jam1307 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 About 1-1/2 years ago, my husband started to have an affair with a coworker. I found out a couple months later, he did it again, I threw him out, we worked it out, had a vow renewal, and it has been about 5 months. He got a new laptop (his was incredibly old), and he keeps deleting his Internet History I notice...only sporadically. For instance, he only deleted yesterday's searches yet had all the rest of the week up. On there, I saw that he was looking at all kinds of pictures of women - cheerleaders mostly, one holding her breasts. I am overweight, trying to lose it, we're both in grad school and our schedules don't co-incide. I am already on edge with trust due to the past (I have forgiven but I can't forget, basically). Stuff has seemed "off" to me lately, and this just is too much to bear. What should I do?
ladydesigner Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 My H has also been deleting his history and I discovered through cookies that I removed to only see them come back on many sites that I deem not okay. I am installing a keylogger. Not everyone agrees on this because it is an invasion of privacy, but when I can't tell the truth from lies it is my only resort. I guess I could leave. I am still in the process of making my decision. Good luck!!!
Author jam1307 Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 That is how I found out about the continued affair (first time he left sexting pics on his phone). I def. recommend Refog. I did download it on his new computer before posting this, but only a trial one. I just want to see for a few days. I had Refog on mine for a whole year until I took it off a couple months ago. How do people who've gotten over this view their significant others looking at risque pictures of others, designed to turn you on? How am I not supposed to feel hurt, given what he's done before? I can't just go back to the "Oh, boys will be boys" thing because he went WAY past that before.
Mimolicious Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Do you guys really need third-party software to find what you already know? First step- confront your H. Unless you are in an abusive R where approaching your SO is going to send you flying across the room... Why can't you ask him wth he is doing looking at frisky pics on the net? Unfortunately you can only get the truth on what is going on from him.
Tea Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Yes, your husband crossed the line and that's hard to forgive and forget. I want to get that out before I say this. You need to start feeling good about yourself! When I was younger, I was always upset when my SOs would just stare at other women. I realized that I was upset that they were being so obvious about it, but heck, there are some GORGEOUS women out there that you just can't stop yourself from looking at. I watched that Guitar Hero commercial with Heidi Klum over and over with a gaping mouth. She is just amazingly gorgeous! That still doesn't excuse a SO from gawking at somebody in your presence b/c that's just disrespectful. I know everybody has conflicting feelings about porn, but as long as he's not chatting/interacting and just admiring beauty, I'm not sure you should feel so bad. I think you're feeling bad because he's admiring images that are not representative of you. Perhaps you should work on making yourself as attractive as you were when you both met. Something I heard early on about looking at provocative images came from a flamboyantly gay male friend: "of course I'm going to admire beauty, it doesn't mean I'm straight!"
silktricks Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 How do people who've gotten over this view their significant others looking at risque pictures of others, designed to turn you on? How am I not supposed to feel hurt, given what he's done before? I can't just go back to the "Oh, boys will be boys" thing because he went WAY past that before. This is not something I've ever had a problem with, personally. I do prefer it if he's open about it and not hiding anything. But I guess I don't get why it's a big deal. He doesn't know them - it's not personal - it's just a kinda kinky fun thing for (most) guys .
Disintegration Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 You most defintely could ask him why he is deleting history but then again if he is deleting it he isn't going to openly be honest. He's hiding something and as long as there isn't any evidence he will constantly deny anything and everything. You'll need solid proof.
ADF Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Your post is a fine example of why forgiving a cheater is never a good idea. They never quit being cheaters, and you end up deabsing yourself by playing silly little spy games.
linwood Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 He`s looking at porn. Just about every guy (and alot of girls) do the same thing. Everyone in this thread is jumping on the guy as if he`s cheating again. OP I would be very careful of taking advice from those on this forum as the bias here is thicker than religious message boards. Stop, clear your head and think about what he`s actually doing. He`s not cheating, he`s covering his tracks because he thinks you`ll give him crap for something as common as porn and apparently "He`s Right"! You have two options really 1: Ask him about it, tell him it bugs you and see where it goes. 2: Install the keylogger and check it out yourself if you have any evidence that he`s been unfaithful which it doesn`t sound like you have. Dn`t go freaking out over some porn because trust me when I tell you if you leave him your next man will be doing the same thing. You going to leave him too?
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