srmiller Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I'm not sure what I'm expecting to get from posting here, but at the very least it's a way to vent a little, right? Bear with me...it's my first time. So I'm a gay guy, if that changes the way anyone will see this. I met a guy a few weeks ago and instantly got along with him — conversation was easy on the first date, we laughed a lot, there was obviously physical attraction. A couple days later we ran into each other and he invited me to happy hour that afternoon; we hung out for hours, had a great conversation, and I ended up sleeping over at his place —*just sleeping, no sex. (Staying over isn't something I would normally do on a second date, but it seemed/still seems right in that situation.) Three or four more dates followed and everything seemed to be going well: we still loved talking when we were together, were both active about setting up times to see each other again, and were very comfortably friendly/familiar with each other. In other words, everything I look for in the first few dates was there. Memorial Day weekend, we both went out of town (not together) and were scheduled to get back on Monday. So Monday evening, I sent him a text message asking if he had a good weekend and he replied that he had and would call me that week. His birthday was that Friday; I hadn't heard from him by then, so I sent a message wishing him a happy birthday and saying we should go out for a birthday drink. His reply: "Thanks! Have a good weekend." And a week later, nothing. Texting, by the way, was a routine way for us to communicate because neither of us is really a phone person. My gut tells me that he's just not interested in seeing me again. After all, I left the door open for getting together and he didn't take me up on it like he had in the past (I didn't suggest specific plans, e.g. time/date/place, but didn't necessarily think I needed to), and these last couple of weeks his communication has been way off from what it was at first. But the signs I usually look for when things are going badly weren't really there the last time I saw him: Everything seemed totally normal. I know it's possible that he could have just suddenly and completely lost interest, but honestly, it didn't seem like that was the way things were headed at all. Now I'm wondering if I should follow up and ask, which might make me look a little desperate and pathetic, or just leave it alone — part of me thinks "Well, if he's interested in seeing me, he'll get in touch," but sometimes I wonder if he's thinking the same thing about me. I know that no one really owes anyone anything after a handful of dates over the course of a month, but still, as he and I both agreed, these were unusually good dates. Anyone have any thoughts? Sorry for the ramble, and for a message that probably sounds like hundreds of others.
RedRussian Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 we hung out for hours, had a great conversation, and I ended up sleeping over at his place —*just sleeping, no sex. Dude you sound like a girl ( you're gay so it's ok) who went on dates and guy never touched her or tried to kiss her and then he drops off the radar and gives short answers and does not initiate contact. So girl thinks what in that case if she is smart? You were not what he wanted, swallow your pride ( not pun intended ) and move on, never contact or respond to this guys contacts...if they come. Have some self respect man and screw him! ( no pun intended )
Confusedalways Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 How did you meet? If online- I'm betting you were on the back burner and someone better came along I'm not sure the dynamics of a gay relationship in terms of who is 'supposed' to initiate the follow ups. I say you can follow up once, with a simple direct text. Something like "would you be interested in X on Z day?" If no answer, obviously move on!!
Author srmiller Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Dude you sound like a girl ( you're gay so it's ok) who went on dates and guy never touched her or tried to kiss her and then he drops off the radar and gives short answers and does not initiate contact.) Thanks for the answer, man. I would agree with you, but there was physical contact, so I don't think that was it. But I appreciate you giving me the green light to sound like a girl. Just what I've always wanted...
paddington bear Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 my gay friends all tend to have sex first and then if the sex is good then contemplate a relationship, which just doesn't work in male female relationships because you are considered a slut, thrill of the chase is gone, yada yada. So...that could be one thing. The other could be that he was interested, things seemed to be going well, he did intend to get back to you, but then met someone else prior to his birthday. Try not to take it personally, these things happen and you can't figure out what you did wrong. You probably did nothing wrong, just weren't the right guy for him, for whatever reason. If it would put your mind at rest (and not devastate you), you could simply say something like 'I'm guessing you are not that interested any more? Or am I reading this wrong. If that's the case, I'd prefer if you'd just tell me'. Then you can get some closure. Most of us shy away from hurting someone else, so it is easier for him to drift away rather than out and out say something to you.
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