kickintheaz Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 hello LS'ers.. been a while since i was here (each side of xmas 09)... long rambling threads bout how my ex (since march 09) was the one for me and I wanted her back, I just need her to see it, etc etc.. you know how it goes.. so over the year after the break up (by me) i stayed in contact, then decided one day she was mine forever, just forgot one thing, she needed convincing!!!! so I tried, and tried and tried and tried... guess what, it was my birthday during the week and nada from her!! eh what could we goto now, plan Q perhaps??!! Don't think we've spoken on the phone since february-ish and last email was possibly end of march/early april.. nothing since then... BUT, this is not a sad post, this is a post of about a new type of 'hope'... I was just out walking my dog and it struck me, I hadn't used that particular trail in a long time, in fact, that was my emotional trail, the one i used when I was in turmoil over her, I actually kinda giggled at myself when I thought of the hours and hours and hours I spent on that trail, sobbing uncontrollably, shouting at the heavens to make her come back, coming up with plans that she would definitely go for!.. when I look at me now and that 'man' I was then, my god, but I have come so far.. I spent so many months with so many people rolling out platitude after platitude to me about 'time heals' 'plenty more fish' 'ye weren't right together' 'get over it' 'shut up N, you can't STILL be talking about her can you?'.. etc etc.. and I hated every single one of them phrases, what did 'they' know about what I felt, it was true and honest and I wanted everything with that girl, it just took me a while after the break up to realise it.. and I knew she loved me back, but I pushed too far and became the ex we all will hate in our lives, clingy needy weepy sad! and i did it all, I drank so much wine, some vineyard somewhere is weeping the loss of its crops, I bought so many 'get your ex' back books and motivational books- I reckon I'm nearly qualified to teach it.. and psychics, omg, I spent so much money on phone and email psychics and one actual person psychic.. (they all said pretty much the same thing, she'll be back, anywhere from march just gone to next november 2011!!!) I dated, a lot, I needed to fill that void, and I met several women that I would kill to be with now, but I pushed em all away from relationships (still 'friends' with some of em)... why? oh well, they were too tall, too messy, hair too short, nose too long, feet too pointy, chewed too loudly, snored.. you name it I came up with every inventive excuse when the real one was 'they are not ex'.... so what has all this brought me.. well, its funny, I'm not sad anymore.. I do think of ex, but sure I think of exes from 10 years ago, do I cry? nope.. do I feel anger? nope, do I wonder what she is doing? yep (and i hope its terribly boring!) do I think she made a mistake? yep, course I do, I AM DEADLY!!!! But do I want her back?..... hmmm, not sure.. and THAT is the huge step for me.. I see a new hope now.. I turned 33 on tuesday and whilst I waited for something from her, I got nothing and as the day went on I realised I actually didn't want to hear from her. To hear from her is to wind up back on that trail sobbing and sad... and I really don't wanna go back there.... I have my whole life ahead of me! (or half my life if I live til 66!) so what am I gonna do about it? I am gonna move the hell on, I have more phone numbers now of (and excuse the shallowness) prettier, younger, sexier, women than I have ever had. I can ring up any of my pals at the drop of a hat and go for a (sensible) pint or a movie or a coffee, I have made more friends in the last year because I tried to fill that void, than I would ever have made with her.... how cool is that?! Look folks, when you are in the depths of hades and the gates are locked from the outside, just remember who you were. Who you're ex fell in love with... that person is outside those gates and up the stairs waiting for you.. to get back to being that person may take a week, it may take a month, it may take a year, you may take 3 steps forward and 4 back, you may cry for a week solid, you may feel like this is the end of your life forever... but you will see, when you come through it, its all just a learning experience. I have learned I can love someone unconditionally even when they are treating me like s**t.. I have learned how low rock bottom is for me.... I have learned that even in the depths of my despair, I can put on a brave face and find that someone else wants to love me.. (I broke her heart then!) I have learned, no matter what people say to you, you do not want to hear it right now, but one day, hopefully soon, you will realise maybe, just maybe, 'they' were right. Do it in your own time, do it your way, do what you have to do, just do it and you'll get through it with no regrets and a better sense of who you are and what you want in life... take care all.. chin up.. and remember.. where there is a beginning, there is a end! Kick
jlr Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Amen, man. That was an awesome post. Thanks for sharing it. I needed something like that today.
supersub Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 hello LS'ers.. been a while since i was here (each side of xmas 09)... long rambling threads bout how my ex (since march 09) was the one for me and I wanted her back, I just need her to see it, etc etc.. you know how it goes.. so over the year after the break up (by me) i stayed in contact, then decided one day she was mine forever, just forgot one thing, she needed convincing!!!! so I tried, and tried and tried and tried... guess what, it was my birthday during the week and nada from her!! eh what could we goto now, plan Q perhaps??!! Don't think we've spoken on the phone since february-ish and last email was possibly end of march/early april.. nothing since then... BUT, this is not a sad post, this is a post of about a new type of 'hope'... I was just out walking my dog and it struck me, I hadn't used that particular trail in a long time, in fact, that was my emotional trail, the one i used when I was in turmoil over her, I actually kinda giggled at myself when I thought of the hours and hours and hours I spent on that trail, sobbing uncontrollably, shouting at the heavens to make her come back, coming up with plans that she would definitely go for!.. when I look at me now and that 'man' I was then, my god, but I have come so far.. I spent so many months with so many people rolling out platitude after platitude to me about 'time heals' 'plenty more fish' 'ye weren't right together' 'get over it' 'shut up N, you can't STILL be talking about her can you?'.. etc etc.. and I hated every single one of them phrases, what did 'they' know about what I felt, it was true and honest and I wanted everything with that girl, it just took me a while after the break up to realise it.. and I knew she loved me back, but I pushed too far and became the ex we all will hate in our lives, clingy needy weepy sad! and i did it all, I drank so much wine, some vineyard somewhere is weeping the loss of its crops, I bought so many 'get your ex' back books and motivational books- I reckon I'm nearly qualified to teach it.. and psychics, omg, I spent so much money on phone and email psychics and one actual person psychic.. (they all said pretty much the same thing, she'll be back, anywhere from march just gone to next november 2011!!!) I dated, a lot, I needed to fill that void, and I met several women that I would kill to be with now, but I pushed em all away from relationships (still 'friends' with some of em)... why? oh well, they were too tall, too messy, hair too short, nose too long, feet too pointy, chewed too loudly, snored.. you name it I came up with every inventive excuse when the real one was 'they are not ex'.... so what has all this brought me.. well, its funny, I'm not sad anymore.. I do think of ex, but sure I think of exes from 10 years ago, do I cry? nope.. do I feel anger? nope, do I wonder what she is doing? yep (and i hope its terribly boring!) do I think she made a mistake? yep, course I do, I AM DEADLY!!!! But do I want her back?..... hmmm, not sure.. and THAT is the huge step for me.. I see a new hope now.. I turned 33 on tuesday and whilst I waited for something from her, I got nothing and as the day went on I realised I actually didn't want to hear from her. To hear from her is to wind up back on that trail sobbing and sad... and I really don't wanna go back there.... I have my whole life ahead of me! (or half my life if I live til 66!) so what am I gonna do about it? I am gonna move the hell on, I have more phone numbers now of (and excuse the shallowness) prettier, younger, sexier, women than I have ever had. I can ring up any of my pals at the drop of a hat and go for a (sensible) pint or a movie or a coffee, I have made more friends in the last year because I tried to fill that void, than I would ever have made with her.... how cool is that?! Look folks, when you are in the depths of hades and the gates are locked from the outside, just remember who you were. Who you're ex fell in love with... that person is outside those gates and up the stairs waiting for you.. to get back to being that person may take a week, it may take a month, it may take a year, you may take 3 steps forward and 4 back, you may cry for a week solid, you may feel like this is the end of your life forever... but you will see, when you come through it, its all just a learning experience. I have learned I can love someone unconditionally even when they are treating me like s**t.. I have learned how low rock bottom is for me.... I have learned that even in the depths of my despair, I can put on a brave face and find that someone else wants to love me.. (I broke her heart then!) I have learned, no matter what people say to you, you do not want to hear it right now, but one day, hopefully soon, you will realise maybe, just maybe, 'they' were right. Do it in your own time, do it your way, do what you have to do, just do it and you'll get through it with no regrets and a better sense of who you are and what you want in life... take care all.. chin up.. and remember.. where there is a beginning, there is a end! Kick Good work Kick. I agree with everything you have stated here. Without a doubt. Good luck to you. Best, Sup
Ilovecake Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Good for you. It a wonderful feeling when you realize you're thinking rationally again and getting back to the living. I'm in my thankful stage as well. I laugh at the ex and the misery he's probably going through in his new long term relationship. I feel grateful for having the opportunities that being single affords me, including the first kiss with someone. Isn't the first kiss the best? I can have a thousand first kisses if I want. I can go to the bookstore for 5 hours after work and not feel like I should be checking in with someone. I can spend the whole weekend in my pajama pants and eat peanut butter out of the jar for dinner. I too have a trail I walk, by my work but unfortunately there’s only one trail. The thing is I realize I’m no longer walking it contemplating my ex and my past; all of a sudden I’m noticing things I want to take pictures of. Cool plants and birds and even deer sometimes. If I was still walking that trail thinking about him I would never see all those things. I’ve been bringing my camera with me instead of a broken heart; the camera is a lot lighter.
aeren944 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Thanks, man... this helped a lot. I hope things keep looking up for you. Congrats on your success.
quankanne Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Do it in your own time, do it your way, do what you have to do, just do it and you'll get through it with no regrets and a better sense of who you are and what you want in life... amen, birthday boy
Author kickintheaz Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 quankane: thanks!!!.. best birthday week I had in a couple of years! aeren: keep at it.. when the corner is turned you will realise what it all meant and who you are.. and then you can come back here and share YOUR success story!! ILOVECAKE.. I had yet another first kiss last night!!! YAY ME!.. it IS so awesome.. and whilst I know there will be no committed relationship with this girl, based on circumstances, age etc which we had a chat about, it was just wonderful and I thought of her when I walked the trail today... and you are so right, the camera IS much lighter than a broken heart, plus you get a book explaining what buttons to press to make it work better/easier/in bad light!! HA HA HA.. Sup and JLR, keep the faith, been reading some of your posts.. thanks to you two too, I get a little nugget that helps me out of so many stories on here and ye are 2 of them!!!!
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