Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Tonight I headed out with a group of girl friends. I was the only one coupled up and everyone else has been single for varying amounts of time (from 4 months to two years). The age ranges were 30 (me) but everyone else 33 - 36. I listened to everyone rant and go on about men out there. They are all doing online dating plus meeting guys IRL. The final verdict: They wanted a man to actually pursue them. They were tired of guys who would only call to set a date and then make no other contact or men would would flake out and cancel dates, etc. They wanted someone to show interest from the beginning. They wanted a man who would call instead of text all the time. They wanted to feel chased and were telling guys who didn't do these things to get lost. So....it's interesting that most of the advice on here is do to the opposite. Men are taught that women run when they are pursued (which I've always found weird b/c if the guy isn't going after me I'm not wasting my time on him.) So LS...what gives? Are we just giving out crappy advice on this forum? Have that many posters missed the mark? Or are my friends just the anomaly?
Woggle Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 It is a classic case of what women say and what women do being completely different things.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 But they are most certainly backing up these statements with their actions by cutting it off with any one who canceled on them or who only called them once per week or once every two weeks to set up a date. This shows me they don't want to date those men. If they wanted to, they would keep dating them. I have a hard time believing my friends are so weird. But maybe they are.
Woggle Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 But they are most certainly backing up these statements with their actions by cutting it off with any one who canceled on them or who only called them once per week or once every two weeks to set up a date. This shows me they don't want to date those men. If they wanted to, they would keep dating them. I have a hard time believing my friends are so weird. But maybe they are. Chances they would probably break it off even quicker if he pursued. I have come to the conclusion that with most women a man will be wrong no matter what and that seems like the case here.
TheBigQuestion Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Maybe the advice to not pursue/not seem eager is better suited for the under 30 crowd?
Author Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 One girl broke it off before they ever met b/c he canceled on the "meet for coffee" date. How could she have broken it off faster? He begged for a second chance (via text) and she finally called him and told him that she wanted a man with his **** together which he clearly did not have and moved on to the next guy. I know personally if a guy isn't chasing me I'm not interested in him so maybe I pick friends who are like me. But then I wonder why we are always telling guys on here to act uninterested. Seems like they may be missing out on sane women who don't bother with the games.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 Maybe the advice to not pursue/not seem eager is better suited for the under 30 crowd? That is a question I had been pondering all night. Hopefully more women in the 30+ range will chime in.
Pyro Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Tonight I headed out with a group of girl friends. I was the only one coupled up and everyone else has been single for varying amounts of time (from 4 months to two years). The age ranges were 30 (me) but everyone else 33 - 36. I listened to everyone rant and go on about men out there. They are all doing online dating plus meeting guys IRL. The final verdict: They wanted a man to actually pursue them. They were tired of guys who would only call to set a date and then make no other contact or men would would flake out and cancel dates, etc. They wanted someone to show interest from the beginning. They wanted a man who would call instead of text all the time. They wanted to feel chased and were telling guys who didn't do these things to get lost. So....it's interesting that most of the advice on here is do to the opposite. Men are taught that women run when they are pursued (which I've always found weird b/c if the guy isn't going after me I'm not wasting my time on him.) So LS...what gives? Are we just giving out crappy advice on this forum? Have that many posters missed the mark? Or are my friends just the anomaly? sounds to me like they just want a confident, assertive, non game playing guy. Sounds normal to me. Where in the heck did you read advice like that? Thats awful advice.
Els Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Several reasons: 1. Some of the most extremist posters in the 'don't call' camp are either very bad trolls, or very bitter men. 2. Some posters go all out on a limb when all that was suggested was to take two steps. They called 10 times a day, followed by messages that weren't answered, and then return here hurt and angry and calling the 'pursuing' advice a huge bluff. 3. Every person is different. Some posters may have genuinely gotten involved with a woman who truly wants to take the lead, or a woman who just wants a casual relationship with no strings tied, etc.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I think there's a difference with pure chasing and reciprocation. Some women like being chased, but they're also the same women who doesn't do anything in the long run. Yes, statistically speaking, women like men who chase, but there's a point where they have to at least reciprocate so men won't have to feel like they're doing all the work. It's enough to feel like a princess, but to act like one all the time?
Engadget Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Women like being pursued, but guess what? Women can do it too, so get on it.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 No Crazy, you're friends aren't abnormal. They are very, very normal. That's exactly how I feel. I think social interaction has changed in the last few years. Today we Facebook, text, sext, twitter, emails, we have so many options that too many people do things half-assed in favor of fast, easy, cheap technology. I'd love to find a truly assertive guy, that knew what he wanted, didn't want to be a boy but a man, and respected things like commitment, hardwork and loyatly. Where are those guys? Instead, I see guys that will ask you out via text, play x-box, brag about not wanting to start a family until he is 40....Oy. And yes, women can pursue men but some women don't want to have to take the leadership role to find a guy. Some women can and do and that's fine but some women don't. And tellng these women "they can pursue too" is completely meaningless to them. It doesn't make them wrong, it just means they have a differet style.
Engadget Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 No Crazy, you're friends aren't abnormal. They are very, very normal. That's exactly how I feel. I think social interaction has changed in the last few years. Today we Facebook, text, sext, twitter, emails, we have so many options that too many people do things half-assed in favor of fast, easy, cheap technology. I'd love to find a truly assertive guy, that knew what he wanted, didn't want to be a boy but a man, and respected things like commitment, hardwork and loyatly. Where are those guys? Instead, I see guys that will ask you out via text, play x-box, brag about not wanting to start a family until he is 40....Oy. And yes, women can pursue men but some women don't want to have to take the leadership role to find a guy. Some women can and do and that's fine but some women don't. And tellng these women "they can pursue too" is completely meaningless to them. It doesn't make them wrong, it just means they have a differet style. Men always pursuing had it's place in the past when women were submissive in society perhaps, but not now. Now women work and everything, they need to pursue just as much. I wouldn't be with the girl I am now if she hadn't pursued me, because I wasn't looking to meet anyone.
You'reasian Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 The final verdict: They wanted a man to actually pursue them. They were tired of guys who would only call to set a date and then make no other contact or men would would flake out and cancel dates, etc. They wanted someone to show interest from the beginning. They wanted a man who would call instead of text all the time. They wanted to feel chased and were telling guys who didn't do these things to get lost. So....it's interesting that most of the advice on here is do to the opposite. Men are taught that women run when they are pursued (which I've always found weird b/c if the guy isn't going after me I'm not wasting my time on him.) A "mature" woman wants a man, "whom she is highly attracted to," to pursue her. This advice is not meant for every man and does not speak for every woman. If you pursue a woman who is luke warm to you, she will think you are creepy. A woman who likes a man will laugh at his jokes A woman who does not really know or dislikes a man will scowl at his. Certain advice works if and only if the woman is interested and or attracted to the man in question.
TouchedByViolet Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 A "mature" woman wants a man, "whom she is highly attracted to," to pursue her. This advice is not meant for every man and does not speak for every woman. If you pursue a woman who is luke warm to you, she will think you are creepy. A woman who likes a man will laugh at his jokes A woman who does not really know or dislikes a man will scowl at his. Certain advice works if and only if the woman is interested and or attracted to the man in question. Yup, the women who want men to pursue them are talking about men who they are already interested in. If the females attraction is very slight the guy has to play it slow not to come across as desperate. Dating can be a terrible headache.
Krytie TV Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I do have to rather agree with Woggle that it should be noted that many people in society express something different from what they really want. This can be because some people cannot admit to themselves what their wants are, or they just have a hard time admitting it to others. It is possible that these women friends of yours are a subsect of our society that are the decent girls who are mature in their dating habits. They are out there, no one can deny that. The problem is just finding these gems.
You'reasian Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Yup, the women who want men to pursue them are talking about men who they are already interested in. If the females attraction is very slight the guy has to play it slow not to come across as desperate. Dating can be a terrible headache. If the female attraction to the male is slight, is there anything wrong with simultaneously pursuing other females?
tigressA Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 If the female attraction to the male is slight' date=' is there anything wrong with simultaneously pursuing other females?[/quote'] Definitely not. I see it in the reverse as well. I tend to prefer pursuing to being pursued, at least in the initial contact, and I don't put all my eggs in one basket. Usually I pursue two or three men at a time and then narrow it down.
Engadget Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Definitely not. I see it in the reverse as well. I tend to prefer pursuing to being pursued, at least in the initial contact, and I don't put all my eggs in one basket. Usually I pursue two or three men at a time and then narrow it down. There you go, tigress has the right idea.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 If the female attraction to the male is slight' date=' is there anything wrong with simultaneously pursuing other females?[/quote'] I think you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket that's for sure! Two of the girls were really interested in particular guys though until they didn't pursue and then they lost interest really quickly. I guess it depends on what type of woman you are going after?
Engadget Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I think you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket that's for sure! Two of the girls were really interested in particular guys though until they didn't pursue and then they lost interest really quickly. I guess it depends on what type of woman you are going after? It also depends if you women even give off any signals for us to continue. Some women act distant to test men, and many of us won't bother if you do that. A simple look across the bar isn't enough, and many girls seem to think that's more than enough. We can't read your minds.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 These were guy's they had been out on dates with already who wouldn't make contact again until they wanted to set up the next date. The other huge gripe issue of the night was texting. I believe all of us said we hate it when guy's try to have conversations through text in the initial phases of dating. That could be an age thing too though.
hats Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Of course women want to be pursued. Are there really any women that don't? Who doesn't want to feel desired, not have to do any work and be given everything they want, to feel safe from the possibility of rejection while still holding on to that option themselves. The problem is that men want that too.
somedude81 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 These were guy's they had been out on dates with already who wouldn't make contact again until they wanted to set up the next date. What's wrong with that? Also how come the girls didn't make contact? The other huge gripe issue of the night was texting. I believe all of us said we hate it when guy's try to have conversations through text in the initial phases of dating. That could be an age thing too though. The girl could always call. Personally though I don't like text conversations and would rather talk than text.
Author Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 What's wrong with that? Also how come the girls didn't make contact? Because the gripe of the evening was that they wanted to be pursued and apparently the men they have run across are the ones who buy into this "be indifferent" nonsense. So when the guys would act indifferent they would next him only to have the guys get all up in arms and not understand why. The girl could always call. Personally though I don't like text conversations and would rather talk than text. One of the funniest stories of the night. My friend told a guy "I don't like to text. Please don't text me." but he kept texting her anyway so she picked up the phone to call him. He didn't answer. But texted back his reply to her voicemail. Seriously!?!
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