syddude24 Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I met a guy early last year. We started dating casually over a few months. This was the first time that I was in a relationship with someone and this was the case for him as well. I am now 24 yo while he is 29. Things moved very quickly as we got along really well and couldn’t get enough of each other. Around 8 months into the relationship things started getting shaky and we split up… The next few months were very emotionally exhausting as we tried to give our relationship some sort of shape. We were basically still dating , having sex and going out but he did not refer to it as a “relationship”. Our connection was very strong and we did many first things with each other like going away on weekends, staying over, meeting each other’s family, etc… I continued tagging along as I loved him so much and was so used to being around him but then at the same time we got into major arguments and I felt so hurt every time I found out about him sleeping around but couldn’t really say anything as we were “single”. I kept going off at him when I didn’t hear that he wanted to be just with me. Around March 2010 things between us seemed to be progressing along slowly as we seemed to be more comfortable with each other but then one day out of nowhere he said he needs to talk to me. He said he was in a very bad headspace and needed some space to himself. At the time he said he didn’t feel like things working again between us. He asked me not to hate him for it but that it was the way he felt. About a month later he called me again and we met up for coffee. It went really well that night and at the end of the night I said bye to him. He called me immediately and asked me why I didn’t hug him strong enough. I went back to his car and gave him a huge hug for minutes. I was really scared of falling again. I went overseas for about a week and right before I went he got very jealous because he knew I was meeting up with a guy I’d been with before. I told him I felt the same way knowing how he hooks up with others . He then told me “You’re the first and last thing I think about every single day”, how he had missed me so much for this month and how he wanted to make things work again. He also told me then that his heart said yes but his head said no. I’m still trying to get the full meaning from that last part. Before I left I told him I hated being in a grey area and that I wanted things to be one way or the other. While I was away he kept texting me almost every day saying how much he missed me and wanted to see me again. When I got back we had the talk and he said he wanted to be friends but leaving the door open to being more in the future. Right there we were sitting in opposite sides and he asked me why I wasn’t being affectionate with him. I said well if you want to be friends…cuddling is not what friends do. He started crying and said yea I guess you’re right but I’m so used to us being affectionate. He said he deleted a guy’s number who he hooked up with often and had ignored his calls. But this was one guy that annoyed me. Why couldn’t he just stop sleeping with other girls altogether? Again I asked him if I meant so much to him why couldn’t we have an exclusive relationship? I also suggested couples counselling to which he said he didn’t feel ready. We have both been going to counselling individually to work on some of our issues. We tried playing to be friends for a week or so but I just couldn’t do it. One day I got home and realised it was BS. I decided I couldn’t keep seeing him anymore under those conditions. I was getting hurt all the time. I really got my hopes up that last time but then my heart got crushed big time. I wrote a LONG letter to him explaining what I felt , why I couldn’t be friends and that if he did want to try and make things work between us that it needed to be serious. That night we both cried, hugged each other, said how much we’d miss each other. He texted me the next morning saying he read my letter and how he wished me well over the coming period. It’s been about 3 weeks now. Luckily I’m going backpacking to Europe for a month in a couple of weeks and then he’s away for a couple of weeks by the time I get back. I can’t get him out of my mind although I do feel a bit better each day. I’m guessing it might be the same for him. I like to thing that what I’m doing is right and that later down the track he’ll realise things. I did some really stupid stuff in the past like SMSing, emailing him , calling him all the time and trying to talk him into getting back together. I wish I’d known before that none of it works. Am I doing the correct thing? I want to try going NC as many people rave about it. Am I being stupid by holding on to the idea of us being together or should I completely let go of him?
mineagain Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Hey, the guy you were seeing sounds kind of familiar to what I was going through with someone I was seeing. Are we able to private message on this site? I'd like to know more about your situation if you don't mind.
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