bluz73 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I know I should NOT look and seem a bit nosy too but I cant control myself and need advice or help or insight UGH!! I know Im an adult and it should be just as easy for me to click block on my ex's FB profile...but its so tempting to see how his life turns out...cause he isnt wise enough to make his profile private and either is his new GF. So I can read both their walls ect...Let me give a lil background. My ex..not a social guy never was into FB or myspace ect.. Our whole relationship he never stayed in touch with family or friends he was a loner. The past entire 7 months of no contact he never had a FB..I noticed an increasing sad/depressed demeanor of his GF (shes 19) on her wall..she's not the usual lovey dovey, I love my man he is an amazing BF ect crap in her status..bragging about her 31 year old man ( my ex) Seems as if the honeymoon phase is wearing off now that she lives with him..I am not sure..or she could be perfectly happy with him. He now has a FB with only a few friends and she is one of them but they never write anything lovey on each others walls or does it show they have a relationship, you know how you change your status to "in a relationship with" whoever...well none of that...its weird to me.. Maybe I am reading into things but It dont seem to be the perfect happy relationship I thought it was all this time. She is the jealous type and wouldnt allow him to ever stay in any contact with me, He changed emails phone numbers ect.. I know it shouldnt matter, I would never take him back, but I guess I want to witness them falling apart and that would be my ultimate closure in order for me to get rid of this horrible saddness in my heart. Not sure if this will happen but I can only hope. I often wonder has he looked me up on FB just to see what I look like ect..I would NEVER make myself feel like **** by saying hi to him knowing he would reject me. I guess I am asking..why now after 7 months is he now using FB allowing me to be able to see his contact info cell and email? How can I just stop worrying about his life and get on with mine?
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 You know very well how. Why waste time asking the question ?
ADF Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 If you honestly, truly, can't control yourself, there's nothing you can do, is there? So sorry.
califnan Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I don't know why they don't write on the "walls" .. (and all that nonsense), ha .. And there is no knowing if he maintains his FB sight for other reasons - other than that you may come along and look. I have a FB sight with only me on it ha ha .. just keep with my company and other info on it .. Yes, you can go on with your life by reaching toward all of the things that you have always wished to accomplish.. I think it's perfectly natural for you to be curious and check on him - on his FB, or whatever .. It will wear off, in time..
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 (Pssstt.....Califnan.....'site'....not 'sight'. )
What_Next Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I've only been a LS member for a short period of time but I have read so many posts concerning Facebook. I'll be brutally honest and say that it truly disgusts me. To see what our society has become. Facebook in my opinion is such a childish exercise. If you are 15 or so sure. But adults using facebook every single day, writing silly comments on walls etc? Come on, grow up. Go outside, go camping, read a book, feed a bird. Put the bloody mouse down. Sorry to be harsh but it is how I honestly feel about it. My STBX used it and I always laughed when I saw it (never openly of course). What a waste of resources and true human contact.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I hate FB and the like. They often turn out to be a vehicle for gossip and resentment. I lived this long w/o that diversion and see a much better approach possible instead of the stumbling forward of systems and perpetuated social development negelect.
Ilovecake Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 The only way to stop is to get a life. Seriously, you need to go out there and start living instead of sitting at home pining for a guy who was absolutely terrible to you and doesn't want you in his life. Didn't you say before you have a teenage child? Maybe you can start spending more time with him. The less time you have to waste the less time you'll be wasting. Life is short and when you get old do you want your memories to be of years of spying on two people's lives via the internet?
romer Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Be kind to yourself and JUST DON'T LOOK. I stopped looking and it did wonders for me... Seriously, just stop. You will be glad you did.
wrencn Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 If they live with each other that could be why. I didn't write on my husbands facebook wall much when we were friends. It seems kinda weird to do so if you ask me.
Heatemyheart89 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 ive stopped looking and I feel great to be honest sod what hes doing!
Ilovecake Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 ive stopped looking and I feel great to be honest sod what hes doing! I know what you mean about feeling better. At first that extremely strong curiosity is still there but it fades. The curiosity is so much easier to suppress than the pain you feel after you look at them moving on with their lives. I even made a game of it, each day I didn’t look I gave myself permission to imagine him sad and miserable and dirty and hungry falling apart without me. Even though I knew it wasn’t true it was kind of fun.
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Well done Heatemyheart, that's the first step! The next step is to block. Then he can't see what you're writing to others either. With my ex, I came to the conclusion that since he was the one who chose where OUR story ends, he has no right to know how my story continues. That's the end. Done. I even made a game of it, each day I didn’t look I gave myself permission to imagine him sad and miserable and dirty and hungry falling apart without me. Even though I knew it wasn’t true it was kind of fun. I wish I could imagine my ex like that. All I can see in my head is how happy is is with his new girlfriend. For a while I forgot, but the other day I had a dream about both of them (I don't even know her!), and it brought back a bucnh of emotions I thought I'd gotten over. If I try to imagine him dirty and hungry and falling apart, I want to cry. I hate seeing people in pain, even if it is imagined pain. I guess maybe I'm WAY to compassionate for my own good
Frommemoriespast Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 It's actually human to want to see his fb page (and hers) it's got to be hard knowing that their relationship is at the level that it is. So, the reason that they do not post lovey dovey messages on their each others walls?? Well, if they live together..and possibly share computers and all that...then what's the point in the PDA? I mean, he can just tell her whatever he wants to tell her. There's a reason that it's okay with you to picture bad things for him and be happy (or okay) with that...it's because you hold resentment towards him. It's more of a scorn..than lingering love. It's possible that you feel he treats her better...or you imagine that their relationship is better than what you two had. If that's the case then you need to realize that you will find someone that you will have a completely different (better) relationship with. Everyone is not compatable with each other...not even if you try everything imaginable to keep it together. It's not that you weren't good enough, it's that the relationship wasn't working, you were obvivously good enough or you two wouldn't have been together...period. So, instead of wanting bad things for him, wish him the best..and then go out and get better for yourself. Love is wanting the best for someone ...even if that includes being with someone else. Bitterness...is the cause of ill thoughts toward your ex.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I've only been a LS member for a short period of time but I have read so many posts concerning Facebook. I'll be brutally honest and say that it truly disgusts me. To see what our society has become. Facebook in my opinion is such a childish exercise. If you are 15 or so sure. But adults using facebook every single day, writing silly comments on walls etc? Come on, grow up. Go outside, go camping, read a book, feed a bird. Put the bloody mouse down. Sorry to be harsh but it is how I honestly feel about it. My STBX used it and I always laughed when I saw it (never openly of course). What a waste of resources and true human contact. I kind of agree with this dont get me wrong im not bagging it hey if some like it good for them I just dont get it? ive actualy seen grown adults sitting at their computers haveing argurments thu facebook comments lmao! Not to mention the other issues it can bring gossip/stalking and so on my best advice op if you really can't stop then discontinue your internet service for a while until your in a better place emotionality and can fully move on.
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