shawnm789 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 would like to get opinions on this......if you are the OM/OW to a MM/MW in an affair-where it is emotional,physical or both.....and there has/was a point in time where you felt as if you needed to get out of it or felt that person was using you and had no feelings for you whatsoever....do you have an obligation to question that person on if she is cheating on you besides their spouse.....it is not my own situation and would like good feedback on here....some of the people on here are dead-on with their advice.
Owl Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 would like to get opinions on this......if you are the OM/OW to a MM/MW in an affair-where it is emotional,physical or both.....and there has/was a point in time where you felt as if you needed to get out of it or felt that person was using you and had no feelings for you whatsoever....do you have an obligation to question that person on if she is cheating on you besides their spouse.....it is not my own situation and would like good feedback on here....some of the people on here are dead-on with their advice. Do you have an OBLIGATION to question them if they're involved with someone else (an "other-other person"?)? No, you don't have to ask. Do you have a RIGHT to ask? No...no "rights" are provided here either. Can you ask? Absolutely. Will you get an honest answer? Anyone's guess.
OWoman Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 would like to get opinions on this......if you are the OM/OW to a MM/MW in an affair-where it is emotional,physical or both.....and there has/was a point in time where you felt as if you needed to get out of it or felt that person was using you and had no feelings for you whatsoever....do you have an obligation to question that person on if she is cheating on you besides their spouse.....it is not my own situation and would like good feedback on here....some of the people on here are dead-on with their advice. If it's not working, either fix it or leave it.
secretlady76 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 would like to get opinions on this......if you are the OM/OW to a MM/MW in an affair-where it is emotional,physical or both.....and there has/was a point in time where you felt as if you needed to get out of it or felt that person was using you and had no feelings for you whatsoever....do you have an obligation to question that person on if she is cheating on you besides their spouse.....it is not my own situation and would like good feedback on here....some of the people on here are dead-on with their advice. Er, I am a MW and was having an EA with a MM.... I felt I needed to get out of it and so did he because I suppose there was too much to lose. I/he didn't WANT to end it, but it was best for everyone involved. I didn't feel used, although I did question it at one point because of the way he re-acted once. I never once thought that he had no feelings for me. I certainly had feelings for him. If I had felt he was having a relationship over and above me and his W then hell yeah, I would have asked and vice versa. I would have been honest with him and I would have hoped he had been honest with me, although would he I don't know. It's all in the past now so it doesn't matter anymore....
Author shawnm789 Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Er, I am a MW and was having an EA with a MM.... I felt I needed to get out of it and so did he because I suppose there was too much to lose. I/he didn't WANT to end it, but it was best for everyone involved. I didn't feel used, although I did question it at one point because of the way he re-acted once. I never once thought that he had no feelings for me. I certainly had feelings for him. If I had felt he was having a relationship over and above me and his W then hell yeah, I would have asked and vice versa. I would have been honest with him and I would have hoped he had been honest with me, although would he I don't know. It's all in the past now so it doesn't matter anymore.... secret lady-what intrigues me is if the WS who is in the affair could actually have some genuine feelings toward the AP...even though 9 times out of 10 its probably control,manipulation and their own needs that drive it continually....
secretlady76 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 secret lady-what intrigues me is if the WS who is in the affair could actually have some genuine feelings toward the AP...even though 9 times out of 10 its probably control,manipulation and their own needs that drive it continually.... Why on earth would you think that they are driven by control, manipulation and their own needs??? Many many people on here, who are married have had As with other married people and it has happened because they had true feelings for them, what other reason would there be? If you're married you have a lot to lose and very few people are going to fart-arse about just for kicks.
utterer of lies Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Why on earth would you think that they are driven by control, manipulation and their own needs??? Many many people on here, who are married have had As with other married people and it has happened because they had true feelings for them, what other reason would there be? Grow up.
bananalaffytaffy Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 (edited) Why on earth would you think that they are driven by control, manipulation and their own needs??? Many many people on here, who are married have had As with other married people and it has happened because they had true feelings for them, what other reason would there be? If you're married you have a lot to lose and very few people are going to fart-arse about just for kicks.Is this a joke? How about hot monkey sex with someone that's not your spouse? How about the Ap will do what the spouse won't? How about ego stroke? How about liking to have a little secret on the side? How about doing it because they are just plain mean and selfish? The list is endless. To say that a person has an affair only because they "love" the AP is more than naive. And most in this category don't give a rat's azz about losing anything. They are arrogant enough to think they'll never get caught. IIRC, 2sure's H was a serial cheater. I really doubt he had feelings for any of those women. And I don't think he ever anticipated getting caught either. Edited June 11, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy
StoptheDrama Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 would like to get opinions on this......if you are the OM/OW to a MM/MW in an affair-where it is emotional,physical or both.....and there has/was a point in time where you felt as if you needed to get out of it or felt that person was using you and had no feelings for you whatsoever....do you have an obligation to question that person on if she is cheating on you besides their spouse.....it is not my own situation and would like good feedback on here....some of the people on here are dead-on with their advice. Do they have an obligation to question? Yes, I believe they do. I believe any person intimately involved with another has a right to know with whom that person is also intimate, no matter the nature of the R. It's a matter of health and safety. Will they get an honest answer? That's a different story entirely.
secretlady76 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 (edited) Grow up. Sorry, was I meant to write that we all had As because we were sex starved, self obsessed, bi-polar, infatuated whores? Yep, that'll be it then I was talking about MM/MW with MW/MM scenario Edited June 11, 2010 by secretlady76
JustJoe Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Well, in my case, the feelings my MW and I had/have were/are genuine. Though the affair is over, the love has surprisingly remained and we are currently trying to figure out what that means.
Doing it Since '78 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Well, in my case, the feelings my MW and I had/have were/are genuine. Though the affair is over, the love has surprisingly remained and we are currently trying to figure out what that means. Double J, a hard head makes a soft ass. Don't go backwards champ
utterer of lies Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Sorry, was I meant to write that we all had As because we were sex starved, self obsessed, bi-polar, infatuated whores? Yep, that'll be it then I was talking about MM/MW with MW/MM scenario No, it's more like: Even if the feelings of both involved are 'true', this does not mean that the whole control/manipulation aspect and especially 'fulfilling the own needs' can just be ignored. Grow up, because life and love are more complex. It's not either 'true love' or 'manipulation and control and selfishness' but a messy situation with many ingredients, both good and bad ones.
secretlady76 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 No, it's more like: Even if the feelings of both involved are 'true', this does not mean that the whole control/manipulation aspect and especially 'fulfilling the own needs' can just be ignored. Grow up, because life and love are more complex. It's not either 'true love' or 'manipulation and control and selfishness' but a messy situation with many ingredients, both good and bad ones. You bite so easily. I was taking the p*** Back to OP: Look it depends on the situation and it depends on what each AP's motives. If they're the same then great, it's when they're not is when you come unstuck. I'm not going to go into every single scenario of every single affair I've had, each is different and some were just a total mess of emotions and all ended very badly. However, all I will say is that if you have questions, ask AP but don't expect the truth..
skylarblue Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I don’t think I’m obligated, but I do think I have a right to ask MM if he is seeing someone other than W and me. As long as he’s effing me I feel like I have the right to question him about relations with OOW AND his W. MM asked the first time we were together if I was seeing anyone besides him and my (at the time) bf. I said I wasn’t. He said he wasn’t seeing other than his W either and that’s how he expects our R to be. He’s also told me that he expects me to inform him if I begin to see someone else. Not long ago I told MM I dreamt he had an OOW. He quickly replied that never has, was, or will be the case; that I am his first, only, and last OW in his M. Is it true? I think being the first and only, but I’m not so sure that I’ll be the last.
bananalaffytaffy Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I don’t think I’m obligated, but I do think I have a right to ask MM if he is seeing someone other than W and me. As long as he’s effing me I feel like I have the right to question him about relations with OOW AND his W. MM asked the first time we were together if I was seeing anyone besides him and my (at the time) bf. I said I wasn’t. He said he wasn’t seeing other than his W either and that’s how he expects our R to be. He’s also told me that he expects me to inform him if I begin to see someone else. Not long ago I told MM I dreamt he had an OOW. He quickly replied that never has, was, or will be the case; that I am his first, only, and last OW in his M. Is it true? I think being the first and only, but I’m not so sure that I’ll be the last.Thats rich. It's okay for him to bang two women, but you're to remain faithful?!?! How benevolent of him.
utterer of lies Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 You bite so easily. I was taking the p*** Yeah I know, I shouldn't waste my time explaining simple things to even simpler people.
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