espec10001 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 AD1980 is completely correct. I'd like to further point out that the woman in the PUA video states that "Most women rate themselves higher". Do most men rate themselves higher? I don't. I think my approach to how much I rate myself is either spot on, or lower then it should be. I err on the side of humility, not arrogance. To me that is probably the most defining feature about dating which is why it's gotten so screwed up, whether or not men are "good looking" or not. Most men have a sense of humility, where most women have a sense of arrogance. This falls under the same thought process of women who feel like they "shouldn't settle", but the same situation for men if they "don't settle" for a girl they are called shallow. Double Standards....gotta love em. You gotta remember something though, women don't age as well as men. Time is on the side of the male species, not female.
Green Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Why do you say don't get dating tips from women? They are the ones men are after so it seems they would be an excellent source. You can ignore their advice just as easily as you can ignore that coming from men. I don't understand your post here at all. Please explain in detail. I believe it's a reference to the idea that what women want and who they end up becoming emotionally attracted to is contradictory what women want and who they end up becoming emotionally attracted to is contradictory The sooner Women take this to heart, the sooner forums like these will go away To answer TonyT's Q I echo the posts of Sivok and RRussian. I also add women cannot relate to the issues men face in the same manner as men face them. For instance most women WILL NEVER put themselves out there to the extent that many men will and face REJECTION on the same level. Harder to relate to women when it comes to DATING ROLES because they have a much diferent role.
BS76 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Here's a video from a woman's perspective talking about the nice guy syndrome and how it comes across to girls when you're first interacting with them: It's about 8 minutes long, but I thought it was an interesting viewpoint. Ladies, do you agree with her? Women love nice guys.... so long as she is already attracted to the man. Otherwise he's beta, possibly needy/clingy, and "a good friend". More info as well: http://funandsocial.blogspot.com/2008/05/nice-guy-and-why-hes-not-nice.html http://funandsocial.blogspot.com/2008/07/nice-guys-part-2.html http://funandsocial.blogspot.com/2008/07/nice-guys-part-3.html
Knittress Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 What's with the 'women are arrogant' angle? Females have an ingrained biological tendency to be choosier than men, simply because we invest so much more in any resulting offspring. Logic and plentiful birth control doesn't really change that. Why is this a problem? It seems to me that what a lot of guys want are really MEN with girl-parts and a manicure...
sagetalk Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 She is part of the marketing package to get money from guys who need help on how to pick up girls. I agree, she makes some good points but I wouldn't ask her for advice about dating. NICE GUYS DON'T EXIST. Guys who call themselves NICE because they can't get dates are just feeling sorry for themselves. Not true at all. I'm a nice guy. Only an idiot would be a nice guy and think it helps him with women. By the time you reach age 18 you know all too well that jerks are firmly in control of the dating pool. I believe it's a reference to the idea that what women want and who they end up becoming emotionally attracted to is contradictory Except, this woman seems to be attracted to the player type. The guy only looking for sex with her, until another woman just like her comes along. Obviously, this woman hasn't figured out that the type of man she is attracted to does not want a relationship. Nice way to call her out, you're exactly right. If she actually liked real nice guys she'd be married with a family. She is way hot enough to get any guys attention. Many of these girls go after the guys who don't want a relationship even though the girl does. They try to convince them into a LTR. It is one of the strangest things you will ever see. The best point she makes is to not be phony because you fear rejection. Don't act like a pickup artist unless that is how you want to be for the rest of your life. Be what makes you happy and comfortable, if the girl can't handle that, then keep looking. Remember guys, Jesse James married Sandra Bullock and slept with tons of women. Do you think he's cool? I hope not. Women do not define you as a man, you and your actions define you. Every time a women rejects you, and you treated her well. Think to yourself, I bet Jesse James could have gotten her, and it will drop your attraction for her immensely.
Mr White Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 What's with the 'women are arrogant' angle? Females have an ingrained biological tendency to be choosier than men, simply because we invest so much more in any resulting offspring. Logic and plentiful birth control doesn't really change that. Why is this a problem? It seems to me that what a lot of guys want are really MEN with girl-parts and a manicure... Truer worde have rarely been spoken:laugh:! That would be ideal!
Mr White Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 The best point she makes is to not be phony because you fear rejection. Don't act like a pickup artist unless that is how you want to be for the rest of your life. Be what makes you happy and comfortable, if the girl can't handle that, then keep looking. Yep, that eliminates 90% of the female population for me, but thankfully my wonderful gf eats it up like ice cream.
sagetalk Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 What's with the 'women are arrogant' angle? Females have an ingrained biological tendency to be choosier than men Yes, but the rationale they use for choosing is messed up. It's not their choosiness that I don't like (I think that's great), it's that guys who are susceptible to cheating, are arrogant, and not LTR minded seem to be a better choice to girls when given alot of options.
AD1980 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 What's with the 'women are arrogant' angle? Females have an ingrained biological tendency to be choosier than men, simply because we invest so much more in any resulting offspring. Logic and plentiful birth control doesn't really change that. Why is this a problem? It seems to me that what a lot of guys want are really MEN with girl-parts and a manicure... Stop with the biology stuff its an excuse to be shallow and overly picky.. If women were extra choosy in areas like character and integrity grea thast one thing but its in areas like looks and status which doesnt lead to a women getting a stable ltr partner that she wants
Mr White Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Yes, but the rationale they use for choosing is messed up. It's not their choosiness that I don't like (I think that's great), it's that guys who are susceptible to cheating, are arrogant, and not LTR minded seem to be a better choice to girls when given alot of options. Yep, there is absolutely no shame to losing a girl to guys that are objectively "better" thank you in important aspects. However, that is often not the case. Losing a girl to the male equivalent of skanks is infuriating at first, but exceedingly amusing later.
sagetalk Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Yep, that eliminates 90% of the female population for me, but thankfully my wonderful gf eats it up like ice cream. I hear you on that. I'm glad you found a cool girl, I'm still looking for one. Girls always say, "Be yourself", but few of them actually will let you. The same girls that tell you to be yourself are the same ones who go out with a guy that used his game (not being himself) to get them in the first place. This is the stuff that will drive you insane.
Knittress Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I might take some issue with what you mean by "overly" picky. Being in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't do it for you is beyond painful. It's really, truely better to hold out than to make a go of it with someone just because they're 'relationship minded.'
VertexSquared Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 You really don't have to be a "player type" if you aren't naturally a player. One thing you can do, however, to avoid being a doormat, is to have a damn backbone and make decisions. More often than not a "nice guy" is too worried about rocking the boat with a decision or confrontation that they are concerned will backfire, so they play it safe without realizing that playing it safe really isn't getting them anywhere. So, in a sense, it isn't really safe at all. I know so many people are sick and tired of hearing "be confident," but that's really the key. You can be a confident nice guy.
threebyfate Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 These threads about nice guys are really funny... In reality finding a match isn't easy and has nothing to do with being nice or being a bad guy. It has more to do with being comfortable in your own skin than it does trying to be someone you are not. I'm a nice guy.. I've never had trouble finding dates.. It was harder finding someone that clicked on both sides.Yup and that's what she says at the tail end of the clip, for guys to be themselves. I also agree that the nice guy "act" is just a total cop out. These guys are afraid to be themselves. Better that a guy be himself. But if "himself" turns women off, then it's time to self-improve or lose the loser within.
VertexSquared Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Yup and that's what she says at the tail end of the clip, for guys to be themselves. I also agree that the nice guy "act" is just a total cop out. These guys are afraid to be themselves. Better that a guy be himself. But if "himself" turns women off, then it's time to self-improve or lose the loser within. I've realized recently how true this is. I always used to think I was really shy and socially inept around people, when really it's just that I was afraid to be myself because I considered my interests nerdy and hard to relate to others. I recently found a girl who I could be myself around, and things have been working out so well. Conversation flows, confidence skyrockets, and I can just be myself and create attraction through healthy, natural ways instead of putting on an act or withdrawing. Being yourself is the best way to become naturally comfortable in your own skin, and it's the best way to evaluate whether or not you'll be compatible with someone early on. I think you have to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like you.
paddington bear Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 yeah that is a big problem...women saying they want men to be themselves and then trying to change them. Perhaps the PUA thing works, or rather the dressing up in silly clothes and being a bit outrageous because it's like 'this is my personality baby, don't try to change it. I am not malleable'...perhaps, just a theory
AD1980 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I might take some issue with what you mean by "overly" picky. Being in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't do it for you is beyond painful. It's really, truely better to hold out than to make a go of it with someone just because they're 'relationship minded.' When i say overly picky i dont mean being with somebody just for the sake of beign with somebody i mean having a huge laundry list of traits a Man must have and having allot of non important things on that list.. AS i said if a women was worrying about her future kids like u claim integrity and character would be closer in importance to looks and status then it is..
sumdude Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Wonder what she was paid for that video? I've read a fair bit of the PUA stuff. Now a friend of mine is really starting to get into the scene... and is starting to lose me as a friend. He's no fun anymore, every interaction is analyzed. Can't come back from a night out without him reviewing it like game film. Yeah he's not a nice guy anymore.. in fact he's becoming hard to hang around with. He may pick up more girls than before but the ones worth picking up roll their eyes behind his back at him half the time wondering what the hell he's doing. Yes there's some common sense stuff in there but at a point then it all goes way too far and is nothing but a marketing scam for the PUAs themselves in the end IMHO In fact all these threads about alpha this and 'nice guys' etc etc that pervade the forums are the direct result of the so called PUA's and their internet marketing. You know what they are pick up artists though. They certainly pick up a lot of $$$ from the lonely guys out there. Then they make these guys fell worse about themselves. Make them think that being a 'nice guy' is so terrible. ahh whatever rant done...
threebyfate Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I've realized recently how true this is. I always used to think I was really shy and socially inept around people, when really it's just that I was afraid to be myself because I considered my interests nerdy and hard to relate to others. I recently found a girl who I could be myself around, and things have been working out so well. Conversation flows, confidence skyrockets, and I can just be myself and create attraction through healthy, natural ways instead of putting on an act or withdrawing. Being yourself is the best way to become naturally comfortable in your own skin, and it's the best way to evaluate whether or not you'll be compatible with someone early on. I think you have to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like you.All of what you're saying is bang on, particularly the bolded statement. Allowing people who don't give a crap about you, to affect how you feel about yourself can KILL your confidence and self-esteem.
SarahRose Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Only truth in that is women have an inflated sense of self worth and what they bring to the table and what they actually deserve Kind of like all the male whingers on here who are fat, ugly, and broke but think they deserve a supermodel
PJKino Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Kind of like all the male whingers on here who are fat, ugly, and broke but think they deserve a supermodel Where is this? Women say this all the time yet ive yet to see an actual post of a guy complaining that he cant get a supermodel
VertexSquared Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Where is this? Women say this all the time yet ive yet to see an actual post of a guy complaining that he cant get a supermodel I think the point is that many people often shoot for a type of potential mate that would typically prefer someone who has more to offer. I see it a lot here in NYC.
SarahRose Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Where is this? Women say this all the time yet ive yet to see an actual post of a guy complaining that he cant get a supermodel Nearly every post is about how a 10 wouldn't talk to him and how no girls like him meaning no hot girls like him.
PJKino Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Nearly every post is about how a 10 wouldn't talk to him and how no girls like him meaning no hot girls like him. No its not at all,most guys post here that they just seem to just want somebody near their level
SarahRose Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 You gotta remember something though, women don't age as well as men. Time is on the side of the male species, not female. Where do you get that idea from? Women age far better than men do. Women live longer. Time is definitely on the female side.
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