tiwani Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I'm not even fully sure where to start. I apologize in advance if this doesn't make much sense.. I met this guy in Sept. 09, we're going to call him D. (If any of you have read any of my past threads this is the same guy) I dated D until Dec, we broke up, and got back together over Valentines weekend this year, which lasted about 2 weeks. He got with this other girl(we'll call her L, again, same wench mentioned in previous threads) a few days after we broke up the 2nd time. He told me not too long ago that apparently they had been 'kinda' together in between the 1st breakup and when we got back together in Feb, but since she's from NY it wasn't anything serious. Anywho..they broke up again, and after a while we started talking about maybe giving it another shot, because we still love each other and it seems right for us to be together now, but decided to take it slow at first. We even started to talk about plans and goals for our future. The last couple of days, he's been a little distant and tonight he calls me after work and from what he said, I gathered he's having second thoughts and is wondering if I'm just a rebound and needs time to decide if he wants L back now that she's trying again, but doesn't want to hurt me. I told him that I love him with all my heart, and I want us to be together more than anything but if that's not what he feels is right then I wont stop him. I will always be here for him whether as a friend or other, and I will support him to the best of my abilities with whichever he decides, but I think he needs to take time to work it out, because I don't want to sit and wonder if he's pondering what if's and if he made a mistake by choosing me. Am I doing something wrong? Is he trying to tell me that I'm not enough for him, or that he doesn't want me, he wants her? How do I tell him that I don't think he'll ever be happy enough with me without ruining everything between us? I don't think I'm strong enough to lose him.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Well, you're better than he is, but given the way it's going, you're going to spend waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much important time in your life worrying about what he wants or what he thinks. You should drop him like a hot rock. He has already treated you much worse than would the good guy you deserve. (of course you'll never hear this)
Author tiwani Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 I've been wondering that the last few days and it DID help to..well read it..guess you were right about the whole not hearing it part, even if it was meant in a totally different way..I just love him so much ya know? thank you..
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 For clarity, my "never hearing this" reference was NOT because you had only the one post, and might never return. It's just that, from your vantage point, you can't seeeeeeeeee how much you deserve better. IF you could see that, then (and perhaps only then) it would be easier to motivate yourself to demand better treatment from a romantic partner.
Author tiwani Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 (edited) Lol I know, my mom had said basically the same thing to me later that day. I just had the urge to say that.. Oh, and needless to say, he chose her... Edited June 16, 2010 by tiwani typo..
Major Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Tiwana...come on baby girl. You know that people will only do to you what you allow them to. In all honesty, he has proven that he can be happy without you when he broke your heart the first time. He actually told you about the other girl in the beginning, but you assumed because she was in N.Y. so it wasn't serious. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS! If you don't know that, he definitely won't. I think you won't be happy without him. A person who loves you, even a true, friend, will not casually break your heart or do anything to cause you pain. Do you understand? Selfishness causes others to use someone with a beautiful heart like yours. He's not breaking your heart on his own...you are continuing to allow him to. YOU have to set the standard and that's what he will follow. He is not in agony over you, unless he wants something out of it or if he needs your affection. There is no need to get upset with the other young lady, because as a man, it is his responsibility and respect to you to let her know that he doesn't want her and he will not allow her to disrespect you. See...she is only doing what he is allowing her to do. There are choices in this on every level. It's not your job to make yourself feel secure about the relationship. It is his to make you feel, sincerely, that you are the apple of his eye and his actions should speak to your heart...not his words. You need to concentrate on you and your strength...not him. I have found, through 15 years of marriage and divorce, that no matter how much you want it. You can't be in love by yourself...and you can't love for the both of you. You can only show him the love that's in your heart. You have to decide what you are willing to settle for or not settle for. None of this is up to him unless you continue to give away your power to him. It seems....that he has no problem taking it...again, and again and again. If that's what you want...continue with him. Truly, no judgement here. What you do is nobody's business. However, I sense pain and someone in love with someone who doesn't love them back...from his heart. However, if it's not, baby girl, you are going to have to make some radical changes. You are worth it! You have to know that. You have to believe that.
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