her feelings for you, what would you have eh? A cheater. Someone incapable of thinking about anyone but herself. No matter who she is with, the same would apply. Cheaters are broken people with no moral compass. You can't fix em.
Darth Vader Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 It's not about what you can do. She's in a different place now. She is no longer the woman you once knew. Even if, by chance, you rekindled her feelings for you, what would you have eh? A cheater. Someone incapable of thinking about anyone but herself. No matter who she is with, the same would apply. Cheaters are broken people with no moral compass. You can't fix em. I agree, don't waste your time, get a good lawyer!
bestplayer Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My wife and I were married for 10 years. She had an affair. Didn't tell me about it but I knew. Then she told me she wanted a divorce. We are separated. We only speak to discuss financial issues. She seems like a totally different person than the one to whom I was married. I keep wishing there was something I could do to rekindle whatever it was that she once felt for me. Is this just wishful thinking? I agree with others , It is better to get rid of her . just curious , does she ever mention her set of excuses for dumping you ?
stillafool Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I think you are best to keep moving on. People never really change.
Owl Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Here's my thought. Yes, it's possible the two of you could reconcile. But if that's what you choose to do, make darned sure that it's done in a way that gives you a chance to rebuild a healthy, new relationship rather than go back to the same broken dynamic that led you here in the first place. I say plan B. Ignore her. End any and all contact with her, completely and totally. Let her discover life WITHOUT you in it. You might be surprised...she might realize that it's not what she thought it would be. Tell her that you love her, but there's no way that you're going to remain in her life as "just a friend" or in any other capacity. File for divorce, seperate finances appropriately, and make it clear that the ONLY contact between the two of you going forward will be through someone else. Two possible outcomes of this: 1. She discovers life without you meeting some of her emotional needs sucks...and she comes back...under terms YOU dictate. 2. You grow stronger and realize that you CAN live a happy, wonderful life without her. Either one is a better situation than you find yourself in right now I'm betting.
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