Jack & Coke Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Ladies, do you like a man to be dominant in and out of the bedroom? I don't mean domineering, just a guy who takes charge, puts his foot down when necessary and shows you who's "boss" in the bedroom. Fellas, are you dominant? Did this just come naturally or did you realize your wife enjoyed it? Discuss
sally4sara Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I can't say as I would enjoy it if my husband always took charge of things and I'm not sure why either spouse would really need to put their foot down about much if the two really are compatible. I'd say there are some things he generally takes the lead on while there are other things where I generally take the lead. But he can show me who is boss in the bedroom anytime he wants .
Author Jack & Coke Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I can't say as I would enjoy it if my husband always took charge of things and I'm not sure why either spouse would really need to put their foot down about much if the two really are compatible. I'd say there are some things he generally takes the lead on while there are other things where I generally take the lead. But he can show me who is boss in the bedroom anytime he wants . Haha I figured most wouldn't mind it at all in the bedroom. I guess what I mean by "put your foot down" is to not be a pushover. Some of my female friends have told me they enjoy it when their man shows some backbone if she's being overly difficult or testy. She may pout about it or show otherwise but gets turned on by it deep down. Or so I've been told. Now of course that's not to say every disagreement or butting of heads does or should end this way, but just wanted to clarify what I meant by that.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I'm dominant. Not domineering. I don't mind if a lady takes the lead but she needs to know how to give considerate and gentle cues. My last G/F had some personality issues where at times she'd say things to me like "let's go" and start off in whatever direction she wanted to go expecting me to dutifully follow. It grated on me. I wouldn't even do that to her. I'd put my arms around her and say "wanna go?" or "shall we go?" but meant it rhetorically because I wasn't really asking, I was trying to affectionately direct. I told her straight out to "unstrap that di&k biotch" when she came on like I was her dog or something to be ordered to go when she had a head of steam to move. Sex always was good--and that made it more devastating to face that we could never work out. Today I simply say, she was no good out of bed.
mem11363 Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Physical dominance: - In the bedroom she loves that - single biggest turn on for her - I try to "provoke" a wrestling match at least once a week, I am careful not to hurt her - while giving her latitude to play as rough as SHE wants with me. Ultimately though the extra 40% muscle mass prevails and she is pinned. I KNOW that puts some serious voltage through her arousal circuitry Girl power: - She has control over anything that effects appearance: the house, clothing we wear when we go out, etc. She has nicer taste than I do. - She always drives. I could fight for a 50/50 split but she drives well and I don't care. 50/50 stuff Kids: We handle jointly - 50/50 split. Money: We handle jointly - 50/50 split. The rest. I give her more control over our recreational time as I am fairly flexible. Haha I figured most wouldn't mind it at all in the bedroom. I guess what I mean by "put your foot down" is to not be a pushover. Some of my female friends have told me they enjoy it when their man shows some backbone if she's being overly difficult or testy. She may pout about it or show otherwise but gets turned on by it deep down. Or so I've been told. Now of course that's not to say every disagreement or butting of heads does or should end this way, but just wanted to clarify what I meant by that.
xxoo Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I like a dominant man in the bedroom I like an egalitarian relationship outside the bedroom. I do NOT want a doormat husband. I definitely want a man who speaks up and defines his boundaries. But the reference to women being "overly difficult or testy" isn't sitting exactly right. My H also wants a spouse who speaks up and defines her boundaries. He doesn't want a doormat, either. Bottom line: doormats make lousy spouses.
Woggle Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Women want a man who owns himself which is much different than owning her. She needs to know there are certain boundaries she can't cross or he will walk or at least make her feel the heat for a little bit. I don't dominate my wife but she knows what lines not to cross.
xxoo Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Women want a man who owns himself which is much different than owning her. She needs to know there are certain boundaries she can't cross or he will walk or at least make her feel the heat for a little bit. I don't dominate my wife but she knows what lines not to cross. Yes, Woggle...this is correct. Don't men want the same is a woman?
mem11363 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I remember when I started falling in love with my then girlfriend - now wife. We had been to visit her oldest sister who was married with 5 kids. Her sister is very religious and adheres to the biblical concept of "wives being subservient to their husbands." I asked her when she was going to start being subservient to me. Without pause she replied "as soon as you convert to Catholicism Jewboy" Thing is while funny it wasn't true. She is incapable of being subservient to anyone. If I hadn't gotten enhancement surgery a ways back to have titanium reinforcement rods inserted in my spine, and a kevlar wrap around my balls I would be subservient to her by now. Yes, Woggle...this is correct. Don't men want the same is a woman?
Woggle Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I don't want a woman who is a doormat but I do want a woman who remembers and appreciates the things I do for her which I have. Some women have it backwards. They kiss the jerk's asses and treat the men who treat them well like garbage.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Ladies, do you like a man to be dominant in and out of the bedroom? I don't mean domineering, just a guy who takes charge, puts his foot down when necessary and shows you who's "boss" in the bedroom. Yes. I like a more traditional marital relationship with traditional gender roles - similar to the marriage my grandparents had. I'd love to live like my grandmother, with one crucial difference: I'd be choosing her type of life, instead of not having a choice as it was for her.
crazycatlady Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 See this is a hard thing to answer. (Though Woggle, loved your answer) I'm dominate in the bedroom. He's submissive there. While I'm sexually a switch, we struggle with him being dominate because I know his submission triggers. And I will use them. I don't fight fair:laugh:. Sexually submitting while the idea is a turn on for me, is very very difficult for me to do. Out of the bedroom, and that's totally not the case. There is no way I could treat him the way people talked about women treating men. He's got no problem when I'm being a b*tch in telling me I'm acting like one. I've no problem doing the same to him. Usually we both catch it before the other can say something though and apologize before its an issue. But I know a lot of people when they hear the man is submissive in the bedroom immediately figure the guy is spineless and that's so not the case. I think its because he is so dominate out of the bedroom that he really enjoys letting go when in the bedroom. CCL
Woggle Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 To me a couple taking turns in the bedroom with domination and submission is the best option. Being submissive is a sign of trust and no marriage can be successful without trust. Too many people confuse submission with being a doormat which is not the case. It is not about controlling another person but about letting yourself go and fully trusting your spouse. A good analoy is a cat. My cat loves to lay on his back and expose his belly but he will only do that around my wife and I and a few select friends he knows very well. If I invite somebody he has never seen before he will not do that. When cats do that it is a sign of that they trust you. I know it is a little weird to compare humans to cats but it is a similiar concept.
crazycatlady Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 To me a couple taking turns in the bedroom with domination and submission is the best option. Being submissive is a sign of trust and no marriage can be successful without trust. Too many people confuse submission with being a doormat which is not the case. It is not about controlling another person but about letting yourself go and fully trusting your spouse. A good analoy is a cat. My cat loves to lay on his back and expose his belly but he will only do that around my wife and I and a few select friends he knows very well. If I invite somebody he has never seen before he will not do that. When cats do that it is a sign of that they trust you. I know it is a little weird to compare humans to cats but it is a similiar concept. Ohhhh you are a cat person....I KNEW even when you were all anti-woman there was something good about you. That of course is a teasing kidding, and not meant to be mean. But I get the cat analogy. Again though back to the topic you have a good point. And I would rather prefer to switch roles, but my problem is I can sense that my H isn't comfortable in a dominate role with me in the bedroom. We have talked about it a great deal because its starting to bother me some. I want to let go and just give it all to him. But I will pounce on weakness. Thankfully that's not the case out of the bedroom. And there have been a few times in the past when he's hit it right and OMG its amazing. But its very rare. Its funny....we just talked about this earlier today. How weird.... However no matter if he figures out a way to be more at ease being dominate in the bedroom, we will still tend to be more 70/30 with my being in charge in the bedroom because out of the bedroom it tends to be more 30/70 the other way. And hey, it works for us. CCL
Woggle Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I would say I am a cat or a dog person but my cat is the coolest animal I have ever met. He is more entertaining than anything on tv.
Major Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) I will just talk about me. I am a very, confident, attractive woman (I have been told) and I love my life. I have found that when I am with men who are not my equal or are not as confident in who they are, I like them, however, I could not be with them. Now, I like a skilled lover in bed, not necessarily a dominant one, but a confident one. Back to my assessment, I have met only one man in my life, that I was attracted to, who I felt had the physical, intellectual, psychological confidence that I respected. As confident and self-assured as I am, I could be submissive to him, because I felt that how he carried himself and the integrity with which he carried himself was the epitome of a man. God made men a certain way, and God made women a certain way. I think that confident, women can compensate in areas that their men lack, however, for me, I would love being totally submissive as a woman, to the right man, with the appropriate balance of masculinity, respect, and dominance. I don't mean abusive or dysfunctional. Just a man, doing what a man should do that I am not naturally geared to do as a woman. I think that women take on masculine traits when those characteristics are lacking in her mate or in her life. Most successful, career woman have those traits. Therefore, most of the time, it is difficult for them to have relationships sometimes because they have gotten so used to the control factor. I think it's a very, interesting paradigm. I think many times, it really takes, what each woman considers to be a complete man in her eyes, for her to feel feminine, and as a complete woman. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's just that role reversals in society and higher education and salary attainment for women, makes it more difficult. If you notice, many men who are millionaires, or have a high degree of power, tend to find a mate who is conducive to listening and supporting them. I am not saying a woman to be a door mat, however, men like this usually don't find women who are so opinionated and stubborn that they never listen. They don't find women who have a tendency to try to argue all the time or emasculate them in any way. I don't care how beautiful, this isn't the woman they marry. They usually marry women who are conducive to supporting them in their endeavors and who have really, feminine traits. Usually, when you find high-powered women, their spouses are usually a bit more passive, or they aren't married. It's very interesting when you start studying education, power, and wealth attainment in men and women. Women aren't naturally competitive in the workplace, they learn that as a result of career progress and environment. Especially, if that woman comes from a family with a father and mother and the father was the provider and the mother was the nurturer of the family. The roles are usually defined. However, from some homes, if the mother is dominant and the father is passive, usually, those are the traits that the boys/girls see as natural. Not that they cannot change, however, usually, our home is our first lesson in life choices. Edited June 22, 2010 by Major
Major Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I believe this is true. Submission is about trust and it goes both ways. Nice post Woggle. I concur with both. Men have the egos and protective, intuition they have for a reason, and women have God's nurturing side and beauty for a reason. That's why, when a woman can submit to a man and respect him, there is nothing in the world she can ask him that he will not do. God made him this way. It's like a continuous machine. The more she shows her true feminine nature to him, the more his masculinity is protected and strengthened. It's beautiful!
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