Dinner with my boss and his wife tonight and I REALLY don't want to go

[SadandConfusedWA]

It seems to me that you're just a rejected woman who had a crush on his boss is making stuff up about his possible infidelity in order to make him look bad.

 

I never came on to him in any way and he wasn't given a chance to reject me.

 

How did he reject me? I am curious.

[SadandConfusedWA]

BTW you are a new poster joined TODAY. Hmmm why don't you tell us who you really are?

[blair08]

"I'm sick of defending myself."

 

And you shouldn't have to. You could always just walk away from your own thread if you feel you're having to defend yourself. If you feel the dinner went well, and your boss gave you the impression all is ok, then leave it that.

[SadandConfusedWA]

"I'm sick of defending myself."

 

And you shouldn't have to. You could always just walk away from your own thread if you feel you're having to defend yourself. If you feel the dinner went well, and your boss gave you the impression all is ok, then leave it that.

 

Ha, you are absolutely right. I do feel that dinner went well and everything is OK, boss said that dinner was great and we had a work related convo where he was as friendly and chatty as ever. I would even go as far as to say that his wife liked me and I certainly liked her.

 

Since Tony doesn't seem to want to lock this thread, I am choosing to walk away. Any further posts will be ignored.

 

Thanks to those that gave genuine advice and to those that didn't and called me "mean spirited" or whatever, well that just makes me think twice about asking for advice in the future.

[2sunny]

since you seem to be referring to me i will say that i addressed your behavior as mean spirited... i wasn't referring to your core.

 

i actually applaud you for never having a formal PA with this MM that seems to have that agenda with all you office gals. i think that he never made you the SPECIAL choice still stings a bit. revenge on his wife is what i referred to as mean spirited. SHE did not get any benefit from knowing what a mess the office is. now she has more to worry about than before you arrived. that all this crap goes on is really info to direct ONLY to him - if he is essentially the cause. go directly to HIM if you don't like it. why are you tolerating this co-worker to text you on the weekend? this should be a boundary HE doesn't cross. tell him - work is work. keep all contact to office only.

 

on the other hand - you have shown evidence through the years on your prior threads that prove that you have had ill feelings toward this MM...in many situations much as a scorned woman for him no longer paying attention to you - but showing his attention to others in his office. you typed many times that your feelings were hurt. that you struggled to connect with other men because of your strong feelings for THIS MM. i can read... you wrote it - so why am i penalized for pointing out the obvious?

 

on occasion - you even refer to him as a man who is in a serious relationship instead of stating the fact that he was married and you knew it. your own typed words show evidence that you SWAY the truth if it CAN benefit you.

 

now, he has recently rented an apt for a business trip.

 

SOMEWHERE along the line YOU have given him continuous vibes that it is ok for him to make assumptions about what you are or aren't going to do. IF you are consistent with a FIRM, SOLID boundary - HE won't ever try anything manipulative again. do it. do it this way for a long time and he wold never get any idea he could EVEN ASK! so then lots of energy gets spent on showing him that you don't like that arrangement - even backhanded remarks to his wife.

 

his wife seemed to get this inkling too - or she wouldn't have been pissing all over her territory in your presence.

 

take notes - your co-worker who stayed quiet for this dinner party was NEVER putting herself and her job in jeopardy. never causing suspicion or passing office gossip on to his wife.

 

SHE was smart. to be quiet is always going to benefit you - if you ever wonder... it is best.

 

your defensiveness to all the words YOU have written over the years makes me think you aren't being as honest as you could be. people don't get defensive unless they have something hide.

[xxoo]

his wife seemed to get this inkling too - or she wouldn't have been pissing all over her territory in your presence.

 

It really does sound like she was marking her territory.

 

She sounds like a veteran corporate wife to me: keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Update:

 

I can't resist.

I just had my performance review with the boss. He gave me pretty much nearly perfect scores in all areas (most 5's and few 4's) -

 

5=being the most positive 1=the most negative

 

I even said that I "don't deserve the 5 in some areas" to what he said "don't be silly". He also asked me what my plans are after my contract expires. I said that I haven't decided yet and he said "would you consider staying with us permanently" to which I replied "depends on the offer" so he said he is going to draw up an offer soon.

 

Wow, you all couldn't be more wrong. Lucky I rely on my instincts rather than your advice. What you also don't know is how well I preform at my job and how rare my skill set is.

 

Yep, I am getting fired indeed

 

I probably still won't take the offer as I look forward to traveling the world and working on short term contracts for a couple of years (given that I am single and can afford to do that). I also want to get away from this messy situation.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Another thing: when you attack someone, their knee jerk reaction is to defend. That is how humans work. Guilty or not.

 

I got MUCH better advice when people didn't stalk my threads of the last 5 years. I wanted practical advice: how do I change my accommodation, how do I get out of having dinner. I have not asked for my feelings and thoughts to be analyzed according to your inaccurate perceptions.

 

I really do not see what do you get out of saying stuff like:

 

He rejected you

You are in love with him and he doesn't want you

You are mean spirited

etc etc

 

There is absolutely nothing to be gained out of this apart from a delibarate malicious attempt to hurt me.

 

Ultimately what does it all matter? What does it matter if I am rejected, unwanted, sad, pathetic?

 

I have shown that I didn't want a PA with this man.

I am waiting for my contract to be over so that I can leave this job.

Nothing has ever happened nor will it ever happen.

 

Those are the things that matter.

 

Unfortunately, I am now going to go back over this thread and report all malicious posts. It's all out in the open so that you know what's going on when you do get an infraction.