Jump to content

Its been 8 years

Bigdaddy5517

By Bigdaddy5517
in Infidelity

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Bigdaddy5517 New Member

Bigdaddy5517

Posted
Posted

Well I was happily married and 8 years ago my wife started a one month affair online with another man... She had relations with him and then when he dumped her she bragged about it to me and did everything she could to hurt me.... When we met I told her that I would divorce her if she ever cheated on me... So I did... She ended up begging me to stay after the divorce promising me she would change and that she would fix us.... We had one child at the time and I thought it best to try and make something work for his sake.... I told her that if there was any chance for us to work that I wanted to know ever detail of the affair... She assured me I knew everything years ago and just the other day I found out she had lied about some of it and now I just can't seem to get it off my mind.... She has done nothing for 8 years to fix anything... She just figured it would all go away... I know I was lied to all these years and I feel like she has been using me all this time... I do love her very much but I dont want to be lied to anymore... We have 3 children now and that makes things hard for me... 8 years ago she was the love of my life... Now I find it hard to even talk to her... If I haven't gotten over this in 8 years I'm thinking I likely never will... I told her I need to leave and move on with my life.... She again is telling me she doesn't wanna go on in life without me... If she loved me as much as she said she did she would have never cheated in the first place... I guess I'm just confused as to what to do.... I just don't understand why I would still feel this way after all this time.... Thanks for listening

Disintegration Established Member

Disintegration

Posted
Posted

It is extremely difficult to get over even after so much time has passed. I think what is making it harder on you is that you just now discovered more of what she was hiding. She was telling you half truths. It's hard to believe anything she has said thus far, who's to say there isn't more she is withholding? You'll never fully know.

 

What I find disgusting is that she actually bragged to you about her affair.

 

You gave her a chance to redeem herself. She should have been totally honest with you about everything from the beginning. Not tell you 8 years later about more things to re-open the wounds. She either should have told you then or not at all now. It's rough, I know.

 

You have to decide if you can forgive her for her dishonesty and see if you can move forward with your life together. I know it's harder now with two additional children. If you can salvage your marriage, then by all means go for it. Try marriage counseling. As long as she is not rubbing it in your face again you may have a shot.

lostsunsets Established Member

lostsunsets

Posted
Posted

She was not contrite in the first place. So this made you feel like a dupe. Now you have found out that she lied all this time. So it sets you back to day one and feeling like a dupe. Its up to you. Stay or go. Best of luck

Darth Vader Established Member

Darth Vader

Posted
Posted
She was not contrite in the first place. So this made you feel like a dupe. Now you have found out that she lied all this time. So it sets you back to day one and feeling like a dupe. Its up to you. Stay or go. Best of luck

 

 

Just leave her, she's a liar and a cheat!:sick::eek:

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

What, specifically, has she NOT done to fix things in the last 8 years that she needed to?

 

Has this been clearly communicated to her over these 8 years?

 

I'm also curious what happened 8 years ago that you just found out that was 'big enough' to make you reconsider staying with her after all these times?

 

Your story sounds very familiar. I'm curious what steps the two of you took to reconcile?

road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

How and what revelations came out?

porkinsjehosaphat Member

porkinsjehosaphat

Posted
Posted (edited)
We have 3 children now and that makes things hard for me
Divorce with three kids will likely be a financial disaster for both of you.

 

Be practical, stay married until the youngest is 18.

 

In the meantime, get your sexual needs met by seeking out NSA/side p*ssy. Be discrete, keep a low profile, use protection/safe sex (don't bring any diseases back home, don't want to get anyone preggers.) Avoid bunny boilers and don't have an affair with anyone who has less to lose than you do. Try not to bang anyone that you work with esp. not direct reports.

 

Be civil to your wife, do your best to ignore her odd behavior signifying she is still banging other men and has never stopped. Make her get a high paying job if possible so she can at least be good for something by contributing as much as possible to the family income while you're still married and to try to avoid being jammed for spousal support when you do, inevitably, go through your future divorce.

 

This is the best, most practical advice anyone can give you.

 

Your marriage has been over for at least eight years. Your wife doesn't love you and doesn't respect you. You married a ruthless, remorseless liar and cheat who has never made any effort to change, because she's totally self absorbed and selfish. She's a user. The person you thought you married never existed, it was all a carefully-crafted con job combined with a figment of your own imagination.

 

***

wtf??? OP I reread your post, you're ALREADY divorced, but you had more kids with this skank?

 

Sorry I have no advice to give to an insane person. You need a psychiatrist.

Edited by porkinsjehosaphat
me123456 New Member

me123456

Posted
Posted

Hi. I am the ex that is referred to in this post. Everything that was mentioned is true. I didn't tell him the whole story and I should have. I don't want to lose him. Am I being selfish to want him to stay with me? I know we can make it through this. What can I do to help him? I never thought it would come to this. I always thought we would be together forever. I wish I would have done the things he wanted and got help for our relationship. Is it too late? I love him very much and if I could take back what I did, I would. He wanted me to try to fix our relationship for 8 years. I told him I would and I did nothing. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I just figured he was here so there was nothing to fix. For the past 8 years, he has treated me like a queen. He thinks I used him and I didn't. I don't blame him for the affair. It was my decision. A decision I regret every day of my life. He doesn't deserve to be treated like I treated him. He is a great guy and I don't want to lose him. I love him more every day. He wants me to just let go and I can't. I don't know how. I know this is all my fault and I should just give up. But for some reason I just can't. I don't want to go on without him. I want him to be happy but I want him to be happy with me. Am I stupid to think things can be worked out? Should I just give up? Am I being selfish to ask this of him? I don't want to give up. I want things to work out more than anything. I love him with all my heart.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

It seems he's made his choice. Maybe it's time to respect that?

 

Now that everything is out of your control NOW you are reacting.

 

Does he know you're posting on here as well? This was a place for him to get support, a place he could open up .. Did he tell you about LS or did you happen to luckily stumble on here by accident? Or possibly see his history in the computer and found his thread, decided to post and put your thoughts down in hopes he'll read it?

 

I suggest you give him time and space. Don't try to push him right now.

 

In the meantime, get to one on one counselling (marriage counsellor) and start working on you.

 

Even if you two divorce, there are kids involved and you two will forever be in eachothers lives on some level and will have to learn how to co parent together, but apart.

  • 2 weeks later...
Darth Vader Established Member

Darth Vader

Posted
Posted
Hi. I am the ex that is referred to in this post. Everything that was mentioned is true. I didn't tell him the whole story and I should have. I don't want to lose him. Am I being selfish to want him to stay with me? I know we can make it through this. What can I do to help him? I never thought it would come to this. I always thought we would be together forever. I wish I would have done the things he wanted and got help for our relationship. Is it too late? I love him very much and if I could take back what I did, I would. He wanted me to try to fix our relationship for 8 years. I told him I would and I did nothing. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I just figured he was here so there was nothing to fix. For the past 8 years, he has treated me like a queen. He thinks I used him and I didn't. I don't blame him for the affair. It was my decision. A decision I regret every day of my life. He doesn't deserve to be treated like I treated him. He is a great guy and I don't want to lose him. I love him more every day. He wants me to just let go and I can't. I don't know how. I know this is all my fault and I should just give up. But for some reason I just can't. I don't want to go on without him. I want him to be happy but I want him to be happy with me. Am I stupid to think things can be worked out? Should I just give up? Am I being selfish to ask this of him? I don't want to give up. I want things to work out more than anything. I love him with all my heart.

 

 

You riding another man and exposing your hubby to STD's is bad enough, but, then you go and brag to your husband about you doing it! What's wrong with you? If it were me, your ass would've been drop kicked out the door FOREVER!

 

He couldn't have done anything that would merit this, talk about screwed up!

 

Your husband needs IC pronto for what you've done to him! His self esteem and self worth are blown to hell, no wonder he can't seem to move on! However, that may be exactly what you want, hubby not being able to move on.

2long Established Member

2long

Posted
Posted
Your marriage has been over for at least eight years. Your wife doesn't love you and doesn't respect you. You married a ruthless, remorseless liar and cheat who has never made any effort to change, because she's totally self absorbed and selfish. She's a user. The person you thought you married never existed, it was all a carefully-crafted con job combined with a figment of your own imagination

 

So, your recommendation is that he become a ruthless, remoreselss liar and cheat, 2 become totally self-absorbed and selfish, a user, a con man?

 

That's the most awe-inspiringly ridiculous advice I've ever heard.

 

-ol' 2long

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

Posted
Posted

The guy doesnt hae to become what she is or was. he could just divorce her and move on. All of the negative traits this woman exhibited was very bad.

 

But it doesnt mean for the husband to stoop down on the same path. now does it?

Darth Vader Established Member

Darth Vader

Posted
Posted (edited)
The guy doesnt hae to become what she is or was. he could just divorce her and move on. All of the negative traits this woman exhibited was very bad.

 

But it doesnt mean for the husband to stoop down on the same path. now does it?

 

 

Agreed. I wish this man would back on here and tell us more, perhaps we could help him.:cool::)

 

I agree with you too wwiu, I thought his wife checked his computer history to post here. Someone who's hurting like that man is would turn to the internet for assistance, I think she knew he would do just that, and from the looks of it she's trying to sabotage the assistance he needs!:mad::sick:

 

If you every do come back Bigdaddy5517 to read the responses, perhaps you can use a different name to repost, leave out certain things, and whatever you do, use a computer other than the one your wife has access to! Use a different computer, one that she has no idea about, like from a library or some coffee shop that has their own computer/s for you to use, remember to log out from this site though, there would be no way for her to trace that, too many people use those computers!! She can't watch you all the time, don't let her think that she can watch you, because she can't. Remember that you couldn't watch your wife 24/7, and she screwed around on ya, well, the same thing goes for her, she can't watch you.:cool:

 

 

Let's find a way to communicate with each other my friend since your Hex of a wife wants to do her savvie computer snooping, just remember to clear your history and cookies on your computer when you come back to read these responses, yes, we'll wait for you my friend, and you're very welcome here, you're amongst friends who do want to help you! Just watch your back here, because there are cheaters who would take your wife's side of things, just don't let them rattle you.

 

Just use a different username when you do come back, and don't post everything that you did on this post. We'll find you!;):cool:

 

Oh, come to think of it, your wife may frequent this site, either to read (lurk) and/or to post. Either is a possibility!

Edited by Darth Vader
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...