Taking things for free from a man that likes you....but you have no interest. Ok?

[KismetGirl]

So, here's the story, before anyone goes on a rant about it being like a prostitute to take things from men, read the whole thing pretty please before giving me a random opinion.

 

So, I've been going to this mechanic for years, I'm very friendly with all the people that work there. Recently the owner took on a new partner.

 

This new partner has obviously quite had a crush on me since he met me. He used to ask me out to lunch all the time and I was friendly but never accepted the offer. He seemed nice enough, but he's just not my type at all. I have no interest. I have never said the words "I have no interest in you", but I would think when someone never accepts your offer to go out, it's a bit obvious no?

 

Anyway, recently my car has gotten older and it's requiring quite a few repairs. These are not cosmetic repairs that can be avoided-- they are truly integral to the functioning and (more importantly) the SAFETY of the car. As in, if they don't get fixed, eventually I could either blow out on the side of the road or break down inevitably very soon.

 

Not having a car is not an option, I need it to get to my job which is outside the city.

 

Buying a new car is not an option, I can't afford it right now. AT ALL. So now comments of "find a way to make your budget work". There is no money in my budget for a new car. Nada. Not one iota.

 

So, I got depressed but figured, ok, I'll have to pay the mechanics in installments like I always do until I pay the balance off, but even that is rough because at the moment Im so poor Im putting groceries on what limited credit card room I have. School is completely mascerating my money situation, but it has to be done.

 

So, one day I am lamenting about how I wish money didn't matter so much and blah blah blah, just talking, I had no purpose behind saying this, when the new mechanic owner guy tells me "why don't I help you out. I'll pay for the parts. Don't worry about the labor"

 

I look at him in shock unsure how to take it. I am NOT the type to accept charity from people, don't get me wrong. It actually makes me really uncomfortable. I am fiercely independant and do everything for myself, but I'm in a tight spot right now.

 

I tell him "You really don't have to do that, I'll find a way to pay somehow, I really don't like to feel like I owe someone something".

 

He INSISTS he wants nothing in return, and that he just thinks I am a 'sweet person' and 'trying to do good' and that I deserve someone helping me out and he wants to help out.

 

Mind you....there is , approcimately, including all parts and labor, at least $4,000 worth of work going into this POS car of mine. If anyone knows anything about cars....you'd know what sorts of essential repairs can cost that much. Anyone say transmission much?

 

Right then. So, at first I thought, ok, I'll let him fix a couple things. Then the repairs kept increasing because we kept finding all these things that have been broken or about to fall off that I kept ignoring before.

 

I've REPEATADLY told him I would find a way to pay for it , and that I felt bad that he was doing all this for me, and he keeps insisting.

 

At first I thought, ok, he has a bit of a crush but its harmless and he's insisting, and I really need this so my arm is twisted.

 

but now I'm starting to feel mildly uncomfortable.

 

Everytime he sees me, it has gone from saying "oh we should have lunch one day when you're off work" to "oh I can't wait until we can finally spend a whole day together" or "oh i love that you've been here every day lately at the shop so i get to see you"

 

I smile politely and change the topic, but I have no intention of ever dating this guy. I have tried to give that impression. I have not touched him, held his hand, kissed him or anything remotely close to it. I have not hung out with him privately. I let him drive me home once when I had no way to get home from the garage after dropping my car off but that's the closest he's come to seeing me in my personal life.

 

I am not sure how to approach this anymore. I feel stuck.

 

he has never said "I like you" for me to say "well, i just don't feel that way" but his actions make it obvious he is interested despite my constant statements that I just don't want to date anyone right now.

 

I think he is just one of those people who thinks that if he does enough nice things for someone that the person will change their minds and start liking them back.

 

i get it. We've all done stupid things for people we like, even if the person has no interest back. I don't feel I am taking advantage, because I HAVE NOT shown ANY interest in him, I have not asked him to hang out, i don't accept requests from him to do so, and I REPEATADLY tell him that if he would let me pay for the repairs I would find a way to do so and he refuses to accept my money. In fact, he has taken money right before I was supposed to pay the other owner of the garage for an old repair (the other owner doesnt know this guy has done repairs for me for free), and told me "just give this money to the other owner for the old repair and tell him its from you".

 

I feel very stuck here. I need a car, and I have absolutely no money to pay for the repairs myself as much as I tell him I'll find a way. I really don't have a way. What little money or credit card room I have left has to go to school expenses right now, and that is not adjustable. School comes first.

 

But this guy is getting more and more pushy in his invitations for me to hang out with him. It hasn't crossed any lines yet, but its enough to annoy me and make me uncomfortable sometimes.

 

The other day I was FURIOUS on the inside because he told me one of the repairs was done so I could come pick up the car to go to work today, and when I got there it wasn't done. He told me the parts he needed didn't arrive until five minutes ago, and that's why it wasn't done yet. When I spoke to the other owner he tells me "what? no, that part has been here since this morning, I don't know why the other guy didn't do it yet, he's been f**king around all day with that thing, it shoudl have been done already"

 

That means the guy who likes me lied to me that the part was just received, just so he would have an excuse to have me come down there AGAIN even though the car wasn't ready to be picked up yet. After a 14 hour day of work and school, that last thing I wanted was to come to the garage out of my way when the car wasn't even ready yet.

 

I know this is getting terribly long but I'm getting frustrated and more annoyed with him as the days go but I don't know what to do now. Most repairs are already done so that part is over with, but despite the consistant conversations I have with him in which I state over and over that I'm tired, busy, dont want to date, dont have time to date, dont like owing people anything, he seems to have gotten it in his head that if he is persistant enough I'll chaneg my mind and that since he's done these things for me that should make me life him.

 

it doesn't. He's nice enough overall, but I have no interest in seeing him on a personal level. Not as a boyfriend, not as a platonic friend, nothing. On top of everything, he's probably at least 10 years too old for me.

 

UGH! I think my overall dilemma is how to politely make him realize he needs to stop being so pushy with getting me to hang out without totally insulting him.. He HAS been very helpful and saved me from spending 6 hours a day commuting, which is impossible for me right now, and making my car safe and driveable again, but the games he is starting to play (eg- finding ways to get me to come to the garage when i dont really need to be there just so he can see me) is starting to get infuriating.

 

help!

[Leia]

Is there anyway you can take a second job to pay off the parts or borrow from family/friends and repay them later on? I don't think this situation will end well. He seems obsessed or something with you. I don't like the part where he didn't do anything to fix your car when the part was there since morning ... just doesn't sit right with me.

[harmfulsweetz]

Hm, it's tricky because obviously you don't want to come across ungrateful but also not interested so...I wouldn't want to be you right now. I agree with Leia I think about trying to find a way to settle the payments, otherwise you will always feel like you should be nice to someone who clearly can't take a hint, because you feel in debt to them.

 

Could you have a word with the other owner about this at all? It seems he may not be listening to you, but he may listen to someone else.

[Els]

Tough decision, but you knew the consequences of each choice before you made it. You're a smart girl, I'm sure. Accepting a favour, especially such a huge favour, from a man whom you aren't interested in, puts you in his debt. While it doesn't necessarily mean you'll sleep with him, it will certainly make you feel guilty for rebuffing his advances, especially if they're for harmless little things like lunch.

 

I wouldn't say it's 'wrong' per se, as you made it clear to him that you're not interested in him. But it's still a pretty bad decision to make. I would advice calling him on his bluff and talking to him gently about your lack of interest and that he should stop it. But what happens to your car then?

[mickleb]

First of all, if you can't afford your lifestyle - you need to change it. You NEED to figure out how to do that. If you're not eating rice and beans for your every meal, I don't want to hear 'there's no way', quite frankly. My first suggestion would be to get a job nearer to home or defer school but it's your life and your responsibility. You're an adult, you make your own choices.

 

Secondly, can you imagine what the responses would be if the word 'man' was switched for 'woman'? You'd be considered a low-life user. I'm sure you enjoy many of the freedoms women now have since our emancipation. Please don't try to pick and choose only the best bits. It demeans you and those who fought for your freedoms.

 

Thirdly, there's no such thing as free cable. And this guy has more than a whiff of Jim Carrey about him.

 

Do the right thing for your self-respect and long-term well-being. Good luck with your financial juggling.

 

x

[sally4sara]

Start fervently mining your nose for boogers when he talks to you; bonus points if you eat it . And don't put yourself in this situation again.

 

Find a cuter mechanic.

[BentSpine]

I wouldn't say it's 'wrong' per se, as you made it clear to him that you're not interested in him.

Actually, since the mechaic hasn't yet dropped her like a hot potato, it's obvious that she hasn't made it clear to him.

[harmfulsweetz]

Start fervently mining your nose for boogers when he talks to you; bonus points if you eat it . And don't put yourself in this situation again.

 

Find a cuter mechanic.

 

 

That oughta do it!

 

Seriously, I agree with Elswyth, you've put yourself in a sticky situation, and I actually don't doubt that you knew what you were doing in doing it. You knew he liked you before accepting his help, but you accepted it anyway. Essentially, you've put yourself in a very sticky situation. Course he should get the hint, but I'd certainly try and find a way to repay it, otherwise you're left in quite the trouble.

[Green]

This guy is an idiot and you have put yourself in a bad position with him where he thinks you OWE him something. Best case scenario he acts cool with the fact you won't go out with him and beats himself up for being and IDIOT. Most likely scenario is he will continue to pressure you for a date and will either snap and say nasty things for you or some how try to go back on his word and charge you which probably wouldn't be to hard as everything that is going on seems very shady in the first place.

[KismetGirl]

Ok, thank you, first of all, to the majority of you who were helpful and polite. Sometimes I am hesitant to post anything on sites anymore because all the hatemongers are usually the first to come out. So thanks for being nice. Most of you.

 

To whoever said I should quit school just because I'm poor right now...I really don't have anything nice to say to you. I'm managing to get by right now just barely, but huge sudden expenses like car repairs are not in my budget as "expected expenses", and if you can't understand that, then you've obviously never had to struggle much financially.

 

And FYI, human beings can't live off of rice and beans and still function normally. I get your point of being limited in my expenses, but I already do. I don't go out to eat unless a friend offers to treat me (like, a real friend, a girlfriend, whatever, not like this mechanic situation). I have barely seen my friends in months because of my school/work schedule anyway, and when I do see them I have one beer for five bucks the whole night and spend the rest of the time just talking to my friends. Sometimes there is just NO way to make certain expenses work, ok?

 

No, I can't get a new job. This isn't some part-time mcdonald's gig. This is a real job, with real responsibilities, and that provides me with real healthcare and benefits that I need. No I cannot quit school, and frankly offering me that suggesting is ....well, it's less than logical or intelligent.

 

With that said, I can't take a second job because I haven't got time for it. i really don't care to go into details of my life but just take my word for it. If the day consisted of another few hours in the day maybe I could, but at present 24 hour limits, I cannot. I already spend upwards of 14 hours a day much of the time between all the things I do now.

 

I accepted this guy's help knowing he had a bit of a crush because, and I don't think this is a surprise, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and felt desperate and didn't know what to do. I don't think my actions were too surprising to be honest, or something that many others might not have done. It has nothing to do with me being a woman and being independant, him being a man, or if the roles were reversed. That is all bollocks arguments that have no relevance here. People of both sexes are morons when it comes to someone they like. I'm a woman, considered fairly attractive and intelligent, and there have been occasions before where I bought something for someone that I really liked even when I knew the relationship was ending, probably because it was a subconscious effort to remind the person that they used to like me. People do it, it's human nature.

 

My options were A) have no way to get around to work to school to home B) drive an unsafe vehicle and risk killing myself (literllly) or C) go beg in the streets for money.

 

My family is worse off financially than I am. I can't ask my friends for $4000. I already borrowed $1900 from one of my best friends for school related expenses that I had no way around. It is inconceivable that I could ask anyne I know for this amount of money. I can't take out anymore loans. I have no room on my credit cards for anything but groceries and gas.

 

And anyway at this point the repairs have all been done. I think I'm just concerned how to address this guy.

 

Like someone else said, I don't want to seem ungrateful, I really don't, because he's helped me immensely, and I don't want to insult him. I just want to find a nice, polite way to make him give up on the idea of me going out with him.

 

i thought maybe I'd take him out to lunch to say thank you, but nixed that idea because I thought it would lead him on.

 

Obviously I suspect that once he totally gives up he wouldn't give me free repairs anymore, and I'm ok with that, I just don't want to insult him in the process. I'm very friendly with the other owner and I don't want to have a bad relationship with all the people that work there I suppose.

 

This is, in a way, like breaking up with someone that is friends with all your other friends.....you want to let them know you're not interested without making it awkward for the remainder of your interactions together!

 

Oh well. it is what it is now. I guess worse comes to worse it becomes so awkward that I either have to mention it to the other owner, or just don't go there for repairs anymore.

 

Though....I was thinking that from now on I could just insist on making all transactions through the other owner, and in that manner insist on paying for things or at least making payment plans so that he gets the hint I don't want free repairs anymore....

 

Don't get me wrong, i have no idea how I'd actually pay for any of it. At a loss on that one. But requesting to actually pay might actually get the hint across more? I don't know. I guess so far I think he's just harmlessly annoying....though if he shows up at my doorstep uninvited one day I may start to freak out.

[ADF]

Most men don't even bother to be TALK to women they aren't attracted to, never mind help them pay for car repairs. You should never have taken all his rubbish about his wanting to help out a "sweet person" in at face value. Never. Men just don't do that. They always want something in return.

 

You have have no obligation to date or spend time with someone you're not interested in. However, you do have an obligation not to lead people on, not to give them false hope, and especially not to exploit their vulnerabilities to gain advantage for yourself. I would apolgize to this man, explain you have no interest in him whatsoever, and pay him back asap. And don't take "no" for answer. He's not the only one who can "insist" on things.

[harmfulsweetz]

Ok, thank you, first of all, to the majority of you who were helpful and polite. Sometimes I am hesitant to post anything on sites anymore because all the hatemongers are usually the first to come out. So thanks for being nice. Most of you.

 

To whoever said I should quit school just because I'm poor right now...I really don't have anything nice to say to you. I'm managing to get by right now just barely, but huge sudden expenses like car repairs are not in my budget as "expected expenses", and if you can't understand that, then you've obviously never had to struggle much financially.

 

And FYI, human beings can't live off of rice and beans and still function normally. I get your point of being limited in my expenses, but I already do. I don't go out to eat unless a friend offers to treat me (like, a real friend, a girlfriend, whatever, not like this mechanic situation). I have barely seen my friends in months because of my school/work schedule anyway, and when I do see them I have one beer for five bucks the whole night and spend the rest of the time just talking to my friends. Sometimes there is just NO way to make certain expenses work, ok?

 

No, I can't get a new job. This isn't some part-time mcdonald's gig. This is a real job, with real responsibilities, and that provides me with real healthcare and benefits that I need. No I cannot quit school, and frankly offering me that suggesting is ....well, it's less than logical or intelligent.

 

With that said, I can't take a second job because I haven't got time for it. i really don't care to go into details of my life but just take my word for it. If the day consisted of another few hours in the day maybe I could, but at present 24 hour limits, I cannot. I already spend upwards of 14 hours a day much of the time between all the things I do now.

 

I accepted this guy's help knowing he had a bit of a crush because, and I don't think this is a surprise, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and felt desperate and didn't know what to do. I don't think my actions were too surprising to be honest, or something that many others might not have done. It has nothing to do with me being a woman and being independant, him being a man, or if the roles were reversed. That is all bollocks arguments that have no relevance here. People of both sexes are morons when it comes to someone they like. I'm a woman, considered fairly attractive and intelligent, and there have been occasions before where I bought something for someone that I really liked even when I knew the relationship was ending, probably because it was a subconscious effort to remind the person that they used to like me. People do it, it's human nature.

 

My options were A) have no way to get around to work to school to home B) drive an unsafe vehicle and risk killing myself (literllly) or C) go beg in the streets for money.

 

My family is worse off financially than I am. I can't ask my friends for $4000. I already borrowed $1900 from one of my best friends for school related expenses that I had no way around. It is inconceivable that I could ask anyne I know for this amount of money. I can't take out anymore loans. I have no room on my credit cards for anything but groceries and gas.

 

And anyway at this point the repairs have all been done. I think I'm just concerned how to address this guy.

 

Like someone else said, I don't want to seem ungrateful, I really don't, because he's helped me immensely, and I don't want to insult him. I just want to find a nice, polite way to make him give up on the idea of me going out with him.

 

i thought maybe I'd take him out to lunch to say thank you, but nixed that idea because I thought it would lead him on.

 

Obviously I suspect that once he totally gives up he wouldn't give me free repairs anymore, and I'm ok with that, I just don't want to insult him in the process. I'm very friendly with the other owner and I don't want to have a bad relationship with all the people that work there I suppose.

 

This is, in a way, like breaking up with someone that is friends with all your other friends.....you want to let them know you're not interested without making it awkward for the remainder of your interactions together!

 

Oh well. it is what it is now. I guess worse comes to worse it becomes so awkward that I either have to mention it to the other owner, or just don't go there for repairs anymore.

 

Though....I was thinking that from now on I could just insist on making all transactions through the other owner, and in that manner insist on paying for things or at least making payment plans so that he gets the hint I don't want free repairs anymore....

 

Don't get me wrong, i have no idea how I'd actually pay for any of it. At a loss on that one. But requesting to actually pay might actually get the hint across more? I don't know. I guess so far I think he's just harmlessly annoying....though if he shows up at my doorstep uninvited one day I may start to freak out.

 

You're best bet is to be tactful and upfront. Don't insult him, thank him and say you appreciate all he has done for you, he has been a massive help and a good friend, but if he requests to hang out after this-say politely that you feel that would intervene with the professional relationship you have i.e. customer and mechanic. I'm sure the other owner would agree. I would do this with the other owner or someone else present in case it gets nasty. If he still don't get the hint, be firmer, otherwise you may have to look for another mechanic.

 

I remember one time, (it's slightly different but I also felt obligated) I worked with this guy, he ended up smitten with me (my coworkers words not mine) he used to write me love notes, and things, stare at me incessantly, go all coy and shy around me, and it got damn uncomfortable after a time. First off, I was flattered but uninterested, but I felt I couldn't downright reject the guy because I work with him. It would have made it awkward. Anyway, two years down the line he was still chasing me. Eventually, I gave up with being nice to him, trying to avoid awkwardness, because heck, it was awkward for me for two years.

 

My point before was that, in some way, you are responsible for this situation. You knew how he felt, and I'm not suggesting that you took advantage of that fact or whatever, and you chose the path that you did, rather than coming up with a more responsible plan. Once you get yourself in dealings such as this, it's difficult to get out. I get the whole, stuck between a rock and a hard place thing, I do, we've all had times when whatever decision we make it won't bode well for us, or the outcome is lose-lose. Sometimes, you have to think very carefully who you accept favors from, perhaps it would have been better, or more advisable to have had a word with the other owner and tried to come to an agreement over the payments, were all the repairs necessary to be done at that time? I know my Dad's car is like 12 years old, running on something stupid like a quarter of a million miles, and when he gets repairs done, if he can't afford the lot, he gets the most important bits done, then the rest when he can.

 

But you have to handle this right away, tactful but firm. He offered you the help, you are not obligated at all to accept his advances, or owing to him in anything other than gratitude, and if your budget allows for it in the future, financial.

[Green]

Ever notice how this type of thing seems to mostly happen to women.

[whichwayisup]

You might be better off dumping your car and getting another one. Especially if you're spending 4 grand on a junky car. That's ALOT of money to sink into it. You can get a cheap car, one that is used and in better shape.

 

Also, think about trying another mechanic in the future. This guy somehow (even though he said it didn't) has strings attached.

 

You've been given some real good advice, so I can't add much more on that.

 

PS, nice to see you again!

[D-Lish]

There are strings attached, regardless of whether or not you choose to face it.

[mickleb]

Okay.

 

Let's put my advice to the side for a minute.

 

The first thing you NEED to do is CALM DOWN.

 

Everything will seem a lot less impossible then.

 

x

[Green]

You might be better off dumping your car and getting another one. Especially if you're spending 4 grand on a junky car. That's ALOT of money to sink into it. You can get a cheap car, one that is used and in better shape.

 

Also, think about trying another mechanic in the future. This guy somehow (even though he said it didn't) has strings attached.

 

You've been given some real good advice, so I can't add much more on that.

 

PS, nice to see you again!

 

I hate mechanics seriously who knows if he even did 4 grand worth of work. Regaurdless she didn't pay a dime.

 

I would have found it hard to accept this from some one with the obviouse strings this guy has in his mind attached to this work.

 

Even if she had been like "I'll let you do the work but just as a friend who I never want to hang out with alone" I still wouldn't have let him do the work.

 

Personaly this guy might be a genius because she is obviously feeling the pressure and heck she might even agree to go out with him just to ease her guilty conscience and once he has that date he has a chance to win her over... although he will probably not win her over because he sounds pathetic doing all this for a women who probably isn't interested I feel he is half way to getting a variation of the pitty fck called the guilt trip fck

[TouchedByViolet]

There are strings attached, regardless of whether or not you choose to face it.

 

That is a mature observation, well said

[txsilkysmoothe]

I've had to drop out of school before because I needed the money I could earn from working those hours instead, so while you may not like the suggestion it is a real solution for some and shouldn't offend you.

 

Too, I think you now know why you shouldn't accept things for free. Rarely, is it really free. Surely the other partner is going to know you aren't paying at some point, no? What then? If you continue to reject this guy, is he going to tell the other partner that there never was an agreement between the two of you and then the shop will hold your car until you pay?

 

I've known very hard financial times. You have my sympathy and I hope you find a good solution. Don't give up -Keep educating yourself and some day it will pay off.

[KismetGirl]

WWIU- Hey there, nice to see you again too ;-)

 

Everyone else- thanks for the dialogue-ish. To answer someone's question, the other owner, I'm not sure he knows I haven't paid to be honest. The guy that likes me tells him that the parts that come in are often ones that I've managed to find on ebay or something for cheap on my own (I actually did do that once long ago....there was something I needed that they could only get from the dealer, but I looked online and found it on ebay).

 

I think the older owner knows that the other guy has a thing for me, as he's always joking around that the guy would love to have lunch with me or something, but I dont think he knows he's been giving me free repairs because the guy always takes my balance out of the computer and tells him I've paid it already in cash, and then I guess he must just put the cash in himself. It goes back to him in the end anyway as it's his business?

 

Even if the first owner knows the other guy is giving me stuff for free he isn't saying anything. I have no idea.

 

I know, I'm not stupid....men generally don't do things for (or even make effort to talk to) women they don't find attractive, but I guess I tried to tell myself that since I have repeatadly said I don't want to owe anything, and offered to find a way to pay, and kept saying how I don't like to accept charity from people that I was making it clear that I wasn't planning on giving him anything in return by way of dating him, and that he would accept that, but I guess he has held onto the hope that if he did enough for me that I'd eventually change my mind.

 

That's stupidity on his part overall, but his incessant hitting on me (which is elevating in fervor) is starting to annoy me and make me feel uncomfortable. If I liked him back it probably wouldn't bother me of course, but since I don't have one iota of sexual attraction towards him it only makes me seem sort of pathetic and creepy to me the more he does it.

 

I mean, I get it....I've been getting hit on my random men since I've been 13 years old. I can handle the occasional flirtation or random passer-by comment ony my arse, I get it, men can be sleazy sometimes. But comments like "I should come by at 5 in the morning one day and you can call out sick to work and we can drive away for a weekend so you can get a break from work" or "I can't wait until we can finally spend a day hanging out together" just strike me as....creepy. Asking me to have lunch if I have a day off is one thing, but the other stuff is crossing the line in flirtation. If I say I've had a bad day, he doesn't just let it go. He asks me ten times what happened and if I tell him he'll find a way to fix it....come on man, let it go! You're a f**king mechanic, just fix my car and get on with it. You're not going to come take care of my life problems.

 

I think he must either otherwise deal with completely different women than me, or else have bad luck with dating?

 

he seems to think that materialistic things impress me.....they don't.

 

He does pretty well for himself, owns several houses around the country, has several cars all of the porsche, BMW and etc variety, and thinks this matters to me when I could care less. He starts telling me things like he wants to take me shopping for my birthday and I want to gag. Trust me, I don't fit the mold of a sugar-baby/sugar-daddy relationship. I like to get gifts from people just like the next person, but not like that.

 

Anyway I'm getting off topic now. I think I'll figure it out somehow, won't have much choice but to just try to not let myself be alone with him and not accept money/free repairs and hopefully he will get the hint without being insulted or taking it too personally. Maybe I could mention that I'm just not in a state of mind to be dating anyone in general (which is partially true....I was dating a physician recently that I quite liked and my schedule is so bad right now I couldn't even make it work with him at the moment.)

 

I have five million other problems in my life right now to deal with anyway, and this is among the least of them I suppose.

 

Oh well. Thanks for listening as always. I'm sure I'll be back here soon enough to ramble about something else.

 

Hope everyone is well...:rolleyes:

[Major]

I agree with "Whichwayisup", just cut your losses. It's like breaking up with someone but telling them you still want that CD you love that they still have and you want back the $50 dollars you loaned them or something. It's more negativity, and a waste of your time trying to pursue closure in something that you want to be over with. I would never think anything bad of you, however, I have male friends and brothers, and some have told me, "Men don't care what you say, they care what you do." Meaning...I can say I don't want a relationship with you, however, if I allow him to call me. Take me to lunch. Buy me a gift, etc., he is interpreting that you want to be with him, but it may take time or you are contemplating someone else, but he is still in the game. I know...sounds crazy. For example, when you are younger you have a relationship with a guy you are bananas about. He knows that you are "pure." He doesn't pressure you or anything, but he may say, well, let's take a nap together. We will still have our clothes on." See what I'm saying? You believe that it's only going to be a nap, however, he is counting on those strong feelings he already knows that you have for him, to get him where he wants to be. Now, don't get me wrong, I know a lot of gentlemen friends who I am proud of. Not just because they are my friends, but they also truly love, purely, their wives and girlfriends with the utmost respect. So I'm not dogging guys...just giving an example. Buy another car. Cut the contact and make a business decision...not an emotional one. Take your control back and learn from it. You will be fine:)

[Gold Pile]

Tons of work on your car. There are mechanics out there who sabatage (nick a hose etc) the cars of their regular customers. While they fix one they damage something else. Could this be happening to you?

 

Any chance he is inflating the price you're paying to cover his "free" stuff.?

[JadedHeart]

No, really, you shouldn't have.

 

Haha just teasing. I don't get why some people are shocked that he is expecting something in return. I don't believe in altruism at all. Rarely is something truly unconditional.

 

So for those that are antagonizing him for expecting something in return.. You think guys just do things like take you out to dinner or fix your car for free just because they're nice guys? Yea right get the hell out of here.

 

Sure, you're in a tough spot and it is really tempting to accept his help. It's his fault for being a nice guy beta male chump. As a guy he is going to have to learn sometime. Before, when I used to be extremely naive , I would have bashed the OP and told her she is clearly in the wrong for using this guy. Now that I'm slightly older and much wiser *partially thanks to this forum* people need to realize..

 

You can't change people, only yourself.

 

The OP blatantly using him for his services is wrong but ultimately it's the mechanic's fault for letting her do this to him. Apparently you don't feel bad enough about this situation because you're letting him fix your car.

 

My opinion... Let him fix your car because you really don't care. You're intelligent enough to differentiate between what is right or wrong. Sometimes those two terms are ambiguous.

 

Hopefully this chump will learn one day.

 

For those of you who may think my views are extremely pragmatic, bash away. I read people by their actions, not words.

 

The way I see it...

 

OP let's him fix her car for free despite moral qualms and strong inner turmoil.

AFC does it because, well.. He's an average frustrated chump.

 

No amount of words can change this.

[KismetGirl]

Hey guys

 

Sorry I disappeared. I get busy sometimes lately.

 

I like the ideas of "just buy a new car", but let's be realistic people...if I could just afford to buy a new car, do you really think I'd be having such problems turning down free car repairs? Gimme a break! School is fiscally raping me at the moment and I literally cannot afford anything extra right now,and I need my car to get around, so it's not negotiable right now.

 

I've made it clear to him I don't want to date him, and don't want to owe him anything, and that I would find a way to pay him in installments if that's what I had to do but he has literally refused to take any money I have tried to give him, what little of it I have to give.

 

If he insists on fixing my car for free despite me blatantly telling him I just want to be friends, I think in the end that's his problem, not mine. I am in no way leading him on. If he wishes to interpret things in his own manner, he'd do that regardless just by me being nice to him , or smiling at him when I come by, or anything small. People have a funny way of convincing themselves that they have a chance with someone they like just because the person is remotely nice to them.

 

If I was leading him on that's one thing, but I'm not, I'm quite honest that I want nothing to do with him romantically and he doesn't let up.

 

Whatever. Gotta go what I have to do. Need my car to get around, to egt to work, to get to school, and cannot in any way, shape or form afford to buy a new one.

 

I suppose I can deal with his incessant flirtation. The only time I have to deal with it is when I go there to get things fixd anyway. If he starts stalking me one day it'll be anohter story but I think he's harmless as far as that goes.

 

I have bigger problems to worry about....see my next new thread for a taste of that one....bah.

[Els]

Uh, I really don't think the OP is doing anything wrong. At all.

 

Lets refer to a gender-swapped case - some of you may be familiar with GooseChaser's saga with a 'FWB' of hers. The man has made it expressly, blatantly clear to her that he is NOT interested in anything other than free sex, not available for a relationship, etc. However, despite not really wanting to be FWB, and despite the blatant information, GooseChaser continues to have sex with the man hoping to draw him into a relationship.

 

Would you say the fault lies with the man? He has made every intention of his clear - he is certainly not playing her. Is the onus not on her, who ignores his every word and continues doing it?

 

There's no difference in this case. It isn't 'playing' someone if you've told them point blank you're not interested.