lettym Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 (edited) I just need someone else's opinion than my own on this one... Ok well my boyfriends 22nd birthday is today and I'm 20. We've been going out for about 1 month and a half. We haven't had sex yet but we have made out alot but no sex. He told me loved me since very very early on in the relationship but I don't have those feelings towards him. I don't love him..i mean i feel like that it takes time to grow to love a person doesn't it? Its just all confusing to me because he seems very very sincere in the way he talks to me. He tells me that he's not just with me to have sex with me..that he really loves me but for some reason i don't believe him! I mean I believe him sometimes but sometimes I don't. I'm not a virgin. I've only had sex with one other guy and that was only 3 times back in January. Anyways, my point is that i feel like maybe all he wants his sex cuz I feel like he's pressuring me. I talked to him earlier over the phone and he told me that he has a surprise for me but he doesn't know if i'm up for it. I kind of had an idea since yesterday what he might be up to about a "surprise." He said he wanted to be with me in private somewhere. I knew he was thinking a hotel and he didn't even have to say it. I say a hotel because i still live with my parents and it just wouldn't feel right for some reason to bring him in my room to have sex and he doesn't live alone either. So then I just came straight out and told him to not think that just because its his birthday that I'm gonna have sex for him. I told him I wasn't ready for that yet and that i'm not gonna do it. RIght away I could tell his mood went down and he started talking about how i never want to do anything for him and that i always tell him no whenever he asks for something. I told him not to even compare those things to this situation because this is more serious. I mean yea I know I'm not a virgin but I feel that i have to love him to give myself like that to him and i dont love him. I could tell he was getting kinda mad and he told me to forget about it..and that he didn't wanna ruin his birthday. Which made me mad cuz i was getting mad because he was getting mad! I told him that he's not thinking about me and that he's just thinking about what he wants and he told me that wasn't true but that's what it feels like. I told him he needs to understand, even though he says he does..it doesn't seem like it? I dont know maybe i just need someone to tell me that he's just with me to have sex with me?? Dont know..kinda clueless here? Let me add that the first time we made out which was the first day of us dating each other he hinted that he wanted to have sex with me..and that was the first day!! Crazy. Then whenever he calls my cell and i dont answer..he starts leaving me voicemails and text messages asking me why i dont pick the phone up and it drives me nuts. THen the voicemails he leaves me..he makes it sound kinda harsh. He'll be like, "hey i'm calling you but i dont know why your not picking up." Just sounds kinda rude..i feel like he smothers me sometimes cuz it feels like he's always questioning what i'm really doing. If i tell him im watching tv..he'll be like, "well i dont hear the tv." Just little things here and there that really annoy me. Someones opinion on all of this?! please..thanks and sorry its long. lol Edited June 12, 2010 by lettym
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 He's a jerk. Really isn't another way to put it. And he is, IMO, telling you he loves you just to have sex. How insulting. You're smart to not give in. He's acting like you've been together a year and a half without sex, not a month and a half. I'd dump him to be honest, up to you where to go from here.
tigressA Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Dump him. As soon as you're done having sex with him for the first time he'll be rid of you and onto the next girl. It's clear from how he's been acting toward you that that's all he wants. If he truly cared for you, he wouldn't be pressuring you like that.
Sivok Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Considering 1.5 months in itself is considered very early in a standard relationship, I wonder exactly how early he dropped the L word on you. It must've been within the first 2 weeks. Don't do anything if you aren't ready yet although I wont lie, 1.5 months - to me anyway - is a while without sex if I'm seeing the person on a regular basis. I personally would never go out with a girl for that degree of time if I didn't want to do anything besides sleep with her
tigressA Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Considering 1.5 months in itself is considered very early in a standard relationship, I wonder exactly how early he dropped the L word on you. It must've been within the first 2 weeks. Don't do anything if you aren't ready yet although I wont lie, 1.5 months - to me anyway - is a while without sex if I'm seeing the person on a regular basis. I personally would never go out with a girl for that degree of time if I didn't want to do anything besides sleep with her She said in her post that he brought up sex on the first day they started dating. The first day! Clearly he's just hanging around until she gives it up. He's not even treating her with any real respect, just throwing around the "L" word like it's a cure-all for his jerk-a** behavior.
Sivok Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 She said in her post that he brought up sex on the first day they started dating. The first day! Clearly he's just hanging around until she gives it up. He's not even treating her with any real respect, just throwing around the "L" word like it's a cure-all for his jerk-a** behavior.Oh! Thanks for pointing that out, I missed it. Yeah, hands down, dump him
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Wall of text hurts my eyes so I read the first sentence I just need someone else's opinion than my own on this one... Ok well my boyfriends 22nd birthday is today and I'm 20.
Cracker Jack Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 He sounds pretty bad. I also think he's lying about the love part. Typical user. You can do better.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep telling this guy exactly how you feel. The way he pressures you about just about everything assures us here that he is only pushing to get into your pants. The constant pushing is such a red flag. At the very least, you tell him exactly how you feel and don't let anything he or anyone else says make you think you're wrong for feeling that way!!!
summerl0vesyou Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 That much pressure after a month and a half?? and you're right- love builds over TIME. this isnt fly by night True love will not pressure you. True love doesnt get angry at you for not doing something for them. True love probably wont even tell you that in a month because usually that is just infatuation and most people over 16 know that. Dump this guy. He is a grade-A dickwad. Honestly. He might "like" you, but he does NOT love you and is not concerned with your wellbeing. besides, you dont love HIM anyway. Leave, find a guy who will value your decision to wait longer, until it feels right.
summerl0vesyou Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Wall of text hurts my eyes so I read the first sentence you are an awful person sd81....lol. LIKE I SAID...dump this guy.
neveragain2493 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Trust your gut and dump him. I was in the same situation, and when I refused sex, the guy would say he didn't want to see me. I felt so free when I got rid of him. Find someone that really cares enough to wait.
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 News flash #!1 every guy you ever went on a date with wanted to have sex with you as soon as he could. News flash #2: Every day of your life, you walk past men on the street would like to have sex with you. News flash #3: Most, if not all, of your platonic male friends would also like to have sex with you. The fact men want to have sex with you doesn't mean they're evil. It just means they're human. There is this huge lie in our culture that sex isn't really that important, that "love" should be enough, that if a man cares for a woman should be willing to wait almost any length of time, blah, blah, blah. It's all rubbish. Human beings are risen apes, not fallen angels. Sex is a normal, natural part of adult life. The overwhelming majority of people need sex to be psychologically and emotionally healthy. And sexual rejection hurts. A woman who rejects a man sexually, over and over again, sends him a clear message: "I don't want you; you're not good enough for me." You have no obligation to have sex if you don't want to. But for Pete's sake, break up with this guy. He clearly lacks the common sense to break up with you. You and he are sexually incompatible. End it already.
that girl Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 News flash #!1 every guy you ever went on a date with wanted to have sex with you as soon as he could. News flash #2: Every day of your life, you walk past men on the street would like to have sex with you. News flash #3: Most, if not all, of your platonic male friends would also like to have sex with you. The fact men want to have sex with you doesn't mean they're evil. It just means they're human. There is this huge lie in our culture that sex isn't really that important, that "love" should be enough, that if a man cares for a woman should be willing to wait almost any length of time, blah, blah, blah. It's all rubbish. Human beings are risen apes, not fallen angels. Sex is a normal, natural part of adult life. The overwhelming majority of people need sex to be psychologically and emotionally healthy. And sexual rejection hurts. A woman who rejects a man sexually, over and over again, sends him a clear message: "I don't want you; you're not good enough for me." You have no obligation to have sex if you don't want to. But for Pete's sake, break up with this guy. He clearly lacks the common sense to break up with you. You and he are sexually incompatible. End it already. Newsflash #1- You are not all men. Not every guy sees sex the same way, even if he wants to sleep with a woman. Newsflash #2- Your friends are not all men. Guys often talk a lot of macho crap with other guys, going along with the party line, and are totally different with the women they date. Newsflash #3- A month and a half is not that long to date someone without sex, even if they weren't college aged and had more sexual experience. The guy has every right to walk away if he is unhappy with the level of intimacy, but that is because it is a missmatch, not because she is some cruel woman for holding out more than a week.
tigressA Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 ADF, I fail to see exactly how your post is relevant to the OP. It's clear from her post that it's not just that her boyfriend wants to have sex with her. He's guilt-tripping her and dismissing her feelings on the issue. Sure, most people need/want sex, but that doesn't mean they have the right to be total a**hats about it. Additionally, this guy is such a little boy. Bitching and whining to his girlfriend about how she won't give it up is a surefire way to ensure he won't be getting laid anytime soon...
ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 ADF, I fail to see exactly how your post is relevant to the OP. It's clear from her post that it's not just that her boyfriend wants to have sex with her. He's guilt-tripping her and dismissing her feelings on the issue. Sure, most people need/want sex, but that doesn't mean they have the right to be total a**hats about it. Additionally, this guy is such a little boy. Bitching and whining to his girlfriend about how she won't give it up is a surefire way to ensure he won't be getting laid anytime soon... You're right. I do think this man is immature and manipulative and that he doesn't have this woman's best interests in mind. No doubt he is a product of the so-called "hook up culture, " and is used to that dynamic. I didn't address that issue because other posters had already done so. I was just a bit put off that a grown woman could be this surprised that a man wanted sex with her. And that she seemed to think that his desire for sex weas, in and of itself, a problem.
bac Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 It is not about what he wants. Of course, every man, 22 wants sex as soon as possible. You should know what you want with him and in general in life. If you want to have sex, go for that. If you want something else, go for someting else.
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