Aokay Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 So i wanted to go a little more in-depth of what happened in my last relationship that recently ended almost a month ago. So we met around this time last year and prior to this relationship, i haven't been in one since my last break up that was around a year and a half ago. Things in the beginning were completely AMAZING (doesn't everyone say that?). I was ecstatic to finally have someone in my life that completely swept me off my feet and made me want to care for someone with all that i am. After my last break up which ended horribly might i add. I decided to not take anything so serious and I was single for roughly a year and a half just living the player life. During this time, i dated quite a few girls and had a few sexual relations (still in the single digits with sexual partners though). So after meeting my ex, I knew i didn't want the lifestyle i was living anymore as she was the one I wanted to be with. Things were great, she did get jealous here and there about my past but it was nothing we couldn't work through. So fast forward into 6 months of our relationship. We started to get somewhat more serious but the jealousy and insecurity kept increasing at a rate that i couldnt comprehend. She started doing more unhealthy things such as looking through past comments on myspace/facebook and lurking at the past girls I've been with. Due to her limited sexual history, she couldn't relate on my level as I've been with a lot more people than her as I was her first. This bothered her to the extreme but i tried to console her and tell her that none of those girls could even come close to what we had. Fast forwarding into what happened more recently. So i would start getting random messages harassing me that i talked to other girls and reminders of how i hooked up with this girl. I wouldn't know how to react to the situation so i would just get angry and say something sarcastic. I tried begging her to stop sending such angry texts and if she was upset about something, just say it so i can try to console her about. No need for the angry sarcastic texts from her. So about 10 months into our relationship, she became really cold and i didn't understand why. I would have done anything for this girl and she didn't even come close to realizing it. So we went to an NBA game one night and she acted like we weren't even a couple. I texted her and said "i can't deal with this, i don't understand why you act like this when i haven't done anything wrong?" She explains that she obsesses over my past so much and that i have no idea how bad it hurt her and that the only way to not care about my past is to not care about me. From that point on, i knew i was going to lose her but i kept hanging on due my faith that she might change. So we'd get into arguments and i would be ignored for 4 to 5 days straight. During those times of ignorance, I'd get so fed up that i would say pretty hateful things which i take total fault for. I couldn't control my emotions as it was too hard to not talk to her or see her, considering she lived a 5 minute walk from me. I tried so hard to get through to her but it seemed her mind was already made up, she convinced herself to not care anymore. I was stood up a couple times and after a big fight about me not spending any time with her, she decided to break up with me. I felt so crushed, i haven't felt as strongly for someone like this in a long time. She calls me a week after our break-up and says "I don't want you to live a lie but just so you know, i never was in love with you and neither did i love you. I was just fascinated with the idea of loving you that i convinced myself i did." I felt that was such a low blow that even though i carried our relationship single handily, she can still say such cruel things (i said some mean stuff too). But i understand of tricking yourself to loving someone, but jealousy is a natural emotion and her obsession of my past relations made up 75% of our arguments. I know that i deserved better and this relationship is too unhealthy to be in but the feeling of happiness i felt with her was absolutely astonishing. I don't think i'll ever feel that way for quite sometime. If i had the chance to do it all over again, i definitely would.
danny1972 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 sounds like a carbon copy of my last relationship ,im sure she loved you ,wouldn't have got jealous or paranoid else,sometimes women say they don't to get a reaction from you ,i know my ex did, just focus on yr self be strong she had the issues not you ! and im pretty certain she will drag these problems in to her next relationship , she will probably realize this one day ,but by then hopefully you would had found someone who will not judge your past and appreciate you for who you are , her loss my friend not your's , she needs to love her self before , she can sustain a healthy relationship , like i said don't contact her YOU DONT NEED THIS her problems are her's not your's or ours , they are her's. be strong.
S.Tee Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Agree with Danny. She definitely loves/likes you that she got all the emotions till that extent. It is natural to get jealous at times, but not until get emotional bout your past! It happened & nobody can change our past, we just move on and improve for the better. She needed to realize that in the beginning. The confession of not loving you from beginning was just lying to herself. She was just trying to cover her weakness not only towards you bt herself! Checking on your FB just made things worse, NO TRUST! Relationship cannot last without trust so it is her own self that can improve your romance. If she can realize all these, your relationship can work out. Otherwise no point, so go ahead, you can make the first move to coz you still love her. There is nothing wrong in your relationship, just that she need to change.
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