what do i do ????

[danny1972]

broke up with my ex of 3yrs (on and off) it was a very tumultious relationship loosley based on alcohol ,we would get drunk quite often which invariably led to major fights we split about 4 times over the last 3 yrs but always got bk 2 gether (love i guess ) we both dated in between but always got bk 2gether ,however we split about 4 months ago , after 6 weeks she started seeing some guy , which hurt me a lot, i went thru all the stages ,anger ,blaming myself , to which i didnt handle things to well i done all the things i shouldn't text , ring, verbally abusive , beg etc, for about 6 weeks ,however i stopped all that now ,and have maintained no contact for over a month , but cant help but think if there was a chance of us sorting our problems out i destroyed it by the things i said , im not sure if she loves me anymore , but i know she still has feelings just not sure what to do i seemed ok , untill last week , i want to contact her but also want to carry on n/c its hard not to reach for the phone sometimes , any advice guys !!!1

[TaraMaiden]

Stay split up. Stop drinking, (even if it means enrolling with AA) and get a new life. It sounds as if really, you were toxic for one another.

There was a spark, but it sounds as if it was worse than fireworks. it was dynamite. Too explosive for comfort.

She's moved on. I think you should do the same.

[danny1972]

thanks tara , but she was the alcohic not me , when i first met her i thought "she likes a drink " she said she needed to drink to feel comfortable around me ,and i guess i got caught up in all that , never really been a drinker before i met her , was in a relationship previous (6 yrs ) and maybee drank once a month as a couple (out for a beer ) weekend etc.. , but away from the drink she was shy ,she seemed to come out of her shell a bit , that part i could handle but she would go past the merry stage and either be , paranoid or fall asleep , ps she was an alcoholic when she was 17 and claimed she was never when with me but then again a alcoholic never admits their problems ... i dont know , but thanx for the advice will take it on board x

[ADF]

My advice is that you and you ex stay away from each other. You two are textbook codependents. If you try to salvage this, you and her are going to waste even more years of your lives in a break-up/make-up/break-up again cylce that will ultimately lead nowhere.

[danny1972]

thanx adf ,just what i thought !!! but it's nice to hear it from someone else , sometimes it helps speaking to people you dont know , an outsider's point of view , just interested to know how you deciphered it in to a co dependency relationship ? i kinda thought it but never knew for certain , thanx adf .