Two weeks between first and second date

[xRJ85x]

So I went on a first date with this girl last weekend. We both had a great time, kissed at the end, everything went well. I talked to her today, and she said she's swamped this weekend between plans she made with a friend plus all her grades are due over the next couple weeks, but she definitely wants to get together again. We live just about an hour apart, so seeing each other during the week isn't realistic. So now we're banking on the weekend after.

 

I told her I'd call or text her to keep in touch. So anyone have suggestions on the best way to go about maintaining contact and, more importantly, interest? I really like her a lot.

[Confusedalways]

I am a huge fan of sending a funny/ interesting or whatever "thing" to someone I'm trying to maintain contact with, without being overbearing.

 

All sorts of things depending on the person, just anything we've talked about liking or disliking. I once sent a guy some random red sox fan's website, because we talked about how we love the red sox but think some of the fans were nuts. So I basically said something to the effect of "so, when are we going to make our own website looking like this?" It was funny because the person who made the site was CLEARLY a nutcase-- hahah . It got the banter going, for sure.

 

It's hard to tell because you definitely don't want to over text or anything but still remain in contact. As the guy, she'll probably want to hear from you first.

[D-Lish]

Just keep the contact light. A short text every 3-4 days should suffice.

You don't want to come across as too eager, but you want to let her know you are thinking of her.

[xRJ85x]

I am a huge fan of sending a funny/ interesting or whatever "thing" to someone I'm trying to maintain contact with, without being overbearing.

 

All sorts of things depending on the person, just anything we've talked about liking or disliking. I once sent a guy some random red sox fan's website, because we talked about how we love the red sox but think some of the fans were nuts. So I basically said something to the effect of "so, when are we going to make our own website looking like this?" It was funny because the person who made the site was CLEARLY a nutcase-- hahah . It got the banter going, for sure.

 

It's hard to tell because you definitely don't want to over text or anything but still remain in contact. As the guy, she'll probably want to hear from you first.

 

Yea, good call. I've had a relationship with a girl that was 2 1/2 hours away during college, she did a lot of the texting between dates, every day in fact. This girl is different (she seems much more mature), so I'm just wondering how much I should try to initiate contact. I obviously could joke around here and there everyday, but she's obviously unable during the day, and I dunno how much is overkill to her.

[xRJ85x]

Just keep the contact light. A short text every 3-4 days should suffice.

You don't want to come across as too eager, but you want to let her know you are thinking of her.

 

Sounds good, I'm guessing the bolded part counts for a big part of interest/attraction during the beginning phase when weeding out other guys? She's really pretty and fun, so I know I'm not the only guy going after her, so I want to keep that "I do wanna get together again!" part on her mind. The very last thing I want her to think is "the distance isn't going to work with us so I might as well give up early." Ironically, her very first message online to me was "I dunno if I'm a little too far away for you but message me back if you wanna!"

Edited June 11, 2010 by xRJ85x

[D-Lish]

Sounds good, I'm guessing the bolded part counts for a big part of interest/attraction during the beginning phase when weeding out other guys? She's really pretty and fun, so I know I'm not the only guy going after her, so I want to keep that "I do wanna get together again!" part on her mind. The very last thing I want her to think is "the distance isn't going to work with us so I might as well give up early." Ironically, her very first message online to me was "I dunno if I'm a little too far away for you but message me back if you wanna!"

 

If she has lots of guys coming on to her- it's best to be "different" in your approach with her. I wouldn't text her everyday- I'd keep it light, like every few days.

 

Keep in mind, human nature is to want what you can't have- so don't give her the impression you are overly available to her!

[xRJ85x]

If she has lots of guys coming on to her- it's best to be "different" in your approach with her. I wouldn't text her everyday- I'd keep it light, like every few days.

 

Keep in mind, human nature is to want what you can't have- so don't give her the impression you are overly available to her!

 

haha Yea, funny thing about that, I actually made a joke to her tonight about how we've been playing phone tag. It worried me a little bit because I didn't want to give her the wrong impression and think it was me playing games, but I guess I should look at it as kinda a good thing.

 

We don't really have too much to talk about right yet since we aren't fully in sync with each of our personalities, so it'll be somewhat easy not to worry about texting her.

[xRJ85x]

So after talking to her on the phone last Thursday and ending it with me saying "OK, we'll keep in touch." Confused and Dlish, I followed what you guys said and waited til Sunday to text her something funny. It was just one text, but she laughed at it. I figured I have to call her to plan a date, so I saved it for calling tonight. Called her tonight, no pick up, so I left a quick message saying "Hey, just wanted to see how your weekend went and if you were free this weekend. Call me back and let me know."

 

I know she's really busy these coming weeks, she sounded honest plus she said she wanted to see me again. After waiting a few days, to a girl who's busy, I don't look desperate calling on a Monday to plan a weekend date do I? She lives an hour away so its more than just a 20 minute drive across town. I'd have to plan my weekend around her.

[D-Lish]

I know she's really busy these coming weeks, she sounded honest plus she said she wanted to see me again. After waiting a few days, to a girl who's busy, I don't look desperate calling on a Monday to plan a weekend date do I? She lives an hour away so its more than just a 20 minute drive across town. I'd have to plan my weekend around her.

 

No, you don't!

 

But here's the thing- the ball is in her court to call you back. You've left the message, and asked her to give you a call and let you know. So, no matter what, you DON"T call again, and you don't text again.

 

If you don't get a response from the call, let it go.

 

No matter how busy someone is, they have time to text or call you back.

I work 60 hours per week, 6 days a week....But if I really like someone, I find a way to return calls and texts- I also make time to see them.

There is such a thing as busy- but someone that is into you will make time to return texts and calls.

 

[USMCHokie]

No matter how busy someone is, they have time to text or call you back.

 

I totally agree with you...one voicemail/text/whatever is all someone should get...if they don't respond, then they simply aren't interested...

 

But do women (or even men) purposely wait to text or call back...? I'm kind of in the same position as RJ with a girl I recently met online...

[xRJ85x]

No, you don't!

 

But here's the thing- the ball is in her court to call you back. You've left the message, and asked her to give you a call and let you know. So, no matter what, you DON"T call again, and you don't text again.

 

If you don't get a response from the call, let it go.

 

No matter how busy someone is, they have time to text or call you back.

I work 60 hours per week, 6 days a week....But if I really like someone, I find a way to return calls and texts- I also make time to see them.

There is such a thing as busy- but someone that is into you will make time to return texts and calls.

 

 

I totally agree with you...one voicemail/text/whatever is all someone should get...if they don't respond, then they simply aren't interested...

 

But do women (or even men) purposely wait to text or call back...? I'm kind of in the same position as RJ with a girl I recently met online...

 

Nah, I totally get that Dlish. I guess I was more worried that because she's become really busy this past week (she's a teacher and has grades due, which my mom and stepsis tell me is a major f'n headache!!! lol), that because I'm again the one trying to initiate the date, she may be a little turned off because obviously I wanna see her again. I mean, I am the guy, so I should be the one initiating most of the dates, right? And again, she said she wants to see me so it shouldn't even be a problem. Do you think this is OK, or should I have said to her last time "OK, well gimme a call when you can get together again."?

 

Hokie, I just ranted about that in the thread I just made haha. It sucks, but it seems like everyone's been brainwashed by all the rules. Luckily, I've been kinda busy on top of forcing myself to wait those last 3-4 days.

[D-Lish]

Some girls may wait a few hours, or text back the next day. I don't always immediately answer a text or a call. My reasons aren't game playing though.

[USMCHokie]

Do you think this is OK, or should I have said to her last time "OK, well gimme a call when you can get together again."?

 

Don't ever do this. If you ever have to say this, then you should quickly realize that she's just not that into you.

 

 

Hokie, I just ranted about that in the thread I just made haha. It sucks, but it seems like everyone's been brainwashed by all the rules. Luckily, I've been kinda busy on top of forcing myself to wait those last 3-4 days.

 

I absolutely hate games. But I really like the girl in question...and I think she might be worth having to play a game or two...

[Feelin Frisky]

Don't be a desperate douche. Leave her to her commitments and see if she chases. My be try some contact close to 2 weeks if you don't hear. See if she chases at all. Life isn't that short.

[D-Lish]

Don't ever do this. If you ever have to say this, then you should quickly realize that she's just not that into you.

 

 

 

 

I absolutely hate games. But I really like the girl in question...and I think she might be worth having to play a game or two...

 

You guys don't have to play games, ever. It's all about the proper balance between interest and restraint.

 

You don't want to text someone 10 times a day or call them 2-3 times before getting an acknowledgement or response- it's best to play it cool in the beginning.

 

It's good to let people be a bit curious about whether you will call- it gets them thinking about you. If you show too much interest, you're not a challenge and everyone wants a bit of a challenge.

[xRJ85x]

Some girls may wait a few hours, or text back the next day. I don't always immediately answer a text or a call. My reasons aren't game playing though.

 

Yea, we'll I should probably expect it from her. So far, I've never gotten her on the phone when I called. Always left messages, and she's either called or texted back that night or the next day. She called me the next day about the first date, and that worked out great.

 

Don't ever do this. If you ever have to say this, then you should quickly realize that she's just not that into you.

 

I absolutely hate games. But I really like the girl in question...and I think she might be worth having to play a game or two...

 

haha Good thing I didn't then. The only reason I thought about it was because of what I originally mentioned; not wanting to sound desperate trying to plan the second date again.

 

Yea, I mean I'll play the game if I get her. But I'd like to think that I'm not wasting my time. She told me last Wednesday "but I do wanna hang out again!" So I basically want her to know I'm not being desperate, and that if she's busy as hell, then I got no problem waiting to get together again when she has time. I actually told her on the phone Thursday "Hey, it's no problem. I know we can only see each other on the weekends, and once you finish school it should be a little easier in case I have a day off. So I'll just call or text you and we'll keep in touch."

[USMCHokie]

You guys don't have to play games, ever. It's all about the proper balance between interest and restraint.

 

You don't want to text someone 10 times a day or call them 2-3 times before getting an acknowledgement or response- it's best to play it cool in the beginning.

 

It's good to let people be a bit curious about whether you will call- it gets them thinking about you. If you show too much interest, you're not a challenge and everyone wants a bit of a challenge.

 

 

Grrr...you're so right...

[xRJ85x]

Grrr...you're so right...

 

I think we worry because we're the one's who are supposed to be initiating the dates. All she has to do is respond with her feelings. As I said to my friend earlier about this, "I don't wanna be the one who she says "Oh, I thought you just weren't interested anymore" to or the one she lost interest in because I waited too long to call." So it puts more pressure on timing it right.

[USMCHokie]

I think we worry because we're the one's who are supposed to be initiating the dates. All she has to do is respond with her feelings. As I said to my friend earlier about this, "I don't wanna be the one who she says "Oh, I thought you just weren't interested anymore" to or the one she lost interest in because I waited too long to call." So it puts more pressure on timing it right.

 

But if she isn't even capable of doing that, then it doesn't matter if she thought you "waited too long to call," because you weren't on her mind to begin with...

[xRJ85x]

But if she isn't even capable of doing that, then it doesn't matter if she thought you "waited too long to call," because you weren't on her mind to begin with...

 

Exactly. I was just referring to the timing between "calling too soon" and "calling too late." It would be twice as easy and less mind-numbing if one of those didn't apply in the equation that is calling a girl for a date.

 

We call when we call. As Dlish said, ball's in her court......haha...see what I did there?

[USMCHokie]

Exactly. I was just referring to the timing between "calling too soon" and "calling too late." It would be twice as easy and less mind-numbing if one of those didn't apply in the equation that is calling a girl for a date.

 

And this is kind of what I'm referring to when I mean game playing...if a girl associates the timing of my calls with all the non-sense of dating "rules"...if I want to see you again, then I'll call you...and I'll base the timing of my call on practical timing and common courtesy...for example, if I want to take you out on Friday night, I'll call on Tuesday or Wednesday...that way it gives you enough advance notice without being too soon that you don't know your schedule for the week...

 

As for repeated calls or texts, I follow my own one-call rule...I call once and leave a voicemail...if they don't respond, I will interpret that as non-interest and move on...I figure it's a simple enough system...

[D-Lish]

Exactly. I was just referring to the timing between "calling too soon" and "calling too late." It would be twice as easy and less mind-numbing if one of those didn't apply in the equation that is calling a girl for a date.

 

We call when we call. As Dlish said, ball's in her court......haha...see what I did there?

 

You're timing has been good in your situation. You didn't come on too strong, and you didn't show too little interest.

 

If she likes you and wants to get together again, a day difference in when you call won't destroy things.

 

She has actually set the pace by saying she is busy. To discern between busy and not interested, you must wait for a response. I know that sucks, but it's a part of the process.

 

She told you she was busy- so it made sense that you didn't call right away. But yes, the ball is in her court now that you've made the call to set up a date.

 

Don't cast aside your other options! Keep dating, keep looking...

[xRJ85x]

And this is kind of what I'm referring to when I mean game playing...if a girl associates the timing of my calls with all the non-sense of dating "rules"...if I want to see you again, then I'll call you...and I'll base the timing of my call on practical timing and common courtesy...for example, if I want to take you out on Friday night, I'll call on Tuesday or Wednesday...that way it gives you enough advance notice without being too soon that you don't know your schedule for the week...

 

As for repeated calls or texts, I follow my own one-call rule...I call once and leave a voicemail...if they don't respond, I will interpret that as non-interest and move on...I figure it's a simple enough system...

 

Wrote that exact same thing in the other thread haha. We're being needy, but not in the desperate way. We NEED to plan our weekends around you. Especially in my case, where the girl's an hour away and not a 20 minute hop across town (which is why I called tonight and not Wednesday like I did last week). We gotta get you before friends or, even worse, some other guy gets to you. I need to know if I'm gonna be with you (which is obviously a priority) or with my friends. It's actually desperate if a friend says "Hey let's go out this weekend!" and you say "Ummm OK, but I gotta wait to call or to hear back from this girl I wanna take out this weekend." It's funny because from their perspective, at least for what it seems, it's the opposite thought!

[USMCHokie]

We're being needy, but not in the desperate way. We NEED to plan our weekends around you.

 

I don't see it this way at all. I will make her a priority in my social life, but if she decides to wait an unnecessarily long time to call me back, I will make other plans with other people. I don't feel that I'm being needy at all, as I don't need to plan anything around anyone.

 

In your case, since you are farther from her, then it might seem more important to schedule things ahead of time...

[xRJ85x]

I don't see it this way at all. I will make her a priority in my social life, but if she decides to wait an unnecessarily long time to call me back, I will make other plans with other people. I don't feel that I'm being needy at all, as I don't need to plan anything around anyone.

 

In your case, since you are farther from her, then it might seem more important to schedule things ahead of time...

 

Completely understandable. I didn't mean to make it sound as if she was always the top priority. If she waits to call me back until Thursday, and it so happens that a friend calls me Wednesday to go out the same time she does and I already committed to that friend, then she's obviously gotta pick another time (same thing she did with me). The only reason I prioritize her right now is because she's tougher to get together with and I'm trying to get to know her more than just hanging out again with my friends.