Dinner with my boss and his wife tonight and I REALLY don't want to go

[SadandConfusedWA]

My boss is being an a$$ to me since re-arranging accomodation (for those that followed my previous threads) and basically I want to have as little to do with him as possible.

 

Dinner with him and his wife is on tonight and I am really dreading going. In particular, I find it hard to be very chatty and pleasant to the people I don't like (I mean him, don't know his wife at all). I would pretty much rather have root canal without anesthetic than go to his house.

 

My question: is calling and making an excuse like that I got sick a reasonable thing to do at all? Will they see through that? Will they get a hint not to re-schedule?

 

Another questiion: if I end up going, what is the shortest possible time that I can stay there without it seeming really rude when I leave? 1 hour? 2 hours?

[Married_and_Lonely]

Depends on how important the job is to you. Sorry, I don't know your situation, but if it's a really important job to your family's finances, then suck it up, be professional, and don't show any signs of letting his antics get to you. Kill him with niceness basically. Maybe you'll even make his wife notice that he's a jerk in the process.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Depends on how important the job is to you. Sorry, I don't know your situation, but if it's a really important job to your family's finances, then suck it up, be professional, and don't show any signs of letting his antics get to you. Kill him with niceness basically. Maybe you'll even make his wife notice that he's a jerk in the process.

 

Yeah, unfortunately looks like I will have to suck it up as my job is really important to me.

[Mimolicious]

Have you ever been involved with him?

[Krytie TV]

I think you should casually drop the "apartment situation" into conversation and then explain it off to him by saying you assumed that him sharing a room with you would have been OK with his wife since he was so adamant about it

[threebyfate]

I don't normally advocate lying but considering everything that's happened with this guy, lie and jam out.

 

How about a car accident where your friend was the driver and while you're physically okay, you're feeling shaken up and in a bit of shock.

[Married_and_Lonely]

I don't normally advocate lying but considering everything that's happened with this guy, lie and jam out.

 

How about a car accident where your friend was the driver and while you're physically okay, you're feeling shaken up and in a bit of shock.

 

oooh, bad karma! Never make up a lie about a friend or loved one getting hurt; if you do, might as well call that friend up and let 'em know what's coming

[SarahRose]

oooh, bad karma! Never make up a lie about a friend or loved one getting hurt; if you do, might as well call that friend up and let 'em know what's coming

 

How absurd.

 

To OP you keep posting about this situation why? I am starting to think you really want to sleep with this guy.

[threebyfate]

oooh, bad karma! Never make up a lie about a friend or loved one getting hurt; if you do, might as well call that friend up and let 'em know what's coming

Eh? This makes no sense to me. Where did I say anyone got hurt?

[quankanne]

outright lying is never a good thing.

 

unless it's one of those white lies that eases a situation like when you get there, telling his wife that you weren't sure about being able to make it tonight because you've felt a little under the weather, and that you hope she isn't offended if you need to leave because of that ... then give a sad little smile ...

 

that way, if you DO need to leave, you've got an out. Better yet, if you are starting to enjoy the evening with whoever else is there, you can give her a slightly perkier smile and say, "You know what? I think this was just the ticket to make me forget that I was feeling kinda icky. Thank your for asking me to dinner tonight!"

[blair08]

I understand your job is important to you, HOWEVER, I would think so is your sanity. If you don't care for your boss and feel he is making you uncomfortable with certain things, and you constantly feel like you're gonna have make up excuses or walk on eggshells where he is concerned, then maybe its not the job for you after all.

 

And yes I read your other thread, and I'm glad you're not going to be staying with him in the same room. That was a good choice.

[laRubiaBonita]

outright lying is never a good thing.

 

unless it's one of those white lies that eases a situation like when you get there, telling his wife that you weren't sure about being able to make it tonight because you've felt a little under the weather, and that you hope she isn't offended if you need to leave because of that ... then give a sad little smile ...

 

that way, if you DO need to leave, you've got an out. Better yet, if you are starting to enjoy the evening with whoever else is there, you can give her a slightly perkier smile and say, "You know what? I think this was just the ticket to make me forget that I was feeling kinda icky. Thank your for asking me to dinner tonight!"

 

yeah... i like this way better

[JackJack]

I say go. Try to give off the confident happy vibe. Try not to come across as scared and unsure. I would pay attention to your boss reaction to things as well as his wife. Reaction to certain topics can sometimes speak volumes.

 

Also, I agree with the fact that you need to rethink things about whats more important, because I don't think this will be the end of things for your boss. I'm sure another situation will come up that you'll be faced with not sure what to do. Unfortunately it may be a vicious cycle.

[SadandConfusedWA]

You mean like romantically or sexually?

 

N-O - I did have a crush on him at the beginning, before I got to know what a sleaze he really is. Even when I had a crush I never told him about it or crossed any lines or done anything inappropriate. Now I just think WTF I was thinking then

[SadandConfusedWA]

I don't normally advocate lying but considering everything that's happened with this guy, lie and jam out.

 

How about a car accident where your friend was the driver and while you're physically okay, you're feeling shaken up and in a bit of shock.

 

Thanks TBF, if I do decide to lie that sounds perfectly plausible.

 

I just called my mum who told me that I am not being fair to his wife (who is perfectly innocent in the situation) and has probably spent most of the day cooking and preparing the dinner.

 

Mum also pointed out that as bad as the situation at work is right now, it's only going do get a lot worse if I don't go.

[SadandConfusedWA]

What's wrong with your H or your marriage? Are you in danger of having another crush on someone else and possibly entering into an affair? What have you done to address it?

 

I am single and don't have a H. I am not in danger of anything as I have never had a crush on a married man (let alone had an affair) before and don't feel like I will again. People that have affairs disgust me. I am addresing my single status by joining an online dating site - we will see how that pans out

[SadandConfusedWA]

How old are you? Have you met anyone from online yet?

 

31 and I joined yesterday so no, not yet.

[JamesM]

On dating website, a picture is not worth a thousand words, but millon words. So, let's see a picture of you.

 

This is NOT a dating website.

[SadandConfusedWA]

This is NOT a dating website.

 

Thanks James lol. BTW I have posted a number of pictures few days ago.

 

WTF Cinamomon are you trying to pick me up?

[2sunny]

how did the dinner go?

[whichwayisup]

On dating website, a picture is not worth a thousand words, but millon words. So, let's see a picture of you.

 

Stop hitting on her, eh. And, what's with all the personal questions?

 

Did you end up going to the dinner? Or cancelling?

 

I do wonder if he figured out you (used to) have a crush on him and he still thinks you're into him..

[SadandConfusedWA]

To make things worse, my best friend (who is not only a top psychologist but a pro volleyball player too ) invited me to the casino night with her volleyball team (there will be a male team too and plenty of single men). I would SO much rather go to that.

 

But out of some sense of obligation and out of worry that I will somehow get screwed over and eventually fired, I have decided to suck it up and go to dinner - I will say that I have somewhere else to go and leave at 2 hour mark the latest

[SadandConfusedWA]

Stop hitting on her, eh. And, what's with all the personal questions?

 

Did you end up going to the dinner? Or cancelling?

 

I do wonder if he figured out you (used to) have a crush on him and he still thinks you're into him..

 

 

Oh I am pretty sure my crush at the time was obvious and his ego is big enough to think that I still have it (even if I am not showing any signs at the moment)....but who cares what he thinks.

[whichwayisup]

Oh I am pretty sure my crush at the time was obvious and his ego is big enough to think that I still have it (even if I am not showing any signs at the moment)....but who cares what he thinks.

 

Spend more time talking to his wife!

 

Is anybody else invited or is it just you, alone? It's odd that he would extend this invitation..

[SadandConfusedWA]

Spend more time talking to his wife!

 

Is anybody else invited or is it just you, alone? It's odd that he would extend this invitation..

 

It is odd, but his wife probably requested it. Our joint assistant/secretary is going as well. Noone else.

 

I will talk to his wife but at the same time, I don't feel like it's my place to point out his behaviour or (possible) affair with (at least) one other woman at work. I will just be polite and nice. I hope I don't get grilled on my single status which is something that married women tend to do to me. As in, you are 31 and single etc etc