Scarlett513 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 This is a re-post as I originally posted on a different board by mistake. Apologies. I have been on and off with this guy since October. We've broken up a total of 3 times. Once him breaking up with me, the other times, me breaking up with him because I felt I wasn't being heard, and that my opinions/feelings didn't matter to him (if you want specifics, check out my other threads). Also, it's frustrating to discuss things with him because he would just twist things around and make it my fault (i.e., i'm controlling, crazy, paranoid, etc...). The last time I broke up with him, we'd only been officially "back together" for a week - during which time, there were 4 incidents of this stuff, I got fed up, and ended it (not because I wanted to but because I felt like I had no choice). I went NC and we stayed that way for a month. So a month later, he pops up again. He says he wants to try things again, he misses me, blah blah. Now I am like a moth to a flame with this guy. I don't know what it is about him, but it's like I can't stay away. We have a lot of chemistry personality-wise and amazing sex, which I guess doesn't hurt. Anyway, I didn't trust myself so I was going to ignore his initial contact but I caved. Now for the past 2 weeks we've been in this dance of talking things over, and I made the mistake of sleeping with him on one occasion (we have seen each other twice). We've talked about things and he seems to understand that starting up again would be a slow process, and he does also seem to understand what he did wrong. He explained himself in regards to the 4 instances that week, and seems to get why I was upset. His explanations as to his side do make sense so I can see both sides. Anyway, more than a few of his texts have been sexual in nature, and I am worried that he is missing the sex and/or the IDEA of me rather than actually missing me. I have discussed this with him (rather, I kind of freaked out after we had sex and I started thinking he was using me). He swears it's about more than that. But at the same time, I feel like if he wants me back, shouldn't he be trying harder to show me that I matter to him as a person and not just a sexual object? Is that all he wants from me, and is this even about me at all?? I really care about him and I am so drawn to him. I absolutely WISH things could work out for the two of us. But I don't want to play games and I'm not sure what his intentions are. What he says is that he wants me in his life in whatever way I'll allow. I just can't help this nagging feeling that he's just missing the sex or attention. Then again, this is the first time he's actually been open to discussing the things that he did wrong and accepted fault for them. I want to give him another chance but I don't want to get caught up in games and wind up hurt again. Do I write him off completely? Should I tell him straight up we can hang out and see where things go but no sex for now? He says he'd be fine with that but should I test that? If you read all that, thank you so much.
Sivok Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Here's my advice It sounds to me like you enjoy/miss the sex just as much as him. Make sure not to cave into this again until you're sure you want to get back together. ~breakup advice~ You have been on/off with this guy for 9 months now and already broke up with him 3 times. Honestly, in my experience, if you get back together again - he's going to be the exact same way as he was before once he feels he's 'comfortable' in the relationship again. You've broken up with him this many times for a reason... It's clear to me that you love him and you're trying to fight with every fiber of your being to stay away and honestly, I feel you should... Give your heart time to heal and move on. ~try advice~ Do NOT have sex with him for a bit until he can prove to you that he's changed. If he gets impatient/angry about that, his intentions will be made crystal clear to you. Hope that helps.
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