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Dinner with my boss and his wife tonight and I REALLY don't want to go

SadandConfusedWA

By SadandConfusedWA
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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Oh, boy. Where to begin with this!

 

So, the W starts telling you about the romantic evening she spent with her H, your boss. AND, tells you how it FELT LIKE AN AFFAIR. So beyond in appropriate, and clearly she was sending you a message.

 

You didn't pick up on it, however, and then proceed to drink too much, stay too long, and then tell an even MORE inappropriate story about infidelity at work.

 

I don't think you're going to need to find a new job. I bet $5 the wife is telling her H to have you fired pronto, and after your comments at dinner, designed to what, shame him? out him? I don't think he's going to argue the point.

 

Sorry, Sad. But you took a bad situation and made it WAY worse for yourself. Protect yourself at this point...

 

This is a possible scenario, but it also depends on how perceptive/stupid these people are. The boss and his wife could be idiots and not picked up on anything. But...I think the warning bells went off in my head though when the wife started that inappropriate conversation 10 minutes into meeting her. That seems fishy.

Jilly Bean Established Member

Jilly Bean

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This is a possible scenario, but it also depends on how perceptive/stupid these people are. The boss and his wife could be idiots and not picked up on anything. But...I think the warning bells went off in my head though when the wife started that inappropriate conversation 10 minutes into meeting her. That seems fishy.

 

Exactly. I can't imagine a corporate wife launching into such a personal story with her husband's subordinate within 10 minutes of meeting, describing their romantic evening, and how it FELT LIKE AN AFFAIR. Just so odd...

 

But, Sad lobbing back with her own infidelity story certainly didn't squash the drama. :(

pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

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Exactly. I can't imagine a corporate wife launching into such a personal story with her husband's subordinate within 10 minutes of meeting, describing their romantic evening, and how it FELT LIKE AN AFFAIR. Just so odd...

 

But, Sad lobbing back with her own infidelity story certainly didn't squash the drama. :(

 

Or the wife is actually that crazy, which is why her husband needs to cheat on her in the first place. :lmao:

 

Or maybe the wife is just used to it (I'm sure she knows what is going on) and has been driven to acting out.

 

In any case, STEER CLEAR and remove yourself from the situation!

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Jilly, she is not a "corporate wife". She has been stay at home all her life. She doesn't know what is "appropriate". I genuinly think that her story was innocent and she told it because she was excited that the night happened recently.

 

I don't even know where to begin 2sunny. I am not lying to myself or you. Put it this way, if this guy was to become single today - I wouldn't be interested. I have no interest in proven cheaters. If he were single last year before I knew he was a cheater sure, I would be very interested.

 

But there is more. Even if he was single last year, before he was a proven cheater - I very much doubt that if I had R with him it would go for any length of time. Past sexual attraction, there was never anything there. I didn't feel a strong emotional connection or even an intellectual one to him ever. It's just something I have built up in my head because I was single and because I had/have too much time on my hands. When I am alone with him we would run out of the things to talk about. We have nothing in common. In that regard, him and his W complement each other perfectly and are a great match.

 

Otherwise, he is just an outgoing and friendly guy with everyone...women and men. He has a relaxed leadership style and other co-workers have been to his house at various points. You would get it if you worked with us.

 

And 2sunny, I am not single because I have feelings for him, I have built up my feelings for him because I am single. You got it the wrong way around. I have other relationship issues to work thorugh, that stem from my ex bf and my past and didn't feel ready to date anyone but still needed my romantic "fix", hence building up something that was nothing in my head. Now I am ready and looking to date, and let me assure you that if I were to meet anybody even remotely appropriate, I would dive into it with no reservations. Hell, I am even ready to date someone inappropriate (BUT SINGLE), I am sick of being single at this point.

 

As for the number of threads, YES I AM OBSSESIVE AND OVER-ANALYZE everything. It's just my personality. I have been discussing what some random guy wrote to me on a dating site in great detail. I am overly reflective so just have a look at my other posts and threads.

 

As for what I said during dinner, I honestly felt nothing but pity for his wife. I felt bad that she is ill, that she can't work, that she seems like a kind and nice woman who doesn't deserve to be treated like she has been treated. Yet, I still didn't want to be direct as I have to look out for myself too and want to keep my job.

 

I am sick of defending myself.

 

TONY IF YOU SEE THIS PLEASE CLOSE UP THIS THREAD.

 

Any further attacks by bitter Ws, OW, et al will be reported.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Also, I don't need to have fears about being fired put in my head at this point. I worry enough as it is. :mad:

JackJack Established Member

JackJack

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Everything seemed ok for awhile as long as people were kind of agreeing with you on some things, now all of a sudden you're upset and want the thread closed.

Jilly Bean Established Member

Jilly Bean

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Jilly, she is not a "corporate wife". She has been stay at home all her life. She doesn't know what is "appropriate".

 

But you think staying four hours, drinking too much, and then discussing infidelity in your workplace *was* appropriate? Far from, and other posters have told you the same.

 

I don't agree the wife told the story because she thought it was cool. I think she did it with a very purposeful subtext messaging - meant just for you. Just like you did when trying to stab the boss by discussing cheating at work in front of him.

 

Also, I don't need to have fears about being fired put in my head at this point. I worry enough as it is. :mad:

 

As you should, honestly. What you did put yourself in a very tenuous situation. I was trying to figure out the motivation for you to talk like that in front of your boss, and then delight that he turned white and squirmed during it, but I think Sunny enlightened us all on that front. You really are playing with fire here.

 

And no, I am not a BS, OW, or anything like that. I have no personal axe to grind with you on this topic. I just think you acted foolishly, and think you could end up pay the price for it.

 

Just protect yourself now, Sad. You said you only have to work there a short time longer - I suggest you lay VERY low. Have no more interaction with the boss besides work conversation, and refuse further social invitations from him and his wife. If you have a work function, don't drink so much - this clearly contributes to you losing some control and self-censorship. And, I would have my resume put together JUST IN CASE. Chances are you'll be OK, as they probably won't get rid of you being so close to the end of your contract, but who knows. Best to be prepared for all scenarios - even the worst possible one.

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

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I'm not trying to sound harsh or anything and I don't think others are either. But you have to admit the story did take a change.

 

You seem upset now that people are saying that how you handled it might not have been in the best way. I don't think anyone is taking jabs at you or anything but I'm sure thats the way you might perceive it now, just calling it like they see it. I've seen people give you good advice and try to be helpful.

 

When his wife during the first 10 minutes of you meeting her starts to tell you about their romantic evening, you said "WTF? Like you were confused by it all, and rightfully so, but now its almost like you are defending the wife for telling you what she told you.

 

"She doesn't know whats appropriate." So are you saying that just because she has stayed at home her whole life, she doesn't know right form wrong? She doesn't know what to say and what not to say to someone they first meet? I think she probably does, and for whatever reason, she chose to tell you that out of all the other things she could have chosen to tell you.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Jilly, I DO think that if his W worked in a corporate world herself she would know more about what's appropriate to say in front of a subordinate than she does being a stay at home mum. Why I think it's innocent is also because she was quite honest in admitting in front of us how she hates when he works long hours, works from home in the evenings, goes away on trips and she feels like she and the kids were being short-charged. Out of curiousity, what was the message that his W was supposedly sending me? I really don't get it. (and yes initially I thought it was odd, but when I had more time to think and to digest and given her personality on a whole I now think that it was innocent).

 

As for staying too long, I don't have a car and boss lives an hour away from me. Our secretary (who was the only other person present at dinner and she didn't say much but she is pretty shy - so that's just her personality plus I did lots of the talking :D). Anyway, secretary drove me and she also offered to take me home. So I was waiting for HER to say that she wants go, since she was driving.

 

 

It's not that I am upset with people not agreeing with me, I am upset with people "stalking" me and digging up my threads of the past FOUR years to use as evidence for making wild assumptions. Feelings and emotions can and do change in an instant, let alone years so I don't see how bringing up my threads from 2 years ago is relevant anymore.

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Corporate Established Member

Corporate

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I am just curious? How do you know for sure that he has cheated? Is his cheating partner stilll at the same company?

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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I am just curious? How do you know for sure that he has cheated? Is his cheating partner stilll at the same company?

 

Yeah she is. Some employee saw them together and told me in confidence and I have kept it to myself.

 

Funny that you should mention that as his wife brought up the woman he cheated with and said how she doesn't like her (that women is an alpha female, hearteless grade A biatch who is also married with kids). I just told his W that she is right not to like her, that working with her is a nightmare for me while my boss was completly quiet during that exchange :lmao:

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Feelings and emotions can and do change in an instant, let alone years so I don't see how bringing up my threads from 2 years ago is relevant anymore.

 

The thing is, your original post here was a bit shocking (boss trying to score a shared apt), and is a lot less so when you have a full picture of the history. His behavior is still disgusting, but I can see how he thought you'd sent "green light" signals over the years.

 

Your feelings have changed now, but that doesn't negate (in his mind) the years of conflicting messages you've sent in his direction. He still thinks of you as that woman. If you want any hope of him treating you professionally, after all these years of MUTUAL unprofessional behavior, you will have to have the utmost professional boundaries.

Ariadne Established Member

Ariadne

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I just told his W that she is right not to like her, that working with her is a nightmare for me...

 

:laugh:.........

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Jilly, I DO think that if his W worked in a corporate world herself she would know more about what's appropriate to say in front of a subordinate than she does being a stay at home mum. Why I think it's innocent is also because she was quite honest in admitting in front of us how she hates when he works long hours, works from home in the evenings, goes away on trips and she feels like she and the kids were being short-charged. Out of curiousity, what was the message that his W was supposedly sending me?

 

I think the message she was sending with these comments, and the "affair" comment, was: Mine. This is a real marriage, with a real wife, real kids, and real sex. Stay out.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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The thing is, your original post here was a bit shocking (boss trying to score a shared apt), and is a lot less so when you have a full picture of the history. His behavior is still disgusting, but I can see how he thought you'd sent "green light" signals over the years.

 

Your feelings have changed now, but that doesn't negate (in his mind) the years of conflicting messages you've sent in his direction. He still thinks of you as that woman. If you want any hope of him treating you professionally, after all these years of MUTUAL unprofessional behavior, you will have to have the utmost professional boundaries.

 

See, in my original post I DID outline the story about my past crush so I think I was being pretty upfront about that.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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:laugh:.........

 

Ariadne as my good friend and confidante who I e-mail with a lot tell the LS people honestly, did I in the past year not CONSISTENTLY said that I am over my crush on this guy? (in fact that I like someone else but would rather not go into details on that)

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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See, in my original post I DID outline the story about my past crush so I think I was being pretty upfront about that.

 

I think you did on the Business forum, but not on the Marriage forum.

Corporate Established Member

Corporate

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Yeah she is. Some employee saw them together and told me in confidence and I have kept it to myself.

 

Funny that you should mention that as his wife brought up the woman he cheated with and said how she doesn't like her (that women is an alpha female, hearteless grade A biatch who is also married with kids). I just told his W that she is right not to like her, that working with her is a nightmare for me while my boss was completly quiet during that exchange :lmao:

 

Saw them togehter? Like at lunch?

 

If he cheated with her, why did they stop? It doesn't make sense. It's either they're not cheating or they are still cheating. Affairs don't just stop if they are still working/seeing each other.

Ariadne Established Member

Ariadne

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Ariadne as my good friend and confidante who I e-mail with a lot tell the LS people honestly, did I in the past year not CONSISTENTLY said that I am over my crush on this guy? (in fact that I like someone else but would rather not go into details on that)

 

Yeah... you say that a lot.

 

But I think you are finally getting bored of this guy really.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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I think you did on the Business forum, but not on the Marriage forum.

 

Fair enough, this is true.

 

Some people on here have thought that having any after hour non-work related contact with my boss is not appropriate (even if correspondence is non-sexual and non-emotional). I have given it some thought, especailly since yesterday I got another message from him just telling me some funny story of what happened to him that day and asking for my advice on what is the best red wine to buy for his friend's dinner.

 

I chose not to respond to that at all. I think the way I will deal with it from now on is not respond, then when I see him for a business meeting just say something along the lines of "thanks for your message" and then answer the question that he asked. He should get the hint soon enough.

I will also decline any more invitions like for his bday party (will say I have a wedding to go to or something).

 

I am not sure what more I can do. I really do want to do the right thing here, and that is why I even started any of these threads.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Saw them togehter? Like at lunch?

 

If he cheated with her, why did they stop? It doesn't make sense. It's either they're not cheating or they are still cheating. Affairs don't just stop if they are still working/seeing each other.

 

Yeah, I don't know if they stopped or not. I assumed that they stopped because they don't seem to be interacting much at all. But of course that could all be a cover up. It is not something I am concerned about anymore.

Corporate Established Member

Corporate

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Yeah, I don't know if they stopped or not. I assumed that they stopped because they don't seem to be interacting much at all. But of course that could all be a cover up. It is not something I am concerned about anymore.

 

People seeing them together is just rumor. Even if they were togther, it could be a legit business meeting.

 

You based on that alone that he was having an affair?

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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People seeing them together is just rumor. Even if they were togther, it could be a legit business meeting.

 

You based on that alone that he was having an affair?

 

No. there was more and it was 100% an affair. I don't want to explain any further as I have already said WAY too much on this issue.

Corporate Established Member

Corporate

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No. there was more and it was 100% an affair. I don't want to explain any further as I have already said WAY too much on this issue.

 

Give this a little more fact that it was indeed an affair.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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Give this a little more fact that it was indeed an affair.

 

Why do you care so much?

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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