CAChick1873 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My boyfriend of 7 months has this female best friend. I'm in no way jealous of their friendship. He assures me that he loves me and only me, he has never given me a reason to not trust him, and he just shows his love for me. However, his friend has been sending me nasty messages via facebook. She has made a fake account, and even he says sounds like her. Everything that is said is what she would say. He is hurt by this as he has known her for a long time. I am quite bothered by this. My question is: Do I have a right to tell him at this point its me or her? He tells me he stopped talking to her. I believe him. But if I find out they are, do I have a right to just either leave, or ask him to stop again.
Sivok Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 It should be clear by now that his best friend is jealous and is causing problems in your relationships. State your suspicions as such and note that due to her stunt, you really aren't comfortable with their friendship anymore. My best friend is also a female and yes, problems have arose with exs before but only due to insecure jealousy, not something she actually did. This doesn't sound like it's the case with you
Author CAChick1873 Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 It's really not. I haven't had a problem with her up until now. She even started whining to him, "You don't call me anymore! or you never want to hang out!" And he told her, "Well, I am with someone now. My girlfriend gets most of my time" and she threw a fit. He dropped her, but hopefully it sticks
carhill Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 There's more to that story. For sure. I smell a vampire 'best friend'
sagetalk Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 If she's attractive, I don't buy the best friend crap for one second. More like a sex buddy until the next girlfriend comes along. It's really, really weird for a guy's best friend to be a girl that he isn't having sex with. Really, really weird .
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 If she's attractive, I don't buy the best friend crap for one second. More like a sex buddy until the next girlfriend comes along. It's really, really weird for a guy's best friend to be a girl that he isn't having sex with. Really, really weird . Not really. My bf's best friend is female. She's great, and I get the impression she has been a big help for him in the past. Not all men want to sleep with every halfway decent woman that cross their path. The OP's situation is different, the friend is a psycho. If he was talking to her after she's been that immature and nasty, I think you have every right to kick up a stink. But by the sound of it he hasn't so nothing to worry about, right?
sagetalk Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 1. Not really. My bf's best friend is female. She's great, and I get the impression she has been a big help for him in the past. Not all men want to sleep with every halfway decent woman that cross their path. 2. The OP's situation is different, the friend is a psycho. If he was talking to her after she's been that immature and nasty, I think you have every right to kick up a stink. But by the sound of it he hasn't so nothing to worry about, right? 1. Even though your BF has a girl best friend, as a guy, it's still weird to me. I have never known a male that had a real platonic girl best friend in my entire life. I have heard many girls say their boyfriends have one (that's common), but I've never known it to actually be true when observing the guys language and actions around her. In your case I hope it is. Having an attractive, "not dating her" girl around makes a male more popular with girls, and shrewd, dating savvy guys know this all too well. However, unless the girl is your sister, it's going to be hard to keep her around unless she has feelings for you, or you throw tons of parties. 2. It sounds to me like the other girl is not a platonic friend and that the OP is still competing for this guy with his "best friend" (). For the OP's sake, I hope the feelings are mostly her for him. Only time will tell that though.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 1. Even though your BF has a girl best friend, as a guy, it's still weird to me. I have never known a male that had a real platonic girl best friend in my entire life. I have heard many girls say their boyfriends have one (that's common), but I've never known it to actually be true when observing the guys language and actions around her. In your case I hope it is. Having an attractive, "not dating her" girl around makes a male more popular with girls, and shrewd, dating savvy guys know this all too well. However, unless the girl is your sister, it's going to be hard to keep her around unless she has feelings for you, or you throw tons of parties. 2. It sounds to me like the other girl is not a platonic friend and that the OP is still competing for this guy with his "best friend" (). For the OP's sake, I hope the feelings are mostly her for him. Only time will tell that though. I more hope so for her husband's sake...and his twins she is currently heavily pregnant with. Oh the "best friend" without a doubt has feelings for the guy. Yep, if he slips up and she finds out that he's been going behind her back and chatting it up with the toxic one, she has her answer on how he feels.
sagetalk Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 1. I more hope so for her husband's sake...and his twins she is currently heavily pregnant with. Very curious. Are they long time friends? I don't want to be mean, but as beautiful as "not your wife" married and "not your child" pregnant women are (and they are ), it kinda kills the attraction a little bit. I'd still say it's likely they have hidded feelings for each other if they have known each other a long time and are close in age. Can be completely harmless though. In the OP's case, it's not harmless, and slightly disturbing.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Very curious. Are they long time friends? I don't want to be mean, but as beautiful as "not your wife" married and "not your child" pregnant women are (and they are ), it kinda kills the attraction a little bit. I'd still say it's likely they have hidded feelings for each other if they have known each other a long time and are close in age. Can be completely harmless though. In the OP's case, it's not harmless, and slightly disturbing. Yep, longtime friends. Since they were in school, they're now around 30. Even if they did at one point, way back when they were kiddies, have feelings, their friendship doesn't bother me in the least. She's sweet and really, if something was going to happen, it would have long before I came along. It's not really the norm though, a lot of the time I would agree with what you said. And I agree on the disturbing part!
Ihavenoidea Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I dont know if I woulg do a "me or her" type conversation. You have only been together 7 months. If my GF asked me about my BF who I have known for about 20 years. Ya the GF would never ghold a candle, girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever.
Confusedalways Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 One of my best friends is a straight guy and there's NO way he would ever even THINK about sending any type of bad message to any guy I ever date, nor would I even consider sending a nasty message to someone he was dating, either. First of all the girl sounds like a nut job. Any person who goes to that length to torment others sounds like a screw is loose. She is obviously no "friend" of his, because a real friend would never do that. Anyway-- sucks you had to offer the ultimatum, and you definitely have a right to walk if you find out their talking. One because he lied, two because of the principle of the thing. Unless she's just talking AT him. Which wouldn't shock me one bit.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 This girls sounds like a crazy, jealous, psycho. If you two have talked about it and the conclusion reached was that he wouldn't talk to the crazy one anymore, it's time to let that conversation go. Time will tell you if he was truthful about it or not. I don't see anything wrong with asking him from time to time if he's heard from her as long as you don't do it in some equally crazy clingy way. It sounds like you don't need to say "pick one of us" because he already has. He stopped talking to her. If this changes in the future you have every right to take off running in the opposite direction. If he is true to his word you may have found you a keeper! I wonder if the BFF has been like this in his past relationships? That will tell you a lot!
Recommended Posts