TinaniT Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I've seen a few separate posts regarding age differences. While I'm willing to accept, it might be different in MM (Though I do doubt, because my divorcing-man certainly was not interested in me because of my age, it was in fact a handicap early on, anymore than I was interested in him due to his age, which was just above what I had previously considered acceptable. It was other aspects of each other where we found each other perfectly suited after becoming friends (before becoming lovers). Anyhow, not to jump aside thoughts without consideration of there basis, where do you get this idea from? Experience or supposition? I saw somebody said over 10 years. Does this apply to both the female and male as the older partner? Some of the happiest couples I know have age differences. My mother was 17 years younger than my father and they were very happy until they died. My good aunt is 19 years younger than my uncle. They've been together 30 years. I have friends with a 16 year difference and he treats her exceedingly well. They are some of the happiest relationships I've seen, surviving and forging together despite the early stress. In fact, the only age difference relationship I have seen with an issue would have been my own former relationship and there I have to say it wasn't the age difference except that at 18 when I met him, I would have been vulnerable to an abusive man of any age, a vulnerability that maturity has changed I think but counseling is helping to make sure is gone.
Fallen Angel Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 There is only a six/seven year age difference between my sweetheart and myself. That seems to be the age difference I prefer as all relationships I have been in long term have been in that approximate range. Honestly, I think there is a point at which age become a moot point as far as using it to determine the sucess or failure rates of a relationship. A relationship between a man of 30 and a girl of 18 is likely to fail, but that is simply because they at that point are generally on different life paths. He has likely "sown his oats" and she not. (Or the reverse if it is an older woman/young man.) In this case he is likely ready to settle down, have 2.5 kids, a house with a yard that needs to be mowed weekly, and a dog. She is likely ready to enter college, find a career path, party until 3 am. At that point age is a determining factor. However, my sweetheart and I are both well beyond those stages. We have both been there and done that. I am 38 and he is (very soon) 46. Both having already grown and matured to a point where age is no longer a factor. But again that is because we are both well matured. Obviously had we met long ago, say when he was 19 and I was 12, then the age difference would have been too vast an obstacle to overcome. (Could you imagine? LMAO. *I like to tease him that he joined the Marines when I was in the fourth grade.... He would have hardly been able to take me as his date to the Marine Corps Ball each year!! )
Shakz Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Hard to say upon what criteria to establish a rule. At 48 I would consider dating a woman as young as 28, but generally seek women within a few years of my age, just because they are more compatible generally. It all depends on the person. Ten years ago I had a relationship with a woman 20 years younger that was tumultous for the very reasons you cite, but it did not end too badly. I doubt I would put myself through that again, though.
Fieldsofgold Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I once dated a man 25 years older than me. I was 35, he was 60. It was not a problem. Now I'm 60, and still enjoying all the activities I've enjoyed all my life - trail rides, swimming, boating, dancing til dawn. It occurred to me one day that if I had married him, instead of hot sex with my lover (which I still very much desire), now I'd more likely be visiting him in the nursing home every day. So I guess that at the beginning and end, age difference does make a difference.
MorningCoffee Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 25+ year difference between me and fMW/AP wasn't the problem. She valued my past experiences and I valued her introducing me to new ones. 50+ year difference between me and her child was the problem. If we had ended up together, the kid's tumultuous teens would have been my not-so-serene 70s. Ugh.
Hazyhead Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My most successful relationships have been with men older than me, including my xMM with whom I shared a nine year difference. For me, I have always been fiercely independent and very much an 'i can do it!' person but, romatically I still often like to feel like the 'little lady' and older men seem to be better at it than men my own age.
joey66 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 xMW and I are less than two months different in age. And we are both middle-aged. I don't think I could relate to a much younger woman. I had a professor once who told us, before you spend the night with someone, consider what you will talk about over breakfast. I don't know what I could talk about with a woman twenty years younger. That said, I firmly believe that loves conquers all, irrespective of age.
Ellin Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 I find this thread very relevant as I'm involved with a man 14 years older than me and I'm starting to wonder if it can really work and starting to be concerned about the problems that might occur. So please keep the success stories coming...
PG Love Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 SO and I are 20 years apart (I am 32, he is 52). It has worked out for us, but it may not be the best for everyone. I think it is a situational thing. We have been together about 2 years now and we don't even realize the age gap. I think once a woman reaches the age of 28/30 the age factor lessens greatly.
ladydesigner Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I am in my late thirties and my XOM was 21 when we began our A. Huge age difference. It posed problems. Though we got along well and had a lot in common the sex was not good as he was not experienced and he was not financially secure to have a stable relationship. I still cannot fathom why I would ever contemplate having any kind of relationship with someone that young, although he seemed mature in conversation, we just got along really well.
Lizzie60 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Coucou Since my first ex.. I've mainly had sex with much younger men.. My first ex was 11 years older.. my 2nd ex was 12 years younger.. Now my MMs are ALL younger.. the youngest is 31 years younger.. he's 27, I'm 58... We had sex yesterday... and he said we will always be together.. as if... He's sooo cute though.. so intelligent.. I enjoy being with him.. he's like a breath of fresh air..
GreenEyedLady Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 There's a 14 year age difference and we married a year and a half ago. I don't have a problem with the difference and ages and neither does he. Itz society that makes it a problem. GEL
OWoman Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 There is only 10 years between my H and myself. I usually prefer an age gap a little bigger than that, but as he's always done the "older woman" thing before, it seems to have rubbed off as he's mature enough. It's all about life stages. I just find younger men irritating - they just want to make babies and build empires. I prefer men that are already at the top of their game, so they're able to focus on enjoying life rather than proving things to the world.
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