White Flower Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 You can reactivate for up to 2 weeks, the facebook account. I'm pretty sure you can reactivate it months later.
turnstone Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Just to clear up any confusion about deleting a Facebook account permanently It appears that RegardingMe is correct, but you must not interact with Facebook in any way in those two weeks that your account is merely deactivated. That means not clicking on any embedded buttons etc. etc. Its probably a good idea to delete all your cookies and history too.
Major Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I agree with the other blogger. Why hasn't her husband been brought into this? Obviously, she has no problem being unfaithful. You have caught your husband, sometimes, you know men can't see pass...sometimes. However, she is pursuing him now. I would bring her husband into this. See, she is texting in secret. I think with everyone and everything out in the open, the truth will be seen. I understand your ability to leave now, but I implore you, as a divorced woman with children, think of how this effects your children. I am not saying to stay. I am saying, figure this out with a level head, and not out of angry, emotions because 9/10 if we make decisions based on emotions, it's the wrong one. I would say bring her husband into this. She is obviously someone with no respect for herself or others. Obviously, she isn't important. You are right, it's not about giving your husband the satisfaction of confronting her, but handling a situation it is his job to handle. It's her husband's job to handle her as well. If you plan on leaving, go ahead and get counseling for your children and help them understand what is going on. This helped my son tremendously, and he is very, active, healthy, and emotionally stable. Yes, he messed up. But it's not just you and him now. Just think it through and then make your decison.
Author msladyjane99 Posted July 26, 2010 Author Posted July 26, 2010 Well I'm back for a update on my "mess" that was dumped on me. I want to thank everyone for giving me a place that I felt safe to unleash all my emotions, as many of you know it's very hard to talk to family or friends for a variety of reasons, mine mostly embarrassment because of what happened. The best piece of advice that was given was to get the Shirley Glass book, Not, "Just Friends". Seriously that book was full of so much insight to many of my questions and helped me take a full step back and look at the entire picture of 25 years of marriage with clear glasses and helped me figure out what took us to this place and how to go forward without wanting to either, die, continue to throw up, contine to have rage filled days and nights, and continue to be a crying basket case over everything. Anyone that is considering staying in a marriage after an affair I would strongly urge to read this book. What I learned is that this was not about me. That was my biggest issue/question, "how could you do this to me"? It was never about me it was about him, and in his complete and utter selfishness, my feelings never entered the picture because his feelings of self-ego feeding destruction were too large to see anything that was going on. This was also not about what I did or didn't do for him, this was again his own selfishness. During those times when he was telling her he couldn’t talk to her anymore, by continuing to answer her calls and tell her that, she was continuing to get a message that said I hear what you are saying but your actions speak volumes more to me that you still are attached to me because you and I are still engaging in conversation. I see there was no “nice” way to end it, which was what he kept trying to do, be nice and not hurt her feelings. So it had to get done the ugly way. When I kept asking him why her feelings were more important to him than mine, I don’t think now that they were necessarily more important but by opening a window with her, he shut the door to me, and the more her window was open the further mine shut. This I believe was regular business to her, I believe since she’s been through 3 marriages already she knew exactly what she was doing and leading him to believe it was perfectly ok to have her as a friend and make me into a enemy, advising him to get a extra phone, a new email that I didn’t know about, how to hide his email box, how to lock his computer, all so she could maintain that flow of communication and shut mine down. Once she was out of the picture for a solid 2 weeks, were we able to talk slowly about things that happened. All the time though he was very defensive about things when I brought them up, on how “he’s apologized” and “he’s sorry” but there is nothing left he can do to make this up to me and I’m going to have to be satisfied with that because he’s done everything I’ve asked him to do to prove to me that he wants to be here and not with her and I’m the one that’s forcing him to think about her by talking about it, and if I would just drop it it would all go away. Well I’m not the type to drop it. So I go the book because I was making myself literally crazy with playing over and over in my head everything, to the point where I was becoming a zombie. I’ve lost 25lbs, and I had to take 2 weeks off work to pull myself together. So what I’ve discovered is that by never saying “no” to my husband and thinking that love alone would always keep him faithful, I was sending him a message that it was ok. By doing everything for my husband for 25 years I sent him a message that it was ok for him to be married, yet act single because he had no investment other than a paycheck to the family and marriage. So when this opportunity arised with a infatuation from 30 years ago of what could have been if I married one of my HS sweethearts it took on a life of it’s own in 3 weeks time and it was not a fun little game on her part she knew exactly what she was doing and she was playing it to win. We talked about what would have happened had they met for lunch like they had planned and he and I agreed it would have went sexual because after all she told me and she told him, that no one tells her no. and that had that happened that there would have been no fixing our relationship at all, and he was very remorseful at this point. I highlighted all the parts of the book I wanted to talk with him about and we did on neutral ground and he engaged in conversation and how we have to change what we’ve been doing because I can’t go through this again and if he doesn’t know what the warning signs are then he can’t in advance know how to avoid and disengage in conversation that can lead him down that path. He was raised as the first of two sons and was always given everything and no one ever told him no, for anything ever. Including me. I was tired of his temper tanrums when he couldn’t have what he wanted to buy or felt he deserved something so I just tuned him out and turn him off, and by doing that and not being strong enough to stand up to him, I essentially gave him the green light to engage in the behavior he acted upon. So it’s been very hard, we walk every night for 5 miles and we talk about anything, everything, and how were going to continue to move forward honestly and openly without shutting each other out. I told him I’m going to start speaking up for myself and things regardless of worrying about him shouting or yelling, and that he has to start engaging in the family on a regular daily basis, not just when he feels like it, or there is no way to move on. I told him I’m willing to do this for 6 months and if at the end of that I feel we’ve made enough progress to committee fully then we will move on, but if he hasn’t met me half way at least with the effort of trying, because of course when your 47 and set in your ways your not going to change over night and it will be 5 steps forward and 2 back but there has to be some effort and sincere emotions attached to that. I am hoping for the best, and trying to work through the pain my heart still feels. Thanks again for listening. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
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