USMCHokie Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 But this what makes his advice lack of... finesse and elegance. I don't question his motives. Right, which makes his "advice" seem chauvanistic, presumptious, and generally douchey...that guys are god's gift to women...
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 And I can understand where he is coming from and where all his conviction and zeal originates...Green has admitted that he is sort of a late bloomer when it came to dating...and as a late bloomer myself, after "stumbling" upon the real secret to all this dating nonsense (simply go after what you want), he feels almost compelled to save the rest of us from going through the same dateless phases that he did...I know that part of me also wants to help people in a similar situation...those that have everything that a woman would want, but just are too afraid to go after what they want... He just goes about it in a very blunt and straightforward way...and with a lot of capital letters... Well said! I think that no matter how much success a person has in their own individual dating life, their sage "advice" is not as valuable as they perceive it to be (an example being lame pick up artist books that never work) because people are simply too different. Two different guys could walk into a situation dressed alike and saying the same exact thing and have different outcomes. They will carry themselves differently, have different physical traits, and have different inflections in the way they speak. Don'tWannabeAWannabe's posts are a great example of this (though most of them make me cringe a little). He's received so-called valuable advice from a host of sources and puts the advice to work regularly...and still has seen little to no success.
USMCHokie Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 This really doesn't sound like sound advice for someone seeking a relationship... Agreed...unless you are looking for merely a FWB situation or a ONS...
USMCHokie Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Well said! I think that no matter how much success a person has in their own individual dating life, their sage "advice" is not as valuable as they perceive it to be (an example being lame pick up artist books that never work) because people are simply too different. Two different guys could walk into a situation dressed alike and saying the same exact thing and have different outcomes. They will carry themselves differently, have different physical traits, and have different inflections in the way they speak. Don'tWannabeAWannabe's posts are a great example of this (though most of them make me cringe a little). He's received so-called valuable advice from a host of sources and puts the advice to work regularly...and still has seen little to no success. Yep, this is VERY TRUE...and something that many people do on this forum and pretty much everywhere is that they base their own experiences as the absolute truth. Just look at the height threads...individuals voice their own anecdotes about how women shut them down specifically due to their height, and it instantly becomes absolute fact that women will not date short guys... Similarly, people giving dating "advice" based on their own experiences have a bias towards their own personality, traits, and characteristics which may not parallel anyone else's...yet they treat their own advice as the "best way" because it worked for them...
Shakz Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Allow me to butt in, if I may, because for all Mr. Green's bravado he is essentially correct. You can't score if you never get in the game. Men are looking to score, and hoping to score often enough that they'll be named MVP. In the process, somewhere along the line, they fall out of love with scoring, and start to appreciate the finer points of the game. In my own experience I employ the three strike rule. I'll will persue a woman (because I have found that many women enjoy the chase) in the following manner: First try -- subtle. Second try -- clever. Third try -- blunt. If, after that, and I still have skin on my cheek, I punt. I'm still open, but she'll have to throw the pass.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 This really doesn't sound like sound advice for someone seeking a relationship... It depends if you take it literally. If yes - yup, it's not good advice for someone who looks for a steady partner. If you're looking to get laid - yeah... it may be a good advice but I wouldn't know, I'm not after that. The thing is - Green's advice taken in a loose context and meaning is ok. Guys should go for what they want. If you don't dare to kiss a girl you'll never know if she wanted to be kissed or not. It's not like I agree with Green on everything. For starters - I'm a big opponent of the whole pick up game. I don't approach girls that I have nothing in common with even if I find them really attractive. If I find a girl attractive and I know I can encounter her on a regular basis, it's a different story. But if I see an attractive girl running around the lakes - if I'd stop and asked her out I'd find it odd. I like to make an acquaintance first (not friends!) and then ask a girl out. It's more natural that way and this way both parties are comfortable with each other. Example: cute girl showed up a couple of weeks ago for a run with my running group. We run a couple of times, couple of runs I talked to her during the run, I find her interesting as a person and really cute as a girl (cerulean blue eyes, sporty, shy ), asked for the phone number, called her yesterday and left a VM, next weekend we're going out.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Right, which makes his "advice" seem chauvanistic, presumptious, and generally douchey...that guys are god's gift to women... Agreed, again only if his advice is to be taken literally. In "some sense" Green is right. Be a man, rule the 25 yards around you... People in LS talk a lot about confidence. But confidence has to come from somewhere, if it's not backed up by experience and achievements - it's fake confidence. Guys, go out - do something extraordinary! Identify the type of girls you're after and do something they may find interesting! And most importantly - do it for yourselves!!!
Confusedalways Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 It depends if you take it literally. If yes - yup, it's not good advice for someone who looks for a steady partner. If you're looking to get laid - yeah... it may be a good advice but I wouldn't know, I'm not after that. The thing is - Green's advice taken in a loose context and meaning is ok. Guys should go for what they want. If you don't dare to kiss a girl you'll never know if she wanted to be kissed or not. It's not like I agree with Green on everything. For starters - I'm a big opponent of the whole pick up game. I don't approach girls that I have nothing in common with even if I find them really attractive. If I find a girl attractive and I know I can encounter her on a regular basis, it's a different story. But if I see an attractive girl running around the lakes - if I'd stop and asked her out I'd find it odd. I like to make an acquaintance first (not friends!) and then ask a girl out. It's more natural that way and this way both parties are comfortable with each other. Example: cute girl showed up a couple of weeks ago for a run with my running group. We run a couple of times, couple of runs I talked to her during the run, I find her interesting as a person and really cute as a girl (cerulean blue eyes, sporty, shy ), asked for the phone number, called her yesterday and left a VM, next weekend we're going out. I was taking it literally, too confused to really get into the subtext of the message. I agree that if you're looking for a ONS, obviously it is good or valid advice, or so I'd imagine. Yes, a guy should go after what he wants. I wish I was approached in more 'real settings' like you described, but what can you do? I do appreciate and wish more men would take risks like this, I feel like it would generally pan out more than not.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I was taking it literally, too confused to really get into the subtext of the message. I agree that if you're looking for a ONS, obviously it is good or valid advice, or so I'd imagine. Yes, a guy should go after what he wants. I wish I was approached in more 'real settings' like you described, but what can you do? I do appreciate and wish more men would take risks like this, I feel like it would generally pan out more than not. "Sometimes you've got to risk it to get the biscuit!"
AD1980 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Id like to be more agressive but frankly im not a very attractive Man and dont deal with rejection well
Confusedalways Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I would like to be more aggressive myself. Men aren't so good with subtly. But for as outgoing of a person as I am, I sure do get shy around cute men
Shakz Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Id like to be more agressive but frankly im not a very attractive Man and dont deal with rejection well Oh for God's sake, and I'm Brad Pitt. Your looks have nothing to do with it. Attitude is everything. You will be rejected, even if you look like Brad Pitt. If you can't deal with rejection then you will always fail at whatever you chose to do.
AD1980 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Oh for God's sake, and I'm Brad Pitt. Your looks have nothing to do with it. Attitude is everything. You will be rejected, even if you look like Brad Pitt. If you can't deal with rejection then you will always fail at whatever you chose to do. I disagree with looks having nothing to do with it,u cant get your foot in the door without a women being somewhat physically attracted to you..
USMCHokie Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I disagree with looks having nothing to do with it,u cant get your foot in the door without a women being somewhat physically attracted to you.. This is the truth. But personality is what keeps you in the house...
Confusedalways Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I think as long as a girl doesn't think the guy is ugly (as in, anywhere ranging from neutral to thinking the guy is gorgeous) then he has a shot to charm her.
AD1980 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 This is the truth. But personality is what keeps you in the house... Of course but if theres no physical attraction then theyres nothing u can do all having a great personality will do is get u in the friend zone..
Author Green Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Haha... in fact I think Green is a clever Java script with "Kiss them on date" and "if you want your balls to be sucked - asked and thou shall receive" set as default No, but seriously - Green is right by making the point that guys should man up and ask girls on dates. I don't agree with him that one should hit on everything that moves and has female sex organs and then kiss them, but it's just a personal preference. In his graphic description he simply encourages guys to go after what they want. The Java script joke made me laugh. I think YOU are getting dates, BUT you are single so you shouldn't PASS up opportunities to atleast CHAT up girls who have CAUGHT your ATTENTION. My advice is really aimed at the people who are in a rutt. They are having a PITTY party and have GIVEN UP. My advice to them is TRY and to me they always think they are TRYING... they think talking to ONE girl over the course of say YEARS is trying. I say pump up the NUMBERS, be willing to see the BEAUTY in more WOMEN. What i'm assuming from this, and the posts that followed, is that he is trying to give out advice on how to get a girlfriend so that the guy can get laid. I tell guys to be who they are and go for what they WANT. You know why guys complain about the SELF MADE FRIEND ZONE? It is because they put themselves there by doing everything posible to come off as this A-SEXUAL FRIEND who DOESN'T WANT TO GET LAID. I'm sorry to burst your BUBBLE but A LOT of guys want to get LAID to put it crudely, BUT they want to be having SEX with a girl who is their GIRLFRIEND. SO, its not like they JUST want to get LAID and NOTHING ELSE, they want a RELATIONSHIP. And I can understand where he is coming from and where all his conviction and zeal originates...Green has admitted that he is sort of a late bloomer when it came to dating...and as a late bloomer myself, after "stumbling" upon the real secret to all this dating nonsense (simply go after what you want), he feels almost compelled to save the rest of us from going through the same dateless phases that he did...I know that part of me also wants to help people in a similar situation...those that have everything that a woman would want, but just are too afraid to go after what they want... He just goes about it in a very blunt and straightforward way...and with a lot of capital letters... I was a late bloomer. Didn't have my first kiss/gf until the summer I graduated college at 22 years old. I thought it was a big deal but found out its only as big a deal as you make it. My advice is BLUNT and STRAIGHTFOWARD as you put it because I feel it is the best way to get through to people going through lady troubles. I really do think MOST if not ALL the problems the guys on this thread have are because 1) Some percieved inadequecy they see in themselves which they use to; 2) Give up and not try; 3) Ask out women; 4) Kiss those women on their dates or alone time; 5) Dealing with rejection and repeating until things work out. Finaly I tell them to be THEMSELVES the version of THEMSELVES that they would be if FEAR and EXCUSES didn't control their lives. I think that no matter how much success a person has in their own individual dating life, their sage "advice" is not as valuable as they perceive it to be (an example being lame pick up artist books that never work) because people are simply too different. Two different guys could walk into a situation dressed alike and saying the same exact thing and have different outcomes. They will carry themselves differently, have different physical traits, and have different inflections in the way they speak. Don'tWannabeAWannabe's posts are a great example of this (though most of them make me cringe a little). He's received so-called valuable advice from a host of sources and puts the advice to work regularly...and still has seen little to no success. If Don'tWannabeAWannabe is the guy who TALKS to women and then walks away with out asking them out... then that is his problem. HE NEED TO PULL THE TRIGGER AND ASK WOMEN OUT. I personaly as MOST MEN can relate to that fear of starting to TALK to a girl and then being afraid to take the extra step. HE NEEDS TO DO THAT. ALL I do is try to encourage that in him. My advice is different the PUA advice because I am not trying to sell a BOOK. You could take my advice and put it on a PAMPHLET because it wouldn't take more the a PAGE. I keep my advice simple because the truth is my advice is basic and common sense in my opinion. My advice boils down to one word TRY....... TRY! Don't make an account on Eharmoney and call that TRYING... TRYING FOR A MAN IS GOING OUT THERE AND ACTUALY TALKING TOO FLIRTING AND ASKING OUT WOMEN.... Allow me to butt in, if I may, because for all Mr. Green's bravado he is essentially correct. You can't score if you never get in the game. Men are looking to score, and hoping to score often enough that they'll be named MVP. In the process, somewhere along the line, they fall out of love with scoring, and start to appreciate the finer points of the game. In my own experience I employ the three strike rule. I'll will persue a woman (because I have found that many women enjoy the chase) in the following manner: First try -- subtle. Second try -- clever. Third try -- blunt. If, after that, and I still have skin on my cheek, I punt. I'm still open, but she'll have to throw the pass. That is one of my big points. Most guys who come and complain are really spectators of DATING... they watch and complain but arn't actualy out their LIVING LIFE. As for your three strike rule it is to methodical for me. I personaly would persue a girl until I GOT BORED OF IT. Obviously if the girl said something like "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH" and in addition to saying that seemed really pissed I would probably employ your three strike rule in that situation lol... hhaha just to get to her. I would like to be more aggressive myself. Men aren't so good with subtly. But for as outgoing of a person as I am, I sure do get shy around cute men Most girls are SHY around men atleast in the sense that a MAN shouldn't expect GIRLS to ASK THEM OUT. That is why I think it is good for the MAN to be a MAN and not necesarily expect a girl to SMILE and WINK at him before going and talking to her if HE LIKES HER. Of course but if theres no physical attraction then theyres nothing u can do all having a great personality will do is get u in the friend zone.. Life isn't fair. You build physical attraction in women if you are a man. Look being TALL, in SHAPE, GOOD TEETH, Full head of HAIR all HELP. But if some SHORT, BALDING, SLOPPY, SNAGLE TOOTH guy comes around and He TRIES.... He will beat out the other guy. Its the tortus and the hair. Having a great personality means nothing if you aren't willing to USE IT.
Author Green Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Nice guys get the short end of the stick... The definiton of "Nice guy" is one who DOES NOT GET WOMEN. It is a self fufilling label. You ever notice how these so called "Nice guys" have labeled everybody else JERKS. whats nice about that. Plus they seem to have issues about women
espec10001 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 The definiton of "Nice guy" is one who DOES NOT GET WOMEN. It is a self fufilling label. You ever notice how these so called "Nice guys" have labeled everybody else JERKS. whats nice about that. Plus they seem to have issues about women Oh please, Mr. "Internet Don Juan". I don't get women now because I have other things I'm focused on, namely my career. At this point of my life, women come second. I don't get women now but I've had plenty of experience with them in the past hence my reason for focusing on my career at present. Does this make me a nice guy? Absolutely not. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words they never hurt me.
Author Green Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Oh please, Mr. "Internet Don Juan". I don't get women now because I have other things I'm focused on, namely my career. At this point of my life, women come second. I don't get women now but I've had plenty of experience with them in the past hence my reason for focusing on my career at present. Does this make me a nice guy? Absolutely not. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words they never hurt me. Hmm I have a career. A REALY GOOD ONE... But I also realize life is a journey and I try to enjoy every day and LIVE IN THE MOMENT if I can. Get over yourself is my advice to you.
espec10001 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Hmm I have a career. A REALY GOOD ONE... But I also realize life is a journey and I try to enjoy every day and LIVE IN THE MOMENT if I can. Get over yourself is my advice to you. I don't need your advice buddy. If anything what you are telling the people on these boards namely men with not as much confidence is more harmful than helpful. I'm here to point out the BS posters and you are one of them
Author Green Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 I don't need your advice buddy. If anything what you are telling the people on these boards namely men with not as much confidence is more harmful than helpful. I'm here to point out the BS posters and you are one of them Please explain to me what is harmful about telling people to BE THEMSELVES.... SHOW DESIRE.... ACT.... FACE REJECTION TO GO FOR WHAT THEY WANT..... hmmmmmm? You are a BS poster if you think having a career means you have to give up your life. My career is part of my life, a tool I use to better my life. I don't make it an excuse like you seem too.
espec10001 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Please explain to me what is harmful about telling people to BE THEMSELVES.... SHOW DESIRE.... ACT.... FACE REJECTION TO GO FOR WHAT THEY WANT..... hmmmmmm? You are a BS poster if you think having a career means you have to give up your life. My career is part of my life, a tool I use to better my life. I don't make it an excuse like you seem too. But how does one figure out who they are? How does one be themselves when they haven't taken the time to learn more about themselves? This takes sacrifice, and women are simply a by-product of self knowledge. There is nothing in a woman that is not already in man to begin with. Thus I can disagree with you while agreeing with you at the same time, and you will have no idea what I'm talking about. Right?
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 My issue with the generic advice of, "Meet girls, talk to them, ask them out, kiss them" is that there are tons of holes and missing information. As I said before I'm going to summer school college. There are 4 girls that I'm interested in, two in each class . I have exchanged a few words with all of them and I've had very short conversations with two. Breaking the ice is hard enough and once that's actually accomplished, then I have to know what to say that would get a girl to go on a date with me. Becasue of my height and average looks, most women are not physically attracted to me, I know that my words and actions have to make up the difference. As for the other part of "use your hornieness," I don't have a clue how to actually do that.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I think YOU are getting dates, BUT you are single so you shouldn't PASS up opportunities to atleast CHAT up girls who have CAUGHT your ATTENTION. OK, let me explain why am I single. Two years ago, I got out from a 4.5-year long relationship of which the last 1.5 years were just hell on earth. In addition, for six months of the year it was a LDR with a 7 hours time difference. It took me a year to recover from that. I've changed a lot and have grown as a person. At the point where I was finally ready to date, I knew I'm gonna be finishing up my PhD and moving so I haven't planned on starting anything. I was more focused on the job applications etc. Well, a wonderful girl came along, we dated and had a really good time together but since I'll be moving to LA and she wants to stay close to her family (and take over her dad's business) we called it quits since it didn't have a future. We still remain close friends. Being in grad school consumed most of the time. Being on a grad student salary and saving for a trip to Europe once a year means you don't want to have a car which makes dating a lot harder . In addition - you're perceived as "still being in school". Right now, I'll be in MN for only two more months so what's the point of getting into a relationship? This is why I am single. As I said - I didn't even plan to get into a relationship last October since I knew I'll be moving. Stupid me thought that it's gonna work out somehow - a lesson well learned now. I go out on casual dates - just to have fun. Better this than sitting at home. I enjoy the company of beautiful girls. I think that I have a lot to offer as a person. Training and racing really has worked wonders for my confidence which combined with the 'philosophy' and world approach of Aikido is a great combination. I'm not really into "picking up" girls at bars, malls, coffee shops, etc. Don't believe in random encounters. Rather than that, I'm a regular at a bunch of places/venues with a relatively high turn-around of people, like the U's RecCenter (same time of day every day), or my running group. If I see a girl that I think I would get along with well, I usually go and talk to her, but since the environment is familiar and it really makes things easier. I don't have a problem with running up to a girl, make eye contact, smile and if she smiles back ask her for instance things like "So, how far do you go today?" or "Are you training for something?", "Do you have any races coming up soon?", introduce myself, ask if I she minds if we run together for a while... It's natural, it's non-invasive, non-interrupting, polite... and from the get-go you have something in common! You just have to have this positive attitude towards life and this is hard to accomplish if you don't like your life - as is my impression of a lot of whiny guys on LS. On the other hand I've been told several times that I've this kinda unique attitude which can be summarized as: "That was aweful! Let's do it again!!! :laugh:" My advice is really aimed at the people who are in a rutt. They are having a PITTY party and have GIVEN UP. My advice to them is TRY and to me they always think they are TRYING... they think talking to ONE girl over the course of say YEARS is trying. I say pump up the NUMBERS, be willing to see the BEAUTY in more WOMEN. Yup! It's like sitting on the couch with beer in one hand and a bag of potato chips on your belly and whine that you'll never finish an Ironman. Well, unless you get your a$$ off the couch - YOU WON'T!!! In that sense your advice is GREAT!!!
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