bluz73 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Just wondering if any dumpers on here eventually look up their ex's on Facebook or other social sites just to see how they are doing? Maybe not contact just look..cause I for one had someone from 10 years ago contact me and it was weird he was looking for me, now I really hope my ccurrent ex looks me up and sees my face again and it haunts him lol
What_Next Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Personally, no, then again I refuse to involve myself in any "social networking" site. I think the entire concept is ridiculous. I would imagine though that many do engage in this behavior. Some out of curiosity, some of it still feeling something for the other person. I suppose it's harmless enough if done like that.
Ilovecake Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 As a dumpee I have done it, as a dumper no. I did have someone contact me after 8 years on facebook. He was telling me how much he has been thinking about me for years, but we weren't in a very serious relationship to begin with and there was no dumper/dumpee, he was a one month fling from out of town and went back home at which time we lost contact. I told him I wasn't interested, he bugged me a few more times and when I didn't respond he eventually stopped.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 My ex I have zero interest in befriending, or having any idea of what is going on in his life. That's the way it should be, he contributes nothing to my life but the past and it's pointless to interact with him as I have no attachment and zero reason to hold on to him. He's not an appropriate friend for me and it's rather stalkerish to keep track of him.
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 There are countless threads on here by dumpees whose dumpers keep pestering them with meaningless texts, PMs. e-mails, phone calls and whatever, after the dumpees have implemented - and maintained - a NC policy. There are many threads titled "My ex - who dumped me - contacts me all the time".... and bemoaning the way they try to yank chains and throw them breadcrumbs..... yes. In a word, it happens a lot. It's really bloody annoying. It's also, ultimately, just an ego-trip.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 . It's also, ultimately, just an ego-trip. Guess my ego is big enough already. You're right, people do it a lot. People are, for the most part, giant douchebags.
TaraMaiden Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 What I meant was, that whatever the message, what they're really thinking, is - "Wonder if I still got it, to make 'em react?" I used to have a massive ego, but after therapy, I'm now absolutely perfect.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 What I meant was, that whatever the message, what they're really thinking, is - "Wonder if I still got it, to make 'em react?" I used to have a massive ego, but after therapy, I'm now absolutely perfect. Of course! Very true, I don't completely understand that mindset though. What drives them to be so selfish, to knowingly inflict even more pain on someone they at one point cared about. Get the attention from somewhere else, if you're done with that person, as dumping them suggests, why do you crave THEIR attention?
Ilovecake Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Of course! Very true, I don't completely understand that mindset though. What drives them to be so selfish, to knowingly inflict even more pain on someone they at one point cared about. Get the attention from somewhere else, if you're done with that person, as dumping them suggests, why do you crave THEIR attention? Ego my dear, damaged ego is what drives them. They themselves are so self absorbed that other people's feeling don't even enter into their equation. They want what they want and are willing to go to extreme lengths just to satisfy their own needs, screw everyone else.
ADF Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 They do it quite often actually. Any time two people split, there are bound to be mixed feelings on both sides. Even dumpers have moments where they miss people.
ADF Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Of course! Very true, I don't completely understand that mindset though. What drives them to be so selfish, to knowingly inflict even more pain on someone they at one point cared about. Get the attention from somewhere else, if you're done with that person, as dumping them suggests, why do you crave THEIR attention? Why do they do it? Jealousy. That seems foolish--why would someone be jealous of someone they dumped? I can answer that question as far as men go. Men who dump women still feel jealous because male jealousy has very little to do with women. Male jealousy is mostly about men competing with other men. Ever notice that the biggest players are the guys who go most crazy when their SO fools around with another guy? Their level of emotional investment in the woman--which with players is usually low--is irrelevant. They just don't want another man getting "their" woman.
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