Lipsy10 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 So heres the thing, I have 4/5 friends who have been single for quite a few years now. They say they are happy with their lives.... they don't need a man... they love their freedom... etc. And while i defo beleive you don't need a man to be happy I can't help but feel "the lady protests too much". Point being if your so happy why feel the need to justify your status so often. I've noticed over the years how these girls take a perfectly innocent remark and turn it into a personal attack. They see "partronising" looks and "smug" smiles around every corner. As an outside observer I can honestly say 90% of the time its all in their heads. Now there is that one annoying person ya meet every now and then but believe it or not most people couldn't care less about your relationship status. As the years go by they're all getting more and more paranoid, one girl in particular seems to think couples kissing in public are doing it to rub her face in it!! I find most long term single people think the same way - that every person in a relationship is looking down their nose at them.. thinks there must be something wrong with them cos there single... GET OVER YOURSELF! The sad reality of todays world means most people are too busy focusing on their own lives to care about anyone elses. I think these singles are projecting their own issues onto other people and are definately not as happy as they make out..... But then Im a "smug married" so I would say that
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I think there's just a lot of social pressure for everyone to be coupled up. Well...there are social pressures about a lot of things, but I think most single people have a stigma attached especially as they age.
TouchedByViolet Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I don't think anyone WANTS to be single throughout life. These women are probably single involuntarily and falsely show control over the situation by acting like they choose being single. They wish they had someone and are bitter about it. To some degree in denial as well.
Woggle Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 If a person is truly happy with their situation then they would even care what other people are doing. It is incredibly egotistical of them to think that couple show affection just to rub it in their face.
Scarlett513 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I think they're talking a big game, but probably don't feel as fine about being single as they'd like you to believe. But cut them some slack, there really is a lot of pressure on women to be coupled up, and it can be difficult to deal with at times.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I agree with the social pressure part. When it comes to dating, unlike men, women have to fight to be both physically and mentally desirable. Given that in certain geographical areas where women outnumber men, there's always competition to attract the opposite sex. Hence all the focus on makeup and looking hot/sexy, etc. Having been single for a while now, I do jealous that I see my friends in long term relationships. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me that I can't find someone to have a relationship with. And given that there's always pressure that I'm afraid that I might end up alone it just makes it worse. But then again, I'm only in my early twenties, the pressure is that if I can't find someone, does that make me any less desirable?
sagetalk Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 There is a stigma attached by some people. There was a thread about this awhile back and girls were saying how they wouldn't date a guy that had never been in a long term relationship. As crazy as it sounds, some people do look down on others for not attaching themselves to someone.
D-Lish Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Why not cut your friends some slack. No one that is truly okay with being single is going to be that reactive to others in a relationship. If this is the case, and they are obviously lonley- why the need to bash them?
Woggle Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Why not cut your friends some slack. No one that is truly okay with being single is going to be that reactive to others in a relationship. If this is the case, and they are obviously lonley- why the need to bash them? If they want to find somebody then being bitter will not help them at all and if they are happy single it shouldn't matter what others are doing away so in either case this bitterness acheives nothing. Stressing over other people's lives does not help their case in any way.
D-Lish Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 If they want to find somebody then being bitter will not help them at all and if they are happy single it shouldn't matter what others are doing away so in either case this bitterness acheives nothing. Stressing over other people's lives does not help their case in any way. It's not easy being lonley, and as a friend- I'd certainly be more prone to sympathizing, rather than criticizing my friends when I know they are bothered by it. When you are single, everyone in a relationship seems to feel the need to point it out or ask you why- or even make certain judgements about you. I am one of those people that is single by choice- and although I have bitter moments, I never let anyone know it. I know how it feels though, and sometimes it is really hard.
Lovelybird Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Could it be that OP is jealous of her friends' freedom ?
skydiveaddict Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Could it be that OP is jealous of her friends' freedom ? maybe, but I must admit that i'm tired of being single
Woggle Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 When my friends are effing up I tell them and they tell me when I am. A true friend tells you the truth you don't want to hear and the truth is that these friends need to worrying about other people's lives.
Lovelybird Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 maybe, but I must admit that i'm tired of being single In my country a famous author said this: marriage is like a small castle surrounded by walls. The insiders want to come out, the outsiders want to come in. It's human nature.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I don't think anyone WANTS to be single throughout life. These women are probably single involuntarily and falsely show control over the situation by acting like they choose being single. They wish they had someone and are bitter about it. To some degree in denial as well. Ding! You nailed it. They also feed off their defacto cliquishness which tends to rubber stamp approve their antisocial attitudes as normal and/or superior. There's a seething volcano in each one--they just are scared or gay.
Confusedalways Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Some singles are sensitive about being single. Some people in relationships are sensitive about being in relationships. People who are single probably find that they need to give a justification for something society deems as the norm. It's the same thing with a lot of other things, people feel they need to justify why they're unemployed or why they're living with their parents-- because these are things that people tend to look down on. Of course people get more paranoid as the years go by. I know right now 80% of my friends are talking about their upcoming weddings (even though none have been proposed to), their ideal proposal, their rings and so on and so forth. As a friend, I listen to them, and am excited with and for them. However, I expect them to listen if I'm discussing how I don't like being single and/or am paranoid over a remark someone made. If they want to tell me to "get over myself" then they should really get over themselves. Friendship is a two way street and I am glad that none of my friends give off a condescending tone like the OPs when I'm down in the dumps about something relationship oriented.
Mr White Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Social pressures are a good thing, because they provide structure and direction that very, VERY FEW people are able to authentically obtain purely on their own. The boomer delusion about being all you can be has gone way too far and it is the equivalent of never growing up. So, there's definitely raising implicit pressure to be in a relationship/marriage as one grows older, and that is a good thing - it should force an introspection of what exactly are the reasons (good and bad) why this is not happening. While there is more to life than shaking up, these are important milestones, and very few people have the drive, the abilities, and the vision to exist better outside of a standard path. Unless you have a truly life-changing occupation of at least community importance, there is little excuse for being single other than being lazy (which used to be my case). In any case, the standard life course path - in everything - is under-appreciated. Demolishing all paths, is not a good thing.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I'm sure it's difficult to be a woman and not have a life partner or husband or whatever. Society expects us to couple up and produce children and no matter how hard we fight that we were ingrained at a young age that our life is supposed to go that way. I think very few people are able to overcome such blatant socialization.
Author Lipsy10 Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 It's not easy being lonley, and as a friend- I'd certainly be more prone to sympathizing, rather than criticizing my friends when I know they are bothered by it.. Firstly I always sympathize with my friends when they feel they are being judged for being single but as I said this has been going on for years and its at a point where I feel they judge themselves more than "society" does. When you are single, everyone in a relationship seems to feel the need to point it out or ask you why- or even make certain judgements about you... This is exactly what Im talking about! Not everyone in a relationship is judgeing you.. I'm willing to bet most couldn't care less or maybe the ones that do mention your single status can sense your not happy and are trying to help. (Even thou they end up making you feel worse.) I am one of those people that is single by choice- and although I have bitter moments, I never let anyone know it. I know how it feels though, and sometimes it is really hard... I am a very independant woman. I've never needed a man in my life. I just happened to find someone who makes me happy. I don't think there is anything wrong with being single at all. If your happy, be happy and don't let anyone bring you down.
Author Lipsy10 Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 I don't think anyone WANTS to be single throughout life. These women are probably single involuntarily and falsely show control over the situation by acting like they choose being single. They wish they had someone and are bitter about it. To some degree in denial as well. Ding, Ding.... you make a very good point.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Lipsy, why are these ladies your friends? Friends aren't always right and they aren't happy but if someone is truly a friend, we should understand that and be somewhat more sensitive to them even if we don't agree. From your intial post, you take on a somewhat condesending tone in regards to them. And to be honest, I think you should take a bit of your own advice "get over yourself". You complain how most "singles" think coupled people are rubbing it in but then you "couple", say: "I find most long term single people think the same way - that every person in a relationship is looking down their nose at them.. thinks there must be something wrong with them cos there single... GET OVER YOURSELF!" This not exactly a different line of thinking then your friends that think *most* couples are rubbing it in their faces. It's just the opposite end but the same thought patterns. Sheessh.
Engadget Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 A lot of women can't take jokes, and with my sense of humor that's just a pain. That being said after being in a relationship for 6 years, there's no way I could be single for long right now. Seems like women are swarming me now, which I don't mind.
paddington bear Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I think to some degree 'yes' single women are too sensitive. It depends on what mood I'm in - I haven't thought that couples are rubbing my nose in it by kissing in front of me, but sometimes if I'm feeling particularly lonely, I just can't bear to see it, they are in their loved-up little world, and it reminds me forcibly that it is a happy little world that I am barred from and not that I begrudge them their happiness, it just makes me very sad that I can't have the same. Going to family reunions, weddings, funerals and still being single gets more and more embarrassing by the year. It's not being single that is the problem it's long-term singledom, still being single. After a certain point in time you do start to wonder what exactly is so wrong with you, your self-esteem takes a nose-dive, and kindly meant statements like 'well, I don't know what's wrong with all the men out there' 'maybe you are too beautiful and they are intimidated' 'maybe you are too independent and they find it hard to break that barrier' all really hurt after a while. Though kindly meant, the implication is it's your fault you are alone and undesired. And I think, yes, you start to get overly sensitve to any comments anyone makes about your single status, as it hits your own panicky nerve that it is your fault and no, you never will meet someone, so people can get defensive and try to convince you and themselves that they are perfectly happy to be alone. When your circumstances change and you fall in love or marry, even though you might think you remember what it feels like to have no one, and that you have empathy, you don't because your life is different when you are coupled-up and you are not in the thick of lonely, non-dating, no-prospect-of-the-situation-changing-hell. I have one married friend who I only rarely mention my predicament to, she has other issues to deal with and has moved on, and I'm still stuck eternally in her pre-marriage mode and I'm sure it is boring for her to listen to me moan 'I wish I had a boyfriend' for the umpteenth time, when she's moved on to issues in her marriage, babies etc. It's easier to discuss with other single friends because they truly understand where I'm at because they are living it too. 1
aerogurl87 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Could it be that OP is jealous of her friends' freedom ? I doubt it, my best friend was like this when she was single. She was always like "I don't need a man, I'm Miss Independent" blah blah blah. But everytime she saw me going on a date she'd have some little smart comment about it. And even now that she has a boyfriend, and she's been with him for almost 2 years, she still has smart things to say about my boyfriend and I. Some people just aren't happy with their situation and life and have the need to complain or make it out to seem like everyone's against them because of it. This pertains to not only singles, but those that are coupled up (albeit not happy) also.
Woggle Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I hate to get on a sexist rant but it seems that for the most part only women feel this way. When I was single it didn't bother me one bit when I saw couples. My single friends did not make a big deal when I got married. I only get upset when I see men in relationships going through crap they don't deserve. Why do single women concern themselves so much with this? Just be happy being single and live your life.
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